Faking Positivity
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Originally Posted by KissMyTiara 
I am 61 years old. When I was 50 my alcoholism was out of control. I left my job. I am CPA for 25+ years. I made good money. I got myself into massive debt (single and paying bills myself). I thought I was too good with my license to work anything beneath me. Well when I went back to work 3 years ago I applied to ANYTHING in my field. I HAD to.... I didn't have a Daddy letting me live with him. Entry level accounting....high school diploma bookkeeping jobs. Yes I was turned down for many things because of my qualifications. But I didn't quit interviewing. I finally found a job in accounting paying half of my previous job. And after 3 years of showing what I can do I run the accounting/finance department. Let your ego go and take what you can get and show them what you can do. Things are not just going to be handed to you. And also.....a negative attitude will get you nowhere. If you don't hear back so what? Lot's of places don't call back. You are SOOO young. Get busy getting that job and be humble.
EDIT:
Ignore that response. Thank you for the advice - I will take it into consideration.
I really don't know how to talk to people sometimes.
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Originally Posted by August252015
I am a well-educated woman. I took a job at the front counter of a fast food place to get started. It took one step at a time from there.
Rigorous honesty? That applies to ourselves in every way, including what we are willing to do - and actually doing- to get and live a different life. I don't see that here.
I see hardships that can be overcome-many have- and it's not a quick process. But actually trying beats giving up every single time.
Rigorous honesty? That applies to ourselves in every way, including what we are willing to do - and actually doing- to get and live a different life. I don't see that here.
I see hardships that can be overcome-many have- and it's not a quick process. But actually trying beats giving up every single time.
EDIT:
Actually, that's not what this forum is about. I apologize - my argumentativeness stems from a lot of things, but it's not a dislike for AA. I love AA - it helps me greatly. I would have rather just deleted this response for this reason.
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Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe
I want to do software engineering.
And I'd like to be entirely honest to get there. I'd like to be able to tell a recruiter / interviewer that the reason for this blip in my career was mental health related but I've been fixing that and I'm ready to pursue my career aspirations. But that is not acceptable in an interview. You have to spin everything - aka lie.
And I'd like to be entirely honest to get there. I'd like to be able to tell a recruiter / interviewer that the reason for this blip in my career was mental health related but I've been fixing that and I'm ready to pursue my career aspirations. But that is not acceptable in an interview. You have to spin everything - aka lie.
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Originally Posted by Steely
I once asked a friend (recovering) what I might say to someone, and she said, "what's wrong with the truth?" It's always remained with me.
Maybe you could try it. Become a trailblazer.
Maybe you could try it. Become a trailblazer.
But I don't think admitting that a job gap was due to raging alcoholism would go over so well professionally :p
Nonetheless, I had another good meeting tonight. My waves of negativity come and go, and hopefully they start staying gone forever.
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I don't know exactly how AA has anything to do with except the reference to the 9th step prayer and my pointing out it was a fist steps first thing.
Rigorous honesty is primarily an internal job. We learn to amdit when we are lying to ourselves, and we stop. We learn when we are being deceitful in relationsips even in small things. We own up.
So, full disclosure is not exactly the same thing when it comes to a job app, and we are actually protected from having to tell certain things by law. So when I walked to that fast food place and filled out the app, and intereviewed, every answer was true. I didn't say "I'm 6 wks sober" as it had no bearing on my ability to do the job. They couldn't ask. See the dif? Rigorous honesty was in listing references, in passing the boss's fave test of leaving a $20 on the floor and picking it up to turn it in...
My point is this:
I was dying when I quit. 39 and given a yr, 18 mo to quit.
I decided I wanted to live.
AA was my only option- and the last one I had ever wanted- so off I went.
Drs for all approp stuff.
I went to any lengths and at any costs as the saying goes. I didn't move, but it was a close call and my parents would have helped me.
i took that $8.25/hr job that supported me about half. Paying off hospital bills one a t a time came well before getting my hair highlighted on the regular.
I let people help me. I humbled myself. I trusted that my life was worth more than the hell and I was living.
