rahrah

During my 3 yrs of sobriety I struggled with many things, but the one thing I always had that made me feel secure, was knowing that my NOT drinking meant NO unmanageable behavior. During my relapse, I was always scared that when I did have a drink, things would go badly. And they did a few times...quite badly. I am still cleaning up relationships I screwed up while I was drinking again.
These last weeks of not drinking I've felt that feeling of security return. Knowing that as long as I don't drink, I don't have to worry about unmanageable behavior. I am feeling glints of optimism that I can again be in control of myself. I missed this feeling. I can't believe I ever gave it up.
Getting sober again isn't as easy as just quitting again, I have a lot of work ahead of me. My success of 3yrs sober didn't come from just 'not drinking'. It was a constant exercise in Recovery. But I got complacent and stopped doing the things that worked. And now I will have to pick up where I left off and commit to my Recovery again. I'm happy to do it. This glimpse into what I had for those 3yrs is so inviting. But it doesn't come for free, however it's a debt I'm grateful to pay.

TimeNeedsTime

Good for you rahrah. Well done!

I also remember the times you speak of. When confidence surges through your veins, when you start to walk with a bit of a spring in your step. When you are in total control, thinking in total clarity for the first time in our lives. This happened for me within 3 months of sobriety. Twelve lousy weeks is all it took for the mist to disappear after over twenty five years of abuse of body and mind.

Weather is three years or three days doesnt matter rahrah, you know the score, the world record for sobriety is 24 hours. This is the cycle we all have to live in, its the only way it works. just do it for today, tomorrow will look after itself when the time comes.

I wish you all the good health I can send rah rah, there is no need for me to say good luck because luck has nothing to do with it. This is a concerted lifestyle effort and of course a lifestyle choice. Three years is magnificent so so what about a little slip? Let it go and move on, one day at a time.

Kdon853

Yup when I drank unacceptable behavior became acceptable to me. I lived that way for along time glad it’s over. Sober life has allowed me to navigate this lock down better than my peers who aren’t. I see it everyday.

rahrah

Thanks for the input. The first time I got sober (for 9 months) I had that pink cloud, euphoric feeling....it dissipated in a short amount of time. The second time I got sober (3 years) was different, I didn't have a pink cloud, I had dark dark clouds! It was an all consuming, painful time. Slowly, as the months went by and I stopped having to actually 'fight' to keep sober, I adjusted to my new sober life and eventually gratitude was my constant feeling. This time.....I don't have the pink cloud or the major struggle, I have hope. I know from those 3 years of sobriety how amazing it feels when you are successfully navigating recovery. That's how I'm feeling now. Hopeful, looking forward to what is ahead. I have none of that euphoria from the early days' pink cloud, but a certain knowing that it really does get better....when you've experienced that it really does get better...that experience is a gift when you have relapsed and are getting sober again. I wish everyone getting sober for the first time had that known feeling tucked away inside them, it makes it a wee bit easier to accept the challenge of getting sober. My knowing that it gets better, a lot, lot better, is a real blessing this time around.

Anna

Rah, I never experienced the pink cloud thing either. Like you, my clouds were fearfully dark. But, in a way it was good because I lifted myself up slowly, but surely and each day got a tiny bit better. It was a lovely, gradual process. I'm glad you're here and feeling good about your recovery.

TimeNeedsTime

I was going to call it the pink cloud in my previous posts but thought better of it to be honest lol.

But the dark clouds, ive just come out of them. My father died three years ago, maybe that was the trigger? Anyway for the next two years I was really angry. I didnt understand what the hell was going on. Im not ashamed to say I went to my doctor, got prescribed some very mild sertaline. I think thats what its called. Anyway, from my understanding, its all perfectly normal in early recovery. It doesnt need a label either before anyone pipes in. i like to stick to medical facts over the three wise men sitting in the corner of the room.

listen, we/I agreed to life on lifes terms when we got sober. Whatever is thrown at us we can and should be able to deal with anything. These are the tools you are given in recovery. What we do with them on our journey is up to us.

I wish you well.

Hevyn

Rahrah - That's what finally caused me to get sober - the knowledge that drinking was no longer fun and always led to reckless behavior. For me, it happened every single time. It was confusing, because in my early drinking days I was always able to summon up some willpower & control. As my dependence progressed, I no longer could predict what might happen if I picked up. I'm so glad we're free of that fear & dread.

brighterday1234

Gottalife

My experience was that the drinking was the result of my unmanageable life. The delusion that I could control all around me and organise my life so perfectly that I would have no need to drink always led to the insanity of the first drink, and the insane behavior that followed. Unmanageability led to insanity, led to fatal first drink, led to insane behavior.

The fella managing my life was doing a terrible job. When I fired him and appointed a new manager, my problems were solved.