Returning "Newcomer"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 364
Returning "Newcomer"
Spent most of the day (well technically on and off while working from home) reading so many threads and decided to say hello to this wonderful community (again).
About a month ago now, my wife casually mentions there's some yellow in my eyes and this set me off on a month long "no way" and "it cant be" crusade looking in any mirror I could find before settling on "well maybe depending on the light or the camera angle (also took lots of photos privately of my eyes).
Co-morbidity for me -> anxiety, panic, depression, and AUD (the AUD came along after I fessed up and tried to clean up last time).
So while sticking to my meds for the first three and gaining control over them for the most part I perhaps stupidly chose the Covid19 outbreak to seriously give this another go because all of a sudden I had more time to drink (which I did) or I could start to figure it out.
So, the wife left with the three kids because I traveled in early January, was in a big city for a week in mid-Feb when my step-mom passed away, and then I developed symptoms with no real markers for Covid19 but was told to stay home as much as possible until 24 hours clear of symptoms just to be safe.
With people out of the house and on my own, I eventually came around to starting a secure journal online (Penzu is awesome) and things started to go from there.
It did occur to me however that it's never a good time to go cold turkey and especially not during a pandemic where there may be risk of myself using up otherwise valuable health resources.
So I started a drink diary and I'm on Day #2 and maybe it's a form of "tapering" but my goal is sobriety. Five drinks of 2 oz on Day #1 and two so far on Day #2 and if I have a third I am going to try for 1 oz.
Scared to call the doctors and rapid-access clinic at a time like this - but I figured if I can keep somewhat of a good pace here maybe soon I can reach out.
Anyways, glad to be back -- I hope to stay this time. I know it's a great and safe place to be when it comes to these types of topic areas.
About a month ago now, my wife casually mentions there's some yellow in my eyes and this set me off on a month long "no way" and "it cant be" crusade looking in any mirror I could find before settling on "well maybe depending on the light or the camera angle (also took lots of photos privately of my eyes).
Co-morbidity for me -> anxiety, panic, depression, and AUD (the AUD came along after I fessed up and tried to clean up last time).
So while sticking to my meds for the first three and gaining control over them for the most part I perhaps stupidly chose the Covid19 outbreak to seriously give this another go because all of a sudden I had more time to drink (which I did) or I could start to figure it out.
So, the wife left with the three kids because I traveled in early January, was in a big city for a week in mid-Feb when my step-mom passed away, and then I developed symptoms with no real markers for Covid19 but was told to stay home as much as possible until 24 hours clear of symptoms just to be safe.
With people out of the house and on my own, I eventually came around to starting a secure journal online (Penzu is awesome) and things started to go from there.
It did occur to me however that it's never a good time to go cold turkey and especially not during a pandemic where there may be risk of myself using up otherwise valuable health resources.
So I started a drink diary and I'm on Day #2 and maybe it's a form of "tapering" but my goal is sobriety. Five drinks of 2 oz on Day #1 and two so far on Day #2 and if I have a third I am going to try for 1 oz.
Scared to call the doctors and rapid-access clinic at a time like this - but I figured if I can keep somewhat of a good pace here maybe soon I can reach out.
Anyways, glad to be back -- I hope to stay this time. I know it's a great and safe place to be when it comes to these types of topic areas.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Based on what I understand things are going very wrong inside of you.
I decided that I didn't want to die a drunk. I didn't want people to remember me as a drunk.
I was lucky because I had horrible agoraphobia when I tried to quit. I needed booze for it to quell.
So basically I felt crazy unless I was drinking, drunk, or in detox.
Once the detox subsided, about 4 days, the crazy ramped up.
I could feel it getting better by the moment, but it took over 3 years to feel the separation from the mental issues that kept me drinking.
So, without the crazy, I would not have quit.
If you don't feel that, then you are on a different path then me.
I can offer that exercise and sweets provied all the dopamine and mental relief I used. Sr telling me what I needed today saved my anguish over and over.
Reading horror stories, participating, and trying to help folks here helps me as well.
Thanks for the therapy.
I decided that I didn't want to die a drunk. I didn't want people to remember me as a drunk.
I was lucky because I had horrible agoraphobia when I tried to quit. I needed booze for it to quell.
So basically I felt crazy unless I was drinking, drunk, or in detox.
