Feeling a bit low..
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
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Feeling a bit low..
The past couple of days I feel like I've hit a brick wall emotionally. My job is pretty crazy at the moment, I do a full time role in part time hours and it's just insanely busy. I think its caught up with me. I also have a 4 year old so am always busy.
I have a long history of depression, OCD and anxiety. I didn't sleep much last night and called in sick today. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed or do anything, my head feels fuzzy and weird, my emotions are flat.
I don't think I feel like drinking but I know when like this normally I absolutely would be planning to now so I just wanted to reach out here. 9 weeks sober today.
I have a long history of depression, OCD and anxiety. I didn't sleep much last night and called in sick today. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed or do anything, my head feels fuzzy and weird, my emotions are flat.
I don't think I feel like drinking but I know when like this normally I absolutely would be planning to now so I just wanted to reach out here. 9 weeks sober today.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I could have written your post. I'm on day 62 and feeling flat also. Everything seems like such a grind with little reward. I was just complaining to a co-worker that I wish I could take the day off.
On another level I'm very aware that these feelings are part of the addiction and will eventually subside as long as we stay sober. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many people on here trying to get sober.
On another level I'm very aware that these feelings are part of the addiction and will eventually subside as long as we stay sober. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many people on here trying to get sober.
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Originally Posted by Sober45 
I could have written your post. I'm on day 62 and feeling flat also. Everything seems like such a grind with little reward. I was just complaining to a co-worker that I wish I could take the day off.
On another level I'm very aware that these feelings are part of the addiction and will eventually subside as long as we stay sober. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many people on here trying to get sober.
On another level I'm very aware that these feelings are part of the addiction and will eventually subside as long as we stay sober. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many people on here trying to get sober.
I've had a few very good weeks so it's always a real disappointment when I hit the wall. I think I need to slow down. I'm going to be really assertive with my boss on what I can and cant do.
Today though, I'm just going to look after me. Sending hugs to those also struggling xx
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
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Yup I agree. My longest quit prior to this was 53 days and that was years ago. I remember I was going through the same sort of thing and justified going back to moderate drinking because I felt like I deserved it. Of course, i just spiraled downward for years after that day. It's amazing how easily we forget what kind of hell we were in. What a fool I was.
I think we have certain expectations about what life will be like sober and when reality doesn't match up with our hopes we feel disappointed and want to go back to it.
The thing is, it took many years to establish the drinking routine. It's ingrained in us. So to think we'd by in the clear after a few months is not realistic. Knowing this brings hope for a better future.
I cling on to posts by lifers who are ENJOYING their sobriety because I've learned too not everyone does. It's up to us to create the life we want. But like you said, we need to slow down...one day at a time.
Hugs to you
I think we have certain expectations about what life will be like sober and when reality doesn't match up with our hopes we feel disappointed and want to go back to it.
The thing is, it took many years to establish the drinking routine. It's ingrained in us. So to think we'd by in the clear after a few months is not realistic. Knowing this brings hope for a better future.
I cling on to posts by lifers who are ENJOYING their sobriety because I've learned too not everyone does. It's up to us to create the life we want. But like you said, we need to slow down...one day at a time.
Hugs to you
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I'm glad you're staying focused on your sobriety. I found that things settled more for me around the 3 month mark, so have faith that things will improve. Consider talking to your doctor if you think it might help.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Congratulations on being aware enough of the danger of drinking again and doing the right thing by posting here instead of drinking. 9 weeks is a great start and it will get easier as time passes.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Have you put in place any 'alcohol replacement therapy' ?
So if booze is the old go to ...... what are the new non drinking ones ?
What can you do to self soothe without resorting to a drink ?
That is essentially what it boils down to, we drink to change the way we feel and if we are to get sober and be reasonably happy about it .... we gotta find something to change the way we feel that isn't drinking.
Its the action part of our plans.
So if booze is the old go to ...... what are the new non drinking ones ?
What can you do to self soothe without resorting to a drink ?
That is essentially what it boils down to, we drink to change the way we feel and if we are to get sober and be reasonably happy about it .... we gotta find something to change the way we feel that isn't drinking.
Its the action part of our plans.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Originally Posted by Derringer
Have you put in place any 'alcohol replacement therapy' ?
So if booze is the old go to ...... what are the new non drinking ones ?
