Day 1 and scared
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Originally Posted by Ashleymadison 
I just wish I could sleep, I honnestly feel drinking was my way of getting to sleep. Drink to pass out
I remember reading one time that we actually don't truly sleep when drunk, that there is a difference compared to "real" sleep. Give it time though to find a new pattern.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Ashley!
I relate to your OP and I think many here do....what will others think yadda yadda.
I think the first step is to stop. Think of all the reasons you want to stop. Make a list.
Stay in the moment and don't project ahead with respect to 'what everyone else will say'. Do this for you. And hey, it is a class 1 carcinogen. That seems reason enough to quit. People don't generally have to defend quitting smoking do they?
Stick with the basics. You will think, sleep, feel and look better. Seems odd to have to defend that doesn't it.....
I relate to your OP and I think many here do....what will others think yadda yadda.
I think the first step is to stop. Think of all the reasons you want to stop. Make a list.
Stay in the moment and don't project ahead with respect to 'what everyone else will say'. Do this for you. And hey, it is a class 1 carcinogen. That seems reason enough to quit. People don't generally have to defend quitting smoking do they?
Stick with the basics. You will think, sleep, feel and look better. Seems odd to have to defend that doesn't it.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 271
Sobriety, especially early on, requires a little selfishness for lack of a better term.
The last thing you should be worried about right now is the resentment of drinking buddies. Alcohol is a very jealous substance. It doesn't want to share you with anybody who isn't equally dependent. But that's a real problem if it's your spouse. I don't have any experience with that - my wife and her family are one glass of wine on holidays kinds of people.
Focus on your needs - which are health, sobriety, and sleep. If you continue to lay off the booze, the sleep should improve. I'm lucky that other than unsettling dreams I sleep easily and soundly. But even if you have a sleep disorder, alcohol is surely making it worse.
My only advice for your husband is to be totally honest. That requires being honest with yourself, first. Look at Step One from the Big Book and think about it. If you feel it applies to you, show it to him and explain that you need to live this step every day.
I'm not a huge AA participant, but I'm convinced that all of us alcoholics and addicts, one way or another, need to accept step one and live it every day. AA does work for millions of people, and the Big Book is a really great resource. You'll probably find much to identify with if you read it, even if you don't attend meetings. I read it cover to cover while I was locked up detoxing and it had a profound impact on my commitment to recovery.
Here's a link that discusses step one.
https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholics-anonymous/step-1/
The last thing you should be worried about right now is the resentment of drinking buddies. Alcohol is a very jealous substance. It doesn't want to share you with anybody who isn't equally dependent. But that's a real problem if it's your spouse. I don't have any experience with that - my wife and her family are one glass of wine on holidays kinds of people.
Focus on your needs - which are health, sobriety, and sleep. If you continue to lay off the booze, the sleep should improve. I'm lucky that other than unsettling dreams I sleep easily and soundly. But even if you have a sleep disorder, alcohol is surely making it worse.
My only advice for your husband is to be totally honest. That requires being honest with yourself, first. Look at Step One from the Big Book and think about it. If you feel it applies to you, show it to him and explain that you need to live this step every day.
I'm not a huge AA participant, but I'm convinced that all of us alcoholics and addicts, one way or another, need to accept step one and live it every day. AA does work for millions of people, and the Big Book is a really great resource. You'll probably find much to identify with if you read it, even if you don't attend meetings. I read it cover to cover while I was locked up detoxing and it had a profound impact on my commitment to recovery.
Here's a link that discusses step one.
https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholics-anonymous/step-1/
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
If you experience withdrawals, that will be the hardest to get through (IMO), once you get through that it will dealing with cravings and that is doable. Welcome to SR and wish you the best.
I don't know your friends and don't want to pass judgement, but if you lose friends by quitting, they weren't really friends, they were drinking buddies. Most of us experience a change in social circles once we quit.
I don't know your friends and don't want to pass judgement, but if you lose friends by quitting, they weren't really friends, they were drinking buddies. Most of us experience a change in social circles once we quit.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
My husband doesnt understand how someone can have a problem he just says try to control it, you can have a drink just dont get drunk.
From the dictionary: Definition of drunk
1a : having the faculties impaired by alcohol
My faculties were impaired and one of those faculties was the ability to see that I was impaired. LOL Which of your husbands faculties is impaired that he can't see that and why?
I totally understand my blathering logic. I don't understand why you husband doesn't understand my blathering logic. :~)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Originally Posted by Ashleymadison
My sister is currently sober from alcohol for almost 4 years now and I hear the comments from my friends of them judging her for being sober. I feel I will lose alot of friends over this
What could anyone possibly say about you being sober? If somebody thinks less of you because you don't drink they have to be a real moron. It just doesn't seem like the kind of people that have an opinion of any kind of value. Are you sure you consider people like this an asset?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Ashleymadison! LOL. That was one of the biggest computer hacks there ever was, and one of the most costly. Don't change your user name.
