prettiekittie

I'm 26 days sober today (yayayayayayay! I can't remember the last time I have gone this long), and while I was giving my five year old a goodnight hug and kiss after ushering him through his bedtime routine he leaned in and whispered in my ear "can we do this tomorrow night, too?" And I have helped this kid get ready for bed reliably for the past few weeks but this is not something I really did with him prior because my husband does bedtime stuff because that's when I would start drinking.

Y'all, after my kid went to bed, I lost it. There was this wave of guilt and then this wave of gratitude that I can actually *do* this now and have these moments. And I'm sad that I missed a lot of these moments. I was so attentive to him when he was a baby and a toddler and the last two years just fell apart for me. I haven't neglected him by any means, but I wasn't as present as I should have been.

So, idk. Today was such a good day even though we're all at home and the family time can feel a little oppressive at moments (I need a lot of alone time, especially now--I'm noticing that I experience a lot of sensory overload), plus all the covid anxiety, plus early sobriety, etc etc etc. And then there was this little twang of sorrow mixed in with all this love and I'm overwhelmed.

I have a couple of unrelated questions:
1.) My face is still red. When does this go away? I know, I know, it's different for everyone, but when did you notice?
2.) How long is "early sobriety"? The first three months? Six? Twelve?

Hope y'all are doing well! I can't tell you how much I appreciate being able to come here and find support.

DaisyBelle7

Awww... I love that story about your son. That’s so sweet. ❤️

I don’t know the answer to face redness. As far as “early sobriety”, I’ve read that it’s 90 days, but I don’t know if that’s a steadfast number. I think it’s varies depending on different factors.

Dee74

You can't change the past PK - noone can - but you can forgive yourself and stop the guilt. Instead, put that effort into being the best you now that you can be.

You have a great chance now of making some beautiful and lasting memories for you and your boy - take those opportunities and don't miss a single one because you were facing backwards

D

sugarbear1

The first 5 years are early recovery

C0ntr0ls

I treat everyday as early recovery.
I also know the time I have accumulated and unfortunately I read about relapses and know that it can happen at the flip of a switch. It scares the eff out of me because I don't want to throw my sober time away and go back to day 1.

tomls

When I first got sober I wanted to know when I was going to be normal whatever that is. No one would or could tell me. All I can say is after almost three and a half years I keep realizing more and more things about myself and it just keeps getting better! Best wishes for you on your journey!

boreas

pk,
I got sober when my son was 15. Best decision ever. Of course I wish it was sooner, but I accept that I can’t go back. You have many great years ahead with your little one.

I was red as a beet when I quit. Things calmed down within a week, but revealed that I have a ton of other skin sensitivities related to allergies and reactive skin in general. I’m still red, but I manage it through the use of fragrance free products and plan a visit to a dermatologist when time and money permits. Sobriety removed an aggravating factor so I could effectively deal with the underlying problem.

Actually, that last statement is true of all aspects of my life.

As far as early sobriety, things get easier as time goes by. The first year was challenging just for all the “firsts”...holidays, birthdays, etc. But even years later, benefits continue to unfold.
-bora

lessgravity

Pk,

Congrats on the sober time. I can relate to the guilt but I can also say that you can do the work, stay sober, use the drive to be the mother for your kids to stay away from the bottle, and over time the guilt and shame and pain will fade. It didn't go away completely for me, at times I can still return to the days I lost with my son. But the man and father and example I can be now to and for him is all because of the work I did to get and stay sober.

Lines

A little guy who loves you so much has to be the best incentive for promoting health and healing. I dont know if there's a set rule on the recovery timeline. I'd guess it depends on how deeply a person's overall health and life have been impacted. Could be a matter of months or go much longer. The sooner we stop, the better.

here is a description from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service's Admin in the US:

"Recovery is a process of change through which people improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and strive to reach their full potential. There are four major dimensions that support recovery:

• Health—overcoming or managing one’s disease(s) or symptoms and making informed, healthy choices that support physical and emotional well-being.
• Home—having a stable and safe place to live.
• Purpose—conducting meaningful daily activities and having the independence, income, and resources to participate in society.
• Community—having relationships and social networks that provide support, friendship, love, and hope.

Hope, the belief that these challenges and conditions can be overcome, is the foundation of recovery. The process of recovery is highly personal and occurs via many pathways. Recovery is characterized by continual growth and improvement in one’s health and wellness that may involve setbacks. Because setbacks are a natural part of life, resilience becomes a key component of recovery. "

Did you explain to your husband how you currently are dealing with sensory overload and need quiet, meditative time as part of the process? Must be tough with a busy little guy probably always wanting to play and get into stuff.

prettiekittie

I have talked to my husband and he has been lovely for the most part. I feel a lot of internal pressure to not lean too hard on him because when I came clean about the amount of drinking and deception he was pretty shocked and hurt. Idk--I feel like I'm walking a tightrope navigating all this sometimes and I understand that's not entirely unearned.

Thanks for the resource! This is helpful. I'm struggling overall with not having tons of metrics in this process, but, control issues.

Callas

The red face will go in a month. Recovery, that takes forever. I do not know if there is even something as early recovery. The disease sticks.

AwkwardKitty

Your post made me emotional, I relate so much!
My son is 4, and I was sober throughout pregnancy and in the early months of his life. Then it started creeping back in and got out of hand. I've had many attempts over the past couple of years but eased to report I'm now at day 76 - 11 weeks tomorrow! And going strong.

Being a mum was the best thing that ever happened to me. In those early days, I was so so content. I was such a devoted mother, I felt like I had become myself, like I'd found my place. As I went back to work and had to leave the bube, the drinking took hold again. I lost some of the joy. I was terribly guilty all of the time.

The past few weeks I've certainly found that joy again. Unfortunately I am suffering from depression and the COVID stuff is now spiking my anxiety. But my son is keeping me going. I am able to take pleasure again in the simplest things. This weekend we built a blanket fort, played dressing up, watched films and baked cakes. I know had I been drinking, or hungover, these things wouldn't have happened, or I'd have not enjoyed them. So even though I'm not well, I'm a 10x better mum than when drinking.

Wishing you every success

Lines

I only recently told my wife I was using again. She was also shocked and hurt. I think the hurt stemmed from my not telling her sooner because it somehow meant I didn't feel close enough emotionally to share it, didn't trust her enough. She had no idea except she had been telling me for months I was working too much, and she was worried I wasn't talking care of myself. But I always said I was alright and work was hectic. Then the other day, I heard her crying. I know it's over me. I let it be because she had meant to do it in private. I told her originally about the relapse because I was filled with guilt and I didnt think I could move forward without being honest. (We had been trying to start a family which takes it to a new dimension). I understand the tightrope walk.