Faking Positivity
 

What's the point?
I'm 33 years old.
I live with my dad.
I have no assets.
I have no career.
I have no friends.
I have no significant other or kids.
I'm overqualified for minimum wage jobs.
I'm underqualified for any sort of mid career engineering job.
Degrees don't matter.

I chose to take out debt to go to college.
I chose to take out credit card debt (no interest yet)
I chose to become an alcoholic.
I chose to drink instead of building a career.
I chose to drink instead of building a network in college.
Why can't I choose to just give up and - give myself some peace finally?

It's fairly difficult to look at the facts and conclude I'm anything but a failure.

You're not a failure. You're just going thru some difficult times. You sound like I used to sound - depressed. :hug: I hope you'll stay sober and not let the present circumstances get you down. :hug:

I will keep you in my prayers for some peace of mind. :hug:

You sound like I used to sound also. Depressed.

I loved your The Fire thread.
Didn't sound like you were faking it to me Chris :)

D

Your not a failure at all, you are just going through a really tough time. You can turn your life around and achieve all those things you feel are missing, it just takes time.
My life is far from the way i would of liked it to be, single parent, no partner, no friends, no job but my choice to help myself get better, i don't own my home, its not the fairy tale i imagined when i was young and ive had some dark days. But im learning to accept what i have and find contentment and trusting the long timers on here who tell me things will get better.

Drinking equals sticking my head in a hole.

Medicating my mind to feel better alters my bodies ability to naturally feel better.

I was sad last night because I struggle with self worth issues. I am 55 years old and pretty much invisible unless I raise my hand.

My physical attributes are returning from over 4 years of exercise. This is due to my non drinking lifestyle. I get compliments now and then.

Exercise at 33 can be transformative. A person has 20 plus years of solid strength there.

Game changer.

I can't give job advice because I just got lucky and ended up with an easy higher paying job. I will say I used to work very hard, but then I realized some folks just show up and are rewarded.

I became demoralized. I will say I tried hard to make a difference for about 30 years.

I fake it now and it feels good.

That is not good advice though. There are folks here that might give better advice on working.

The main thing here is knowing booze poison and a liar.

Thanks.

We all want to be 'seen' and I think we miss the signs many times. I do not know about other scenarios, but you are not invisible here. I always like your posts and learn from them

Well.. you are 33 and you have the years and physical strength (unless you have some other issue you are not listing) to change all of the above.

Or you can give up as you say and leave a horrible pain on others.

Event those jumping from the alcoholic lift early have failed at themselves and others. I guess that most of us do not consider quitting until some failures become unbearable.

I certainly had to face the fact that I was not half as good as I thought I would be or I deserved. And it was my fault.

You can reverse the trend. You can choose differently this time. You can make it your objective to be remembered by others as the guy you want to be remember

How does one define success? So you still live at home with your dad. Does your dad consider you an asset or liability? My brother who is over 60 years old never moved out of our childhood family home and still lives there today. He never set the world on fire so to speak but he helped out my parents as they aged. He works most of the time and is kind to his family. To me he's a success. Just being reasonably positive and helping my parents out as they aged was enough.

You are still pretty young and it really is not hard to be positive and kind to others. Just helping out goes a long way. People will appreciate your presence. That alone can make almost anyone a success in my book.

I think the point is that you are still here, and all of those things can be changed.

Not quickly nor easily in each case - but I know that when I quit at 39 some things seemed overwhelming at times and possibly "pointless" (to use my word). Turns out, the biggest ones looming at the time.

I had to get out of my pity party, victim mentality, flip tings to each step I could impact somehow each day and keep it moving. There wasn't another solution I could see anyone doing who was living the kind of life I wanted. And my life is very un-fake these days.

Not to sound negative but sometime you just need to raise your hand and accept responsibility/own it and work on controlling what you can.
Easier said then done sometime but I can't blame other for my life because more time then not, I'm the one making the choices.

YMMV

You're likely to live until your 80s unless you keep drinking. Life is long and situations change over time. Set yourself a 5 year plan and go for it.

You can create a new today and tomorrow and build a life for yourself again. You are only 33, very young and with a lot of time.

I did it at the age of 50 and I will be 59 soon (and still sober)…………..you can do it, too!

Well currently my net worth is negative which means my worth as a person is negative. Less than zero.

If I go through with my plan, it will effectively make my net worth zero. Increasing it significantly. Because if I'm not around, you can't get money out of me.

I will just leave a note to my dad explaining that none of it is his fault. And it would be a burden off him anyway. I tried. I failed. It's over.

This is why I start drinking. I feel hopeless. Almost all of it is financial.

I really hope you ask for help now where someone can help you.
Leaving a note to your dad will not remove his pain,
You start drinking because you are an addict. That is the only reason. Those who are not addicted would never think this way.
Your negativity is fake too. Everything is fake if you want to see it that way. You decide how to see life and how to react to it.
I am sure you know the drill regarding suicidal thoughts.
It is so very obvious that the only non-fake think is that your depression is linked to your drinking and that you use it as an excuse instead of seeing as a consequence.

If you're underqualified for a mid career engineering role, start with an entry level engineering role. Pride needs set aside. Get a job and like Conan O'Brien says "Work hard, be nice, and amazing things will happen." 5 or 6 of your grievances will be solved by that.

I'll share a story I don't often tell. In a different life years ago I was in the same situation as you although it wasn't due to alcoholism. I had enough money for rent and food for another 6-7 weeks. I had planned to live those few weeks then drive way up north and put an end to the misery. Game over.

I didn't do it, I pulled up my bootstraps and got busy getting out of that hole. In the years since I've had a good corporate job, got married, started my own company, bought 3 houses, got myself back in good physical shape and many other positives along the way. I still have struggles which is why I am here. Oh, and I was 30 years old. So close to your age. You sound pessimistic about many things in your posts, try to do something to change that. You are capable of so much more than you think you are. Seriously.

This
Negative focus = non action

As less gravity says often, “nobody is coming to save me”.
I found that to be true also.