lessgravity

I'm quarantined with my wife and kids, things are what they are where I am - the epicenter of this worldwide pandemic. I can't complain with how things are - they could be so much worse. Lucky in many ways. Grateful to not be wasting my days away drinking, recovering, hoping for the first of the day. Lord knows if I was still a drunk this insanity would be a wasted, ugly experience.

But my wife, a truly responsible drinker, has had a few glasses here and there. It's not easy or all that fun to be around. But I get it and I can't hold it against her. Just acknowledging that there may be a bunch of us out here like this - home with a drinking spouse or roommate or whatever. Here's to being sober and strong for ourselves, our communities and those who need us in these days.

Dee74

It must be a challenge but you've made a lifetime decision for yourself, not dependent on situation, less

Hope Mrs less' drinking will bother you less as the years roll on

D

Anna

LG, I'm glad you're healthy so far. And, yes, SR is here as we all navigate through these difficult times.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I never had a few - I always got messed up and made an idiot out of myself.
Alcohol was no friend of mine.

This pandemic will clear up. They will isolate the best medicines for it and eventually find a vaccine. Eventually we will also develop herd immunity and our lives will be back to normal.

dpac414

courage2

Hi lessgravity.

If by epicenter, you mean same as where I am -- not Europe, poor Italy -- I get you. My husband doesn't drink tho. But you can handle this situation. Think of everything you've made it through this far.

Never going back,

jr67

My husband is a social drinker also, so that has been part of this sobriety experience for me since the beginning (this January), and we go out (went out pre-Covid-19) with friends to bars and restaurants, and host (hosted) dinners with cocktails and wine, etc. etc.

Each of us here in SoberLandia is different, and in my case, so far, I have not found it difficult to abstain while in the company of others who are drinking.

We are not quarantined here in Boston (yet), but we are both home basically all day every day all of a sudden, as just about all businesses are closed except grocers for the next coupla few weeks (at least). It's just us and the dogs, with few (just about no) visitors, so the reality of the "one drinks, the other doesn't" contrast is a bit more stark these days.

Yes, lessgravity and all SobeRlanders, let us keep remembering why we made the decision to get sober, and keep remembering why we do not want to -- why we cannot -- return to our substance abusing ways, even if our loved ones do not share our addictive traits.

Like now, home on Saturday evening, here I am e-hangin' with my sober buds, while he has a glass of wine next to him as he's up to something or other over across the room until we decide to switch on Netflix.

(Though I must say, since I am not downing one glass after another and pushing to open more wine as would no doubt be happening in the old days, he has slowed down his pace, so he is drinking less than he would have.)

Ok, who's turn is it to pop the popcorn?

anxiousrock

If my fiance was a drinker I'd be doomed right now. Laid off, so many boring days. It's already tempting to stop at the liquor store. Instead we've been going for walks and sadly eating a lot. I'm going to gain 100lbs.

Dee74

This may go on for a while anxiousrock so any behaviours we're not happy about really need to be nipped in the bud.

I hope you can find ways to keep occupied- and maybe look at your diet too?

eatv well and exercise and you'll feel a,lot better about yourself - thats a great defense against more drinking

Wastinglife

I wouldn't be able to quarantine at home with someone drinking. It would make things even more claustrophobic.

Are you in Milan/Lombardy region?

FeelingGreat

I don't have a house mate but I have been thinking about drinking (in an abstract way, not an intention way) much more lately. This tells me my stress levels are higher than normal, and I don't have the gym to work them off. Luckily I can use this self-knowledge to relax in other ways.

Pelagic263

My wife doesn't have a problem with alcohol and typically has two glasses of wine a day, not big pours either. She apologizes for this but really it's no trigger for me. I tell her I'm the one with the problem, not her. She does keep the bottle out of sight though, and I appreciate that.

D122y

There are schools of thought about covid.

One might be this: At any point the government can say, we are ready to handle the sick.

They will hospital them in tents, as required, and apply triage strategy.

At that point, life will go back to a new normal. I can relate it to how 9/11 changed the world.

Regarding drinking around my spouse....

When I was drinking my wife would pretty much avoid me.

It was generally a fight otherwise.

I don't like it when she drinks now. She is a different person, but who am I to judge.

Thanks.

bexxed

Same, less. I see you.

My partner had a beer the other night and was acting like she’d had three. When I inquired about it the next day, she said that since I quit drinking she observed that she drinks so much less now that just one goes straight to her head.

My god, I’m so glad I’m sober for this. That sentence doesn’t even do the sentiment justice. Read it as loud as all of our all caps emergency text alerts, blaring sounds accompanying: MY GOD I’M SO GLAD I’M SOBER FOR THIS.

Aellyce

If you are in NYC, me too I live alone so it is much easier because I don't need to deal with anyone else's proximate stress and behavior, but I get how it can be frustrating. If your wife is just a causal, responsible drinker - could you maybe ask her to do her drinking in a different room from where you are (if you have enough space for that) or just simply tell her it is bothering you now? If she does not have any problems with alcohol, I imagine she would understand and could perhaps find other ways of having fun, or control how she drinks better. I am usually the last person who wants to control others, but it makes sense to politely discuss this with a spouse in a situation like this.

PeacefulWater12

I am on lockdown with my AH. It will no different to usual. I will continue to not drink.

Reading a post above reminded me that when I drank with AH, he used to drink way more as I was a fast drinker and as such I would press him to keep up with me.

I would be forever topping up both our glasses. AH is slow, steady drinker. Now I am keeping my own side of the street clean, he automatically drinks far less. I was a menace!

courage2

I used to think that, when my husband was still drinking. Now I realize that I was making excuses to relapse. You can look at someone drinking and think, "hey looks so good", or "that's poison" or "as long as it's not me." Sobriety isn't about what other people are doing, no matter how close.

During quarantine, though, so many stresses -- words are easy to write. The liquor stores are still open here -- liquor is an essential service, which I totally get, because the last thing the city needs is looting to get booze, and a bunch of people detoxing at home.

We're all going to have to get more explicit about out boundaries. I agree with Aellyce -- if you live with a drinker, ask them to please go to a different room -- or corner of the room, if you're apt. is the size of mine Be respectful and humble -- and unyielding. It will reinforce on both of you the importance of your sobriety.

Fearlessat50

I hear you. I feel very lucky that my husbands BFF decided a month ago before the pandemic that he is never drinking again, so this has rubbed off a bit on my husband. We have been spending a lot of time doing family games, puzzles and Youtube videos (watching as well as making our own ), FT’g friends and going for hikes in the beautiful weather we are having here in CA. I’m hoping your wife doesn’t start excessively drinking. I have normie friends who seem to be tipping the scales a bit during this time.

Stay strong and we will all get through this.

Hawkeye13

I'm really feeling this stress today as spouse came in somewhat loaded and grumpy yesterday, and still seemed to have it in his system today.

I'm not at all tempted to drink--in fact, so grateful that I am not craving in any way, but it takes me back in a PTSD way to being trapped in a house with an angry alcoholic mother with no escape.

I feel like I've been walking on eggshells since yesterday, and I am certainly feeling the anxiety and fear from those days. Not as strong, but it is there.

It will pass, but wanted to let it out on here instead of swallowing it.

courage2

Hawkeye.

That walking on eggshells feeling. I hear you. For me, anger at close quarters does it just as much as drunkenness, for the same reasons.