missing old support group in California
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 83
missing old support group in California
hey everyone. Just venting and would like your thoughts and opinion
-Although I know wherever you go there you are...I have been missing my support group from the west coast. Yes my family is here on the East and al though I love them more than life itself they are a huge trigger for me too.
I came back home to be closer to my family since my dad has passed but staying sober has not been so easy. I love where I live-NYC but there are just too many demons here since I grew up here.
Moreover, I have relapsed in the west coast too but I was happier there and just felt more calm. Meetings were more accessible. There seems to be a notion here in NY that as long as you work hard you can party as hard as you work. It is a party city but there is a shame in being an alcoholic/addict here and of course this is my opinion.
Moreover, my experience here is that I have just encountered people here that are quick to write people off, a lot of judgement, I would expect this in LA because of the Hollywood scene but it is a lot worse here.
Anyway, there is no point in beating behind a bush.I relapsed again but this time I did not have enjoyment at all. I threw up and although I am depressed and want to give up on myself I am going to look at this as a slip and not a relapse. I may want to look into my options in LA or maybe I should give AA another shot again (butI have tried so many times) I dont know what to do -_-
-Although I know wherever you go there you are...I have been missing my support group from the west coast. Yes my family is here on the East and al though I love them more than life itself they are a huge trigger for me too.
I came back home to be closer to my family since my dad has passed but staying sober has not been so easy. I love where I live-NYC but there are just too many demons here since I grew up here.
Moreover, I have relapsed in the west coast too but I was happier there and just felt more calm. Meetings were more accessible. There seems to be a notion here in NY that as long as you work hard you can party as hard as you work. It is a party city but there is a shame in being an alcoholic/addict here and of course this is my opinion.
Moreover, my experience here is that I have just encountered people here that are quick to write people off, a lot of judgement, I would expect this in LA because of the Hollywood scene but it is a lot worse here.
Anyway, there is no point in beating behind a bush.I relapsed again but this time I did not have enjoyment at all. I threw up and although I am depressed and want to give up on myself I am going to look at this as a slip and not a relapse. I may want to look into my options in LA or maybe I should give AA another shot again (butI have tried so many times) I dont know what to do -_-
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I am sorry to hear about your relapse. I agree there are differences between West Coast vibe and East Coast vibe, but you're right, wherever you are, there you are. For me, it was really important to back away from people, including close family members, who triggered me. It was essential to my recovery. Maybe if you could distance yourself somewhat from family, you'd feel better. As far as demons in NY, maybe you could work on making new memories by getting involved in hobbies, sports, volunteering, etc? I think you can find support wherever you are, but ultimately you might decide to return to LA? Have you considered SMART meetings?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I can empathize with missing a great support group.
I had a good Al-Anon home group in the mid-Atlantic. Very diverse, lots of wisdom. I learned so much there.
Since moving to Mass, my home state and where family is, I just haven’t found the same type of support meetings.
But.....I have other things that give me joy and support.
I volunteer, I belong to a gym, I go to two book clubs, and a support group for caregivers of people with cognitive loss.
I admire your courage. I don’t think I could live in NYC. Seems like equal parts wonderful and harsh to my eyes.
Good luck, keep moving forward. The days are getting longer and that always helps my mood.
I had a good Al-Anon home group in the mid-Atlantic. Very diverse, lots of wisdom. I learned so much there.
Since moving to Mass, my home state and where family is, I just haven’t found the same type of support meetings.
But.....I have other things that give me joy and support.
I volunteer, I belong to a gym, I go to two book clubs, and a support group for caregivers of people with cognitive loss.
I admire your courage. I don’t think I could live in NYC. Seems like equal parts wonderful and harsh to my eyes.
Good luck, keep moving forward. The days are getting longer and that always helps my mood.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I'm reading, I'm here Asher.
To be honest I can't really relate to most of what you wrote. I don't have a support group that I miss, I get along well with my family, I don't live in a big city... But I do understand depression, sadness, madness, anxiety and the rest.
I also can relate to the phrase you wrote, "wherever you go, there you are" as i up and left the US for Italy 13 years ago, leaving behind a dreadful divorce, sad life, looking for a new adventure and came to find that life was just as miserable here as it was there- if not worse.
