How to accept it?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,558
Hi anxiousrock. I'm glad you started this very helpful discussion.
You have so many great responses already, I can't add much else. I was so far gone when I first found SR that I knew I'd die if I didn't stop. I had been so reckless for years - my health was failing - life in chaos. So for me, there wasn't much choice - & letting go of it had to happen. But I was quite resentful & feeling sorry for myself in the early weeks. I think it's normal to expect this. I cried & felt nostalgic for the 'fun' that drinking used to be. In my heart, I knew those days could never come back - I would never be a social drinker. The bitterness ended as I got more sober time behind me. The relief of just an ordinary day - without having alcohol on my mind - without wondering where or when I'd get my next fix. It was so good to be free of it - but it took time to appreciate all I was gaining vs. what I thought of as a loss. So don't be hard on yourself - be patient - you're learning to live in a whole new way. The joy & freedom sobriety will bring is going to be worth it - have faith that you won't always feel the way you do today. If that was the case, almost none of us would be here at SR encouraging each other. A much better life lies ahead.
You have so many great responses already, I can't add much else. I was so far gone when I first found SR that I knew I'd die if I didn't stop. I had been so reckless for years - my health was failing - life in chaos. So for me, there wasn't much choice - & letting go of it had to happen. But I was quite resentful & feeling sorry for myself in the early weeks. I think it's normal to expect this. I cried & felt nostalgic for the 'fun' that drinking used to be. In my heart, I knew those days could never come back - I would never be a social drinker. The bitterness ended as I got more sober time behind me. The relief of just an ordinary day - without having alcohol on my mind - without wondering where or when I'd get my next fix. It was so good to be free of it - but it took time to appreciate all I was gaining vs. what I thought of as a loss. So don't be hard on yourself - be patient - you're learning to live in a whole new way. The joy & freedom sobriety will bring is going to be worth it - have faith that you won't always feel the way you do today. If that was the case, almost none of us would be here at SR encouraging each other. A much better life lies ahead.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Hi anxiousrock. I'm glad you started this very helpful discussion.
You have so many great responses already, I can't add much else. I was so far gone when I first found SR that I knew I'd die if I didn't stop. I had been so reckless for years - my health was failing - life in chaos. So for me, there wasn't much choice - & letting go of it had to happen. But I was quite resentful & feeling sorry for myself in the early weeks. I think it's normal to expect this. I cried & felt nostalgic for the 'fun' that drinking used to be. In my heart, I knew those days could never come back - I would never be a social drinker. The bitterness ended as I got more sober time behind me. The relief of just an ordinary day - without having alcohol on my mind - without wondering where or when I'd get my next fix. It was so good to be free of it - but it took time to appreciate all I was gaining vs. what I thought of as a loss. So don't be hard on yourself - be patient - you're learning to live in a whole new way. The joy & freedom sobriety will bring is going to be worth it - have faith that you won't always feel the way you do today. If that was the case, almost none of us would be here at SR encouraging each other. A much better life lies ahead.
You have so many great responses already, I can't add much else. I was so far gone when I first found SR that I knew I'd die if I didn't stop. I had been so reckless for years - my health was failing - life in chaos. So for me, there wasn't much choice - & letting go of it had to happen. But I was quite resentful & feeling sorry for myself in the early weeks. I think it's normal to expect this. I cried & felt nostalgic for the 'fun' that drinking used to be. In my heart, I knew those days could never come back - I would never be a social drinker. The bitterness ended as I got more sober time behind me. The relief of just an ordinary day - without having alcohol on my mind - without wondering where or when I'd get my next fix. It was so good to be free of it - but it took time to appreciate all I was gaining vs. what I thought of as a loss. So don't be hard on yourself - be patient - you're learning to live in a whole new way. The joy & freedom sobriety will bring is going to be worth it - have faith that you won't always feel the way you do today. If that was the case, almost none of us would be here at SR encouraging each other. A much better life lies ahead.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Originally Posted by brighterday1234
One day at a time 🙏
You only have to get through today. I can't remember when exactly but not that far down the road. I realized I was more grateful that I didn't have to drink then sad that I couldn't drink.
You are not the only person that was absolutely traumatized over the thought of a life without alcohol. Still many of us have managed to find long term sobriety.
Look at what alchohol just did to you. That's the reality of alcohol, what our minds recall of that soothing feeling of a few drinks is an illusion. The illusion of what a drunk is. The soothing feeling of a few drinks does not last long at all. It always goes right back to even more restless, irritable, discontent. The reality of your actions after your last drink, you are still feeling that now. While the soothing alcohol buzz is long gone. That is no deal!
