What made it stick?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 87
I third what fini and MLD said. Complete surrender is what made it stick for me.
As long as there's an inkling in our mind that we may possibly have a normal relationship with alcohol someday, we will continue to struggle.
I remember the exact moment that I made that surrender about 15 months ago. Life changing.
SC
As long as there's an inkling in our mind that we may possibly have a normal relationship with alcohol someday, we will continue to struggle.
I remember the exact moment that I made that surrender about 15 months ago. Life changing.
SC
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Although I had never stopped drinking with the intention/goal of never drinking again, I was "just taking a break," when I did actually stop for good, there were two things that kept me stopped. Actually, there were a bunch, but two main things.
First, I honestly believed I was going to die in the not too distant future. I was barely eating, and the withdrawals would not always lessen, no matter how much I drank to squash them. So #1 I wanted to live.
The second thing that really made it, dare I say easy, was on my second or third day, saying to myself, and actually believing it, my life was going to be just fine without ever drinking again.
When you've been drinking heavily/alcoholically for years (in my case decades) it's scary to think of living life without alcohol, least it was for me, until I had my little epiphany.
Oh, that was almost nine years ago, and my life has been better than "just fine."
First, I honestly believed I was going to die in the not too distant future. I was barely eating, and the withdrawals would not always lessen, no matter how much I drank to squash them. So #1 I wanted to live.
The second thing that really made it, dare I say easy, was on my second or third day, saying to myself, and actually believing it, my life was going to be just fine without ever drinking again.
When you've been drinking heavily/alcoholically for years (in my case decades) it's scary to think of living life without alcohol, least it was for me, until I had my little epiphany.
Oh, that was almost nine years ago, and my life has been better than "just fine."
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I have over 10 yrs sober, with many relapses on the way. I can only say that I was just sick and tired of always being sick and tired. 
I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Now, drinking never crosses my mind, no matter what happens.
I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Now, drinking never crosses my mind, no matter what happens.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
The memories of my last horrific binge - all the destruction & devastation it caused. I finally was forced to acknowledge I had zero control every time it touched my lips.
Glad you are here, Flowing.
Glad you are here, Flowing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
For me it was less about getting some amazing new sober life and more about just throwing in the towel 'cause I couldn't take the old life anymore; I basically gambled on hoping those people who said sobriety was worth it weren't lying.
Well it seems they weren't but it takes some serious, life-changing work (my initial actions were remarkably similar to MLD's on page 1).
And you gotta truly throw in the towel.
Well it seems they weren't but it takes some serious, life-changing work (my initial actions were remarkably similar to MLD's on page 1).
And you gotta truly throw in the towel.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
I can sober up for long periods of time. Longest about 10 months. I always relapse. I am very impulsive and live with a lot of stressors. People sometimes sabotage my sobriety when their actions put stress on me. I don't know how to make it stick. Guess I like being drunk more than sober....
What made the difference was the willingness to do what I had been previously unwilling to do, to bring an end to the misery. I went through a process if you like which resulted in:
A change of personality sufficient to overcome alcoholism.
And a profound alteration in my reaction to life.
Both of these, you will note, are internal. 40 years down the track with all that life has sent my way, and yet nothing external has had the power to make me even consider a drink. Quite miraculous really.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Not sure if I met your qualifications to answer. I have a decent amount of time (5 years in August), but not a ton of relapses. I couldn't stop long enough to have a relapse. I have hundreds of failed quits though. On those I didn't even make it a day.
For me, the pain had to get unbearable for a long period of time and then get worse than that. I had some external circumstances that arose from my using, but they weren't the main driver. It was just the daily beating and the thought that it was going to go on like that until I died that broke me. In the end, I remember thinking that I can't live another day like this.
I ended up attempting suicide and woke up in the psych ward. My stay in the psych ward was the only part of my recovery I didn't sign up for. I voluntarily went to inpatient, outpatient, meetings, psych appointments, took psych meds, got a sponsor, did stepwork, posted on SR, went to a sober living house, escaped from my x-wife, etc.
I think the only thing that was different was just the feeling of urgency that I had to do something right away. The prospect of another day using was terrifying.
For me, the pain had to get unbearable for a long period of time and then get worse than that. I had some external circumstances that arose from my using, but they weren't the main driver. It was just the daily beating and the thought that it was going to go on like that until I died that broke me. In the end, I remember thinking that I can't live another day like this.
