Originally Posted by gymratgirl

Here I am. I joined 2 years ago. Binge drinking many nights per week lately.

I had many good ups...and some downs. I know that the term "functioning alcoholic" isn't well received by many, but that is how I view myself. Great job, family etc. I hide it well. Yes, I actually do. A few times I have mentioned to friends here and there about wanting to cut down drinking. "WHAT? YOU ONLY HAVE A DRINK OR 2 AT PARTIES". Yup, that is correct. I can control it when I need to, I am a control freak by nature. At night, I guzzle when nobody is around. That has what kept me thinking that I am fine...nothing is wrong, life is great, right??!!

During these 2 years, I befriended a few on here. Traded messages, supported each other. They are gone. No longer active or posting. That is hard. Not sure if they moved on and aren't looking back or actively drinking....or dead. It is a sad reality.

I am a mom with very active school aged kids. I have worked from home for many years and have been successful. If I know I need to go pick them up from practice/school etc, then I won't drink. Once I know the day is done, then I "reward" myself. Drink while cooking dinner. Make sure I can chew on pickles/garlic etc before kissing my husband hello when he gets home. Resume drinking. He doesn't even know. He gets up early for work, so he falls asleep shortly after dinner. The weekends are the times when we have entire days together and I try to hold off on those days and pride myself on not drinking. On our date nights, I sometimes drink before going out so he thinks that my having 2 martinis the entire time makes me a light weight.

I had gotten to the point where I needed to go back to bed in the morning after getting everyone out the door (before COVID). My hangovers last longer, I feel liver pain, random numbness in fingers and toes. I check social media every morning to ensure I didn't post anything. I cannot remember shows I sit and watch with my husband after dinner. Now that we are all home, it has been easier to sleep in way longer as I handle the hangovers.

I don't drink every night, but I haven't gone 1 week without a drink for a long time. I seem to get 5-6 days and cave. I have had many instances in the past 2 years that I was able to overcome (drinking when flying etc) My short term goal is looking forward to 4/26 when I can say I have made it a full week.

My plan? Exercise, focus on family,house projects, work and meditate. After week 1, I will dive into something more. l never liked the AA life in my area, but willing to explore other options once life opens up. I think a 1/1 therapist may be my first step. If I am busy, then the AV doesn't creep up as much.

Thank you for listening to my babbling.....