Last Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Last Day 1
been struggling, had to bad binge last night resulting in vomitting, anxiety and Deppression.
had 2 beers couple hours ago and then threw all remains alcohol down the sink.
Have spoken to AA and mental health nurse. For me alcohol consumption is not possible. Alcohol has destroyed me and will take my life if I drink again
Its got to be total abstinence from now on.
had 2 beers couple hours ago and then threw all remains alcohol down the sink.
Have spoken to AA and mental health nurse. For me alcohol consumption is not possible. Alcohol has destroyed me and will take my life if I drink again
Its got to be total abstinence from now on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Stable -
The good news is that you don't ever need to have another sobriety date.
Today is a great one - please be sure to not change it.
Glad you're seeking medical attention and AA.
I got both, and I've been sober ever since.
Please keep us posted.
We need you on SR, amigo.
The good news is that you don't ever need to have another sobriety date.
Today is a great one - please be sure to not change it.
Glad you're seeking medical attention and AA.
I got both, and I've been sober ever since.
Please keep us posted.
We need you on SR, amigo.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Stable,
Good for you for keeping getting back on the horse. It is brutal to feel like you are being bucked off repeatedly, but you keep trying. I applaud that.
I've been thinking a lot about my sobriety lately. I'm at 351 days (not that I'm counting
), What I've noticed is that, like almost all addicts, the first year of sobriety has been REALLY hard. But, it has also been getting MUCH easier. Of course there are ebbs and flows and ups and downs, but, on the whole, things have gotten much easier.
I think of the term "sober muscles", which I'd never heard of until I started reading here on SR. Anyway, when I first quit, if I really, really had an urge/craving to drink, it was nearly impossible for me to not make a grab for that glass of wine. I had zero sober muscle. Not grabbing that wine seemed almost as ludicrously unfeasible as falling asleep in a handstand position . Not drinking just wasn't natural AT ALL, and so the slightest urge and craving made me in deep danger of capitulating.
Anyway, when I first attempted quitting a couple of years ago, I made it to four months before I jumped off the wagon. I wanted to see if I could moderately drink (I know...I know...crazy). Anyway, no surprise but I couldn't. The day after I had my first drink I was right back where I started. What was so surprising about that first drink after 4 months, though, was how hard that drink was to take. Even though I wanted it, and I had planned it, and I definitely was going to take it, it felt....hard. Instead of my arm shooting out to grab the glass of wine, it felt like I had to push through some kind of emotional cement to make myself take a sip. I remember my sister asking why the heck I wasn't drinking since I'd ordered my wine and had clearly decided to drink it. No, I wasn't conflicted at all about drinking in that moment, but my sober muscles had gotten so strong it was literally hard to work against all of the brain retraining I'd done and chuck it all and drink. Of course, where there is a will an addict will find a way, and I made myself drink despite a huge part of my brain obviously trying to get me to stop. But, wow, my sober muscles were actually putting up a legit fight in the arm war against the addict muscles. This was shocking and unexpected, to say the least.
My point is, during THIS so far successful quit, I've now been sober almost a full year. And, while I've certainly had my challenging moments, I can tell my sober muscles have gotten even stronger than they were when I nose-dived at four months. This is SO comforting to me. I know now that if I am ever in a danger zone, it will be even harder for me to slip up. Regardless of what I want, my sober muscles have been trained and will put up a fight. They are on MY side. The rational side of me, that is, not the addict me. How wonderful.
As I read about your struggle, I think to myself, I wish Stable would stop doing the hardest part over and over. When you drink, you are deciding on short term gratification and long term pain. I'm sure you would prefer short term pain and long term gratification, but you can only get to that long term gratification part with sobriety. It is literally the only way there. There is no other route but through the relatively short term pain of quitting drinking (short term compared to the REST OF YOUR LIFE). You can do this. You really can. Cliche, but if I can, anyone can. Just give your damn sober muscles time to build up and up and up, so they can have your back in this fight. Unfortunately, each time you drink, you're basically atrophying them, causing them to waste away. You're self sabotaging yourself.