What can you do to self soothe without resorting to a drink ?
That is essentially what it boils down to, we drink to change the way we feel and if we are to get sober and be reasonably happy about it .... we gotta find something to change the way we feel that isn't drinking.
Its the action part of our plans.
So if booze is the old go to ...... what are the new non drinking ones ?
What can you do to self soothe without resorting to a drink ?
That is essentially what it boils down to, we drink to change the way we feel and if we are to get sober and be reasonably happy about it .... we gotta find something to change the way we feel that isn't drinking.
Its the action part of our plans.
I agree completely. Ive changed some of my coping mechanisms and habits over the past 2 months, both preventative and reactive:
- I have changed my diet which helps me feel better in body and mind (lost 6.5lb in the past month)
- I have started drawing again
- I have busier weekends with lots of activities planned
- I keep a daily gratitude log
- I'm in a better daily routine and have added more structure
- I do sobriety reading and watch videos and post on various groups
- I've seriously boundaries and put plans in place for my weak spots with husband
- I've reduced my hours at work from 5 days to 3 long days
if I feel in a danger zone, I post here, do some reading, watch a sobriety video and have something sweet (mainly fruit).
I am sure there is more I could do. I think the main thing is getting in top of my job. I've made it clear to my boss its unmanageable at the moment with little practical offered. My workload is increasing rather than reducing. Unfortunately a lot of people depend on me to do my job (I have a current caseload of 129 that I am managing, and it's time limited so all the work with these 129 has to be completed by July). So I feel a sense of duty and it's at the expense of my own health. I am making a plan to address this. I have called in sick today and will take this as an opportunity to raise a big red flag to my boss.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Yes, you have got plenty in place already, that is excellent and well done 👍😊
Maybe the one thing I could add would be to write it down ie: what needs done, by when and how.
Usually this can help in two ways
It gets it all out of our heads and down on paper and when that happens, our little voice that sits there and chirps away all day with little 'dont forget this' and 'what about that' can see it all written down and goes 'oh great, well I guess I can shut up about that for a while'
And, seeing it written down can also help with the overwhelm and when it all seems bigger than Texas in our heads, seeing it written down, even if it is a comprehensive list, can help it seem much more manageable.
Like ... "there's one hundred things to do and I've got 50 working days .... so 2 things a day .... I think that's achievable."
Just a suggestion that I know has worked for me in the past.
Maybe you've already done that, in which case, just ignore my ramblings 😉
Maybe the one thing I could add would be to write it down ie: what needs done, by when and how.
Usually this can help in two ways
It gets it all out of our heads and down on paper and when that happens, our little voice that sits there and chirps away all day with little 'dont forget this' and 'what about that' can see it all written down and goes 'oh great, well I guess I can shut up about that for a while'
And, seeing it written down can also help with the overwhelm and when it all seems bigger than Texas in our heads, seeing it written down, even if it is a comprehensive list, can help it seem much more manageable.
Like ... "there's one hundred things to do and I've got 50 working days .... so 2 things a day .... I think that's achievable."
Just a suggestion that I know has worked for me in the past.
Maybe you've already done that, in which case, just ignore my ramblings 😉
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Derringer
Yes, you have got plenty in place already, that is excellent and well done 👍😊
Maybe the one thing I could add would be to write it down ie: what needs done, by when and how.
Usually this can help in two ways
It gets it all out of our heads and down on paper and when that happens, our little voice that sits there and chirps away all day with little 'dont forget this' and 'what about that' can see it all written down and goes 'oh great, well I guess I can shut up about that for a while'
And, seeing it written down can also help with the overwhelm and when it all seems bigger than Texas in our heads, seeing it written down, even if it is a comprehensive list, can help it seem much more manageable.
Like ... "there's one hundred things to do and I've got 50 working days .... so 2 things a day .... I think that's achievable."
Just a suggestion that I know has worked for me in the past.
Maybe you've already done that, in which case, just ignore my ramblings 😉
Maybe the one thing I could add would be to write it down ie: what needs done, by when and how.
Usually this can help in two ways
It gets it all out of our heads and down on paper and when that happens, our little voice that sits there and chirps away all day with little 'dont forget this' and 'what about that' can see it all written down and goes 'oh great, well I guess I can shut up about that for a while'
And, seeing it written down can also help with the overwhelm and when it all seems bigger than Texas in our heads, seeing it written down, even if it is a comprehensive list, can help it seem much more manageable.
