51 days today! Ups and downs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
51 days today! Ups and downs
So I just made 51 days today... I have been working with a sponsor but I have been having some issues with her. I know a lot of sponsors are very strict but I don't do well with tough love it's like every time I talk to her I feel very negative and worse about myself and that usually causes me to go into a downward spiral. I don't know if I'm just overly sensitive that I have to actually let somebody tell me what to do or if I truly need someone who has a different style and approach because it's just making me feel like I'm a horrible person and like this process is hopeless.
Any insight on this?
Also i have a 6 day trip to Puerto rico planned with myb6 year old son on march 25th
... Definitely will be a tempting situation and when i tell my sponsor im sure she wont be happy about it or think its a good idea. I really just want to go to the beach everyday and see some sights and have just good clean fun with my son for once and give him the attention that he deserves and not be missing out on the experience due to being drunk the whole time I think that it may not be the absolute best decision honestly because im new in sobriety but I do think it's possible for me to stay sober and I'm actually really excited about it.
has anyone gone on a sober vacation? Did you feel that it was really difficult and tempting? Did you enjoy it?
Any insight on this?
Also i have a 6 day trip to Puerto rico planned with myb6 year old son on march 25th
... Definitely will be a tempting situation and when i tell my sponsor im sure she wont be happy about it or think its a good idea. I really just want to go to the beach everyday and see some sights and have just good clean fun with my son for once and give him the attention that he deserves and not be missing out on the experience due to being drunk the whole time I think that it may not be the absolute best decision honestly because im new in sobriety but I do think it's possible for me to stay sober and I'm actually really excited about it.
has anyone gone on a sober vacation? Did you feel that it was really difficult and tempting? Did you enjoy it?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Just keep putting in the step work, do what you want to do with your son, have a back up plan in place in case temptation hits hard and go forth.
Shielding ourselves doesn't work anyway.
If you really want to drink, it's legal and available whenever you want.
but you don't and you haven't yet, so don't cut yourself off from the joys of life.
You may be able to catch a meeting where your going as well, one of the benefits of a world wide fellowship.
I did have to have a few 'stand my ground' moments with my sponsor, but I also had to realize that he just wanted the best for me, was concerned about my well being etc.
He wasn't trying to rule my life or get a sick kick out of being a control freak, he just didn't want to see me back at square one.
However, I also had to get him to see, that as a father of 4, I couldn't just withdraw from other aspects of life to focus solely on AA.
And i didn't respond well to tough love either, but afterwards, with a few years of sobriety, I can look back and say that it was precisely what I needed at the time, I just didn't like it much.
However, getting sober isn't about feeling great all the time, it's about producing a result.
And you know the old saying about "can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs"
Well, I was the egg, and cracking me open with a bit of tough love, produced a result I never would have guessed or gotten, if everyone had just kept their kid gloves on and treated me how I thought they should have.
The end result of people treating me with kid gloves was that I just got to stay the same old me whilst figuring out ways to manipulate them into giving me even more of what I thought was good.
Shielding ourselves doesn't work anyway.
If you really want to drink, it's legal and available whenever you want.
but you don't and you haven't yet, so don't cut yourself off from the joys of life.
You may be able to catch a meeting where your going as well, one of the benefits of a world wide fellowship.
I did have to have a few 'stand my ground' moments with my sponsor, but I also had to realize that he just wanted the best for me, was concerned about my well being etc.
He wasn't trying to rule my life or get a sick kick out of being a control freak, he just didn't want to see me back at square one.
However, I also had to get him to see, that as a father of 4, I couldn't just withdraw from other aspects of life to focus solely on AA.
And i didn't respond well to tough love either, but afterwards, with a few years of sobriety, I can look back and say that it was precisely what I needed at the time, I just didn't like it much.
However, getting sober isn't about feeling great all the time, it's about producing a result.
And you know the old saying about "can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs"
Well, I was the egg, and cracking me open with a bit of tough love, produced a result I never would have guessed or gotten, if everyone had just kept their kid gloves on and treated me how I thought they should have.
The end result of people treating me with kid gloves was that I just got to stay the same old me whilst figuring out ways to manipulate them into giving me even more of what I thought was good.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I haven't done AA or had a sponsor, but it can't be good if she is making you feel bad.
Puerto Rico sounds fun. Yes, I have been on a sober vacation. It sounds like a great time for you and your son.
Puerto Rico sounds fun. Yes, I have been on a sober vacation. It sounds like a great time for you and your son.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
First congratulations on day 51.
I think that a trip with your son sounds like the best time possible to be sober as a bird but does sound like it might present some very tempting opportunities to pick up a drink.
My experience with travel and weekends to myself is that making a plan and visualizing the experience were very very valuable. If you decide to go, make sure you have plans in case your AV starts chirping. Whether it's signing in here, having your sponsor on speed dial (though I wonder if that's the best situation), plan what you are going to do if the temptation strikes.
Visualizing to me was the main technique. It will give you the peace of mind and the strength to stay sober. It really works. You realize that you have the ability to always turn down a drink and to do the right thing.
I think that a trip with your son sounds like the best time possible to be sober as a bird but does sound like it might present some very tempting opportunities to pick up a drink.
My experience with travel and weekends to myself is that making a plan and visualizing the experience were very very valuable. If you decide to go, make sure you have plans in case your AV starts chirping. Whether it's signing in here, having your sponsor on speed dial (though I wonder if that's the best situation), plan what you are going to do if the temptation strikes.
