Another Relapse
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
Boxed wine very nearly killed me, it's definitely not safe. I no longer have the things I held dear and thought defined me (my full wine rack, career, huge farmhouse with stables). I now live in a small house with no garden, on my own, no job kids have left. But I'm alive and I truly believe that all those things had to change, as now I'm being the real me and looking after myself, and I'm happy. I didn't listen to the warnings of how progressive this thing is - it only goes downhill I promise you x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Yes daisy, the box wine I can see how it can be unsafe.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,182
Originally Posted by mikoss 
Yes daisy, the box wine I can see how it can be unsafe.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Mikoss,
Today seems like a great time for a Day One. Why don’t you spend the day getting rid of the boxed wine, and gifting the bottles you don’t want to throw away. That would be a great first step in sobriety.
You also mentioned OCD, why don’t you give a call to your insurance to make an appointment with a therapist and doctor. There are medications that can help OCD, but you would definitely need to mention your drinking. Counseling can also help.
You can do this, getting sober is simple, but it’s not easy, you need to put in the work. You are worth putting in the work for.
Today seems like a great time for a Day One. Why don’t you spend the day getting rid of the boxed wine, and gifting the bottles you don’t want to throw away. That would be a great first step in sobriety.
You also mentioned OCD, why don’t you give a call to your insurance to make an appointment with a therapist and doctor. There are medications that can help OCD, but you would definitely need to mention your drinking. Counseling can also help.
You can do this, getting sober is simple, but it’s not easy, you need to put in the work. You are worth putting in the work for.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by mikoss
Yes daisy, the box wine I can see how it can be unsafe.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
It is very easy to drink too much. I just feel depressed and just emotionally not in a good place. Not so much from drinking but just from nerves and anxiety and already feeling ill to begin with.
Just trying to hang in there and hope I can quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
I don't have health insurance though. I lost my health insurance when I lost my last job so no more health insurance for me. So I will just have to pay cash out of pocket to see any doctor or psychiatrist I guess.
If I need pills or medications I just get them. But I try to not do too many pills like antidepressants and anxiety meds and sleeping pills or tranquilizers because of some of the side affects and they can be addicting too and I don't really like most of them.
As far as dumping out the alcohol with my OCD I can't. For me it is therapeutic and helpful to have bottles of alcohol around. It is a therapeutic thing for me as strange as it sounds. Plus I am not drinking any of it right now. Every bottle has a story and it is kind of a thing I have where if a person visits I can tell a story in each and every bottle as to how I started buying a particular scotch or gin or tequila or whatever. I can tell the person who it was that introduced me to it and where I was at the time, where I bought the first bottle, the history of the company that makes or bottle or produces it, it is all tied into my love of history and memories of each brand and make of bottle. I know it sounds crazy but it is just how I am. I can fix a cocktail for anybody that visits me at my house and not even feel the urge to drink one.
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works.
For now I put away the box wine in a closet to hide it.
And I will just paint today and listen to some music or sketch or play some piano and see how it goes and if I can just try to go for day one again.
If I need pills or medications I just get them. But I try to not do too many pills like antidepressants and anxiety meds and sleeping pills or tranquilizers because of some of the side affects and they can be addicting too and I don't really like most of them.
As far as dumping out the alcohol with my OCD I can't. For me it is therapeutic and helpful to have bottles of alcohol around. It is a therapeutic thing for me as strange as it sounds. Plus I am not drinking any of it right now. Every bottle has a story and it is kind of a thing I have where if a person visits I can tell a story in each and every bottle as to how I started buying a particular scotch or gin or tequila or whatever. I can tell the person who it was that introduced me to it and where I was at the time, where I bought the first bottle, the history of the company that makes or bottle or produces it, it is all tied into my love of history and memories of each brand and make of bottle. I know it sounds crazy but it is just how I am. I can fix a cocktail for anybody that visits me at my house and not even feel the urge to drink one.
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works.
For now I put away the box wine in a closet to hide it.
And I will just paint today and listen to some music or sketch or play some piano and see how it goes and if I can just try to go for day one again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
I have never regretted a day sober 
I no longer live in the night after drinking anxiety.
I no longer stress about what other people think about me.
I no longer stress about other people, as they are free to live how they want.
I no longer have to think I need to control everything and everyone.
I am free.
You can be too.
I no longer live in the night after drinking anxiety.
I no longer stress about what other people think about me.
I no longer stress about other people, as they are free to live how they want.
I no longer have to think I need to control everything and everyone.
I am free.
You can be too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
I just wish I could reach that point of being able to be free.
I may try to eat something and take a warm bath and see if I can relax without drinking.
Back to day one and see if I can just make it at least the rest of the day with no alcohol.
I may try to eat something and take a warm bath and see if I can relax without drinking.