Like ... "there's one hundred things to do and I've got 50 working days .... so 2 things a day .... I think that's achievable."
Just a suggestion that I know has worked for me in the past.
Maybe you've already done that, in which case, just ignore my ramblings 😉
I am normally super organised and have a good to do list system going..I have so much stationery I could open a shop. However there is now so much that needs to be done I can barely get through writing a to do list. It honestly fills me with panic. I spent an hour writing one today and it's not finished. Work is giving me serious anxiety right now.
But I will take your advice and write a list of non work things to help me focus.
I've booked in some stuff to do on my days off this week so Thursday am taking my son to a community gardens for a treasure hunt, on Friday am taking him to Legoland and Sunday we are all going out for a meal in the afternoon. It helps to have something to look forward to
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
I can relate to this too. I work a full time and a part time job so I'm basically working 6-7 days a week and I'm also in a gym workout and nutrition challenge. Plus I find in recovery I need to give myself about 10 hours to "sleep". I heard at AA that sleep is very important so I'm going with it haha.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low, though I can never make it past that hump myself.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low, though I can never make it past that hump myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
I have a long history of depression, OCD and anxiety. I didn't sleep much last night and called in sick today. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed or do anything, my head feels fuzzy and weird, my emotions are flat.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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I haven't slept well the past 2 nights, and my mind has felt almost manic. I also had itching all over and really painful restless legs. I'm feeling really depressed and anxious. I've stayed off work.
I dont know if others on this thread have found this, but this bout of depression has hit me hard. I know my illnesses are underlying but because I've spent most of my adult life drinking to "cope" with them I think I hoped that it would go away. And I've been doing so so well for the past 2 months, and the last month particularly a huge improvement in my mood and self, this feels like a real kick in the teeth.
As you can imagine, AV is piping up..what's the point in sobriety if you're still unwell? At least drinking gave you some momentary reprieve and escape.
But hey AV, I've got something to tell you. I might still suffer but the bits inbetween have been infinitely better, I've been better. I've coped with life more. I might not be great now but if the bits inbetween are good, if I'm actually living and not just getting through the days then I'm taking it.
There is no way I'm going back down that road. This is an opportunity to learn how to deal with my mental health properly!!
I dont know if others on this thread have found this, but this bout of depression has hit me hard. I know my illnesses are underlying but because I've spent most of my adult life drinking to "cope" with them I think I hoped that it would go away. And I've been doing so so well for the past 2 months, and the last month particularly a huge improvement in my mood and self, this feels like a real kick in the teeth.
As you can imagine, AV is piping up..what's the point in sobriety if you're still unwell? At least drinking gave you some momentary reprieve and escape.
But hey AV, I've got something to tell you. I might still suffer but the bits inbetween have been infinitely better, I've been better. I've coped with life more. I might not be great now but if the bits inbetween are good, if I'm actually living and not just getting through the days then I'm taking it.
There is no way I'm going back down that road. This is an opportunity to learn how to deal with my mental health properly!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I would see a doctor for the depression, insomnia, and restless legs. When I had restless legs, my doctor put me on a medication to stop it. Apparently restless legs can develop into a lifelong condition. I wish you the best.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
Wishing you all the best AwkwardKitty.
Actually trip to the doctors might be a good idea. Obviously you would be going to discuss your depression/anxiety but you would also have great news to add in respect of your nine weeks plus of sobriety. This surely means that any medication you are prescribed or recommended would stand a MUCH better chance of being effective than if it were being masked by alcohol.
Three cheers for your sober time too, that is a wonderful achievement.
Actually trip to the doctors might be a good idea. Obviously you would be going to discuss your depression/anxiety but you would also have great news to add in respect of your nine weeks plus of sobriety. This surely means that any medication you are prescribed or recommended would stand a MUCH better chance of being effective than if it were being masked by alcohol.
Three cheers for your sober time too, that is a wonderful achievement.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
The past couple of days I feel like I've hit a brick wall emotionally.
I have a long history of depression, OCD and anxiety. my emotions are flat.
