Meth addicted boyfriend broke up with me.
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Originally Posted by Anna 
I'm sorry for your situation. Take care of yourself and you could look into AlAnon in your city as a support for you.
IMO - AlAnon is best for folks who are somehow stuck with an alcoholic/addict in their lives. Spouse/Parent/Child.
A low life boyfriend?
AlAnon = No
Dump the POS = Yes
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
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I am honestly really amazed that a non-user would stay committed to someone with an active meth addiction. Meth is a terrible drug and does terrible things to people's lives. All addiction brings chaos and pain but I honestly cannot relate to people on meth, sometimes I feel pity, sometimes I just fear them.
He did you a favor. The reason it hurts is because you stayed in the relationship for so long, and it's normal to grieve the end of a close relationship. It does not mean that he's the love of your life or that you should take him back.
Distance yourself from him. Protect yourself. I am sorry you are going through this, but in the long run you will be better off.
He did you a favor. The reason it hurts is because you stayed in the relationship for so long, and it's normal to grieve the end of a close relationship. It does not mean that he's the love of your life or that you should take him back.
Distance yourself from him. Protect yourself. I am sorry you are going through this, but in the long run you will be better off.
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
Posts: 738
Originally Posted by AAPJ
Anna - You are generally a fountain of wisdom but in this case I do not agree with this. If she ends her relationship with this addict there is really no need for her to go to AlAnon.
IMO - AlAnon is best for folks who are somehow stuck with an alcoholic/addict in their lives. Spouse/Parent/Child.
A low life boyfriend?
AlAnon = No
Dump the POS = Yes
IMO - AlAnon is best for folks who are somehow stuck with an alcoholic/addict in their lives. Spouse/Parent/Child.
A low life boyfriend?
AlAnon = No
Dump the POS = Yes
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Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by BeckoningCat
Maybe AlAnon would help her. Staying with a meth addict when you don't use any drugs yourself is a pretty unique situation that many people won't relate to, and AlAnon might be just the place for her to connect with people who have had similar experiences. Maybe it will help her figure out why she stayed in this relationship so long, and how to prevent it from happening again and again.
This relationship started out very innocently with me trying to help him save his marriage. He let it fail, and he also let his ex take his 8 year old daughter from Colorado to North Carolina. He says that his ex’s new boyfriend is a better provider and that his ex and daughter are happy, and that is all he really wants for them is to be happy. When he told me that I needed to let him go, he said it would hurt to see me with someone else, but if I looked happy, he would be happy.
I noticed on his Facebook account that his friend list is now hidden. I haven’t seen or heard from him in almost 3 weeks. I know it will really help to get his things out of my garage. I was told that legally I have to give him 60 days to get it out. Otherwise, if I get rid of it, he can charge me with theft. Our laws are so ridiculous. I just need this to all be behind me so that I can move on.
Does anyone with meth experience know how he is feeling about his things in my garage? Does he care about any of it or miss me at all? He has pictures and special things here that are of his mother and brother who passed away, and of his daughter that is now far away. I would think that all that stuff would be important to him, but he has made no effort to set up a time to get them. His Dad doesn’t want any of it either. So for now I am basically a free storage unit for him. Not feeling good about that
. I would really appreciate any advice any of you have. Still trying to understand what’s happening. Weekends are the worst. I have to keep my mind busy, or I’m back at trying to figure it all out which usually leaves me feeling anxious and sad
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It sounds like you don't want him leaving his things in your garage any longer. My suggestion would be to gather his things together, text him, and give him a date when it's convenient for you to have him pick them up. If he doesn't respond or show up, you're not obliged to keep the things indefinitely.
I think he may miss you, but meth would be what is consuming him right now and everything else is less important. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think he may miss you, but meth would be what is consuming him right now and everything else is less important. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Join Date: Feb 2020
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Originally Posted by Dragonflydreams
I did go to one Alanon meeting. I also went to a CoDa meeting. I did feel more comfortable at the Alanon meeting. I might try it again.
This relationship started out very innocently with me trying to help him save his marriage. He let it fail, and he also let his ex take his 8 year old daughter from Colorado to North Carolina. He says that his ex’s new boyfriend is a better provider and that his ex and daughter are happy, and that is all he really wants for them is to be happy. When he told me that I needed to let him go, he said it would hurt to see me with someone else, but if I looked happy, he would be happy.
