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Sober conversation

Old 04-14-2020, 03:13 PM
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Sober conversation

I'm at 71hrs now and had 2 really good conversations with a cousin and a person I live with, it was great! My thoughts were clear and I listened to what they said. I have talked to them so many times completely drunk and now I cant help but wonder did they notice? Ofcourse they did, they must have, now will they know just how long I have been drinking because how could they not smell it. I drank before social interactions almost 90% of the time, all those people just smelling my shame. All my college classes, work, God knows what else. All these people who I will be talking to, some i'm sure I haven't spoken to sober in years. So many forgotten conversations on my part. I am just embarrassed and ashamed.
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Old 04-14-2020, 03:24 PM
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oh, honey. Don't beat yourself up.

We've all been there and really mostly people don't care. Even if they did notice, (which most of them probably didn't) you're not going to do it again so no harm, no foul.

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Old 04-14-2020, 03:32 PM
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You need to hold your head high because you are doing great.
You have made a great decision.

I struggle with my past behaviour.

All I can say is that most people just want you to be well.
They want the best for you.

Just keep going.
Keep aiming to go to bed sober.
Try keep busy if you can.

I wish you the best xx
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Old 04-14-2020, 03:57 PM
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Dont be embarrassed or ashamed. Your doing the right thing and all will be well as long as you can keep it up. You have a good start. Hell I drank from my teens till 48. When I stopped I had not been sober since my teens. A pretty crazy thought. Sober for the first time as an adult at 48. Being sober is a great thing. Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-14-2020, 04:02 PM
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Guilt and shame are earmarks of alcoholism and it's those things that can help to keep us addicted. Try to let go of those emotions and focus on what you are doing now, today, to move forward.

As Maya Angelou said " I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better."
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Old 04-14-2020, 05:05 PM
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We have to walk away from our past or it will drive us crazy. Of course many people knew we were hammered. But we aren't going to change that. It only will matter if you continue to drink. If you are sober, clear headed and present for those in your life, all they will care about is that. Don't beat yourself up. We have other fish to fry now.
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Old 04-14-2020, 05:31 PM
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During the last couple of years, it seemed like I was the king of saying ridiculously inappropriate things while drinking. Very few people if anyone seem to hold a grudge or even think about it anymore.
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Old 04-14-2020, 05:33 PM
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Thank you all, there is a comfort in knowing someone else understands what you are going through. I started drinking when I was 14 till now 29, so much to unpack. I can feel my physical withdrawal really start to kick in so I can focus on that for a few days
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Old 04-14-2020, 09:57 PM
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Good for you Orchid.
For withdrawl you keep hydrated.
Can you get some vitamin b complex.
Eat some good and healthy food.
You can do it
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Old 04-15-2020, 03:05 AM
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, the present is a gift. Live in the present 🙏
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Old 04-15-2020, 06:36 AM
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Orchid,
If you haven't already, one day you will tell them, "You know, I haven't had a drink for 6 months," and then you may be able to talk about it with them. When I started letting people know, I got a variety of responses ranging from, "Why?," to, "That's nice," to "Really? I can't believe it."

Thinking about people smelling it on you, when I was maybe a year into my sobriety, I started running into a coworker, a guy who I had come to like over the years. For some reason, we were always running into each other at the Video Rental Store, and I noticed, every time was after 5:00 PM, and everytime he was smelling of alcohol. He wasn't visibly drunk, maybe a little standoffish like I was when I was drunk and meeting people downtown. But his breath was remarkably heavy, and I wondered, "How much does a guy have to drink to have such heavy breath just an hour or two after work."

I never said anything to him as it would be embarrassing, and he was not asking for help, but I felt sad for him. I had been in his shoes for years, and I know I always felt disappointed with myself when I would run into someone after I had been drinking for a couple hours.

This shame goes away after awhile. You might notice that shame gets replaced by pride. It's surprisingly wonderful. I still have tiny feelings of guilt about my past, but they are hardly debilitating, not enough to mention them in a forum, but I thought it might be helpful for you to hear. You will experience major changes, but still flashes of things like shame, but they will be put into a different perspective and won't weigh on you so heavily.
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Old 04-15-2020, 07:14 AM
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When I look back and think about all the times I ran into people out and about or had conversations with people when I was drinking, I do cringe a little. I wonder if they noticed? If they could smell it? If they judged me? If they saw a "me" that wasn't really me, and made decisions about me based on that? The answer to all of those questions is "maybe." I have talked to a very few people since I quit who said they did notice, but mostly because they already knew I was drinking too much, and mostly, they were worried about me. Not disgusted or judging harshly. The rest, I doubt they noticed, or if they did, they probably didn't care. I was WAY harder on myself than other people ever were. Because I KNEW I was acting in a way that didn't mesh with who I wanted to be.

Bottom line is: you will eventually feel less shame. Especially if you can be somewhat objective and realize that you were only acting a certain way because of the alcohol, and that you can forgive yourself for that. If you stay sober, you can begin to be your true self. And people will see the real you, not someone under that influence. The shame does go away (mostly) with time.
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Old 04-15-2020, 04:27 PM
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I have a group of about 10 buddies that have a continuous group text going. When we are chatting in the evening, there are always a couple of the guys that are obviously smashed. I used to be one of the worst.
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