Once the detox subsided, about 4 days, the crazy ramped up.
I could feel it getting better by the moment, but it took over 3 years to feel the separation from the mental issues that kept me drinking.
So, without the crazy, I would not have quit.
If you don't feel that, then you are on a different path then me.
I can offer that exercise and sweets provied all the dopamine and mental relief I used. Sr telling me what I needed today saved my anguish over and over.
Reading horror stories, participating, and trying to help folks here helps me as well.
Thanks for the therapy.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Hello dig12, welcome back. It might be a good idea to get your bloods done at some stage in the docs, I know now mightn't be the easiest time due to what's going on in the world but I always recommend people to get them done, especially if there are warning signs when you're in that stopping drinking/ very early recovery phase.
You don't want to do more damage to your body if there is any underline damage happening already. I found that having health issues (elevated liver enzymes, etc) spurred me on to stay sober too, so as long as the damage is reversible it could be a blessing in one way! Good luck.
You don't want to do more damage to your body if there is any underline damage happening already. I found that having health issues (elevated liver enzymes, etc) spurred me on to stay sober too, so as long as the damage is reversible it could be a blessing in one way! Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Welcome back. If you determined there is yellowing in your eyes I would at least make a dr. appointment and get checked out. It will make you feel better in any outcome because you will KNOW what is going on and not have to be guessing. That is where a large part of the anxiety comes in. Been there done that. I also quit with a similar taper. I went from my usual 750ml of rum then I did 10 beers the next day as my taper start then did 4 beers the next then 0. I have kept it at 0 for almost 10 months and life is like night and day. Make this the time you quit. Sounds like you need to. Best of luck to you. Also plenty of time for your body to heal but it wont start till you stop pouring poison into it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think, even right now, a dr is your best bet, Liver problems need an expert diagnosis.
I have no idea if your taper is fast or not.
We really shouldn't be giving out that kind of medical advice here.
The best rule of thumb is , if you feel unwell, seek help.
D
I have no idea if your taper is fast or not.
We really shouldn't be giving out that kind of medical advice here.
The best rule of thumb is , if you feel unwell, seek help.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Welcome back and I hope you talk to your doctor, too, at least by phone. I hope the weaning off alcohol works for you. I tried it many times and could never manage it. I found stopping completely to be easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 364
Thank you for the warm welcome. My plan is too definitely speak to my doc ASAP or call the rapid access centre as I was a patient there before.
Quick question - what would be a good, or the best, thread for me to join to interact with others to start out getting back involved with the SR community?
Quick question - what would be a good, or the best, thread for me to join to interact with others to start out getting back involved with the SR community?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
The 'Class of March 2020' support thread is a good start 
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-two-13.html
Weekenders Thread - starts every weekend but runs through the week too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-2020-a-4.html (StayCation Weekend - Weekenders 27- 30 March 2020)
24 Hour Thread - reaffirm your commitment to recovery every day
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-479-a-18.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 479)
One Year and Under Thread - under a year folks all welcome
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-64-a-17.html (One Year and Under Club Part 64)
These threads are open to anyone to join
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-two-13.html
Weekenders Thread - starts every weekend but runs through the week too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-2020-a-4.html (StayCation Weekend - Weekenders 27- 30 March 2020)
24 Hour Thread - reaffirm your commitment to recovery every day
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-479-a-18.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 479)
One Year and Under Thread - under a year folks all welcome
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-64-a-17.html (One Year and Under Club Part 64)
These threads are open to anyone to join
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Or just post what you are thinking here. I love reading new threads. for me I (for lack of a better word) enjoy reading the stories of recovery section. I guess that aint interacting though. I did enjoy joining a class thread. then you can stick with the folks who quit around the same time as you and stay in touch.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Welcome back, friend.
I think the other posters here are providing some sound advice. You should probably get a physical and blood work done.
Med staff are there to help. And, you certainly don't want a doctor telling you that you should have shown up when the issue first appeared---particularly if a condition is being aggravated by lack of treatment.
Let us know how it goes...
I think the other posters here are providing some sound advice. You should probably get a physical and blood work done.
Med staff are there to help. And, you certainly don't want a doctor telling you that you should have shown up when the issue first appeared---particularly if a condition is being aggravated by lack of treatment.
Let us know how it goes...
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