I noticed on his Facebook account that his friend list is now hidden. I haven’t seen or heard from him in almost 3 weeks. I know it will really help to get his things out of my garage. I was told that legally I have to give him 60 days to get it out. Otherwise, if I get rid of it, he can charge me with theft. Our laws are so ridiculous. I just need this to all be behind me so that I can move on.
Does anyone with meth experience know how he is feeling about his things in my garage? Does he care about any of it or miss me at all? He has pictures and special things here that are of his mother and brother who passed away, and of his daughter that is now far away. I would think that all that stuff would be important to him, but he has made no effort to set up a time to get them. His Dad doesn’t want any of it either. So for now I am basically a free storage unit for him. Not feeling good about that
. I would really appreciate any advice any of you have.Still trying to understand what’s happening. Weekends are the worst. I have to keep my mind busy, or I’m back at trying to figure it all out which usually leaves me feeling anxious and sad
I don't know how many relationships you've had, but this one doesn't appear to be healthy for you. Your not being treated right. This is not how it should be for you. Your attached because of time, feelings, expectations and memories?? If your also feeling fear of not finding someone else as good, get that thought out of your mind. I'm not saying he's a bad guy but he's sick and from a little you've shared, he has a pattern of unstable relationships. The dating apps are not real relationships. Those are easy and meeting a need he has. You are real and I doubt he can handle the responsibility so he runs. His moods will change and he will likely come back, but I hope you realize this isn't what you need or want, and your able to shut that door. For your own benefit.
I'm sure some of his storage items do have meaning to him like pictures of his mom. But he assumes it will be there. Stuff and people will wait for him. I'd follow the laws in your state re: his possessions at your home. And I'd also suggest his dad might want some of the sentimental pictures. This was all put on you. His illness, his behavior, his stuff. And although you picked it all up and made it part of your life. You can put it all down without guilt.
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Originally Posted by Lines
I've never used meth Dragonfly, but I have used cocaine. Meth can be mixed with all kinds of dangerous chemicals, and there are actual changes in the brain when using. For meth I also believe the recovery time to heal is much longer. It's hard to understand behavior because its driven by thinking. The thinking is off because of what's going on in his brain. Your baseline of logical behavior does not equal his at this time. With my use of coke I can tell you it didn't diminish the relationships that I valued like my marriage, but it somehow put it in a state of limbo. As if I could do whatever else I wanted and it didn't effect the other part of my life. No matter how bad things got in different areas of my life I kept thinking I could fix it, and it would all be ok. But the people left behind in this separate world are confused, hurt, and often angry. It only makes sense.
I don't know how many relationships you've had, but this one doesn't appear to be healthy for you. Your not being treated right. This is not how it should be for you. Your attached because of time, feelings, expectations and memories?? If your also feeling fear of not finding someone else as good, get that thought out of your mind. I'm not saying he's a bad guy but he's sick and from a little you've shared, he has a pattern of unstable relationships. The dating apps are not real relationships. Those are easy and meeting a need he has. You are real and I doubt he can handle the responsibility so he runs. His moods will change and he will likely come back, but I hope you realize this isn't what you need or want, and your able to shut that door. For your own benefit.
I'm sure some of his storage items do have meaning to him like pictures of his mom. But he assumes it will be there. Stuff and people will wait for him. I'd follow the laws in your state re: his possessions at your home. And I'd also suggest his dad might want some of the sentimental pictures. This was all put on you. His illness, his behavior, his stuff. And although you picked it all up and made it part of your life. You can put it all down without guilt.
I don't know how many relationships you've had, but this one doesn't appear to be healthy for you. Your not being treated right. This is not how it should be for you. Your attached because of time, feelings, expectations and memories?? If your also feeling fear of not finding someone else as good, get that thought out of your mind. I'm not saying he's a bad guy but he's sick and from a little you've shared, he has a pattern of unstable relationships. The dating apps are not real relationships. Those are easy and meeting a need he has. You are real and I doubt he can handle the responsibility so he runs. His moods will change and he will likely come back, but I hope you realize this isn't what you need or want, and your able to shut that door. For your own benefit.
