Notices

Real tough decision but probably going to go

Old 04-15-2020, 04:42 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Dee is spot on. First of all you are safer isolating with your mum where you have already been together a few weeks. You are both safe together, plus you should look after your mum and keep her safe. You are far more likely to pick something up heading out with your friend, you don't know where he's been. Then you can bring something back and infect your mum.

We've all been exactly where you are, we made the bad decision and most of us relapsed. If we could have turned the clock back we would have 100% stayed home. Sometimes you only learn the hard way though, if you go you'll drink. A month is way too early to put yourself to the test like that.
Primativo is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 04:45 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Newbeginning421's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Well my gut is telling me not to go but really torn here
Newbeginning421 is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 05:12 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,725
That tells me that you know you shouldn't go, but you want to go. Our wants can get us into trouble sometimes. Even without this virus going around, at only 30 days sober, it would be best to pass this time.

I'm sure this won't be the last time your friend will be coming to town. I agree with Least that it would be best to tell your friend that the timing isn't right, but that you'd love to see him next time.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 05:58 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 304
Travelling may cause car accidents that put more pressure on our emergency services.
Stay off the roads, especially with your mum.

Take care of you and yours.........its a no brainer.

I hope you make the right decision.....sending good wishes your way.

C
Cuckoo is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 07:24 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sober369's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
You may have a vision of yourself enjoying nature, being able to hike and hang out with your friend.
But give yourself the gift of looking at what it could really look like, being very drunk and sick from drinking, deciding you just have to go home but now too afraid to bring the virus back to your mom. And, your mom being all alone while you're gone. And very possibly getting the virus while you're there.
It's no fun to be alone or even alone with your mom for weeks on end. You have lots of company, though. So many people in the world are doing exactly that.
I hope you'll stay put and use this time to build on your recovery.
Sober369 is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 07:29 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,241
well, by your own admission you can’t imagine “it” not happening, so why not spell it out?
be honest with yourself.

do you want to stay sober? not really?
fini is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 08:16 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
JustTony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
FOMO and you’re an alcoholic.

That’s what it comes down to.

If you go you know you’ll drink - you’ve admitted as much. Therefore if you go it means you want to drink. Fair enough.

But if you go then please don’t come back and say you ‘slipped’ because you didn’t slip. You will have chosen to drink so own it upon your return in the way you’ll have to own the fact that selfishness (we all know alcoholism is DEEPLY selfish) took precedence over your own mother’s health.

Look - I don’t know you and I’m only 16 days in. I have been on here so many times and tried and tried again. When I drink I never ‘slip’. I meant it. I wanted to drink. I own it, yet feel the requisite shame for what it is.

I’m sorry for the tougher message than most are giving but it’s because I don’t want you to drink. I don’t want any of us here to drink. I don’t want to drink. So I’m saying it as we both really know it is. If you go then you want and intend to drink and you know that 100% too.

So. Do you want to go back to drinking?

Your choice.
JustTony is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 08:30 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
under new management
 
2ndhandrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,338
Originally Posted by Newbeginning421 View Post
Well my gut is telling me not to go but really torn here
Your gut is telling you not to go for good reason. Actually for many good reasons.

I hope you listen to your gut and not your FOMO.

We could all use a change of scenery but these are unprecedented times. I hope you don't put your health, your loved ones health, your friends health, your sobriety at risk because you are bored.
2ndhandrose is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 09:23 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Ringside's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 103
You know it’s a bad idea, otherwise you wouldn’t run it up the flagpole here. You also discount the unanimous opinion from others that it’s a bad idea. So perhaps you should be asking a different question. Such as, “why do I want to do something I know is a bad idea?” Or, as was already suggested, “do I really want to stop drinking; maybe drinking isn’t a bad idea for me after all?” These are a couple questions you need to answer to yourself honestly. Just my $.02 and I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.
Ringside is offline  
Old 04-15-2020, 10:47 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kaily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,053
Stay home - stay safe - stay sober.

Hope you make the right decision.
Kaily is offline  
Old 04-16-2020, 08:05 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Newbeginning421's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
I have slept on it as I did not want to rush and make a decision. I have decided it is actually best to go and there is no need for me to be drinking. I think I was not clear in my post. This will be a long term trip 1-2 months. Not just going for the weekend or something like that. We will mostly be working as we are in same line of work and he has not been drinking for like 3 weeks himself. While I have not been drinking have gained about 15 pounds living sedentary life here not to mention my mother is a bit of a hoarder and air quality is not great. Only real risk is coming back not going there. This is also safer for my mother as higher risk of getting it with 2 people staying in the apartment than one. Will stick close to here to make sure I stay on the path!
Newbeginning421 is offline  
Old 04-16-2020, 10:32 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Newbeginning421 View Post
I am also thinking about my mom who is in her 60s and obese who i have been staying with. Less risky for her being alone than two of us here. Getting into a car and going back to his place is not risky as we won't be interacting with others.
How risky will it be for your mom if you don't go?