Visualizing to me was the main technique. It will give you the peace of mind and the strength to stay sober. It really works. You realize that you have the ability to always turn down a drink and to do the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
As for vacations early in recovery, I think only you can judge assuming you're a pretty good judge of your own capabilities. Some can handle it just fine. Vacations on a warm beach with palm trees and a semi tropical environment does kind of sound like a trigger that could negatively affect a lot of alcoholics on the edge.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,637
I personally was so impacted by my drinking- a vacation in the early days would have been a distraction, a 'geographical' and thus a dangerous temptation to booze- which I was best not going to expose myself to. Why be around booze if it is something I can choose not to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thank you for that
Originally Posted by Derringer 
Just keep putting in the step work, do what you want to do with your son, have a back up plan in place in case temptation hits hard and go forth.
Shielding ourselves doesn't work anyway.
If you really want to drink, it's legal and available whenever you want.
but you don't and you haven't yet, so don't cut yourself off from the joys of life.
You may be able to catch a meeting where your going as well, one of the benefits of a world wide fellowship.
I did have to have a few 'stand my ground' moments with my sponsor, but I also had to realize that he just wanted the best for me, was concerned about my well being etc.
He wasn't trying to rule my life or get a sick kick out of being a control freak, he just didn't want to see me back at square one.
However, I also had to get him to see, that as a father of 4, I couldn't just withdraw from other aspects of life to focus solely on AA.
And i didn't respond well to tough love either, but afterwards, with a few years of sobriety, I can look back and say that it was precisely what I needed at the time, I just didn't like it much.
However, getting sober isn't about feeling great all the time, it's about producing a result.
And you know the old saying about "can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs"
Well, I was the egg, and cracking me open with a bit of tough love, produced a result I never would have guessed or gotten, if everyone had just kept their kid gloves on and treated me how I thought they should have.
The end result of people treating me with kid gloves was that I just got to stay the same old me whilst figuring out ways to manipulate them into giving me even more of what I thought was good.
Shielding ourselves doesn't work anyway.
If you really want to drink, it's legal and available whenever you want.
but you don't and you haven't yet, so don't cut yourself off from the joys of life.
You may be able to catch a meeting where your going as well, one of the benefits of a world wide fellowship.
I did have to have a few 'stand my ground' moments with my sponsor, but I also had to realize that he just wanted the best for me, was concerned about my well being etc.
He wasn't trying to rule my life or get a sick kick out of being a control freak, he just didn't want to see me back at square one.
However, I also had to get him to see, that as a father of 4, I couldn't just withdraw from other aspects of life to focus solely on AA.
And i didn't respond well to tough love either, but afterwards, with a few years of sobriety, I can look back and say that it was precisely what I needed at the time, I just didn't like it much.
However, getting sober isn't about feeling great all the time, it's about producing a result.
And you know the old saying about "can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs"
Well, I was the egg, and cracking me open with a bit of tough love, produced a result I never would have guessed or gotten, if everyone had just kept their kid gloves on and treated me how I thought they should have.
The end result of people treating me with kid gloves was that I just got to stay the same old me whilst figuring out ways to manipulate them into giving me even more of what I thought was good.
Your response helped me alot... Im def going to talk to her at our bext meeting and say how i feel... Shes not a mother and keeps saying im making excuses because i bring my son to meetings and to the meet with her... I mainly only go to open meetings because of my son and here in Chicago there are about 50 open meetings a day so i dont see how its a burden or a barrier that i take him....Im a mom before anything and i have to make this work for us somehow....
But im not going to "fire her" like I was thinking before... That would just be looking for failure i think....
.... She has a lot of wisdom and it just doesnt feel good being told all of this stuff about myself... Im going to keep giving this a chance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Thank you
Originally Posted by lessgravity
First congratulations on day 51.
I think that a trip with your son sounds like the best time possible to be sober as a bird but does sound like it might present some very tempting opportunities to pick up a drink.
My experience with travel and weekends to myself is that making a plan and visualizing the experience were very very valuable. If you decide to go, make sure you have plans in case your AV starts chirping. Whether it's signing in here, having your sponsor on speed dial (though I wonder if that's the best situation), plan what you are going to do if the temptation strikes.
Visualizing to me was the main technique. It will give you the peace of mind and the strength to stay sober. It really works. You realize that you have the ability to always turn down a drink and to do the right thing.
I think that a trip with your son sounds like the best time possible to be sober as a bird but does sound like it might present some very tempting opportunities to pick up a drink.
My experience with travel and weekends to myself is that making a plan and visualizing the experience were very very valuable. If you decide to go, make sure you have plans in case your AV starts chirping. Whether it's signing in here, having your sponsor on speed dial (though I wonder if that's the best situation), plan what you are going to do if the temptation strikes.
Visualizing to me was the main technique. It will give you the peace of mind and the strength to stay sober. It really works. You realize that you have the ability to always turn down a drink and to do the right thing.
Thanks for the advice.... Visualization and planning have worked well for ne in the past so i def will put it to work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
True
Originally Posted by DriGuy
As for vacations early in recovery, I think only you can judge assuming you're a pretty good judge of your own capabilities. Some can handle it just fine. Vacations on a warm beach with palm trees and a semi tropical environment does kind of sound like a trigger that could negatively affect a lot of alcoholics on the edge.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
