Hello Again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Hello Again
Hello SR family. I haven't been around much lately. I have checked out posts from time to time, but posting on my own while continuing to drink didn't feel right. And I know that's precisely why I should've posted.
The last few months have been pretty difficult. Dealing with life issues outside your control can be taxing. Taking on so much responsibility for others can drain your soul. I'm doing the best I can, but it's taking its toll. Alcohol continues to be the constant thing that calms me. For whatever reason, I push people away who want to help and support, so alcohol winds up being the thing to bring me some kind of comfort, albeit temporary. And I hate it. The temporary feeling that alcohol brings always subsides and I'm left with feeling emptiness and regret. I'm tired of this cycle.
Usually when I decide I'm "done", I dump the alcohol down the drain the morning after a bender, promising myself (who is hungover) that I'm not doing this anymore. Tonight, while still drinking and feeling "good", I dumped the remainder of my alcohol down the drain. So many times I've felt different about the current attempt to quit and I'm ready for change. I want this time to be different. I know several people who are dying from their addictions. I don't want to be one of them.
I was sick awhile back (not alcohol related) and I didn't drink for a few days. Despite being sick, I felt so good! Less tired, drained, hungover, fuzzy. I FELT NORMAL!! But of course, that feeling good lead me back to the thing that always makes me feel yucky. Alcohol addiction is a real bitch.
I've had some relationship stuff to deal with too. Someone who I have been with before and had a rocky period with. I had hoped it would work out after some time apart. He showed me once again who he truly is and I know it will never work. And then there's the one who got away. I don't want to add too much to that, but I know it's been a factor in my drinking.
I know that aside from all of life's stuff, it's up to me to make the change. Life is always going to throw tough things at us. I'm tired of running to a freaking bottle to deal with my life. I am stronger than that, I am better than that. Yet, I still do it. I want change. I want better. I want mornings where I'm not setting five different alarms because I know I'll be so tired and hungover I won't want to get up. I want to feel energetic and ready to start my day in the morning! I want tomorrow to be my last day one. I want it to be the first day of the rest of my sober life.
I think I'm just ready for a different life. I know I can't get rid of the stressors that life throws at us. I just want to deal with it in a different way. I want a clear mind, refreshed body and eager soul. Tomorrow when I wake up, I want to know that I will not run to alcohol at the end of the day. I am going to try. And if I fail tomorrow, I will try again the next day. But I will try tomorrow, try to get through the cravings and annoyances that life brings and go to bed knowing I didn't turn to alcohol.
So what's my plan? I know some will ask. I've downloaded a Sober app again on my phone. I plan to start up a recovery book I had previously been reading. Spend more time on SR and posting, especially when I'm really struggling. I plan to fill my former drinking time with exercise and new activities, like organizing/decorating the house (not a chore for me, I love it) and cooking. I also want to expand my life with more social activities, but I think that will be a little more down the road once I'm feeling stronger.
So, I wanted to say hello and that I'm ready to try again. There have been many times in the past few months where I just didn't care and just kept on drinking and getting "better" would happen later down the road. Now I'm ready to actually work for it. I know what the current path I'm on will bring. And I want more.
~MissPeaches
The last few months have been pretty difficult. Dealing with life issues outside your control can be taxing. Taking on so much responsibility for others can drain your soul. I'm doing the best I can, but it's taking its toll. Alcohol continues to be the constant thing that calms me. For whatever reason, I push people away who want to help and support, so alcohol winds up being the thing to bring me some kind of comfort, albeit temporary. And I hate it. The temporary feeling that alcohol brings always subsides and I'm left with feeling emptiness and regret. I'm tired of this cycle.
Usually when I decide I'm "done", I dump the alcohol down the drain the morning after a bender, promising myself (who is hungover) that I'm not doing this anymore. Tonight, while still drinking and feeling "good", I dumped the remainder of my alcohol down the drain. So many times I've felt different about the current attempt to quit and I'm ready for change. I want this time to be different. I know several people who are dying from their addictions. I don't want to be one of them.
I was sick awhile back (not alcohol related) and I didn't drink for a few days. Despite being sick, I felt so good! Less tired, drained, hungover, fuzzy. I FELT NORMAL!! But of course, that feeling good lead me back to the thing that always makes me feel yucky. Alcohol addiction is a real bitch.
I've had some relationship stuff to deal with too. Someone who I have been with before and had a rocky period with. I had hoped it would work out after some time apart. He showed me once again who he truly is and I know it will never work. And then there's the one who got away. I don't want to add too much to that, but I know it's been a factor in my drinking.
I know that aside from all of life's stuff, it's up to me to make the change. Life is always going to throw tough things at us. I'm tired of running to a freaking bottle to deal with my life. I am stronger than that, I am better than that. Yet, I still do it. I want change. I want better. I want mornings where I'm not setting five different alarms because I know I'll be so tired and hungover I won't want to get up. I want to feel energetic and ready to start my day in the morning! I want tomorrow to be my last day one. I want it to be the first day of the rest of my sober life.
I think I'm just ready for a different life. I know I can't get rid of the stressors that life throws at us. I just want to deal with it in a different way. I want a clear mind, refreshed body and eager soul. Tomorrow when I wake up, I want to know that I will not run to alcohol at the end of the day. I am going to try. And if I fail tomorrow, I will try again the next day. But I will try tomorrow, try to get through the cravings and annoyances that life brings and go to bed knowing I didn't turn to alcohol.