Back to day one and see if I can just make it at least the rest of the day with no alcohol.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
"As far as dumping out the alcohol with my OCD I can't. For me it is therapeutic and helpful to have bottles of alcohol around. It is a therapeutic thing for me as strange as it sounds. Plus I am not drinking any of it right now. Every bottle has a story and it is kind of a thing I have where if a person visits I can tell a story in each and every bottle as to how I started buying a particular scotch or gin or tequila or whatever. I can tell the person who it was that introduced me to it and where I was at the time, where I bought the first bottle, the history of the company that makes or bottle or produces it, it is all tied into my love of history and memories of each brand and make of bottle. I know it sounds crazy but it is just how I am. I can fix a cocktail for anybody that visits me at my house and not even feel the urge to drink one.
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works."
I have been following your thread and it jumps out at me how you keep painting a very pretty and loving picture with your words of these bottles of booze.
At the very, very least, why don't you dump the cheap boxed wine, not hide it away, for what? For future drinking?
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works."
I have been following your thread and it jumps out at me how you keep painting a very pretty and loving picture with your words of these bottles of booze.
At the very, very least, why don't you dump the cheap boxed wine, not hide it away, for what? For future drinking?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by mikoss
I just wish I could reach that point of being able to be free.
I may try to eat something and take a warm bath and see if I can relax without drinking.
Back to day one and see if I can just make it at least the rest of the day with no alcohol.
I may try to eat something and take a warm bath and see if I can relax without drinking.
Back to day one and see if I can just make it at least the rest of the day with no alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Originally Posted by mikoss
I don't have health insurance though. I lost my health insurance when I lost my last job so no more health insurance for me. So I will just have to pay cash out of pocket to see any doctor or psychiatrist I guess.
If I need pills or medications I just get them. But I try to not do too many pills like antidepressants and anxiety meds and sleeping pills or tranquilizers because of some of the side affects and they can be addicting too and I don't really like most of them.
As far as dumping out the alcohol with my OCD I can't. For me it is therapeutic and helpful to have bottles of alcohol around. It is a therapeutic thing for me as strange as it sounds. Plus I am not drinking any of it right now. Every bottle has a story and it is kind of a thing I have where if a person visits I can tell a story in each and every bottle as to how I started buying a particular scotch or gin or tequila or whatever. I can tell the person who it was that introduced me to it and where I was at the time, where I bought the first bottle, the history of the company that makes or bottle or produces it, it is all tied into my love of history and memories of each brand and make of bottle. I know it sounds crazy but it is just how I am. I can fix a cocktail for anybody that visits me at my house and not even feel the urge to drink one.
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works.
For now I put away the box wine in a closet to hide it.
And I will just paint today and listen to some music or sketch or play some piano and see how it goes and if I can just try to go for day one again.
If I need pills or medications I just get them. But I try to not do too many pills like antidepressants and anxiety meds and sleeping pills or tranquilizers because of some of the side affects and they can be addicting too and I don't really like most of them.
As far as dumping out the alcohol with my OCD I can't. For me it is therapeutic and helpful to have bottles of alcohol around. It is a therapeutic thing for me as strange as it sounds. Plus I am not drinking any of it right now. Every bottle has a story and it is kind of a thing I have where if a person visits I can tell a story in each and every bottle as to how I started buying a particular scotch or gin or tequila or whatever. I can tell the person who it was that introduced me to it and where I was at the time, where I bought the first bottle, the history of the company that makes or bottle or produces it, it is all tied into my love of history and memories of each brand and make of bottle. I know it sounds crazy but it is just how I am. I can fix a cocktail for anybody that visits me at my house and not even feel the urge to drink one.
Like the Southern Comfort bottle of whiskey my friend brought over yesterday. She brought over that bottle and I can look at it and admire the beauty and design of it and cherish it and remember yesterday by holding and looking at that bottle but I won't drink it yet. For now it is a token of appreciation from a friend of mine because she knew I wasn't well yesterday and will remember her giving me that bottle as a nice gesture of hers. But I just set it aside and admire it. But no drinking it. I know it sounds weird but it is how I am as crazy as it seems.
And also the bottles I may need later on in a painting. Maybe use a bottle as a prop or use it as inspiration for a painting or somehow use several bottles in a painting. I know that sounds crazy but it is just how my brain works.
For now I put away the box wine in a closet to hide it.
And I will just paint today and listen to some music or sketch or play some piano and see how it goes and if I can just try to go for day one again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Waxing lyrical about the toxic substance that hurts you seems a little dangerous.
What matters in your historical stories is the people, not the bottles themselves.
Drinking is isolating--wouldn't you rather have the people instead of the historical "artifacts" you say you don't drink?
I hope you can get that Day 1, but you are making it 1000% harder on yourself by filling your home with alcohol of whatever type.
What matters in your historical stories is the people, not the bottles themselves.
Drinking is isolating--wouldn't you rather have the people instead of the historical "artifacts" you say you don't drink?
