Sohard

I apologize right off the bat for my pity party.

I am over 10 months sober these days and feeling great. Lots has happened in life since i got sober that I NEVER would have expected (moved, great job, a home - and dog - I love, etc.). All good.

I really started a whole new life that I love with this sobriety thing. But, it's still early. So, I still have to be REALLY careful. My coworkers, who I think are great, really enjoy me too. I know they are a bit curious why I never join them for drinks after work, but they've come to not expect it. They don't care, and I don't even WANT to go (which is shocking and wonderful) so I don't feel like I'm missing out on something.

But...tonight I just do feel like I'm missing out, because I am. Here I am, trying to build this great new life in our nation's capital DC, and my employer is throwing their great big black tie party at one of the national monuments. It's always a stunning affair and a great time. I know some people don't like events like this, but I do. I went last year two months before quitting drinking. I was VERY careful and made sure to just have two drinks slowly and then get out of dodge so I didn't over indulge and ruin my great new job, one I had gotten during my first 4 month stretch of sobriety. Of course, I then went home and had two bottles of wine.

Anyway, I can't go tonight. I'm not strong enough at 10 + months to go. But I'm sad. I got sober so I could have a life I love, and I'm in this weird area where I'm fighting for that life and I see it, but I can't jump in and join the party (literally) yet. Next year I'm assuming I'll be strong enough but I'm not yet. And so I'm really sad. And feel like I'm missing out. And I'm sad and lonely about it. And THAT makes me want to order a bottle of wine.

I won't. Be it is what it is, I guess.

Thanks for listening.

Tetrax

Maybe do something enjoyable tomorrow instead

Steely

I'm listening Sohard and I understand.

Really good to hear you say you are not strong enough to go this year. You are strong and insightful. Ten months has served you well.

Next year will be better Sohard.

Wish I could offer more but only 3 months myself. Just wanted you to know I heard you, and that I understood.

Take care Sohard. ❤️

Sohard

THANK YOU. I needed someone to hear me. It is really appreciated.

Surrendered19

That sucks that you feel like that right now, but my humble opinion is that feeling like you are missing out, indeed missing out, on a special event is a very small price to pay for the life you have achieved. Call it a mortgage payment on your health.

Maybe do something tonight to celebrate in another way. Get online and plan a weekend away somewhere new. Something like that. It really is amazing what you have achieved in ten months. Much respect.

Anna

It sounds like you're doing well, SoHard and that things are going well. And, it's so good that you know you can't go tonight. Do something nice for yourself and be proud of yourself for how far you've come.

Dee74

I hear you too. I.m sorry you feel you are missing out but you’re also missing out on feeling bad tomorrow and possibly drinking again to get over that.

I waited until I was sure that nothing and no one would sway my commitment to recovery..

Even so, when I started to reintegrate myself into drinking society I made sure I had an escape plan.

You won’t always be Missy miss out - but in the meantime do something good for yourself this weekend.

thomas11

You are doing the right thing, get pissed, be angry, but stay away from the toxic environment that will take you down. I'm behind you 100%. Good for you in being strong.

anxiousrock

It is hard at those big corporate get togethers. I have one every year too and last year made a fool of myself drunk after trying so hard to not drink!
I agree with the above. Maybe go out and have a nice dinner with a friend or see a movie, something fun!

lessgravity

SH - impressive and great work. I know the feeling. Even though I'm coming up on two years and can attend the kind of event that you're very wisely avoiding, I still do feel sometimes the pain of missing out that you describe.

​​​​​​It sounds like your eyes are on the prize. It sounds like you have your head where it should be, focused on what a life of sobriety truly brings rather than getting caught up in one night. That's not to say that it's always easy or always fun. But it's worth it. And one day perhaps you'll be the sober one an event like that, feeling fine and confident as everyone else is getting sloppy and silly and you'll be able to rest your head at night calm and wake up in the morning feeling strong and peaceful. Thank you for sharing. It's a great reminder. Congrats again.

least

I'm glad you're not putting yourself and your sobriety in harm's way. You can go next year when you're stronger and more secure.

Treat yourself to something nice. Maybe a nice walk with your doggie. And of course a treat for doggie. (I forget if it's a he or a she)

HeadEast

Congratulations for staying strong.

DriGuy

Great job on the 10 months.

Pity parties are regarded as negative, and of course they are, but sometimes we need them, so go right ahead. You're in the right place.

One thing I found quite helpful when I found myself on the pity pot and feeling guilty for being human, was to allow myself a certain amount of time to fully embrace my self pity. Instead of trying to fight it, I would wallow in it to my heart's content until my time was up. This may be permission to wallow for one hour or six. What I found was that I was off the pot way before my time was up. It's like grieving the death of a loved one. Embrace it fully, rather than bottling it up, and it will be gone sooner.

As for missing the gala event, you will know when you are ready to attend without drinking, and you can give yourself permission to leave or stay with new found confidence. You may hate the party or love it, but I know from experience that drinking is not necessary at the most social of events.

Hang in there. You are off to a good start. Now give yourself a deadline and wallow in self pity without guilt or regret. You may find this works. I'm betting you'll get bored with it before your time is up, and find yourself thinking about something a whole lot more fun.

BackandScared

I am sorry Sohard.
It is one of those occasions when you will feel great tomorrow because it is a real challenge and you are facing it heads on. It is great you recognise your danger zones and that you are putting your health and yourself first. As Tetrax and others say, plan something nice for tomorrow. Perhaps a nice massage after work (probably not much more expensive than those 2 bottles of wine you consumed last year after the party).
Big virtual hug.

Hawkeye13

You made the right choice SH and be proud of your strength for doing so.

Sohard

Sohard

Hopingwishing

Abraham

There will always be things that bum you out or get you down but its only temporary with better days ahead. Theres always next year plus you aint missin that much. Best of luck to you.

Dee74

Glad today is a better day sohard

D