I'm sure some of his storage items do have meaning to him like pictures of his mom. But he assumes it will be there. Stuff and people will wait for him. I'd follow the laws in your state re: his possessions at your home. And I'd also suggest his dad might want some of the sentimental pictures. This was all put on you. His illness, his behavior, his stuff. And although you picked it all up and made it part of your life. You can put it all down without guilt.
I can’t thank you enough for your reply. My logical baseline keeps my mind spinning trying to make sense of something. This has been a nightmare. Thank you for all your insight. I will be reading this over and over.
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I found out today that he was put in work release for a week for lying to the court. When he got out, he quit his job. Then he got into a disagreement at the sober living home, and then got kicked out of there. He supposedly moved in with someone in a house 3 doors down from the sober living home for 3 days. He went to court yesterday and is now in jail until the March 30th. His PO has recommended that he be revoked from the drug court program meaning 6 years in prison plus 3 years probation, ComCor, or inpatient program at the Springs Mission for homeless people. A lot happened in the past 3 weeks. I feel so sad about how things are turning out but happy he is safe. Somewhat hurt that he moved in with someone 3 doors down from sober living and never called me. He did call me from jail yesterday. I missed the call. He didn’t leave a message. He hasn’t tried again since.
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It is very painful. Very thankful to be at work to help keep my mind busy. The court is supposed to decide what will happen on the 30th. I won’t be there to hear the outcome. His Dad said if Josh ends up going to prison, he will set up a time to pick up Josh’s belongings. No other mention of picking up his things.
Really hurt that he moved in with someone 3 doors down from sober house, and when I tried to set up the video presentation and he already had two visitors scheduled. They can’t be good people. Somehow I have to let go of all of this. It is eating me up. I want to not care anymore
Really hurt that he moved in with someone 3 doors down from sober house, and when I tried to set up the video presentation and he already had two visitors scheduled. They can’t be good people. Somehow I have to let go of all of this. It is eating me up. I want to not care anymore
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If you did talk to him, what would you like to say? And what could he say ? Maybe play that out privately or post it here if you want. Its overall a bad situation he's in. The thing about severe drug use is it can end up affecting all aspects of a person's life. It can take years to repair the body, mind, and create a healthy life where there is anything to offer to a would be partner in terms of stability and the ability to give support instead of just needing it from someone else. When you get some distance from the emotions, look and see what you were recieving from him as compared to what you were giving. Although it's not always 50/50 in a relationship, I think in the big picture it should equal out to be close. That's a partnership. I feel for his dad too. Reminds me of how much pain and fear I caused my parents. Be good to yourself. You seem like a caring person who's been through a lot.
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Hi Lines. I am so thankful for you. You really made me think with your last post. Not sure what I would say to him other than I am really sorry for the path he chose, how I wish things were different, and that I love him. He would probably say that he was sorry and thankful for everything I have done for him. It was not a partnership. It was me taking care of him providing shelter, food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment for him. I am an RN in a large federal medical facility. I think now of all I put at risk if meth would have been found in my car or home. While I was at work, I hope he wasn’t smoking it in my house exposing my home and animals to it. Also hoping there weren’t girls at my house when I was working or things taken from my home that I have not yet found missing. I only know of several of my tools that are gone. And the possibility of losing my job and nursing license if I would have been somehow tied to his meth use. I should be so angry. I still have the obsessive thought patterns that are so painful. Really working at stopping those before my mind lets those thoughts go too crazy. I appreciate your insight, so much, as far as him not being truly available for a healthy relationship for a very long time. Not that there weren’t problems/worries all along. Just don’t understand how he went from “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” a month ago to where we are now. Meth((. Love getting your responses everyday. You are making the most difference in my recovery. I am so thankful for you!
. While I was at work, I hope he wasn’t smoking it in my house exposing my home and animals to it. Also hoping there weren’t girls at my house when I was working or things taken from my home that I have not yet found missing. I only know of several of my tools that are gone. And the possibility of losing my job and nursing license if I would have been somehow tied to his meth use. I should be so angry. I still have the obsessive thought patterns that are so painful. Really working at stopping those before my mind lets those thoughts go too crazy. I appreciate your insight, so much, as far as him not being truly available for a healthy relationship for a very long time. Not that there weren’t problems/worries all along. Just don’t understand how he went from “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” a month ago to where we are now. Meth((. Love getting your responses everyday. You are making the most difference in my recovery. I am so thankful for you!Member
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Dragonflydreams- I am sorry this is happening to you and for the pain you are in. I do think Al-anon meetings may help. I do believe a lot of people still continue to go to the meetings after a break up or divorce because that pain doesn't go away for awhile.