I don't think I feel like drinking but I know when like this normally I absolutely would be planning to now so I just wanted to reach out here. 9 weeks sober today
I have a long history of depression, OCD and anxiety. my emotions are flat.
I don't think I feel like drinking but I know when like this normally I absolutely would be planning to now so I just wanted to reach out here. 9 weeks sober today
Also, there is the often mentioned "pink cloud" in sobriety, but it doesn't last forever. For most people it's a temporary rush, and then it fades back to your emotional default state.
I'm not sure what to say about "emotionally flat." I feel it at times, but I don't think it's a bad state. Its opposite would be an emotional roller coaster. So you might just view it as being emotionally at rest. This may not apply to you, but some people chase chaos and drama. I have often thought they put it in their lives to get rid the quiet. I don't actually know why they do it. I see them do it, so I come up with theories to explain it. I could be wrong about why they do this.
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
There are better ways to deal with depression, OCD, and anxiety than drinking. But sobriety doesn't necessarily make those things go away, either. It could take counseling or medications. Alcohol tends to make those things worse.
Also, there is the often mentioned "pink cloud" in sobriety, but it doesn't last forever. For most people it's a temporary rush, and then it fades back to your emotional default state.
I'm not sure what to say about "emotionally flat." I feel it at times, but I don't think it's a bad state. Its opposite would be an emotional roller coaster. So you might just view it as being emotionally at rest. This may not apply to you, but some people chase chaos and drama. I have often thought they put it in their lives to get rid the quiet. I don't actually know why they do it. I see them do it, so I come up with theories to explain it. I could be wrong about why they do this.
Also, there is the often mentioned "pink cloud" in sobriety, but it doesn't last forever. For most people it's a temporary rush, and then it fades back to your emotional default state.
I'm not sure what to say about "emotionally flat." I feel it at times, but I don't think it's a bad state. Its opposite would be an emotional roller coaster. So you might just view it as being emotionally at rest. This may not apply to you, but some people chase chaos and drama. I have often thought they put it in their lives to get rid the quiet. I don't actually know why they do it. I see them do it, so I come up with theories to explain it. I could be wrong about why they do this.
I've had mental health issues since I was a child (had a severely traumatic childhood) so I know it's going to take more than just not drinking, and in a way this is a way of experiencing them differently since I'm not resorting to my usual "coping" strategies. So of course it's going to be a learning curve, maybe even a lifelong one.
I don't think I'm generally one of those drama chasers, although my mum is (she has BPD and lives in constant chaos of her own making) and I can certainly stir stuff up when drunk. But my general nature is to keep myself to myself, I enjoy calm and creative activities, I love spending time with my husband and son, I'm very family orientated and my work means the world to me and I've had a fantastic fulfilling career for the past 18 years. As I said, having had a tough upbringing I've tried to create a very stable life as an adult and especially for my little boy. I'm extremely empathetic and driven by social justice and my moral compass. The drunk me is SO at odds with everything I am as a person and everything I hold dear.
Thanks everyone for your advice.
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Thanks also to those who suggested seeing my GP for meds. I'm on long term medication for my mental health and have been for 20+ years (I'm 37). That's also a factor to consider, that by drinking my medication was probably working in a different way so no doubt I'm in an adjustment period in that regard.
I do think I should try and see them though, I think if I could get a few days supply of sleeping pills it might help me reset my sleep routine. I'm not generally a fan as they make me very hungover/ groggy the next day but it might be worth it right now. If I'm sleeping the anxiety is naturally less, so at least that takes one thing away.
I do think I should try and see them though, I think if I could get a few days supply of sleeping pills it might help me reset my sleep routine. I'm not generally a fan as they make me very hungover/ groggy the next day but it might be worth it right now. If I'm sleeping the anxiety is naturally less, so at least that takes one thing away.
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I can relate to this too. I work a full time and a part time job so I'm basically working 6-7 days a week and I'm also in a gym workout and nutrition challenge. Plus I find in recovery I need to give myself about 10 hours to "sleep". I heard at AA that sleep is very important so I'm going with it haha.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low, though I can never make it past that hump myself.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low, though I can never make it past that hump myself.
Sleep is so important, it's like the foundation of good mental health and you can only go so far without it! Unfortunately sleep has always been a big issue for me, on and off. I have a very buzzy mind and am not always good at switching it off.
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