What made it stick?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 65
What made it stick?
This is a question for anyone with a decent amount of sober time, who genuinely identifies with being sober and who had lots of previous relapses....
What differences were there between previous unsuccessful attempts at sobriety and the current, successful one?
Many thanks in advance!
What differences were there between previous unsuccessful attempts at sobriety and the current, successful one?
Many thanks in advance!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I deleted the other one - all good 
what made me quit was a very real fear of dying...what made it stick tho was giving sobriety a chance to establish itself and grow.
The transition phase is tough but if you never make it though that you'll never get to experience the good parts of recovery - I got reacquainted with a me I forgot existed. and a world of plans hopes and dreams I'd stopped dreaming about 20 years before.
They say sobriety is its own reward and it does end up that way
I love my sober life even after all these years. Could never say that as a drinker.
D
what made me quit was a very real fear of dying...what made it stick tho was giving sobriety a chance to establish itself and grow.
The transition phase is tough but if you never make it though that you'll never get to experience the good parts of recovery - I got reacquainted with a me I forgot existed. and a world of plans hopes and dreams I'd stopped dreaming about 20 years before.
They say sobriety is its own reward and it does end up that way
I love my sober life even after all these years. Could never say that as a drinker.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I can sober up for long periods of time. Longest about 10 months. I always relapse. I am very impulsive and live with a lot of stressors. People sometimes sabotage my sobriety when their actions put stress on me. I don't know how to make it stick. Guess I like being drunk more than sober....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
I gave up waiting for it to magically happen, for my doctor, counsellor, SR or anyone else to to make it happen. The realisation came that it was all down to me and just me. Then I fought like hell for it, I walked everyday to the point of exhaustion, paced, cried, posted loads and ate anything I wanted. The cravings almost drove me crazy but I didn't give in. No way.
Was it easy? No but worth it.
Just so you know I had become an all day daily drinker~ Vodka, lots of it. I now thankfully have 17 months sober and still find that hard to believe after sinking so low.
Keep fighting and give it everything you've got.
Was it easy? No but worth it.
Just so you know I had become an all day daily drinker~ Vodka, lots of it. I now thankfully have 17 months sober and still find that hard to believe after sinking so low.
Keep fighting and give it everything you've got.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 622
I only have 9 months so still early in my mind BUT I don't want to give up one day of it.
I stopped when I wanted my life back and wanted to be sober more then a drink. I lost a lot and caused a lot of pain while drinking but until I wanted it, it didn't matter how much I was asked/told about drinking.
I stopped when I wanted my life back and wanted to be sober more then a drink. I lost a lot and caused a lot of pain while drinking but until I wanted it, it didn't matter how much I was asked/told about drinking.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Suffering, time, and education. At this point in my journey I feel sorry for people that drink. I get so much natural happiness from everyday life.
We ex drunks see it differently then someone that never drank. We have empathy for the addicted.
I compare drinking to being in jail. Now I am free and I am never going back. Addiction is a learned behavior. I have unlearned it when it comes to booze. I want to stay addicted to some things e.g. exercise, being kind, being neat etc.
Thanks.
We ex drunks see it differently then someone that never drank. We have empathy for the addicted.
I compare drinking to being in jail. Now I am free and I am never going back. Addiction is a learned behavior. I have unlearned it when it comes to booze. I want to stay addicted to some things e.g. exercise, being kind, being neat etc.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Finally acknowledging that I was never going to live a life that I could be fully proud of, a life wherein I could find peace and a life that was truly mine, unless I put down the booze for good. In the end, it's a relatively simple equation. And then I think what happens is you actually see the results of the work you do to stay sober. Those results are the exact things that you've most desired in your life for so long. And they continue to fortify your sobriety, the harder in the longer that you work on it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Because I saw that in the last year of going back to the bottles I lost as much materially and socially as I had done in what was cumulatively over 20 previous (lurid-ish) years (apart from one gap of about 5 years dry).
Then remembering how I can have daily reprieve from physical allergy to alcohol (when I ingest it) and mental obsession.
Then sharpening my taste for hangoverless mornings. For not getting stuck in who-saw-me-what-are-they-saying-to-each-other. For attaining genuine pride in my place among those around me. Responsibility = relaxation. I call it the seventh dimension.