I hate to say this but when a addict is using no matter what drug it is the only thing they are focused on and care about at that time is the drug of choice. It is awful for the people who love them!
The good thing is I assume you are young and I hope you get the help you need through therapy or al anon etc. to get past this and the next relationship will be a very happy & healthy one!
I hate to say this but when a addict is using no matter what drug it is the only thing they are focused on and care about at that time is the drug of choice. It is awful for the people who love them!
The good thing is I assume you are young and I hope you get the help you need through therapy or al anon etc. to get past this and the next relationship will be a very happy & healthy one!
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One thing I've noticed since reading here this past month is how hearing different perspectives gives me an opportunity to think about things from varying angles. I've never been on a site like this before, but I can see the value.
I think your probably right about how the interaction would go. I suppose you can still try to contact him as he's stuck in place. The other day my wife was watching a TV show. This girl got a phone call from her ex boyfriend. But it was from an unknown # and he didn't speak. Teary eyed she began to say I know it's you, and went on to say how she had cared, he had screwed up. He hurt her, hurt himself and had run away. How she couldn't do it anymore and wished it would have been different, but she had to move on. She said she hoped he was well, wanted him to be well. She was sad,,but had to move on. And then of course she cried and hung up.
How did you meet this man if you dont mind my asking. Was he using meth, or recovering from meth at the time?
As an RN your obviously smart and caring. The job is to help people heal and get better right? (except for those who care for terminally I'll. I dont know how one handles that over and over). When you see someone in need is it your natural reaction to try and help them get back on their feet? Help leads to their getting stronger and no lo get needing your help. That's not necessarily bad in one's personal life either, if you dont help to a point of hurting yourself. And as long as the someone doesn't intentionally prey on your compassion for personal gain.
What you wrote about how your actions of helping him, and exposing your self, career to danger due to the repetitive behaviors you were doing. Dont take this wrong, but it's exactly like how I felt looking back at why I was using cocaine. I was risking my career which I studied for years, countless hours building up. Risked having the drug in my car and driving, risked so much. Why? At the time, it felt like I needed what it had to offer. Couldnt imagine giving it up. Also, felt guilty and knew it wasn't right. All at the same time. Confusing.
You may never know why the change in his words and behavior in those last 2 months. He changed his position on a lot of things right? Following his probation, rules of his living situation. He may now go to jail for years. It's probably not much comfort to know he changed multiple aspects of his life and it wasn't simply about your relationship. But it appears to be the case. The unknowns are like frustrating puzzle pieces.
I think your probably right about how the interaction would go. I suppose you can still try to contact him as he's stuck in place. The other day my wife was watching a TV show. This girl got a phone call from her ex boyfriend. But it was from an unknown # and he didn't speak. Teary eyed she began to say I know it's you, and went on to say how she had cared, he had screwed up. He hurt her, hurt himself and had run away. How she couldn't do it anymore and wished it would have been different, but she had to move on. She said she hoped he was well, wanted him to be well. She was sad,,but had to move on. And then of course she cried and hung up.
How did you meet this man if you dont mind my asking. Was he using meth, or recovering from meth at the time?
As an RN your obviously smart and caring. The job is to help people heal and get better right? (except for those who care for terminally I'll. I dont know how one handles that over and over). When you see someone in need is it your natural reaction to try and help them get back on their feet? Help leads to their getting stronger and no lo get needing your help. That's not necessarily bad in one's personal life either, if you dont help to a point of hurting yourself. And as long as the someone doesn't intentionally prey on your compassion for personal gain.
What you wrote about how your actions of helping him, and exposing your self, career to danger due to the repetitive behaviors you were doing. Dont take this wrong, but it's exactly like how I felt looking back at why I was using cocaine. I was risking my career which I studied for years, countless hours building up. Risked having the drug in my car and driving, risked so much. Why? At the time, it felt like I needed what it had to offer. Couldnt imagine giving it up. Also, felt guilty and knew it wasn't right. All at the same time. Confusing.