So what's my plan? I know some will ask. I've downloaded a Sober app again on my phone. I plan to start up a recovery book I had previously been reading. Spend more time on SR and posting, especially when I'm really struggling. I plan to fill my former drinking time with exercise and new activities, like organizing/decorating the house (not a chore for me, I love it) and cooking. I also want to expand my life with more social activities, but I think that will be a little more down the road once I'm feeling stronger.
So, I wanted to say hello and that I'm ready to try again. There have been many times in the past few months where I just didn't care and just kept on drinking and getting "better" would happen later down the road. Now I'm ready to actually work for it. I know what the current path I'm on will bring. And I want more.
~MissPeaches
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi MissPeaches. Great to see you again. I remember you posting a few months back. Hey, you can get this figured out. We just don't drink anymore sister. Right? You lost the fight and you can just walk away from it now. Booze is a good wrestler and knocks us out every time. But leave that fight behind. Peace, calm, quiet, gratitude - those things are what your future is all about. On a post earlier today we were talking about how much more simple life is sober. Less planning to do. More calm. No strategizing hangovers. So many more hours in the day for just you. A better deal top to bottom. That's us now Miss Peaches.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
welcome back MissPeaches 
I'm sure everyone here has thought that. but from a wider perspective it's not really true.
If alcohol did calm me it was only for a little while...so I'd need to take another swig of 'medicine' and the big medicine I took and the longer I took it the more I felt uneasy when I was sober.
By the end of my drinking, being drunk was the only time I felt ok...thats not a good way to be for anyone.
On of the first things I did was let go of responsibilities I'd taken on that weren't really mine to shoulder.
I likened it to being General Manager of the Universe, and while that's noble in a way it was also setting me up for great and constant stress..and from there to the bottle.
Look after yourself for a while. Treat your recovery like a precious flower. Cherish and nurture it
D
Alcohol continues to be the constant thing that calms me.
If alcohol did calm me it was only for a little while...so I'd need to take another swig of 'medicine' and the big medicine I took and the longer I took it the more I felt uneasy when I was sober.
By the end of my drinking, being drunk was the only time I felt ok...thats not a good way to be for anyone.
On of the first things I did was let go of responsibilities I'd taken on that weren't really mine to shoulder.
I likened it to being General Manager of the Universe, and while that's noble in a way it was also setting me up for great and constant stress..and from there to the bottle.
Look after yourself for a while. Treat your recovery like a precious flower. Cherish and nurture it
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,584
Get through this day MissPeaches. You can, you know you can. And tomorrow when you rise you will be so glad you did. Days will turn to weeks and your new sober life will begin to emerge from the gloom. You've tasted it. Go in for the feast.
It really is a much better way to live MissPeaches. I'm 77 days sober today and am so very grateful to be sober. I can live now.
And tomorrow when you rise you will be so glad you did. Days will turn to weeks and your new sober life will begin to emerge from the gloom. You've tasted it. Go in for the feast.It really is a much better way to live MissPeaches. I'm 77 days sober today and am so very grateful to be sober. I can live now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Welcome back and I’m so glad you’re here and trying again. I too, slipped away but continued to visit this site while drinking but knowing I was still trying everyday to get to sobriety. Recently it’s really stuck and I’m giving it my all to stay sober and work on my recovery. I know you can do it too and please keep checking in!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,972
Hi Miss Peaches. Glad to see you back! It sounds like you are ready to change. Can you post here before drinking? It really helped me. Do you have support outside of SR too? I was dealing with a lot of life challenges too and therapy was super helpful. Perhaps that is something to try?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
We're very happy to have you back.
I have been told that the old drinking life doesn't get better after a period of sobriety.
You have certainly confirmed that.
As I tell others, I hope that you choose and work a program of recovery so you're no longer unsuccessfully trying to stay sober on your own.
I have been told that the old drinking life doesn't get better after a period of sobriety.
You have certainly confirmed that.
As I tell others, I hope that you choose and work a program of recovery so you're no longer unsuccessfully trying to stay sober on your own.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Hi everyone. Thanks for the replies and encouragement. Today was okay. Had a few cravings, triggered either by hunger or loneliness/boredom. They passed relatively quick. But I didn’t drink. Because I had made the decision that I was not drinking today. I could’ve easily run out to buy something, but I really didn’t want to. So for tomorrow, I’m deciding not to drink again. I’m looking forward to a good nights sleep tonight (hopefully, since there’s no booze in my system). I hope my body and mind allow it. Wanted to check in at least once today to say hello. Glad to know tomorrow I’ll be waking up without a hangover.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Welcome back Peaches!
I also believed that alcohol was my coping mechanism. I had to get sober to realize that it actually stole away my ability to cope and made it impossible to keep the tough stuff in perspective.
Key for me was breaking up the routine and doing something different during those evening and weekend hours. I had the best success when that something was physical activity. A walk, run, or yoga is now my answer for those feelings that would have led to drinking in the past.
Best wishes,
-bora
I also believed that alcohol was my coping mechanism. I had to get sober to realize that it actually stole away my ability to cope and made it impossible to keep the tough stuff in perspective.
Key for me was breaking up the routine and doing something different during those evening and weekend hours. I had the best success when that something was physical activity. A walk, run, or yoga is now my answer for those feelings that would have led to drinking in the past.
Best wishes,
-bora
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