sugarbear1

Ernest Kurtz said it well in his book Not-God: A History of AA, when he wrote; "Sobriety...It's about fully-human interaction...."

We have some learning to do before we can fill this gap. Learning how to live without drinking is one step......

Andante

I feel like this is one of those topics that's easy to broad-brush and offer a black-and-white solution that may not be appropriate for everyone.

I was a loner and introvert before I became an alcoholic. Part of the reason I liked to drink was that initially, it helped me feel more "normal." Eventually, of course, it had the usual paradoxical effect of making the sense of isolation much worse.

However, having been sober for nearly 7 years now, I've learned to embrace my introversion and loner tendencies and accept that I will never need much "social connection" in order to have a contented sobriety. Pop psychology pundits these days love to beat the "social connection" drum, and at times, I feel like the whole thing has become a bit of a fad rather than an expression of a universal human requirement.

Plenty of introverted alcoholics recover without becoming social butterflies, so I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in my perceptions.

boreas

I second Andante. As a card-carrying introvert, I continued to drink at the feeling that I would have to get social to get healthy. I think recovery fellowships are fantastic, but for those of us wired as loners the thought of all that sharing, while terrifying for everyone, is especially so for us.

I’m along in sobriety and remain calm and healthy by recognizing that solo time keeps me in balance. I think extroverts are great and much needed, but I’ve made peace with the fact that too much connection will always be a source of anxiety for me.

I was told once that extroversion is highly valued here in the US, and other cultures differ. If I had another lifetime to spend it would be interesting to find out if that’s true.

Great thread!
-bora

PeaceManic

Probably a lot of the cause with me, but then I can't connect my shoe laces together when drinking, so would hardly ever connect to other people! I'll have to go the meditation route I think if I ever want to tackle isolation\social anxiety (which I might not want to bother with).

Thinking about it, giving up drinking is probably harder for people who hold their drink better and can connect at the same time. At least it's fairly clear for me alcohol will never help me there, and will take eveything sooner or later.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Yes, alcohol use disorder is progressive. "Just stop drinking" is what they told you in the 1950's - it didn't work then and it doesn't work now. If I were a betting man, I would wager they find a whole slew of genetic causes for the brain imbalances that lead to alcoholism and drug addiction during this century. I think this is strong evidence that the only thing we really have control over is pouring that drink - and pretty much all control goes out the window after the first one.

HeadEast

I don't know that I agree with this. I am self-reliant and extremely confident and that hasn't led me to happiness. It's connection with others that makes me happy. None of the people I associate with are dishonest at all. Unreliable and inconsistent is another story, and it's what makes life interesting.