Smithssss

Hi everyone. As the title says, I think I need help. I have loved a drink for as long as I can remember but I think I have now, finally had my wake up call after acting like a monster the night before last (this is hangover day 2). It's not the first time I've behaved so aggressively but the blackout is far too alarming this time and it has to stop. I can't seem to just have a couple of drinks, I will drink until I'm unconscious. For a while I thought I might be able to cut back but I'm not so sure that will ever work for me when my thirst gets triggered by that first one. I am mortified, ashamed and embarrassed at my behaviour and lack of control. It has strained my relationship with my boyfriend who had to calm me down at home and I'm avoiding talking to the family who saw me acting monstrously. I also have depression and generalised anxiety disorder... Alcohol is affecting my mental health as well as burdening my family. I just don't where to start and thought a good place to start would be introducing myself here.

Mags1

Hi Smithssss

Welcome to SR forum, I’m glad you found us.

I could never stop at one drink. It made for embarrassing myself, and many hangovers.

You’ve come to the right place to stop. Like yourself, I wanted to stop and learn how to stop. Lots of like minded people here who will help you.

Derringer

Welcome Smithsss

Yes that was me too, drink till I passed out and awaken to the guilt shame and remorse of another shocking hangover, as if that's not bad enough some sober person appears and starts a conversation with "do you know what you did last night ?"

Its horrible.

Getting that drunk isn't your fault, that's 100% alcoholism at play. Our bodies and minds react differently than do the Normal drinker.

We get an unquenchable thirst.

Its like blaming someone who's face swells up after eating peanuts "oh why do you have to go and swell up like that? " said nobody ever.

But they would be entitled to ask " if you know that you get anaphylaxis after eating peanuts, why do you keep eating them ?"

The key that opens the door to sobriety is essentially viewing it the same way.

So the mantra becomes " I react differently to alcohol than most other people, in the same way that a small percentage of the population cannot eat peanuts without a reaction, I cannot consume alcohol without a reaction."

Science hasn't found a way around anaphylactic reaction to peanuts and they haven't found one for Alcoholism either.

The only thing that works in either case is total abstinence.

Steely

This is a very good place to start Smithsss.

Come here every day, it will help keep you focussed on your goal - long term sobriety. You will not regret it. No more shame.

Tetrax

Hi and welcome! One good thing about getting sober is you can tackle mental health problems head-on. It's tough at times but is real progression. I drank every day and every day I had new problems to try and clear up - 'fallout' as I'd call it. And massive anxiety. I have been tackling depression and OCD sober but anxiety has all but gone.

Basically I'm recommending abstinence because otherwise we have no control.

Also you a Smiths fan? Love that band.

Dee74

Hi and welcome smithsss
Drinking led to me acting in ways I was mortified to find out the next morning.

Not drinking means I remember everything nowadays and I have nothing to be ashamed about

you'll find a lot of help support and understanding here

D

D122y

I learned everything I needed to stay quit, so far, here.

Everyone is different, but for me it was learning I had given myself irreversible brain damage from booze abuse.

Quiting was hell on earth. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but turns out it is a big deal.

Education and suffering got me this far. I call it growing up.

The crave still lingers.

Thanks.

Robbie64

Welcome to SR Smithssss

You sound like me, unable to stop after a couple of drinks. It's not a healthy situation to be in. Abstinence is the only thing that works for me.

You'll find lots of great support here at SR, please keep posting.

Sammy1980

Welcome Smithsss
It is so awful to wake up that way after drinking. I believe that is the reason most of us stop drinking, mortified, ashamed, embarrassed,hopeless and the list goes on. So after a million of those day afters I have finally been able to live sober for the last 75 days and you can stop too. The question is just when. Good luck to you

theVman31

Welcome Smithssss
Good decision signing up.
Keep going and posting your progress

Zebra1275

Welcome!

Joining this website is a good place to start. I was pretty desperate when I first joined and spent many hours on here in the first few weeks.

Smithssss

Hi, thank you for the welcome. I can already see there are lots of like minded folk here, which is amazing. I hope you're on your way to learning how to stop

DriGuy

Blackouts are serious events. Aggressive behavior is unexcusable. I can safely say you really do need to quit, and unfortunately as you already suspect, moderation for alcoholics does not work. There have been some programs out there that promise moderation, the initial dream of every alcoholic, but they are laughed at by recovered alcoholics. They are selling snake oil. This forum can help you.

Surrendered19

Welcome Smithssss. SR is a great place to learn and get some support. It is good to tell your story to folks who you cannot shock and who understand. Oh, the nights I wish I could get back during which I spread such chaos and misery. But we cannot. We can only move forward.

You don't ever have to worry about this stuff again. Booze won. You can unlace the gloves and put them down and walk away from the fight.

You are free now and your life can include hours upon hours of peace, quiet, calm and health. I go into my evenings now almost feeling guilty I have so much wonderful quiet time in front of me before bedtime that I can fill any way I want.

Give yourself this gift. It will be amazing.

ShilohWon

Glad you're here!

DaisyBelle7

Welcome! I was a binge drinker. During the last 3 years that I drank, I experienced blackouts regularly. It got to the point that excessive drinking also significantly affected my heart rate. You’ve come to the right place for recovery!

ciowa

Welcome Smithss, right now is a good time to take some action steps towards recovery. That can be attending meetings (AA, Smart, etc) but also reading some recovery books and daily podcasts are helpful as well. Right after a binge drinking episode I would tell myself I wanted to change but didn't take any steps on that path. After a few days or a week of not drinking, and as my body started to heal a little, I would forget about all the pain I went through and the desperate desire not to drink anymore. When that memory faded then Id once again start to think that the last episode really wasn't too bad. In fact, it was kind of funny in some ways (the alcoholic revisionist history we do) Thats what I would tell myself and of course, that was soon followed by another night that started with me telling myself I was only going to have a couple to take the edge off, unwind, whatever and then I was back on that vicious binge drinking path all over again. The key for me was to accept that I couldn't drink anymore and then taking the steps on a path to recovery and living a sober, good life.

aasharon90

So glad you came here to ask for help. Remembering
that it is okay for everyone to feel comfortable in asking
for help. In doing so, you will be amazed at how folks
will be happy to share their own experiences, strengths
and hopes in situations close to similar as your own.

Continue to ask for suggestions so that you can learn
new helpful heathier ways to remain sober and put your
addiction behind you once and for all.

Look to those who have found success in their own
recovery life so that you can follow too in order to
achieve success in your own recovery life moving
forward.

Support sent your way.

least

Welcome to the family. Best thing I ever did for myself was to get sober. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Primativo

You will never beat it, you will never control it. Only thing you can do is surrender and quit for good. The good thing is, life is a million times better sober, a life of active alcoholism is horrific.