I hope you can get that Day 1, but you are making it 1000% harder on yourself by filling your home with alcohol of whatever type.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
building a shrine to the thing that will kill you seems a bit....well, alcoholic! those bottles are not your friends. if you want to "remember" them for anyone reason, take out your phone and snap a photo. then dump them out.
moving a box of wine from the kitchen to the bathroom to the closet is not a solution. where you keep it in the house is not the problem....THAT you keep any booze in the house IS the problem.
if you decide some day that a painting REALLY needs a bottle - grab the olive oil, or the balsamic. while you may say to yourself - oh look i have these bottles of booze and look at me not drinking out of them - you are still running to the cardboard box with the plastic spigot. it's all the same stuff, just in different packaging. toxic and deadly.
moving a box of wine from the kitchen to the bathroom to the closet is not a solution. where you keep it in the house is not the problem....THAT you keep any booze in the house IS the problem.
if you decide some day that a painting REALLY needs a bottle - grab the olive oil, or the balsamic. while you may say to yourself - oh look i have these bottles of booze and look at me not drinking out of them - you are still running to the cardboard box with the plastic spigot. it's all the same stuff, just in different packaging. toxic and deadly.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Being on a stop drinking forum and waxing lyrical about the beauty and cherished memories surrounding your alcohol collection is bizarre.
Also it’s not really helpful to the others on the site.
You need to ask the question DO I WANT TO STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL?
If the answer is Yes then follow everyone’s advise which is to throw the alcohol in your house down the drain or give it away!
Also it’s not really helpful to the others on the site.
You need to ask the question DO I WANT TO STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL?
If the answer is Yes then follow everyone’s advise which is to throw the alcohol in your house down the drain or give it away!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 222
Mikoss, I'm afraid I agree with the folks who say that you're making decisions that are will make recovery much more difficult for yourself.
Take a small step today- get outside, go to the grocery store or library. See and speak to people. Isolation breeds depression. Just a jolt of the outside world might make you feel better, more hopeful.
Take a small step today- get outside, go to the grocery store or library. See and speak to people. Isolation breeds depression. Just a jolt of the outside world might make you feel better, more hopeful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by mikoss
I don't have health insurance though. I lost my health insurance when I lost my last job so no more health insurance for me. So I will just have to pay cash out of pocket to see any doctor or psychiatrist I guess.
Especially if your immediate response was "I'm not doing well financially."
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Mikoss I spent 5 years drinking beer when I could afford it and box wine when I couldn't.
Don't waste 5 years like I did.
I'm sorry you have OCD. I've seen it here at SR and I've seen OCD people get and stay sober.
There must surely been things you've learned, or suggestions/tips been given, to help you make healthy decisions for yourself, like throwing out the box wine - even when your OCD is triggered.
'I cant throw it out' is a close cousin to 'I have to drink til the box is dry and I can't do anything to stop that' & that sounds more like alcoholism than OCD to me, Mikoss.
D
Don't waste 5 years like I did.
I'm sorry you have OCD. I've seen it here at SR and I've seen OCD people get and stay sober.
There must surely been things you've learned, or suggestions/tips been given, to help you make healthy decisions for yourself, like throwing out the box wine - even when your OCD is triggered.
'I cant throw it out' is a close cousin to 'I have to drink til the box is dry and I can't do anything to stop that' & that sounds more like alcoholism than OCD to me, Mikoss.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Oh how I loved my craft beer.
Some of them were stronger than that box wine. I could convince myself, and I guess to some extent I was wheeled in by the thought of the taste of some citrusy IPA or something. Like all I wanted was just the taste and that would be that. That taste only lead to misery. I loved trying all the different beers from all over the World, especially the newer market here in America. I loved everything about beer the smells and to appreciate the different appearances of the different styles. People would come over and I go on and on explaining what kinds of beer I have and how delicious they are and how they need to try this one. I guess one statement I'd say about some of the strong ones was pretty accurate, "it will make you stupid". I would say that like it was something good, like it's good to be stupid.
It felt real good the day I threw all that crap out. When I thought about the mess I was in, the blown opportunities over the years, the things it did to my life, in my 40s thinking what coulda been, what my life coulda been without that garbage.
When I really thought about it I was pretty angry with alchohol it needed to be destroyed.
Some of them were stronger than that box wine. I could convince myself, and I guess to some extent I was wheeled in by the thought of the taste of some citrusy IPA or something. Like all I wanted was just the taste and that would be that. That taste only lead to misery. I loved trying all the different beers from all over the World, especially the newer market here in America. I loved everything about beer the smells and to appreciate the different appearances of the different styles. People would come over and I go on and on explaining what kinds of beer I have and how delicious they are and how they need to try this one. I guess one statement I'd say about some of the strong ones was pretty accurate, "it will make you stupid". I would say that like it was something good, like it's good to be stupid.
It felt real good the day I threw all that crap out. When I thought about the mess I was in, the blown opportunities over the years, the things it did to my life, in my 40s thinking what coulda been, what my life coulda been without that garbage.
When I really thought about it I was pretty angry with alchohol it needed to be destroyed.
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