You may never know why the change in his words and behavior in those last 2 months. He changed his position on a lot of things right? Following his probation, rules of his living situation. He may now go to jail for years. It's probably not much comfort to know he changed multiple aspects of his life and it wasn't simply about your relationship. But it appears to be the case. The unknowns are like frustrating puzzle pieces.
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I am not allowed to call him while he is incarcerated. He called me on Monday, but I missed that call. Was hoping he would try again later, but he never did. I did put money on my phone so that he could contact me if he didn’t have money. No contact yet. Only way for me to talk to him would be to schedule a video visit. Every other time he was in jail, I believe I was his only visitor. This time when I called to schedule he already had the maximum of 2 visitors for that day. Have to believe that they were his friends from his drug related life. I just don’t want to deal with that. It seems that he has really regressed this time. Really thought he would have called me back by now.
Josh worked with my kitchen contractor when I had my kitchen remodeled. He was going through a divorce with his wife. I was trying to help him repair the damage he had caused and get his family back. His ex wanted him to go to counseling, but he refused, so she followed up with the divorce. Josh then gave her permission to take their daughter to N Carolina to live with her new boyfriend and start a new life. Josh said he just wanted them to be happy. I knew Josh had a drinking problem at that time, but I did not know about Meth for quite some time after that. By that time I had fallen in love with him.
i am a natural caretaker. I really thought he loved me enough that we could get through this. I did all I could. Things would be great for awhile, and then I would feel him pulling away. Then he would be in jail again. It has been a cycle of multiple lies, talking to girls online, fake Facebook accounts with a different name on them, and me always wondering what was going on while I worked all the time. It was like he had an entirely separate life that I wasn’t allowed to be a part of.
I feel like he has gone too far this time. I think he will be in jail or prison for at least 3 years. I want the us back that I thought we had. My friends and neighbors always felt he was using me to meet his needs.
I do know I don’t want to get thrown to the curb for meth again. I can’t deal with the lies and other girls. Makes me ultimately feel like I am not good enough - I have self esteem issues now that I never thought I had. He caused me to have enormous trust issues. I know it wasn’t healthy for me. I just fell in love with him over time, not sure what I am really grieving. He really didn’t bring anything to the table. Really thought he had potential, but not sure he can recover from these mishaps.
My friends/family don’t want me to visit him. They say it sends the wrong message to him that I am still available for him to use me.
Just heartbroken 💔
. Really thought he would have called me back by now.Josh worked with my kitchen contractor when I had my kitchen remodeled. He was going through a divorce with his wife. I was trying to help him repair the damage he had caused and get his family back. His ex wanted him to go to counseling, but he refused, so she followed up with the divorce. Josh then gave her permission to take their daughter to N Carolina to live with her new boyfriend and start a new life. Josh said he just wanted them to be happy. I knew Josh had a drinking problem at that time, but I did not know about Meth for quite some time after that. By that time I had fallen in love with him.
i am a natural caretaker. I really thought he loved me enough that we could get through this. I did all I could. Things would be great for awhile, and then I would feel him pulling away. Then he would be in jail again. It has been a cycle of multiple lies, talking to girls online, fake Facebook accounts with a different name on them, and me always wondering what was going on while I worked all the time. It was like he had an entirely separate life that I wasn’t allowed to be a part of.
I feel like he has gone too far this time. I think he will be in jail or prison for at least 3 years. I want the us back that I thought we had. My friends and neighbors always felt he was using me to meet his needs.
I do know I don’t want to get thrown to the curb for meth again. I can’t deal with the lies and other girls. Makes me ultimately feel like I am not good enough - I have self esteem issues now that I never thought I had. He caused me to have enormous trust issues. I know it wasn’t healthy for me. I just fell in love with him over time, not sure what I am really grieving. He really didn’t bring anything to the table. Really thought he had potential, but not sure he can recover from these mishaps
. My friends/family don’t want me to visit him. They say it sends the wrong message to him that I am still available for him to use me.
