Smilax

Thank you. Speaking over time with my therapist I've come to realize that letting things be and naturally devlope is indeed a difficulty of mine. Due to how I was raised I tend to obsess over things, overanalyze, and take on responsibility for other people's feelings. It's been an interesting journey learning about myself. I should indeed have faith it will work out as it should. Which honestly doesn't even mean it has to work out. If it doesn't, well that's still good for my personal growth. The important thing is I'm doing this after a lifetime of being too scared to make a move on something I've always wanted.

Smilax

I'm sorry to hear that. I should probably clarify that the red flags I'm mentioning are not things that in the short term I see as major issues. I would consider lack of respect, passive aggressiveness, anger, volatility, manipulation, narcissism etc to be in those categories. I don't see a single hint of anything like that here.

These are more fears about whether we can really connect deeply. We love our time with each other. But I sense perhaps some some lack of emotional availability on her part. I'm not entirely sure, I also sense great affection for me though. I worry at times we have a lack of things to talk about, perhaps a lack of connection in interests. There is a large age gap between us though we do share interests. Much of this again comes down to just getting to know each other better and being comfortable with each other. Most of these are honestly fears I obsess over when we aren't together. When we are, so far things seem to go very well.

Smilax

Thank you. I'm sorry to hear that. I wouldn't look at where you are as being back to square one. You were 2 years sober that is still something to celebrate. Ok so you fell off the wagon. It happens. Get back on and get back with your life. If it's all about the number of years sober and nothing else then frankly the longer you are sober in some ways the greater the temptation to drink. The act of having to keep the streak up and fear of failure will do you in. We all stumble. We all fail. It's what makes us human. It's the getting back up that matters not the falling.

HeadEast

Congratulations on 2 years! That is definitely something to be proud of.

I think you are overthinking this relationship thing. You've been on 4 dates. Just be honest with her about your mental health (depression) issues and how it affects your life and how it might affect her life. My ex-wife would tell her to run!!

Dee74

This may be the love of your life - or may be not.

If it is , it'll pretty hard to make a wrong move.
If it's not, you'll know soon enough .

In my experience things just work, or they don't Smilax

try not to worry, obsess, or need to control stuff

August252015

I believe it is also critical that the other person accepts you with your challenges and realities. Not letting someone make me feel less than, having someone who says it's no big deal if I don't drink, working my recovery program and taking care of me - the space and the encouragement to do this by the other person are hallmarks of a good, mature relationship.