We can't run away from our problems.
Saying no is also hard. To say no to your family, that you can't stay there close, you must return to LA must be incredibly difficult to even consider. You need to do what is right for you though. Be prepared though, this will not come without consequences. My mother, a wonderful, wonderful woman still suffers to this day for the boundaries she had to set with her dying mother. She still, and often, talks about how she regrets not just swallowing everything and being there in every moment.
I don't know what else to add at the moment. But if you want to write more I will be sure to respond.
To be honest I can't really relate to most of what you wrote. I don't have a support group that I miss, I get along well with my family, I don't live in a big city... But I do understand depression, sadness, madness, anxiety and the rest.
I also can relate to the phrase you wrote, "wherever you go, there you are" as i up and left the US for Italy 13 years ago, leaving behind a dreadful divorce, sad life, looking for a new adventure and came to find that life was just as miserable here as it was there- if not worse.
We can't run away from our problems.
Saying no is also hard. To say no to your family, that you can't stay there close, you must return to LA must be incredibly difficult to even consider. You need to do what is right for you though. Be prepared though, this will not come without consequences. My mother, a wonderful, wonderful woman still suffers to this day for the boundaries she had to set with her dying mother. She still, and often, talks about how she regrets not just swallowing everything and being there in every moment.
I don't know what else to add at the moment. But if you want to write more I will be sure to respond.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I do understand this a bit.
Many, many years ago, I was sober for almost 6 years. Then I moved from where I lived and the people I loved (on the West Coast in Canada
) and came to where I live now.
I relapsed very soon after moving here and for years after, I blamed my relapse on God and moving away from the West Coast, where I had so much support.
I drank for the next 2 plus decades and got sober (for good) just over 5 years ago. It took me until then to realize that no matter where I went, moved to or lived, I would have relapsed. The move didn't cause it and God certainly didn't cause it. I caused it. I wasn't taking care of my sobriety, I wasn't making any efforts to continuing recovery.
No matter where I was, it was just a matter of time.
As fishkiller says - where ever you go there you are.
I hope you are back to posting soon, I am rooting for you
Many, many years ago, I was sober for almost 6 years. Then I moved from where I lived and the people I loved (on the West Coast in Canada
) and came to where I live now.I relapsed very soon after moving here and for years after, I blamed my relapse on God and moving away from the West Coast, where I had so much support.
I drank for the next 2 plus decades and got sober (for good) just over 5 years ago. It took me until then to realize that no matter where I went, moved to or lived, I would have relapsed. The move didn't cause it and God certainly didn't cause it. I caused it. I wasn't taking care of my sobriety, I wasn't making any efforts to continuing recovery.
No matter where I was, it was just a matter of time.
As fishkiller says - where ever you go there you are.
I hope you are back to posting soon, I am rooting for you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Its good to meet you Asher. It might be useful to look for other recovery groups in your area and see if any of them can be helpful. I did my outpatient therapy in a different state and have stayed here because it feels like this is more conducive to recovery for me at the moment. I was sort of concerned as my outpatient therapy was coming to an end because I had formed a pretty tight bond with our little group but I was able to find other groups outside of that one. But ultimately, I had to learn to take care of the things I knew triggered me to drink, anger, stress, etc because I knew there would be times when I would not have a readily available support group. I have to travel for work so hard things can happen at any time so I had to look at recovery as not being in a peaceful bubble but rather as building my inner strength so I could continue to function well in the world with all its craziness. Good luck.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I got pretty attached to an AA group when I first got sober. They helped me get through the first 5 or 6 years of sobriety which proved to be far more difficult than the previous 5 years of drinking. It was a tough lesson because I, like most people I talk to, felt like once I got sober everything would basically straighten out in my life.
Anyway, things changed and I had to move and find new groups in the new city I moved to. Here's where I started to realize just how much I had made that former group my Higher Power. Had you asked me while I was there if that's what I was doing, I would have said "no" and believed it. In a new city and not able to go to those meetings I'd come to love so much freaked me out. I didn't think my sobriety was in jeopardy but I was pretty disappointed that I'd banked (even if it was subconsciously) so much of my future on what people were in my life. I knew better. To think my entire livelihood and success in life is dependent upon specific people being around me, doing specific things, as I want them to and when I want them to......... well that's just plain and simple a recipe for disaster. Come to think of it, that's how I lived when I was in my addiction......trying to control everything and arrange everything just how I wanted it to be so that I could feel ok.