Just heartbroken 💔
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Originally Posted by Dragonflydreams
I am not allowed to call him while he is incarcerated. He called me on Monday, but I missed that call. Was hoping he would try again later, but he never did. I did put money on my phone so that he could contact me if he didn’t have money. No contact yet. Only way for me to talk to him would be to schedule a video visit. Every other time he was in jail, I believe I was his only visitor. This time when I called to schedule he already had the maximum of 2 visitors for that day. Have to believe that they were his friends from his drug related life. I just don’t want to deal with that. It seems that he has really regressed this time. Really thought he would have called me back by now.
Josh worked with my kitchen contractor when I had my kitchen remodeled. He was going through a divorce with his wife. I was trying to help him repair the damage he had caused and get his family back. His ex wanted him to go to counseling, but he refused, so she followed up with the divorce. Josh then gave her permission to take their daughter to N Carolina to live with her new boyfriend and start a new life. Josh said he just wanted them to be happy. I knew Josh had a drinking problem at that time, but I did not know about Meth for quite some time after that. By that time I had fallen in love with him.
i am a natural caretaker. I really thought he loved me enough that we could get through this. I did all I could. Things would be great for awhile, and then I would feel him pulling away. Then he would be in jail again. It has been a cycle of multiple lies, talking to girls online, fake Facebook accounts with a different name on them, and me always wondering what was going on while I worked all the time. It was like he had an entirely separate life that I wasn’t allowed to be a part of.
I feel like he has gone too far this time. I think he will be in jail or prison for at least 3 years. I want the us back that I thought we had. My friends and neighbors always felt he was using me to meet his needs.
I do know I don’t want to get thrown to the curb for meth again. I can’t deal with the lies and other girls. Makes me ultimately feel like I am not good enough - I have self esteem issues now that I never thought I had. He caused me to have enormous trust issues. I know it wasn’t healthy for me. I just fell in love with him over time, not sure what I am really grieving. He really didn’t bring anything to the table. Really thought he had potential, but not sure he can recover from these mishaps.
My friends/family don’t want me to visit him. They say it sends the wrong message to him that I am still available for him to use me.
Just heartbroken 💔
. Really thought he would have called me back by now.Josh worked with my kitchen contractor when I had my kitchen remodeled. He was going through a divorce with his wife. I was trying to help him repair the damage he had caused and get his family back. His ex wanted him to go to counseling, but he refused, so she followed up with the divorce. Josh then gave her permission to take their daughter to N Carolina to live with her new boyfriend and start a new life. Josh said he just wanted them to be happy. I knew Josh had a drinking problem at that time, but I did not know about Meth for quite some time after that. By that time I had fallen in love with him.
i am a natural caretaker. I really thought he loved me enough that we could get through this. I did all I could. Things would be great for awhile, and then I would feel him pulling away. Then he would be in jail again. It has been a cycle of multiple lies, talking to girls online, fake Facebook accounts with a different name on them, and me always wondering what was going on while I worked all the time. It was like he had an entirely separate life that I wasn’t allowed to be a part of.
I feel like he has gone too far this time. I think he will be in jail or prison for at least 3 years. I want the us back that I thought we had. My friends and neighbors always felt he was using me to meet his needs.
I do know I don’t want to get thrown to the curb for meth again. I can’t deal with the lies and other girls. Makes me ultimately feel like I am not good enough - I have self esteem issues now that I never thought I had. He caused me to have enormous trust issues. I know it wasn’t healthy for me. I just fell in love with him over time, not sure what I am really grieving. He really didn’t bring anything to the table. Really thought he had potential, but not sure he can recover from these mishaps
.My friends/family don’t want me to visit him. They say it sends the wrong message to him that I am still available for him to use me.
Just heartbroken 💔
it's not like this is a one time thing with him.
You were mistreated and he hurt your self esteem and trust. Dont go back for more. When your stopping a drug , you have to physically toss out what's in your posession- House, office, car. Then you work on the mental aspects and healing.
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He is my drug I think. There is no beating meth. One day at a time. Will be so glad when the nightmares and pain go away. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will continue to post with updates. Always helps so much to read your responses.
. One day at a time. Will be so glad when the nightmares and pain go away. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will continue to post with updates. Always helps so much to read your responses.
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