I have worked hella hard in 4 yrs to be where I am- and to quote my dad "The harder I work, the luckier I get."
All I can tell ya in closing in quit whining and go get started. The smallest victories- like the days when I began checking off to-do lists of 1 eat 2x 2 make the bed 3 shower - up to the amazing-ness of being thanked in the book notes of a recent best seller written by the guy who started the restaurant recovery group lead. And about a million other life things, big, small, celebratory or tear worthy make this perfectly imperfect life I have the best I can imagine.
Rigorous honesty is primarily an internal job. We learn to amdit when we are lying to ourselves, and we stop. We learn when we are being deceitful in relationsips even in small things. We own up.
So, full disclosure is not exactly the same thing when it comes to a job app, and we are actually protected from having to tell certain things by law. So when I walked to that fast food place and filled out the app, and intereviewed, every answer was true. I didn't say "I'm 6 wks sober" as it had no bearing on my ability to do the job. They couldn't ask. See the dif? Rigorous honesty was in listing references, in passing the boss's fave test of leaving a $20 on the floor and picking it up to turn it in...
My point is this:
I was dying when I quit. 39 and given a yr, 18 mo to quit.
I decided I wanted to live.
AA was my only option- and the last one I had ever wanted- so off I went.
Drs for all approp stuff.
I went to any lengths and at any costs as the saying goes. I didn't move, but it was a close call and my parents would have helped me.
i took that $8.25/hr job that supported me about half. Paying off hospital bills one a t a time came well before getting my hair highlighted on the regular.
I let people help me. I humbled myself. I trusted that my life was worth more than the hell and I was living.
I have worked hella hard in 4 yrs to be where I am- and to quote my dad "The harder I work, the luckier I get."
All I can tell ya in closing in quit whining and go get started. The smallest victories- like the days when I began checking off to-do lists of 1 eat 2x 2 make the bed 3 shower - up to the amazing-ness of being thanked in the book notes of a recent best seller written by the guy who started the restaurant recovery group lead. And about a million other life things, big, small, celebratory or tear worthy make this perfectly imperfect life I have the best I can imagine.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by August252015
I am a well-educated woman. I took a job at the front counter of a fast food place to get started. It took one step at a time from there.
Rigorous honesty? That applies to ourselves in every way, including what we are willing to do - and actually doing- to get and live a different life. I don't see that here.
I see hardships that can be overcome-many have- and it's not a quick process. But actually trying beats giving up every single time.
Rigorous honesty? That applies to ourselves in every way, including what we are willing to do - and actually doing- to get and live a different life. I don't see that here.
I see hardships that can be overcome-many have- and it's not a quick process. But actually trying beats giving up every single time.
Sending you positive vibes along with our collective call to action.
You deserve a good life TWTOM.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
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I think you are allowing yourself to get 'stuck' on honesty with respect to interviewing.
You can be professional, straight forward, and still re-frame questions. If someone asks you about a 'fight' you've had with a colleague, re-frame the question. "I don't recall ever 'fighting' with colleagues. That is counter productive. But when working in cross functional teams I have had professional disagreements. This is a natural part of the team process and, if handled properly, benefits the companies top level objectives because different departments have different deliverables....." Yadda Yadda. I worked in several companies as a sales person. Sales often disagrees with finance, materials disagrees with program management, engineering disagrees with production. Etc etc. If these different groups DIDN'T disagree, the companies would not be profitable or have customers or be able to manufacture the crazy azz product engineering designed. See?
If you do 'fight' with colleagues and you have to lie about it, that's a completely different problem and one you'll have to look inward to sort. Fighting, anger and taking things personally will see you directly to the door with any decent company.
"Are you an addict?" Never been asked that one but I'd say NO. If I have a record that would indicate I'm an addict, then I'd say I'm in recovery. If its one DUI, the answer would be NO. If its 4 felony dui's I'd say, I'm in recovery.