"It was the tea that made me do it"
Then remembering how I can have daily reprieve from physical allergy to alcohol (when I ingest it) and mental obsession.
Then sharpening my taste for hangoverless mornings. For not getting stuck in who-saw-me-what-are-they-saying-to-each-other. For attaining genuine pride in my place among those around me. Responsibility = relaxation. I call it the seventh dimension.
"It was the tea that made me do it"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
...People sometimes sabotage my sobriety when their actions put stress on me.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
The road to forever is one day at a time if one day at a time doesn't mean maybe tomorrow...
When I made a deep commitment to never drink again, and then took a series of concrete steps to build a new life without any drugs or alcohol - ever.
When I made a deep commitment to never drink again, and then took a series of concrete steps to build a new life without any drugs or alcohol - ever.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
It’s really hard fo pinpoint what made me finally quit. I guess I had the realization one day that what I was doing did not align with who I am. I saw myself as an outgoing person, yet my drinking was causing me to avoid certain people and situations. I saw myself as someone who is health conscious, but I was destroying my body. I remembered having cool hobbies, but had lost interest in all of them. I am reasonably intelligent, but booze was making me dull. I love my kids with all my heart, but i made them take a backseat to my drinking.
I guess I just realized, this isn’t me. I am not this loser. So I realized I had no choice but to quit. I had a couple of false starts because I’d let my guard down or lost my focus, but kept jumping back on the wagon because I knew it’s what I had to do.
It’s been 15 months now, and I’m happy to say that I am myself again. Life isn’t perfect, but I’m sober and clear headed. That makes all the difference.
I guess I just realized, this isn’t me. I am not this loser. So I realized I had no choice but to quit. I had a couple of false starts because I’d let my guard down or lost my focus, but kept jumping back on the wagon because I knew it’s what I had to do.
It’s been 15 months now, and I’m happy to say that I am myself again. Life isn’t perfect, but I’m sober and clear headed. That makes all the difference.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
This thread is so good
I just saved this thread so I can come back and read it daily. I have actually been wondering the very same.... And I relate to a lot of what was said on the posts about life during using vs. Life sober.... I know a lot of people mention that they wanted to be sober more than they wanted to use.... To me that's a very simple but powerful statement and when I want to use I'm going to keep this in my head... the longest I've ever had was almost 2 years 1 time and then most recently 59 days and for me that was super long and even during that time I remember that I felt like the person that I was supposed to be I was achieving my goals I wasn't numb and dull I was more lively. I cared about people more it was less selfish just everything you can think of and I was in very early stages at 59 days and people kept telling me how much better it would be if i give it even more time... I couldn't even imagine it being better than that even though I was having emotional problems and physical pains......i huess i relapsed because habit (ppl, places, things), self sabotage and apathy in general.... Either way im rambling but i love the answers here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I am one week away from celebrating three years of sobriety.
The evening when I finished my final drink was the first time I genuinely contemplated suicide. I had thought about suicide numerous times but it was the first time I actually pondered the idea of following through with it. I was 38 years old and my life was going nowhere, all of it self inflicted.
Even though I had attempted sobriety and relapsed several times the voice of sanity in the back of my head tried to get through to me. You can change. I started running various scenarios in my mind, both if I got sober and continued drinking. The idea that horrified me the most was this: imagine I kept drinking and there were no severe consequences. No DUIs or lost jobs, what if I just kept drinking and sleepwalking through a miserable existence like I was currently doing. Then I snap out of it and realize that another twenty years has gone by and now I have even less time to salvage what is left of my life.
The proverbial switch flipped in my mind and in an instant I went from thinking about suicide to wanting sobriety more than anything else on the planet.
I became 100 times more obsessed with self-improvement then I ever was about drinking. The result is having a life that is so far removed from how things used to be that the idea of drinking never crosses my mind.
Crippling fear of consequences + overwhelming burning desire to fix myself = sober for almost three years and counting
The evening when I finished my final drink was the first time I genuinely contemplated suicide. I had thought about suicide numerous times but it was the first time I actually pondered the idea of following through with it. I was 38 years old and my life was going nowhere, all of it self inflicted.