That soothing feeling we seek is serenity. At least for me that's what I looked for. In sobriety I was able to find serenity in the simplest things. If you work at it one day at a time it will come. The anxiety loses its grip in time. Just focus on the next day. I think a lot of us alcoholics get too caught up with regretting the past and fearing the future. That future drink you worry that can't have has absolutely nothing to do with today.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk
This!
You only have to get through today. I can't remember when exactly but not that far down the road. I realized I was more grateful that I didn't have to drink then sad that I couldn't drink.
You are not the only person that was absolutely traumatized over the thought of a life without alcohol. Still many of us have managed to find long term sobriety.
Look at what alchohol just did to you. That's the reality of alcohol, what our minds recall of that soothing feeling of a few drinks is an illusion. The illusion of what a drunk is. The soothing feeling of a few drinks does not last long at all. It always goes right back to even more restless, irritable, discontent. The reality of your actions after your last drink, you are still feeling that now. While the soothing alcohol buzz is long gone. That is no deal!
That soothing feeling we seek is serenity. At least for me that's what I looked for. In sobriety I was able to find serenity in the simplest things. If you work at it one day at a time it will come. The anxiety loses its grip in time. Just focus on the next day. I think a lot of us alcoholics get too caught up with regretting the past and fearing the future. That future drink you worry that can't have has absolutely nothing to do with today.
You only have to get through today. I can't remember when exactly but not that far down the road. I realized I was more grateful that I didn't have to drink then sad that I couldn't drink.
You are not the only person that was absolutely traumatized over the thought of a life without alcohol. Still many of us have managed to find long term sobriety.
Look at what alchohol just did to you. That's the reality of alcohol, what our minds recall of that soothing feeling of a few drinks is an illusion. The illusion of what a drunk is. The soothing feeling of a few drinks does not last long at all. It always goes right back to even more restless, irritable, discontent. The reality of your actions after your last drink, you are still feeling that now. While the soothing alcohol buzz is long gone. That is no deal!
That soothing feeling we seek is serenity. At least for me that's what I looked for. In sobriety I was able to find serenity in the simplest things. If you work at it one day at a time it will come. The anxiety loses its grip in time. Just focus on the next day. I think a lot of us alcoholics get too caught up with regretting the past and fearing the future. That future drink you worry that can't have has absolutely nothing to do with today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
Also you need to give yourself some sober time before you can decide surely? You're only looking at it from one (very flawed) viewpoint right now. Give yourself chance to experience the Joy's sobriety has to offer, and one day you'll be thankful you never have to drink again!
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
I think you need to try and stop thinking about "ever again" and focus on here and now, one day at a time.
Also you need to give yourself some sober time before you can decide surely? You're only looking at it from one (very flawed) viewpoint right now. Give yourself chance to experience the Joy's sobriety has to offer, and one day you'll be thankful you never have to drink again!
Also you need to give yourself some sober time before you can decide surely? You're only looking at it from one (very flawed) viewpoint right now. Give yourself chance to experience the Joy's sobriety has to offer, and one day you'll be thankful you never have to drink again!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I gave myself an out by setting myself a goal of 1 year. When the year was up I felt so much better and happier I just kept going.
Actually being sober for at least 12 months took away the anxiety about never drinking again.
As an unexpected bonus I also lost anxiety about what drinking was doing to my body, mind and mood, and gained pride about what I had achieved.
Actually being sober for at least 12 months took away the anxiety about never drinking again.
As an unexpected bonus I also lost anxiety about what drinking was doing to my body, mind and mood, and gained pride about what I had achieved.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I have often advocated the never drinking again mindset, but I may have been less helpful with that than I could have been. I had little problem accepting it, even not being sure it was possible, which opens the question, "Did I really accept it in the beginning?"
With some people, I may have done better just pointing out that picking up a drink leads you back onto the roller coaster, while letting people simply experience recovery. I will say that once you get the hang of not drinking, the forever aspect of abstinence becomes an obvious reality. Just a choice for you to make, and not a battle to be fought over and over.
With some people, I may have done better just pointing out that picking up a drink leads you back onto the roller coaster, while letting people simply experience recovery. I will say that once you get the hang of not drinking, the forever aspect of abstinence becomes an obvious reality. Just a choice for you to make, and not a battle to be fought over and over.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
I may never work all the steps of AA, but one thing that helps me is to get step one solidly in my mind without any illusions:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable."
At my first AA meeting I introduced myself by saying that I got that step down. Down the hard way. I've screwed up a lot but I know in my soul step one is a simple fact for me and will never change.
And there are lots of people here at SR who admitted the same and have gone on to live beautiful and contented lives. That's all I really want.
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable."
At my first AA meeting I introduced myself by saying that I got that step down. Down the hard way. I've screwed up a lot but I know in my soul step one is a simple fact for me and will never change.
And there are lots of people here at SR who admitted the same and have gone on to live beautiful and contented lives. That's all I really want.
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