Worried about the weekend
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Worried about the weekend
So I'm on day 52 alcohol free, and this weekend my husband and I have arranged a rare child free date. My brother is looking after my son and we are going to a board games cafe for games and tacos, then to the cinema early evening. We should be home by 9pm.
But I'm getting really worried now and questioning if I should go.
My husband originally said he would drive but when I said this earlier he looked aghast "what all night?" Then he agreed to drive and said well he can have a couple of drinks with dinner etc.
I've now started to panic. I dont think my husband will not drink I think even though he's agreed to drive he will be peeved about it when we are out because it's restricting him and not letting him have fun.
My point of view is that my husband has been out the past 2 weekends whereas I rarely go out, so I'd love him to just go for coffees and soft drinks to show me support but I recognise this is unfair (I may also mention hes currently halfway through a bottle of red after a hard week at work. I've generally not minded if he has had a couple of drinks in the house here and there as we dont drink the same stuff anyway).
It will be saturday night in an area where theres lots of nightlife. The games cafe and the cinema sells alcohol but I'm ok with that generally but now I am starting to panic there'll be too much temptation and especially as my son is staying away, the AV may try and wrestle control.
I don't know what to do. I need some form of social life and fun and time for myself, I'm desperate for it. But is this too much too soon? I'm literally in tears here agonising over it. What if the AV wins and I drink in the moment?
But I'm getting really worried now and questioning if I should go.
My husband originally said he would drive but when I said this earlier he looked aghast "what all night?" Then he agreed to drive and said well he can have a couple of drinks with dinner etc.
I've now started to panic. I dont think my husband will not drink I think even though he's agreed to drive he will be peeved about it when we are out because it's restricting him and not letting him have fun.
My point of view is that my husband has been out the past 2 weekends whereas I rarely go out, so I'd love him to just go for coffees and soft drinks to show me support but I recognise this is unfair (I may also mention hes currently halfway through a bottle of red after a hard week at work. I've generally not minded if he has had a couple of drinks in the house here and there as we dont drink the same stuff anyway).
It will be saturday night in an area where theres lots of nightlife. The games cafe and the cinema sells alcohol but I'm ok with that generally but now I am starting to panic there'll be too much temptation and especially as my son is staying away, the AV may try and wrestle control.
I don't know what to do. I need some form of social life and fun and time for myself, I'm desperate for it. But is this too much too soon? I'm literally in tears here agonising over it. What if the AV wins and I drink in the moment?
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I understand that it might not be a good idea to ask your husband to not drink tonight because he might resent it and it could spoil your evening. It would be nice if he offered to not drink, but he may see this as your problem and not his.
I agree you need a social life and time to have fun, but this may not be the right activity for you, at this time. It sounds like it would be stressful. Maybe you could plan a brunch date and go to a nice breakfast restaurant? Or maybe you could plan an active date such as hiking? It might take some creative thinking but hopefully you could come up with something you enjoy that doesn't involve the stress of alcohol.
I agree you need a social life and time to have fun, but this may not be the right activity for you, at this time. It sounds like it would be stressful. Maybe you could plan a brunch date and go to a nice breakfast restaurant? Or maybe you could plan an active date such as hiking? It might take some creative thinking but hopefully you could come up with something you enjoy that doesn't involve the stress of alcohol.
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I struggle with social anxiety and dont have any friends so unfortunately I dont have anyone else to do stuff with, other than my 4 year old (which I very much enjoy!)
I purposely booked everything in the daytime so it wouldn't be drink focused and the games cafe does food, cake, coffees etc. But I'm thinking it will just be best not to go. It's all booked so I will need to get my husband to take a friend. Either way he's going to be peed off 😭
I purposely booked everything in the daytime so it wouldn't be drink focused and the games cafe does food, cake, coffees etc. But I'm thinking it will just be best not to go. It's all booked so I will need to get my husband to take a friend. Either way he's going to be peed off 😭
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Oh to clarify, I dont mind him having a couple of drinks but think he will be peed off at stopping at 2 / will see it as me restricting his fun. And I'm worried that being out and seeing others drinking might be too much temptation for me.
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Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty 
Oh to clarify, I dont mind him having a couple of drinks but think he will be peed off at stopping at 2 / will see it as me restricting his fun. And I'm worried that being out and seeing others drinking might be too much temptation for me.
D
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I would avoid that risk this early on. I would be wobbly at 51 days, but not participating in the weekend frolics doesn't have to be a bummer. One of my great joys in early sobriety was going to an AA meeting on Friday night when my old friends were already half in the bag. There I was with a friendly crowd basking in safety and contentment while everyone else was getting plastered and driving drunk. I would be thinking, "This is about the coolest thing I can imagine." I felt like a happy rebel. It would be totally appropriate to plan a special day with your 4 year old instead.
