richie1978chris

Hi my name is Richie. Im struggling with my cocaine use. New here so just posting an intro. Not sure if I'm addicted to cocaine. Im being told i am. I used to smoke crack and gave up about eight years ago. I drank for 20 years but quit drinking two months ago. Now im starting to think cocaine was the real problem all along as I have always sniffed and since stopping drinking my cocaine use has spiraled and I don't seem to be able to get a grip on it.

Wastinglife

Hi Richie, I was a cocaine abuser in my 20's. In my 40's now so it was about 15 years ago since I was snorting powdered cocaine.

My drug of choice is alcohol, but would do every drug available when drunk. I was never addicted to cocaine, but would go on binges a few times a year.

I have a friend who was addicted. He would snort cocaine on a Monday afternoon at work. He couldn't quit on his own. His dealer actually cut him off of the supply. Imagine that, a drug dealer with a conscience!

Have you ever been to 'C.A.', Cocaine Anonymous? You can go to A.A. too. Alcohol is a drug too!

Anna

Hi Richie, Good for you for getting off crack and stopping drinking. I'm glad that you're ready to get rid of the cocaine because it sounds like you are relying on it right now. Getting off all substances will be so good for you. I'm glad you found us.

richie1978chris

Hi there, thank you for what you said. I have been to CA and AA previously. Terrified of going back tbh. Plus with the caronavirus situation no idea what meetings if any are on. I think its only just dawning on me how bad i am with cocaine. I rarely think of alcohol but cocaine is constantly on my mind and every time i do it I say right thats it now doing this s!&# again. a day later I change my mind and become extremely aggressive and manipulative if i struggle to raise the doe to get it. I guess I kind of answered my own question there. Writing this on here in actually shocking me a bit. Writing it is showing me I clearly do need some help

richie1978chris

Thank you Anna. I swore I'd never allow a substance to control me again when I quit booze. I have been fooling myself, the cocaine always was and is controlling me

Hevyn

Welcome Richie - it's so good to have you with us. I drank 30 yrs. & had no one to talk to about it until I came here. I was overwhelmed with the understanding & encouragement I found. Not being alone anymore with the struggle really helps. Congratulations on your decision to get free & have a better life.

richie1978chris

Thankyou hevyn, this is the first time ive been open about my cocaine use. Probably to myself too even

Wastinglife

Yes, you are right, all meetings are shut down. Forgot about that. The withdrawal symptoms are very hard. I actually couldn't have been a cocaine addict because I snorted it, my nostrils got so blocked up that I couldn't possibly fit more in. I would snort an 8 ball over a couple days and just have to stop because I couldn't keep it up and have the money.

I also get manipulative and angry when going through alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I get in stupid fights with family/friends.

Keep posting to here. There are not any meetings 12 step meetings happening in the world most likely.

Coldfusion

Hi Richie!

Many AA and NA meetings have gone online. Search for a directory in your area, or send me a PM and I'll find one for you.

Wastinglife

Coldfusion, thanks for reminding me. Meetings on Zoom.

richie1978chris

Thanks guys. Yh the cocaine is awful. Nose wrecked and going to bed jittering and paranoid to hell. Aint no fun, it yet I keep doing it. Its like some mystical, fake illusion that im attracted to with it. Even talking on here is helping me look at myself. Thank god i aint drinking now, with the caronavirus and London on lock down I'd be out there mad as hatter and wound up in a cell waking up wondering where I was. craziness.

Wastinglife

Richie, I know exactly the feeling! I have woken up in a jail cell more times that I can remember. Not like I am criminal mastermind or anything. Just stupid stuff....

richie1978chris

haha, yep same as that. Always dumb stuff. Get taken into the cell screaming and acting like jack the bo!!#ks and come out like a mouse, terrified.. I have a copy of the NA basic text some where. is it any good. What would you suggest

Thank you for your replies by the way. Its helping me talking to someone as got no one can talk to.

Wastinglife

Haha! I'm not sure if we should be laughing?

(Yep, let's laugh!)

Coldfusion

In the first couple months of my recovery, I read the personal stories in the back of both the NA and AA texts. I liked the personal connection that it gave me with other addicts.

richie1978chris

True. It's awful. We lived it, so its sad we lived our lives like that. Thank god i quit alcohol, but I'm aware Im still in active addiction and cocaine is a serious problem and I want to stop now and stay stopped. I know if i drink alcohol I'd go straight back to the madness. Im under no illussion around alcohol. And I couldn't promise cocaine wouldn't lead me back to it if i keep on using.

Have you ever come across the NA basic text. Are there any suggestions I could use in these early days

richie1978chris

Hi coldfusion, I'll give the stories a read. Thank you for reply. I did have a glance at some of the stories in the NA book and found a lot of them seemed to be heroin user stories. I only glanced so I could be wrong but as a cocaine user found it hard to identify

Coldfusion

I primarily abused alcohol, but felt that the stories from heroin addicts showed me how far down I could go.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Richie

D

richie1978chris

Thanks Dee74, true that. I was going to say i wouldn't go that far but i would never have thought i'd have wound up doing crack, a alcoholic and now on here asking for help with cocaine. I could easily go that far. If I think I wouldn't Im fooling myself