Anyway, you can't worry about loosing friends. A friend that is upset about your drinking isn't really a friend. Go sober. It's worth it. There will be symptoms at the beginning, but they go away with time. Your husband will appreciate this in the end.
Never hesitate to post. There is some good advice here.
Anyway, you can't worry about loosing friends. A friend that is upset about your drinking isn't really a friend. Go sober. It's worth it. There will be symptoms at the beginning, but they go away with time. Your husband will appreciate this in the end.
Never hesitate to post. There is some good advice here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 18
Well I'm almost done with day two, no symptoms besides feeling tired. During dinner my husband did ask if I would like a drink with dinner and I told him no. He doesnt really know I'm going sober just thinks I'm cutting back. I know I should be honnest and tell him but just not sure how and I'm afraid of what he will say. Sometimes I feel he just doesnt get it, that I need to be sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Hey Ashley,
I remember worrying about what people might say/think when I quit drinking. I found that saying I needed to stop ‘for health reasons’ was quite helpful and also the truth.
I’m just over two years sober and haven’t lost any real friends at all. A couple of drinking ‘buddies’ drifted away, but I don’t think it was because I quit. I have found that most people I know respect the fact I no longer drink and were supportive of it.
In the very beginning I didn’t really tell anyone and that was harder, there was more pressure to drink, as soon as I said I had stopped people were fine with it. I have also noticed how many more non drinkers there are out there than I realised. I helped host a cocktail party event last year, people could opt for alcohol or non alcohol versions and of a group of 50 nearly half wanted non alcoholic ones.
I do understand it is different with a spouse, but honesty is key. This is about you and what you need to do. His reaction may be supportive from the start or take a while before he realises you are serious about this, but talking about it takes away the pressure that comes with worrying about his reaction.
This place has been the reason I stuck at my decision to quit, it is great to have you join us.
I remember worrying about what people might say/think when I quit drinking. I found that saying I needed to stop ‘for health reasons’ was quite helpful and also the truth.
I’m just over two years sober and haven’t lost any real friends at all. A couple of drinking ‘buddies’ drifted away, but I don’t think it was because I quit. I have found that most people I know respect the fact I no longer drink and were supportive of it.
In the very beginning I didn’t really tell anyone and that was harder, there was more pressure to drink, as soon as I said I had stopped people were fine with it. I have also noticed how many more non drinkers there are out there than I realised. I helped host a cocktail party event last year, people could opt for alcohol or non alcohol versions and of a group of 50 nearly half wanted non alcoholic ones.
I do understand it is different with a spouse, but honesty is key. This is about you and what you need to do. His reaction may be supportive from the start or take a while before he realises you are serious about this, but talking about it takes away the pressure that comes with worrying about his reaction.
This place has been the reason I stuck at my decision to quit, it is great to have you join us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by scottynz
Hey Ashley,
I remember worrying about what people might say/think when I quit drinking. I found that saying I needed to stop ‘for health reasons’ was quite helpful and also the truth.
I’m just over two years sober and haven’t lost any real friends at all. A couple of drinking ‘buddies’ drifted away, but I don’t think it was because I quit. I have found that most people I know respect the fact I no longer drink and were supportive of it.
In the very beginning I didn’t really tell anyone and that was harder, there was more pressure to drink, as soon as I said I had stopped people were fine with it. I have also noticed how many more non drinkers there are out there than I realised. I helped host a cocktail party event last year, people could opt for alcohol or non alcohol versions and of a group of 50 nearly half wanted non alcoholic ones.
I do understand it is different with a spouse, but honesty is key. This is about you and what you need to do. His reaction may be supportive from the start or take a while before he realises you are serious about this, but talking about it takes away the pressure that comes with worrying about his reaction.
This place has been the reason I stuck at my decision to quit, it is great to have you join us.
I remember worrying about what people might say/think when I quit drinking. I found that saying I needed to stop ‘for health reasons’ was quite helpful and also the truth.
I’m just over two years sober and haven’t lost any real friends at all. A couple of drinking ‘buddies’ drifted away, but I don’t think it was because I quit. I have found that most people I know respect the fact I no longer drink and were supportive of it.
In the very beginning I didn’t really tell anyone and that was harder, there was more pressure to drink, as soon as I said I had stopped people were fine with it. I have also noticed how many more non drinkers there are out there than I realised. I helped host a cocktail party event last year, people could opt for alcohol or non alcohol versions and of a group of 50 nearly half wanted non alcoholic ones.
I do understand it is different with a spouse, but honesty is key. This is about you and what you need to do. His reaction may be supportive from the start or take a while before he realises you are serious about this, but talking about it takes away the pressure that comes with worrying about his reaction.
This place has been the reason I stuck at my decision to quit, it is great to have you join us.
I wanted to drink last night but i kept thinking about SR and told myself you dont want to do this. The kind words from everyone so far has really stuck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Strangely, my friends stopped hanging out with me because I drank too much! But then again, my alcoholism didn't really take root until was about 30. By that point, all my friends were getting married/kids etc. Party days were over...
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