I know you know all this, but I also know sometimes I would read something that someone would say in a minutely different way and, miraculously, it would make something click in my brain. So, if it helps, just try to remind yourself each time you are tempted to take a drink that you are on your sober muscles team. Don't help the other team. They're the bad guys. Eventually, if you continue to have those sober muscles' backs, they will do most of the work for you. They really will. And it feels really good. I promise you that. It's worth it.
Good for you for keeping getting back on the horse. It is brutal to feel like you are being bucked off repeatedly, but you keep trying. I applaud that.
I've been thinking a lot about my sobriety lately. I'm at 351 days (not that I'm counting
), What I've noticed is that, like almost all addicts, the first year of sobriety has been REALLY hard. But, it has also been getting MUCH easier. Of course there are ebbs and flows and ups and downs, but, on the whole, things have gotten much easier. I think of the term "sober muscles", which I'd never heard of until I started reading here on SR. Anyway, when I first quit, if I really, really had an urge/craving to drink, it was nearly impossible for me to not make a grab for that glass of wine. I had zero sober muscle. Not grabbing that wine seemed almost as ludicrously unfeasible as falling asleep in a handstand position . Not drinking just wasn't natural AT ALL, and so the slightest urge and craving made me in deep danger of capitulating.
Anyway, when I first attempted quitting a couple of years ago, I made it to four months before I jumped off the wagon. I wanted to see if I could moderately drink (I know...I know...crazy). Anyway, no surprise but I couldn't. The day after I had my first drink I was right back where I started. What was so surprising about that first drink after 4 months, though, was how hard that drink was to take. Even though I wanted it, and I had planned it, and I definitely was going to take it, it felt....hard. Instead of my arm shooting out to grab the glass of wine, it felt like I had to push through some kind of emotional cement to make myself take a sip. I remember my sister asking why the heck I wasn't drinking since I'd ordered my wine and had clearly decided to drink it. No, I wasn't conflicted at all about drinking in that moment, but my sober muscles had gotten so strong it was literally hard to work against all of the brain retraining I'd done and chuck it all and drink. Of course, where there is a will an addict will find a way, and I made myself drink despite a huge part of my brain obviously trying to get me to stop. But, wow, my sober muscles were actually putting up a legit fight in the arm war against the addict muscles. This was shocking and unexpected, to say the least.
My point is, during THIS so far successful quit, I've now been sober almost a full year. And, while I've certainly had my challenging moments, I can tell my sober muscles have gotten even stronger than they were when I nose-dived at four months. This is SO comforting to me. I know now that if I am ever in a danger zone, it will be even harder for me to slip up. Regardless of what I want, my sober muscles have been trained and will put up a fight. They are on MY side. The rational side of me, that is, not the addict me. How wonderful.
As I read about your struggle, I think to myself, I wish Stable would stop doing the hardest part over and over. When you drink, you are deciding on short term gratification and long term pain. I'm sure you would prefer short term pain and long term gratification, but you can only get to that long term gratification part with sobriety. It is literally the only way there. There is no other route but through the relatively short term pain of quitting drinking (short term compared to the REST OF YOUR LIFE). You can do this. You really can. Cliche, but if I can, anyone can. Just give your damn sober muscles time to build up and up and up, so they can have your back in this fight. Unfortunately, each time you drink, you're basically atrophying them, causing them to waste away. You're self sabotaging yourself.
I know you know all this, but I also know sometimes I would read something that someone would say in a minutely different way and, miraculously, it would make something click in my brain. So, if it helps, just try to remind yourself each time you are tempted to take a drink that you are on your sober muscles team. Don't help the other team. They're the bad guys. Eventually, if you continue to have those sober muscles' backs, they will do most of the work for you. They really will. And it feels really good. I promise you that. It's worth it.
.Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Stable - That's exactly the conclusion I came to just before quitting forever - 12 yrs. ago. I couldn't control the amounts I drank, & it was out to kill me. Being here at SR gave me the strength & courage I needed to stay sober. We know you can do it.
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