But if you choose to take risks early on, which is not usually recommended, always have a plan B (the often talked about escape plan), and commit yourself to it for when things head south. One of the commonly mentioned ingredients of the escape plan is always take your own car so you don't have to depend on someone when it's time to bolt. In this case, it would be wise to have a purse full of cab fare. You can discuss the plan with your husband beforehand, so you can can give him a big kiss as you go your separate ways for the evening wishing each other well.
Sobriety is serious business, but not a grumpy serious business. That feeling of "no one is taking this away from me" is actually a joyful empowering confidence that still gives me a heady feeling.
But if you choose to take risks early on, which is not usually recommended, always have a plan B (the often talked about escape plan), and commit yourself to it for when things head south. One of the commonly mentioned ingredients of the escape plan is always take your own car so you don't have to depend on someone when it's time to bolt. In this case, it would be wise to have a purse full of cab fare. You can discuss the plan with your husband beforehand, so you can can give him a big kiss as you go your separate ways for the evening wishing each other well.
Sobriety is serious business, but not a grumpy serious business. That feeling of "no one is taking this away from me" is actually a joyful empowering confidence that still gives me a heady feeling.
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We've had a good talk. I think he realised how worried I am when I got so upset.
He has sincerely said he will absolutely safeguard me and my sobriety and is insisting we go and have fun. He said he may have a craft ale (this in itself doesnt worry me, it's more if I felt he wanted to drink but I was stopping him etc) but will drive so it will just be 1 drink if he has one. He did say he wont drink at all but I know he will want to sample one of the local beers as it's one of his interests!
you know how it is when you stop drinking though, even though he desperately wanted me to stop and my drinking caused him anguish and pain, it can make the other person a bit defensive about their own drinking.
We have had a good chat and I do believe he has my interests at heart. If I feel in danger at any point we will just go home. We do so little stuff just us that its important for us to do something fun.
I've looked at the menu ahead and planning what I want to drink (they have amazing mocktails), and am going to eat good food. The cinema is a little arthouse independent place and does amazing brownie ice creams so I'm looking forward to nice food and games and good coffee.
I will meditate before I go to help me feel stronger. We will come home after the cinema and because hes driving there wont be temptation to hang about or go for a drink afterwards.
I think I have a plan. I feel supported and loved. I am looking forward to going even though I feel a little anxious. It's a big thing for me to go out with my anxiety anyway, I do lots with my son but focusing on him helps me override the anxiety. For many years I only socialised with drinking as a social buffer, so this is a big step. I dont want to give into my anxiety and validate it. I clearly dont want to drink. If I wanted to I wouldn't be agonising like this.
I've read my old posts as a reminder. I've got a plan. I'm in control. X
He has sincerely said he will absolutely safeguard me and my sobriety and is insisting we go and have fun. He said he may have a craft ale (this in itself doesnt worry me, it's more if I felt he wanted to drink but I was stopping him etc) but will drive so it will just be 1 drink if he has one. He did say he wont drink at all but I know he will want to sample one of the local beers as it's one of his interests!
you know how it is when you stop drinking though, even though he desperately wanted me to stop and my drinking caused him anguish and pain, it can make the other person a bit defensive about their own drinking.
We have had a good chat and I do believe he has my interests at heart. If I feel in danger at any point we will just go home. We do so little stuff just us that its important for us to do something fun.
I've looked at the menu ahead and planning what I want to drink (they have amazing mocktails), and am going to eat good food. The cinema is a little arthouse independent place and does amazing brownie ice creams so I'm looking forward to nice food and games and good coffee.
I will meditate before I go to help me feel stronger. We will come home after the cinema and because hes driving there wont be temptation to hang about or go for a drink afterwards.
I think I have a plan. I feel supported and loved. I am looking forward to going even though I feel a little anxious. It's a big thing for me to go out with my anxiety anyway, I do lots with my son but focusing on him helps me override the anxiety. For many years I only socialised with drinking as a social buffer, so this is a big step. I dont want to give into my anxiety and validate it. I clearly dont want to drink. If I wanted to I wouldn't be agonising like this.
I've read my old posts as a reminder. I've got a plan. I'm in control. X
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
In this case, it would be wise to have a purse full of cab fare. You can discuss the plan with your husband beforehand, so you can can give him a big kiss as you go your separate ways for the evening wishing each other well.
I have many special days with the little one, we have all been out the past few weekends bowling, for food (hubby has had a drink with dinner but I'm with son so feel more safeguarded I suppose). This is something I really want to do. It's no good for me to hope I dont drink, it's in my hands. If I feel in the danger zone at any point I will come home.
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
In this case, it would be wise to have a purse full of cab fare. You can discuss the plan with your husband beforehand, so you can can give him a big kiss as you go your separate ways for the evening wishing each other well.
I have many special days with the little one, we have all been out the past few weekends bowling, for food (hubby has had a drink with dinner but I'm with son so feel more safeguarded I suppose). This is something I really want to do. It's no good for me to hope I dont drink, it's in my hands. If I feel in the danger zone at any point I will come home.
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