Mummyto2

lessgravity

So you are drinking right now?

Mummyto2

Hawkeye13

So what are you doing differently this time?

I would say boredom is the least of your worries Mummy

Surrendered19

Day 1's will never be boring. They are filled with pain and regret and sickness. The opposite of boring. The run-up to Day 1's aren't boring either. Craving, drinking, a brief high, followed by stunned sleep, terrible decisions, wrecked health and destroyed relationships. Being sick and tired of the repetitive cycle of Day 1's isn't enough to stay quit. What will you do different this time Mummy?

Anna

Mummy, I'm sorry that you're drinking.

What have you done differently and what can you change this time?

theVman31

Throw it away Mummy !

Keep posting hour by hour

Make it happen now.

Mummyto2

Surrendered19

You can dump your supply and not drink Mummy. You can figure this out. Your AV is screaming at you that there is no other way and there always is. We just don't like it in the near term. It means we have to do Day 1 again. I'm sorry you are hurting Mummy. You deserve a quiet mind, sobriety, calm, level feelings. You are so worthy of all of that.

Hawkeye13

Have you made a recovery plan yet?

The link has been posted to many of your previous threads.

What about online meetings from some type of recovery like SMART or AA?

I don't mean this unkindly, but please realize that your spouse may reach his limit with this, and you are putting your family life at risk.

I know this because I put mine at risk and almost lost everything.
Dump out the booze, make the plan, join an online meeting.

Do something besides keep drinking

Kjma

I agree. Dump what you've bought. It is not solving your problems. Day 1 is a very good day. It means you are continuing to fight. And, sometimes that takes several of them.

Mummyto2

Houstin

Come on Missy get your ar*e aboard this wagon. There are a few seats up front and plenty at the back, the company isn't too bad either.
Occasionally we get upended but together we manage to get it rolling again!

Mummyto2

theVman31

Your very worthy.
Your a wife and a mother.
You have done amazing things and will do many more if you dump the poison.

Determination and plan out what you can do/change so that you succeed

Houstin

Even if what you say is right then you're not that unworthy because every time I have read anything from yourself it has always shown how much you think of the children!
Maybe if you holed yourself up somewhere and never showed an ounce of consideration towards your kids then I might of agreed with you. But this is just not the truth so therefore you are worthy so get your ar*e aboard this wagon!

lessgravity

You haven't posted in over 3 weeks. Have you been drinking this whole time?

Why not come on here BEFORE you buy the booze? Not that I want you to go anywhere now, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just suggesting you log in and post here when you are starting to plan to go buy.

Mummyto2

Hawkeye13

I had so many relapses before I realized I was going to relapse myself literally to death.

Mummy, you are worthy, and you have kids and husband who love and depend on you.

Please take additional steps now and break the cycle you are in.
Whatever you need to do--even inpatient--should be on the table at this point.

You have so much to live for. You have people who love you--let's get you loving yourself a little more right now dear one. . .

lessgravity

I know it's just a word but even saying that you "rewarded" yourself by getting a bottle of wine is of concern to me. You did not reward yourself - you poisoned yourself, you gave in to the beast/demon/av or whatever we all have in us that drives us back to the bottle in the face of all that we might lose.

I often say I was lucky to be a father - though I think I have/had more guilt and shame because of the pain I was causing my son, I was also lucky in that I used him to get me the leverage to quit for good. I know you want the same. How can you get there? What does your husband think about this? How can you get leverage in your mind to finally accept that you can't drink anymore ever?