The good thing was it was a much-needed warning shot for me. It helped me wake up and start looking for what I needed to be doing now, today, to ensure my tomorrows would be happy and sober. How silly of me to think that of all the millions of people and places in the world, the only one I could find recovery in was at meeting xyz in city abc. Even better, it forced me to grow and strengthen the foundation of my recovery and start basing it in something that was all-weather and always available..... not based on specific ppl at a specific meeting.
I suspect you can have a similar experience if you're open to looking for it.
Anyway, things changed and I had to move and find new groups in the new city I moved to. Here's where I started to realize just how much I had made that former group my Higher Power. Had you asked me while I was there if that's what I was doing, I would have said "no" and believed it. In a new city and not able to go to those meetings I'd come to love so much freaked me out. I didn't think my sobriety was in jeopardy but I was pretty disappointed that I'd banked (even if it was subconsciously) so much of my future on what people were in my life. I knew better. To think my entire livelihood and success in life is dependent upon specific people being around me, doing specific things, as I want them to and when I want them to......... well that's just plain and simple a recipe for disaster. Come to think of it, that's how I lived when I was in my addiction......trying to control everything and arrange everything just how I wanted it to be so that I could feel ok.
The good thing was it was a much-needed warning shot for me. It helped me wake up and start looking for what I needed to be doing now, today, to ensure my tomorrows would be happy and sober. How silly of me to think that of all the millions of people and places in the world, the only one I could find recovery in was at meeting xyz in city abc. Even better, it forced me to grow and strengthen the foundation of my recovery and start basing it in something that was all-weather and always available..... not based on specific ppl at a specific meeting.
I suspect you can have a similar experience if you're open to looking for it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 83
thank you all for you thoughtful input...sometimes I read my old posts..my countdown to 30 days of sobriety and it makes me feel like I am a broken record. but then I remember that if I don't reach out and release what is going on in my had in some form..I could possibly go to a much darker place. Anyway, today was hard but I did the basics. I showered, ate food, and slept.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hey Asher
I don't know much about groups apart from SR but I know you'll get responses if you say 'Hey guys - laying it out here - I'm struggling and I want to drink'
the important thing is you're back - tweak your recovery plan and get back on the horse, man
D
I don't know much about groups apart from SR but I know you'll get responses if you say 'Hey guys - laying it out here - I'm struggling and I want to drink'
the important thing is you're back - tweak your recovery plan and get back on the horse, man
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 83
Thank you Dee. Although we have never met in person you are truly one of the kindest I have met on here and you give me hope that I can get long term sobriety.
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hey Asher
I don't know much about groups apart from SR but I know you'll get responses if you say 'Hey guys - laying it out here - I'm struggling and I want to drink'
the important thing is you're back - tweak your recovery plan and get back on the horse, man
D
I don't know much about groups apart from SR but I know you'll get responses if you say 'Hey guys - laying it out here - I'm struggling and I want to drink'
the important thing is you're back - tweak your recovery plan and get back on the horse, man
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,122
Hi Asher,
I just read your thread here, so great of you to reach out, seriously! You know that whole AA analogy of picking up the 10# phone, instead of using again, reach out and call someone ? Well, YOU did, you “called” us here on SR.
I live in Southern California. I was born and have lived here my entire 62 years. Not seeking help till I was 55 — via a 30 Day Rehab — and maintaining my sobriety with the Program of AA — and my SR Family here ever since❤️!
Back,
Bobbi
I just read your thread here, so great of you to reach out, seriously! You know that whole AA analogy of picking up the 10# phone, instead of using again, reach out and call someone ? Well, YOU did, you “called” us here on SR.
I live in Southern California. I was born and have lived here my entire 62 years. Not seeking help till I was 55 — via a 30 Day Rehab — and maintaining my sobriety with the Program of AA — and my SR Family here ever since❤️!
Back,Bobbi
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