itsmaria

So, my location has been in shut down for going on three weeks. I was drinking before this- I kind of had some handle on it but it was tough.

But I would say the last month I've been binge drinking a lot. I feel like whatever control I had is slipping. I've been drinking more often and more in quantity. All the things in my life I used to cope that were positive- I feel like they're all gone bc of this shut down. I'm an isolated person as it is, I don't have close friends or family, but I had set up some social structure and now it's gone.

So today is Day 1 and I need to get some help and stop bc I'm afraid where I'll be a month from now.

I've been thinking about AA meetings off and on for a year, but have never gone for numerous reasons. But anyway now I figure I can try one online. It doesn't actually seem any easier.

But I found one later today using zoom. I don't really like that, don't like being seen, being on camera, but I guess I can push myself. Will I have to talk? I would like to just listen.

I also don't really believe in God, but I figure that doesn't matter much right now, it's just about seeing what kind of help is out there and getting support.

I have a councillor I only talk to periodically, she is not really an addictions councillor, but I will be talking to her Friday morning so that will help. My job also has an assistance program and I thought about seeing if they could connect me to an addictions councillor for a while.

Going to think about that for a couple of days and focus on trying the meetings.

It's hard. Day 1, Day 2 I can probably not drink. By Day 3 or 4 it starts getting hard. So I figure if I start today with lining up support and a plan it will help.

tomls

This is a great place! You don't have to talk. Just read if you like. You must make your sobriety the most important thing in your life. Because it is. I had to change people, places and things that I associated with drinking. You can do this. It's tough at first but once you have done it for a while it gets easier and is so worth the effort! Best wishes!

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking for good. I'm not an AA person, but my understanding is that you don't need to talk unless you want to. The main thing is that you seek out the support you need. And, you will find lots of support here. We do understand how hard this is.

Making a plan is a good place to start so that you are prepared for the difficult times like Day 3/4. I find that exercise is helpful, though I know we're limited as to what we can do now. Also, eating regular, healthy meals is good, too.

doggonecarl

Welcome back. Hope you can give yourself the gift of sobriety this time around.

Steely

Welcome itsmaria.

Keep posting. These are difficult times for everyone.

ChloeRose63

I found people here that I got close to and began e-mailing and phoning them to talk. Just keep reaching out. Someone is there 24/7!

itsmaria

Thanks so much. Well I went to an online meeting via zoom. Well I lasted half of it. It was a big accomplishment for me to try. I'm not sure AA is for me, but certainly it can help me when I'm struggling and options are limited right now.

Some of the physical meetings in my city have gone online so I might try one of those, so if I do find one I like and things ever go back to normal maybe I could go in person.

One nice thing is the people do seem warm and welcoming (like here!) so that helps.

Exercise- yeah that is partly why I've gone of the rails the last month. Normally I'm an exercise junkie, I have a trainer I see twice a week and I go to the gym almost every day. I love weightlifting. I'm very isolated and that routine helped me to get out and stay healthy and somewhat sober although not perfectly. Then it all got cancelled bc of the virus.

Then I was jogging and doing stuff outside to replace it but I'm struggling with tendonitis in my bicep and my Achilles. The Achilles tendonitis just hit this week and that hit me pretty hard. Bc now I can't even jog.

But I can still walk and do some other stuff so I just have to keep at it.

I know everyone is missing things, and is struggling, it's a tough time for everyone.

Anyway thanks for the support. I feel - miserable lol- but I feel good I almost made it through day 1 and eager to get day 2 under my belt.

BeckoningCat

Hello and welcome, itsmaria. There are also meetings at SMART recovery if the religion in AA bothers you. It's also possible to use a photo as a place holder and not show yourself on video, just have audio, or even chat through text and listen.

I wish you all the best with your recovery.

DriGuy

One time, a counselor related to me that day 3 was where the cravings started hounding most alcoholics. That was true for me. When I started going for as long as I could without drinking, day 3 was invariably where I would cave. I never made it past day 3 until I started AA and was introduced to the daunting challenge of never drinking again. At that meeting, I was introduced to old timers who had not drank in the last 35 years, and they seemed very happy. I decided to adopt an attitude of abstinence forever. I was not adverse to the idea. I just never thought it was actually possible, so I never made that commitment. But that was the first big step toward a better life that I made. Actually, I had already done the "admitted I was powerless over alcohol" thing. It would be the rare alcoholic who would drag himself to a meeting without already knowing that.

The second biggest step toward health was realizing that meetings with other alcoholics many of whom were in successful recovery, was an environment I could substitute for nightly drinking. Instead of getting drunk, I could celebrate sobriety with others, and that made driving past bars and liquor stores on my way to or from my next meeting a joy. OK, I struggled with cravings for a few days, but they diminished to very manageable proportions quickly. I was told by a member that this would happen, and it did. So when cravings start to eat at you, just remember it won't be forever. Things are going to change.

I never bought the AA program personally. The higher power thing was too unbelievable to accept. I was responsible for making myself sick, and it was my responsibility to make myself well. But I did need to be around these people for support, and occasional practical advice.

There is a lot to learn. Staying sober requires factual information and foreknowledge of pitfalls to watch for. With determination and that knowledge, you can turn recovery into an enjoyable pastime. It's a new skill to learn, and not at all like a sacrifice. You gain something, but lose nothing.

I wish you the best. May you find your way, whatever that may be, to a happy alcohol free life, something that will make you proud.

AAPJ

I said this in another thread an I will say it again. Due to the CV situation AA meetings all over the world have temporarily migrated to an online format. This gives folks who are shy an opportunity to attend AA meetings online which is really anonymous. So I suggest that they take the opportunity and get online.

My AA home group meets at noon every week day (east coast USA) and I will share the Zoom meeting information with anyone who PMs me. I can assure you that we will respect your privacy and we do not force anyone to share. About 1/3 of the folks who join the meeting do not share their video. Thanks!

itsmaria

yeah I might try this too. Right now I'm trying a bunch of different things, just trying to keep an open mind plus it helps me get through the day hopefully.

QUOTE-
I was responsible for making myself sick, and it was my responsibility to make myself well. But I did need to be around these people for support, and occasional practical advice.

Yeah I believe this too. And it does help, yesterday I think it helped hearing some other people just talk about their experiences.

AAPJ- thanks. I'll keep that in mind. There is a zoom meeting today at 7 in my area so I will try that one today.

I already feel antsy today, tense, like I can't bear how I feel. But I have a schedule for the day. I will try going for a jog. My Achilles is sore and I may not be able to jog. I'm trying to prepare myself for that, and if it hurts too much I will just stop and walk and it's not a reason to drink.

zoobadger

AA is helpful even if you're atheist (which I mostly am).

First, the fellowship is important. I derive strength and encouragement from those who are many years sober, am reminded of how fragile sobriety can be by those who have relapsed, and am motivated to stay sober as a way of helping those like you who are brand new to sobriety.

I think there's subtle benefit to simple getting in the car, driving to the meeting, and driving home. Kind of like the routine of going to work every day. It makes sobriety your "job" in a way.

And you don't need to say a word. Just point out that you prefer to listen. That's OK.

And there are tons of meetings. If the group you're with doesn't seem to fit, go online and find a different meeting.

Also, rehab really helped me. I didn't realize how accessible and effective outpatient treatment can be. So look into that as well, perhaps.