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Faking Positivity

Old 03-04-2020, 09:35 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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So I'll just say this again:

You are staying at Dad's and beating the crap out of yourself. Why not, while you have the time to do this, find a volunteer job? You can establish a track record with this work and use them as your reference. If you are not looking for a solution, then continue to beat yourself up. Its your choice.

You have the degrees. You are young my friend. Very young. And you seem intelligent. You are creating your own cage through your thoughts. I think you know this but you are stuck. I try to tell myself, do something and something happens. Do nothing and.......

We all get stuck. I get stuck a lot. Its hard. All tied to anxiety and fear and depression. It is easy to teach myself that I'm helpless, that the world is against me. That I'm a victim. But I don't know about you, I hate it when I let myself believe my own narrative....all in the confines of my home. Where literally NOTHING is happening because I'm doing nothing. Haha. You can probably tell I've been where you are. I am facing returning to the work force so I can compete with people your age. So it's all relative.

I'm not very important. Actually, most people don't think about me at all. So why not just make one small move? The volunteer job. See what happens.
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:12 AM
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self edit....
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:29 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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You seem unwilling to do work you consider beneath you. That's too bad.

Just getting a job of any sort would be a start back into the world.
I hope you choose to do that instead of another pity party which only hurts you.

Lots of people have begun again with far less than you.
I believe you are an intelligent and capable person with excellent communication skills who has much to offer--but you are also your own worst enemy.

Quit fighting yourself and blaming the world. It will only keep you stuck TWTOM.
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:45 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
You seem unwilling to do work you consider beneath you. That's too bad.
Employers deem people overqualified and ghost them, Hawkeye.
I'm not deeming MYSELF overqualified.
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe View Post
Employers deem people overqualified and ghost them, Hawkeye.
I'm not deeming MYSELF overqualified.
But you are deeming yourself a lot of other very negative/self destructive things. Just for the heck of it , go back through and re-read the titles of the last 10 threads you started here. Or even the posts just within this thread - and imagine they were written by someone else.

So yes - the world isn't fair. But you are making it infinitely more difficult with your negative/self-pity talk. I deal with anxiety and get things stuck in my head that just are flat out illogical but i literally worry myself sick about them sometimes. I used to do it even more but i found that for the most part it's all self-inflicted. I try to blame it on external factors, but in the end it's all about my choices to react appropriate or hide ( and drink in the past ). Quitting drinking did not solve that problem for me either....i needed to work on that as well.
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:00 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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if they are GHOSTING you, how on earth could you possibly know WHY?

are you actively seeking work today? or just moaning about what would happen if..............?

employers don't ghost.....they simply do not reach out to every candidate that applied. one can then assume if one does not hear back in say two weeks, they were not selected. it's not a deliberate punitive act, it's just business. nor is it some dang conspiracy.
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
if they are GHOSTING you, how on earth could you possibly know WHY?
Good point.
I can't know why.
Which makes knowing what I did wrong impossible. So how do I fix what I did wrong?
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:20 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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https://www.topresume.com/career-adv...your-interview

"But there is a 'gray zone' where complete, raw honesty might not serve you best. As a recruiter and HR consultant, I've asked tough questions, knowing full well that no candidate in their right mind is going to be completely honest in their answers. But that's somewhat of the beauty of these questions. They are a gauge of a candidate's social intelligence. I have great respect for candidates that reveal a ***** in their armor while managing to avoid hoisting any scarlet flags with their answers."

Why the games? What's the point of this? I can code and if I don't know how to code something, I can Google it. If I don't know the proper syntax for list slicing in Python, I can StackOverflow it. If I still don't know the answer, I can look at other sources or even YouTube videos. If I still don't know the answer, I can ask colleagues. If none of us know the answer, it's probably some sort of novel problem or we're using the wrong tool.

The point is, "Tell me about a time you got in a fight with a coworker." style interviewing is loaded and useless. It unnecessarily weeds out qualified, intelligent people.

And while some may think I am, no I'm not drinking today. In fact, I'll be going to my 5pm meeting here in CO.
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:48 AM
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If you lived in my town you would have a job tomorrow. No work history, no references. Employers here cannot find enough people to work. Not glamorous jobs mind you, but jobs nevertheless.