Even though I had attempted sobriety and relapsed several times the voice of sanity in the back of my head tried to get through to me. You can change. I started running various scenarios in my mind, both if I got sober and continued drinking. The idea that horrified me the most was this: imagine I kept drinking and there were no severe consequences. No DUIs or lost jobs, what if I just kept drinking and sleepwalking through a miserable existence like I was currently doing. Then I snap out of it and realize that another twenty years has gone by and now I have even less time to salvage what is left of my life.
The proverbial switch flipped in my mind and in an instant I went from thinking about suicide to wanting sobriety more than anything else on the planet.
I became 100 times more obsessed with self-improvement then I ever was about drinking. The result is having a life that is so far removed from how things used to be that the idea of drinking never crosses my mind.
Crippling fear of consequences + overwhelming burning desire to fix myself = sober for almost three years and counting
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I had 4 years and I relapsed for about 5 weeks over the holidays of 2019-2020.
Quitting in 2015 was the hardest, it took a wholesale lifestyle change and I did not succeed on the first or second try. After the holidays this past year I simply set my mind to get my life back to "normal", because sobriety is a normal way to life in my opinion.
Quitting in 2015 was the hardest, it took a wholesale lifestyle change and I did not succeed on the first or second try. After the holidays this past year I simply set my mind to get my life back to "normal", because sobriety is a normal way to life in my opinion.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
what made it stick?
far as i can tell: acceptance my drinking could never be "normal", and then initially immersion in "recovery stuff", daily participation in some kind of sobriety-related venue such as SR or other.
far as i can tell: acceptance my drinking could never be "normal", and then initially immersion in "recovery stuff", daily participation in some kind of sobriety-related venue such as SR or other.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,700
I'm coming up on a year in a few weeks now. I've had longish periods in the past though (but with the intent of going back drinking again, unlike this time around) What made it stick this time? Nearly dying during my last bender and the most mayhem I've ever caused! It had to happen that way for me to learn.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,806
fini said pretty much what I was going to say.
I have over 5 years (5 years and 4 months). The night I had my last drink, I had gotten yet another DUI. The second in a little over 2 years. I had promised myself to quit after that first one. And I did, for a while. But I had not truly accepted that I could not drink normally, ever, and I did no recovery activities. Soon enough, I was drinking again. Over the next couple of years I must have promised myself dozens of times to quit... tomorrow. I'd go a few days at a time and pick back up.
The next time I found myself sitting in a police car, a realization just washed over me that I could not ever drink like a normal person, that I was clearly incapable of controlling alcohol, and that I was going to take some real action in order to never drink again. In other words, I surrendered. I jumped into recovery with both feet. I went to outpatient treatment within a week. I started going to AA. I found other sober people to learn from and talk to. I joined SR about a month in and spent a lot of time here. Once I got a couple of moths sober, I knew I was starting a new and better life for myself, and I knew I never wanted to back to the way things were.
So for me, surrender and acceptance, deep down. And action. Lots of action.
And one other thing that helps keep me sober. Gratitude. Realizing how much better my life is and how much happier I am, even when things are rough.
I have over 5 years (5 years and 4 months). The night I had my last drink, I had gotten yet another DUI. The second in a little over 2 years. I had promised myself to quit after that first one. And I did, for a while. But I had not truly accepted that I could not drink normally, ever, and I did no recovery activities. Soon enough, I was drinking again. Over the next couple of years I must have promised myself dozens of times to quit... tomorrow. I'd go a few days at a time and pick back up.
The next time I found myself sitting in a police car, a realization just washed over me that I could not ever drink like a normal person, that I was clearly incapable of controlling alcohol, and that I was going to take some real action in order to never drink again. In other words, I surrendered. I jumped into recovery with both feet. I went to outpatient treatment within a week. I started going to AA. I found other sober people to learn from and talk to. I joined SR about a month in and spent a lot of time here. Once I got a couple of moths sober, I knew I was starting a new and better life for myself, and I knew I never wanted to back to the way things were.
So for me, surrender and acceptance, deep down. And action. Lots of action.
And one other thing that helps keep me sober. Gratitude. Realizing how much better my life is and how much happier I am, even when things are rough.
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