Jazzy7

I've been through the drinking and sobering up roller-coster for so many years now. I drink, life gets out of hand and I find that I can't stop. I increasingly drink through inappropriate situations- occasionally when at work, in the morning, when I wake during the night, when taking care of my 4 year old son and (I'm ashamed to say) occasionally when driving. My mental health spirals and I felt totally hopeless and out of control.

But, I eventually get myself back together. I manage to pull a few sober days together and the world doesn't feel so bad anymore. My body and mind heal and soon I forget the pain. It's almost as though I live two totally different lives. I manage usually about 2 months and then some sort of stress sends me back to drink. I think that I can control it and it won't be a big deal but usually I end up on a month long bender.

Somehow, nothing really bad has happened to me. I have a lovely home, I've never lost custody of my child, never lost my good job, never been in a car crash and never been arrested. Sometimes I wish that some of these things had happened to make this all feel more real. The withdrawal is getting worse each time though.

I want this recovery time to work. I can't handle the pain of chronic relapse anymore. I feel that I am going to die young and people still need me. I need to remember the pain when I manage to get life back to normal again as I just have now (8 days sober). Does anyone have any stories of hope after chronically relapsing? Thank you

Coz

Hey JazzyI am not in a good position to offer advice, but 8 days is great!Keep it up! There is a thread called 'it gets better' that is worth a read of experiences at sticking with the plan and staying sober.But really - congrats on 8 days. Try and remember how awful those first few days are and don't go there again (I wish I had).

Dee74

Support made all the difference for me Jazzy - and you'll find a lot of that here.Welcome
D

brighterday1234

Stay stopped before all of those things yet to happen eventually happen. Commit to not drinking one day at a time, stay connected to support through SR, become a sober person in recovery who is recovering from alcoholism.

Bilbao

I find that coming on here regularly, and particularly when things are difficult, is very helpful.

Surrendered19

Welcome Jazzy. I'm so glad you are ready to quit. Other really bad things can happen to you if you continue to drink in addition to the really bad things you mentioned. Permanent neurological damage. Permanent GI damage. Permanently damaged relationships. And on and on. I drank into my 50's and now those things and some other unpleasant results of my drinking will be a part of my life forever. Quit before you have done such damage to yourself.

There is a PhD in statistics for the person who can figure out how I never got a DWI. But there are so many other reasons to be sober.

Make your list and use it as one of your tools. List all of the drawbacks to drinking. My list has 5 or 6 dozen items on it. Very personal and very unpleasant.

After a few months sober, I also started a second list of the miraculous benefits of sobriety. That also has many items on it. I glance at each list every day.

Welcome to the world of the living.

tomls

I wrote you a really long helpful reply ,so I thought , and hit reply and I forgot there is something wrong with this site! It tells me that I didn't have enough Characters and I have to start over! You will find a lot of help around here!

Anna

Good job on Dy 8. That's great.

Since you can get a couple of months of sobriety, I wonder if you make other changes in your life at that time, along with stopping drinking. For me, I needed to make lifestyle changes to support my recovery. I removed some people from my life, got involved in old hobbies, exercised, etc. Do you think that might help you?

zoobadger

Being a parent is such a miserable struggle when you're drunk or hungover all the time. Everything is an agonizing chore, especially when they're babies or pre-schoolers.

The need to be behind the wheel with the kids will only become more prevalent as they get older and I can't tell you what a joy it is to know that I can pick my 17 year old daughter up from her late night babysitting job without fear of a drunken accident.

Instead, the 45 minutes we spend in the car is a nice time to be alone with her and chat about things.

And (prior to the school shutdown) I always drive her early in the morning to school. That would have been agony three years ago and I'd have needed a jolt of straight vodka to handle it most mornings.

Now, it's actually rather pleasant.