If it is so different in your town, I think you should go to your local government's employment and training folks. They keep in touch with many private employers who are not picky about people's backgrounds. I think you should also visit a temp agency, or more than one. Tell them you cannot pass traditional background checks because of a checkered work history but that you are ready, willing and able to do any job they refer you to.

There are so many people in your shoes TWTOM and they are gainfully employed in jobs that need to be done. Then, when you have track record going, your trajectory only goes up.

There are employers now - an ever-increasing number of them - that employ only people with felony criminal records. I am not ready to buy into the notion that you are totally unemployable.
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Old 03-04-2020, 11:58 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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I'm not unemployable. I'm just frustrated with my damn brain. I posted this thread last night lying in bed - that's when some of the more negative thoughts tend to come to me.

I guess I like to spew all my thoughts out on this forum rather than tell people in real life. Unless I'm drinking, then I go off in real life and that's shameful as hell when I come to.
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:02 PM
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You can absolutely spew all you want here. This is where you can get some feedback from people who understand your nag-headed head, because our heads are the same way from time to time. You are among friends here.
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:06 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Thank you everyone for your input even though I was stupidly argumentative.
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:26 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe View Post
Employers deem people overqualified and ghost them, Hawkeye.
I'm not deeming MYSELF overqualified.
Sorry, I'm not buying that. How many actual entry level jobs have you applied for in the past six months? I mean entry level / unskilled.

Someone like you who can concentrate, solve problems, and represent a company well as a customer service person would be snapped up. You can protest all you like, but if the applications have not been sent in, and you haven't presented yourself to local places where you are, you are not effectively on the market.

You need to get out of the house and into something. Once you get started, you can begin the process of upgrading your employment.
You defeat yourself before you even get out of the gate by saying there is nothing.

I believe in you and your potential. Give yourself a chance, widen what you would consider doing for getting re-employed, and get out there.
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Old 03-04-2020, 12:31 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Choosing victory over alcoholism is a huge achievement. It is available to all of us.
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Old 03-04-2020, 02:14 PM
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You need to get out of your head, mate.

There are plenty of opportunities out there if you'd just open up to them. None of them are perfect, but you could make them work. Just stop trying to find problems and start looking for solutions

And if asked about fighting a co-worker, just spin a story. And end it with "On that day I learned to never grab battle dwarves by their beards". And after that say that you resolve issues peacefully, but don't back down from an argument as long as it's constructive and on point. And that you're open to constructive criticism, because you want to get better at whatever it is you're doing. And that this mindset helps you avoid most situations others might consider 'fights'.
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Old 03-04-2020, 02:16 PM
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I'll keep that approach in mind for the next stupid interview question, kk1k5x lol.
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Old 03-04-2020, 03:36 PM
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The only one who is condemning yourself to a miserable life is you.
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Old 03-04-2020, 03:36 PM
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I am 61 years old. When I was 50 my alcoholism was out of control. I left my job. I am CPA for 25+ years. I made good money. I got myself into massive debt (single and paying bills myself). I thought I was too good with my license to work anything beneath me. Well when I went back to work 3 years ago I applied to ANYTHING in my field. I HAD to.... I didn't have a Daddy letting me live with him. Entry level accounting....high school diploma bookkeeping jobs. Yes I was turned down for many things because of my qualifications. But I didn't quit interviewing. I finally found a job in accounting paying half of my previous job. And after 3 years of showing what I can do I run the accounting/finance department. Let your ego go and take what you can get and show them what you can do. Things are not just going to be handed to you. And also.....a negative attitude will get you nowhere. If you don't hear back so what? Lot's of places don't call back. You are SOOO young. Get busy getting that job and be humble.
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Old 03-04-2020, 03:53 PM
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I am a well-educated woman. I took a job at the front counter of a fast food place to get started. It took one step at a time from there.

Rigorous honesty? That applies to ourselves in every way, including what we are willing to do - and actually doing- to get and live a different life. I don't see that here.

I see hardships that can be overcome-many have- and it's not a quick process. But actually trying beats giving up every single time.
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Old 03-04-2020, 04:27 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
We all want to be 'seen' and I think we miss the signs many times. I do not know about other scenarios, but you are not invisible here. I always like your posts and learn from them
Thanks. You just made my day.

I like you a lot.
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