We're trying hard not to go meet people, no matter what they mean to us, unless it's absolutely necessary to do so. The easiest thing to do right now is to break the rules.

It's too soon.

Lock yourself in, man.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 04-16-2020, 10:51 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,040
You're putting yourself in a situation where you'll be alone with a heavy drinker with no escape for 1 or 2 months?

I've caved after one night in similar situations.

Your addiction is doing somersaults of delight right now man. It's waiting for you to cave.
Its a shame you can't see that.

The stay at home thing is not a suggestion for you NY guys.
This is an adult problem that needs an adult response.

Stay home and take care of your mom, NB

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 09:19 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
You're putting yourself in a situation where you'll be alone with a heavy drinker with no escape for 1 or 2 months?

I've caved after one night in similar situations.

Your addiction is doing somersaults of delight right now man. It's waiting for you to cave.
Its a shame you can't see that.

The stay at home thing is not a suggestion for you NY guys.
This is an adult problem that needs an adult response.

Stay home and take care of your mom, NB

D

Hi NB, after you have read the above.....read it again, and again. Stay home my friend.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 02:07 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I find it interesting that you, as a newly sober person, would enjoy staying with someone who drinks heavily. I personally would never stay with a heavy drinker even for a couple weeks (or days), after years of sobriety. Is that the company you would find enriching and a positive change? I also vote for not going. I also live in a small NYC apartment and it is a zillion times better even locked in, in isolation, than with a drinking heavily mate even in some paradise.
Aellyce is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 04:09 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Newbeginning421's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Well I decided to go. No alcohol in the house at all at the moment and went grocery store shopping today. This will be a sober trip. Seems the reading comprehension is quite poor for some regarding yelling about social distancing. Before this i had not left my apartment for a week and half so yes I take this very seriously. It is extremely unhealthy to be in a household with someone who hoards and tons of dust to began with let alone locked in there for weeks. Friend is a binge drinker and has not drank for 3 weeks and given how busy work will be drinking does not seem on the horizon .I guarantee I have been social distancing more than anyone in this thread.
Newbeginning421 is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 04:21 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,040
All we can do is provide the good advice, NB.

I've been where you are. I think this is a huge mistake, everyone else thinks this is a huge mistake too, but you were hooked on this idea from the beginning.

What was that about poor reading comprehension? You don't seem to be taking our arguments in at all.

Hope it works out that you stay sober, don;t get the virus, don't bring illness back to your mom and that your mom is ok on her own in the city for one or two months.

A lot of ifs there, man.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 04:29 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The further a binge drinker is away from his last drink, the closer he is to the next. And it is pretty much fact that the active alcoholic will pick up at the most inappropriate moment. You can guarantee that the next drink is well and truly on the horizon, the obsession does not care about work load, or the effect on other people.

I could see your decision was already made in your first post. Fine, it's your life and your decision. This thread might be an example to others that, if the obsession has already come back, no amount of good advice, strategy, or clever tactics will penetrate with sufficient force to keep you safe.

Now I wait and see and pray that I am wrong.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 04:33 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
I'm sorry to hear that you are making the decision to go.

You have NO idea who you will be in contact with while you are away, nor what you might bring home with you when you return. I'm sure you've heard about asymptomatic people spreading the virus unknowingly. Are you trying to say you will NEVER leave this person's apartment during the 1-2 months you are going to be there?
Anna is offline  
Old 04-17-2020, 04:38 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Newbeginning421's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
All we can do is provide the good advice, NB.

I've been where you are. I think this is a huge mistake, everyone else thinks this is a huge mistake too, but you were hooked on this idea from the beginning.

What was that about poor reading comprehension? You don't seem to be taking our arguments in at all.

Hope it works out that you stay sober, don;t get the virus, don't bring illness back to your mom and that your mom is ok on her own in the city for one or two months.

A lot of ifs there, man.

D
I appreciate the advice and often get good advice here on a range of topics and thank you for being such a great moderator on this site.

Everyone keeps talking about social distancing and how I am putting others at risk and not being considerate which is not true at all if they had read what i have wrote.

My friend never pressures me to drink and this is a very different situation than most times we have met I assure you as mostly we would end up going to bars which we are only leaving house for groceries.

My mom lives in a doorman building and has plenty of food and has been leaving the house to get her own food as well as she does not want to be cooped up for months on end but was also going out once a week.
Newbeginning421 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:32 AM.