Marinating in the problem, while often the start of the solution, will only keep you in the problem. Take yourself out of the marinade and start constructing a real, workable plan. Or not. At the end of last year I was starting the job hunt process. I quickly realized my head was not in the game. I was faced with a new world of internet based hiring and have no contacts locally. I was not ready to pull on the contacts I have in California. I knew if I landed an interview I would not be 'hungry' enough. I pulled back because I didn't want to screw up. I have no safety net. Been on my own since I was 21 after Uni.
I am 55. I haven't worked in almost 20 years. I have a degree. I was VP level when I left tech. I'm looking at Trader Joes more than likely. And even that I would be grateful for. Its one small step. I'll start looking in May. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.
You can be professional, straight forward, and still re-frame questions. If someone asks you about a 'fight' you've had with a colleague, re-frame the question. "I don't recall ever 'fighting' with colleagues. That is counter productive. But when working in cross functional teams I have had professional disagreements. This is a natural part of the team process and, if handled properly, benefits the companies top level objectives because different departments have different deliverables....." Yadda Yadda. I worked in several companies as a sales person. Sales often disagrees with finance, materials disagrees with program management, engineering disagrees with production. Etc etc. If these different groups DIDN'T disagree, the companies would not be profitable or have customers or be able to manufacture the crazy azz product engineering designed. See?
If you do 'fight' with colleagues and you have to lie about it, that's a completely different problem and one you'll have to look inward to sort. Fighting, anger and taking things personally will see you directly to the door with any decent company.
"Are you an addict?" Never been asked that one but I'd say NO. If I have a record that would indicate I'm an addict, then I'd say I'm in recovery. If its one DUI, the answer would be NO. If its 4 felony dui's I'd say, I'm in recovery.
Marinating in the problem, while often the start of the solution, will only keep you in the problem. Take yourself out of the marinade and start constructing a real, workable plan. Or not. At the end of last year I was starting the job hunt process. I quickly realized my head was not in the game. I was faced with a new world of internet based hiring and have no contacts locally. I was not ready to pull on the contacts I have in California. I knew if I landed an interview I would not be 'hungry' enough. I pulled back because I didn't want to screw up. I have no safety net. Been on my own since I was 21 after Uni.
I am 55. I haven't worked in almost 20 years. I have a degree. I was VP level when I left tech. I'm looking at Trader Joes more than likely. And even that I would be grateful for. Its one small step. I'll start looking in May. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
You may not like this, but I have learnt a few things reading your posts, among them:
1. No matter how good your insight into alcohol is, you will delude yourself to keep drinking if the addictive voice has its way.
2. Alcohol brings your mood down immediately.
3. The only way to stop drinking is to stop finding excuses. As long as you keep wrestling with excuses, you will end up drinking
4. Alcohol is also an excuse to do nothing else with your life. You find an excuse to drink and the alcohol becomes the excuse.
I wish you could help yourself as much as you have helped me.
I
1. No matter how good your insight into alcohol is, you will delude yourself to keep drinking if the addictive voice has its way.
2. Alcohol brings your mood down immediately.
3. The only way to stop drinking is to stop finding excuses. As long as you keep wrestling with excuses, you will end up drinking
4. Alcohol is also an excuse to do nothing else with your life. You find an excuse to drink and the alcohol becomes the excuse.
I wish you could help yourself as much as you have helped me.
I
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe
Somehow I doubt I helped you.
I think you did that for yourself.
I think you did that for yourself.
I said before that I learnt a lot from D122. It is not just a statement. I can also list specific examples. For instance, he was the first person I 'know' to mention 'kindling' . He also writes often about the panic attacks that accompanied his drinking before quitting, the long time it took to recover mentally and the role of exercise. He made me realise what I was experiencing was not unique, it was going to take time to resolve but there was a way. Also, the importance of understanding addiction.
The most important swift in me has been the realisation that my addictive voice had power because my addiction has distorted my perception of reality. I needed to believe others that were on the same journey. Really believe them. I am not an AA person. But 'faith' as 'believing' in something bigger than myself (others) has been the key.
You should try it.
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