itsmaria

I guess I'm going to keep posting through the 30 days and then maybe I will save my posts.

Speaking of routine. So today I didn't really have cravings per se, I just felt really out of sorts and brain dead like I was foggy and scattered. A bit headachey. I wouldn't normally think it was because of not drinking, normally I would say just a bad day. But maybe my poor brain is a bit confused bc I'm not following the normal pattern lol.

I did in the afternoon catch , myself planning- like oh in June I can drink and I can drink on these days- like making a schedule. I was able to just stop bc sticking to a schedule is ********, I can't seem to do it.

Also today I was aware of- for me there is something romantic about drinking, I can't really explain it. But I was reading about how alcohol is literally poison and your liver has to work to process it etc. And I was like that's not romantic, you're hurting yourself.

Also a little emotional today.

Sober369

Hang in there Maria, it really does get easier. I am still having brain fog, periods of feeling so sad and lost and exhausted. I am on 29 days. But, I am feeling better every day, and having periods of feeling really good and having clarity and energy.I am older and have been drinking on and off all my life, so you may get over it much sooner than me. I hope so. Reading the books will help a lot with the drinking thinking, at least they helped me a lot. And coming here, too.

Anna

Maria, if you haven't read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp, I urge you to do so. This is a memoir by Caroline, who was a young writer with a great job at The Boston Globe newspaper, and her story is about her love affair with white wine.

itsmaria

Hey all Day 5. This is where this gets really hard for me. In the last couple months I only went 6 days without drinking twice, and I can't remember the last time I went 7 days without drinking.
I'm trying really hard to work every day and write about my triggers, feelings, and cravings around alcohol, and my beliefs, and to challenge myself. It helps me to unpack. And not just react to the craving.
A real struggle today, I did not want to. Instead I wanted to go back and look at my drinking schedule (yes I tried to make a schedule with limits and amounts to control it) and to see if I could drink and was it still within the rules I set for the month.
I didn't do it, but I guess that is the first step down the slope for me, trying to justify it. All the limits and rules I've tried to make, I just couldn't stick to, at least not the last couple months.
I managed to write a little bit about cravings.
I'm not going to drink but it's tough. I feel like everything is worthless if I can't drink, and isn't that ridiculous to feel....
Anna- I did get that book on my phone and started reading it.
I am posting here and in the May support forum I hope that's ok.