I ended up attempting suicide and woke up in the psych ward. My stay in the psych ward was the only part of my recovery I didn't sign up for. I voluntarily went to inpatient, outpatient, meetings, psych appointments, took psych meds, got a sponsor, did stepwork, posted on SR, went to a sober living house, escaped from my x-wife, etc.
I think the only thing that was different was just the feeling of urgency that I had to do something right away. The prospect of another day using was terrifying.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
For me, I quit when I got serious about it. I'm not saying those who struggle with relapses aren't serious. It's just the way it felt to me. Before I quit, I wanted to quit or at least slow down. I sincerely wanted to, but if the truth be told, I wasn't all in. I remember gradually sensing more and more commitment at the same time that I was becoming more and more desperate. I hate cliche' but the saying, "I got sick and tired of being sick and tired," kind of expresses the feeling.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe
Not sure if I met your qualifications to answer. I have a decent amount of time (5 years in August), but not a ton of relapses. I couldn't stop long enough to have a relapse. I have hundreds of failed quits though. On those I didn't even make it a day.
For me, the pain had to get unbearable for a long period of time and then get worse than that. I had some external circumstances that arose from my using, but they weren't the main driver. It was just the daily beating and the thought that it was going to go on like that until I died that broke me. In the end, I remember thinking that I can't live another day like this.
I ended up attempting suicide and woke up in the psych ward. My stay in the psych ward was the only part of my recovery I didn't sign up for. I voluntarily went to inpatient, outpatient, meetings, psych appointments, took psych meds, got a sponsor, did stepwork, posted on SR, went to a sober living house, escaped from my x-wife, etc.
I think the only thing that was different was just the feeling of urgency that I had to do something right away. The prospect of another day using was terrifying.
For me, the pain had to get unbearable for a long period of time and then get worse than that. I had some external circumstances that arose from my using, but they weren't the main driver. It was just the daily beating and the thought that it was going to go on like that until I died that broke me. In the end, I remember thinking that I can't live another day like this.
I ended up attempting suicide and woke up in the psych ward. My stay in the psych ward was the only part of my recovery I didn't sign up for. I voluntarily went to inpatient, outpatient, meetings, psych appointments, took psych meds, got a sponsor, did stepwork, posted on SR, went to a sober living house, escaped from my x-wife, etc.
I think the only thing that was different was just the feeling of urgency that I had to do something right away. The prospect of another day using was terrifying.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
I identify with Fini and MLD's comments. I've accepted that as far as alcohol goes, for me it's game over. I spent years fighting it and thinking I could beat it. Now I've accepted that I don't want to fight anymore and so decided to retire unhurt!
My life is the same as before, I still have my same social life etc. The difference is that there are no more hangovers and no more feeling of self-hatred after a binge session. And that's amazing!
I hope everyone is well, or at least holding up during these very hard times.
My life is the same as before, I still have my same social life etc. The difference is that there are no more hangovers and no more feeling of self-hatred after a binge session. And that's amazing!
I hope everyone is well, or at least holding up during these very hard times.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I just decided to quit and built on the momentum. I had quit Kratom after taking massive doses daily. Withdrawals from that were absolutely horrible and they treated me for narcotic withdrawals. Kratom isn't a narcotic but it's close. I stopped alcohol right after. Momentum helped me, one day and two days and such.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 59
I had nowhere else to run anymore. Bridges were fully ablaze behind me. Faceplanting my life over and over again. Swearing to God I wouldnt drink today ad infinitum.
I rans down the stairs to AA. It was the only haven I could think of. It was that or death, simple choice you would imagine but one id diced with for over 25 years. They say a cat has nine lives,well lol i beg to differ.
I rans down the stairs to AA. It was the only haven I could think of. It was that or death, simple choice you would imagine but one id diced with for over 25 years. They say a cat has nine lives,well lol i beg to differ.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
I'm kinda like OpioPhobe & Gottalife -- I only relapsed once, for a week or 2 after I had a year dry. Before that I drank daily with some gaps (like a pregnancy), for 35 years. Now I have 6 years sober.
What made it stick was the realization that if I kept drinking I was either going to kill myself outright, or, same thing, kill myself with drinking.
What made it stick was the realization that if I kept drinking I was either going to kill myself outright, or, same thing, kill myself with drinking.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Like a lot of other posters it was a realization that made me see where this was going. When I did I became very afraid and was willing to do whatever I had to do to stop that from becoming my reality. That was my first real attempt at quitting. Before then I had taken months off to lose weight or whatever but never to actually stop forever. I did end up in the red zone about three months in and tried to get drunk. I got sick instead but I learned I had better have some kind of plan in case that was about to happen again.
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