I guess what I'm driving at is that sobriety isn't just the absence of pain, but once it becomes your new normal, so many little things in life that were irrelevant or unpleasant suddenly become something you rather look forward to.

wiscsober

Jazzy7 ... welcome you have found a great place to seek out support for recovery. It is something we do together and never be alone in our sobriety and we can prevent relapse. You posted my story and stories of thousands of people in recovery. The "bad" stuff will happen if you continue drinking and using. I hope you can find F2F help through meetings and/or treatment. Thank you ... you are helping me today on my road.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!ÂÂ

ÂÂ "I hope that this time is it"

Unfortunately, Hope is not a viable strategy. What you need is an action plan. Several people will probably post in this thread giving you some ideas.ÂÂ

Here are two action steps to start you off. ÂÂ
1. Join the Sobriety Class of May 2020, which is comprised of people in the same spot as you, trying to get sober this month.

2. Log onto this website everyday and read.

least

Welcome to the family Jazzy! Don't just hope this is it - make it so! Lasting sobriety is not only possible, but it's really rewarding. I never get tired of waking up feeling good. And never once since I got sober have I ever woken up and wished I had drank the night before.

EndGameNYC

Yet

Be careful what you wish for.


The last one may be the best one you have for the rest of your life.

You will never have a better time to stop than now.

I've never heard a sober person complain that they got too much support.

lessgravity

Welcome Jazz. This place can get you sober if you do the work.
Like many I can relate to your experience. I am a father and was a long time problem drinker. I never lost it all but I suffered, and my family thereby suffered, for years. I always say that as a parent you have both the biggest source of shame/guilt as a drunk, but also the biggest leverage to put down the poison for good. The father, husband, man, worker etc, that I am now is so much stronger, calmer, peaceful, responsible, solid and just plain better than I was while I was still abusing alcohol.
I was often asked, when I first came here, "do you have a plan?" I didn't understand it at first, but I think it made all the difference in the end. So I ask you, do you have a plan?

Sober369

I'm glad you've made the choice to get well. Eight days is wonderful! I'm also in the May class, and the April and a couple others, and I hope to hear lots from you.
I also never lost a job due to drinking, or got a DWI, or arrested or anything like that. I was just living my life sick and sad and sorry. I only have a month now, but I am working on making this my forever thing. It's wonderful to be sober. There are moments when I get a craving and wish I could drink, but it passes fairly quickly and then I'm happy to be sober again.
Welcome to SR!

Sunflower1964

Welcome Jazzy! I can relate to what you are saying. I tried to stop drinking so many times and always felt great after a few days. I somehow always forgot how awful I felt during those drunken days and thought I could control it next time. I actually only realized today that I've been fighting alcohol for over 20 years. In January this year, I went to my first AA meeting. I walked in crying and ashamed of myself. I'm so happy I finally decided to get help, I couldn't do it on my own. I've now been sober for 115 days and still think about it every day but know that I can't drink - I have finally accepted that's not possible for me. Coming back to this site has helped me, it's great to read all the encouraging words and knowing that you're not alone in your struggle. I hope you're able to stop this time - come back to the site and read your posts - it will help you remember where you don't want to be. You can do it!

D122y

Education is what this place gave me to help me quit this long.

I didn't have a clue or a chance until so many understanding and knowledgeable members gave them to me.

Sometimes the answers were cryptic but trying to figure them out gave me something to do when the crave was raging.

Thanks.

D122y

still can't edit my message...sorry if it is too mean or unclear.

Mamatembo

I can't offer advice. I'm newly sober for the first time. 5 weeks.

However I do offer hugs. And, as a mom of a 4 yo, I understand the struggle with young kids.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Verdantia

Hey, Jazzy--welcome to SR! This is a great place to get and stay sober. It continues to be a vital part of my recovery, even though I have been sober since December 23, 2015. I stop in several times a day to read and post a bit. Like many others here, I relapsed frequently and wondered if I would ever be able to stop. I agree that withdrawals get worse every time; on one horrific occasion after I'd stopped drinking abruptly, after 12 hours I was in alcoholic hallucinosis, with some of the most horrifying sights and sounds possible--yeah, def worse each time. I finally decided that I had to quit for good or I was surely going to die. I don't think I have another quit in me--one more drink would be fatal, and too many good things are happening for me now. You can do this, and I hope you stick around and keep posting. Best wishes on your sober journey.