Another Relapse
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
I agree with Dee.
If you really mean to get sober and into recovery, you will do more than take phone calls from people who want to use.
By the way, if the alcohol and drugs are still in your house, the reality is a relapse is pretty much inevitable.
You have a child coming. You should be stepping up to care for the mother instead of her managing you trying to keep you sober.
It’s good you are detoxing, but that is a tiny first step on a long road and you need some tools you don’t seem to have to be successful.
Rehab can put the odds in your favor instead of against you. I don’t buy the “scared” as in fear of harm claim. I think you are scared to make a real commitment to not using anymore.
You, your “friend “, and the baby you made together deserve a real chance. If you can afford kilos of coke and fancy cars, you can afford rehab. Be honest with most important person of all-yourself.
What are you real priorities?
If you really mean to get sober and into recovery, you will do more than take phone calls from people who want to use.
By the way, if the alcohol and drugs are still in your house, the reality is a relapse is pretty much inevitable.
You have a child coming. You should be stepping up to care for the mother instead of her managing you trying to keep you sober.
It’s good you are detoxing, but that is a tiny first step on a long road and you need some tools you don’t seem to have to be successful.
Rehab can put the odds in your favor instead of against you. I don’t buy the “scared” as in fear of harm claim. I think you are scared to make a real commitment to not using anymore.
You, your “friend “, and the baby you made together deserve a real chance. If you can afford kilos of coke and fancy cars, you can afford rehab. Be honest with most important person of all-yourself.
What are you real priorities?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Not very good Lines.
I relapsed about 4 hours ago over something so dumb that I feel like an idiot right now. I will explain what happened but I relapsed bigtime.
Drinking, doing coke, just in my studio trying to decompress. My friend she is not happy about it but I had a major breakdown earlier with something that happened but it wasn't bad or anything it just caused me to relapse.
I relapsed about 4 hours ago over something so dumb that I feel like an idiot right now. I will explain what happened but I relapsed bigtime.
Drinking, doing coke, just in my studio trying to decompress. My friend she is not happy about it but I had a major breakdown earlier with something that happened but it wasn't bad or anything it just caused me to relapse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
You've had nearly 500 posts in this thread and not really advanced anywhere Mikoss.
It's time to throw in the towel and get some help - outside of your house...and your friend and your AA sponsor....
D
It's time to throw in the towel and get some help - outside of your house...and your friend and your AA sponsor....
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
What happened was that they cancelled my AA meetings so they are doing my AA meetings online via video conferencing.
So there was a meeting tonight and I had to download this app called Zoom so we can have our online AA meeting. Long story short I passed out today and slept till 15 minutes before my online AA meeting. Insomnia, people calling me on my cell all day, finally took a pill and slept and I wake up literally 15 minutes before my AA meeting.
I get on one of my phones and try to download the Zoom app. Long story short I end up signing up for some other app called Primezy by accident. They have my credit car info and I was like oh man now these guys have my card info and going to bill my card for some crap that I don't even want.
I tried contacting them asap to cancel any subscription I am on and take my card off of their database. I am livid and panicking like crazy.
I reach for the nearest bottle and drinking like a fish right out of the bottle. I reach for the nearest drawer of coke and just start going to town doing coke like crazy. I drank so much and did so much coke I threw up in my bathroom while I am on the phone with the people from Primezy to cancel whatever I did.
Finally they take care of it and I am like I need to get online to do my AA meeting and I drink and do some more coke just to get right before my online AA meeting so I look okay while I am online for my AA meeting.
It was just a bad experience for me tonight.
So there was a meeting tonight and I had to download this app called Zoom so we can have our online AA meeting. Long story short I passed out today and slept till 15 minutes before my online AA meeting. Insomnia, people calling me on my cell all day, finally took a pill and slept and I wake up literally 15 minutes before my AA meeting.
I get on one of my phones and try to download the Zoom app. Long story short I end up signing up for some other app called Primezy by accident. They have my credit car info and I was like oh man now these guys have my card info and going to bill my card for some crap that I don't even want.
I tried contacting them asap to cancel any subscription I am on and take my card off of their database. I am livid and panicking like crazy.
I reach for the nearest bottle and drinking like a fish right out of the bottle. I reach for the nearest drawer of coke and just start going to town doing coke like crazy. I drank so much and did so much coke I threw up in my bathroom while I am on the phone with the people from Primezy to cancel whatever I did.
Finally they take care of it and I am like I need to get online to do my AA meeting and I drink and do some more coke just to get right before my online AA meeting so I look okay while I am online for my AA meeting.
It was just a bad experience for me tonight.
Last edited by mikoss; 03-20-2020 at 10:49 PM. Reason: spelling
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I think you need a complete break Mikoss - if you have a lot of liquor and drugs at you house that's kind of deleterious to recovery.
If you won't get rid of it all rehab sounds like a good idea. Maybe your friend and/or sponsor can de-drug and de-booze and clean your house out while you're away.
I'm sorry about the software - I have had problems like that, and drank over them - and accomplished nothing by getting drunk over them.
I'm sure you'll be able to cancel the other thing and get a refund - based on what you've said in the past it'll be a drop in the bucket for you financially anyway.
D
If you won't get rid of it all rehab sounds like a good idea. Maybe your friend and/or sponsor can de-drug and de-booze and clean your house out while you're away.
I'm sorry about the software - I have had problems like that, and drank over them - and accomplished nothing by getting drunk over them.
I'm sure you'll be able to cancel the other thing and get a refund - based on what you've said in the past it'll be a drop in the bucket for you financially anyway.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Yes Dee, when I look back at it now I think wow how do I let things like this get to me.
All I wanted was to download the Zoom app to do my AA meeting and I ended up signing up for this Primezy that I have no idea what it is. And I got so worked up over this ordeal that I was going crazy.
I don't even know what Primezy is but I apparently I signed up for it and I was like oh man these dudes have my credit card info and going to charge me for something I don't even want or know what it is. All I wanted was the Zoom app to do my AA meeting. But I managed to call their number and the guy on the phone was nice and said all was fine and no subscription was initiated and that my bank declined the charge anyways and he reassured me all was fine and that everything was cancelled as far as any subscription. Thank god my bank declined the charge since it was a suspicious charge and my bank has all of these security features.
All I wanted was to download the Zoom app to do my AA meeting and I ended up signing up for this Primezy that I have no idea what it is. And I got so worked up over this ordeal that I was going crazy.
I don't even know what Primezy is but I apparently I signed up for it and I was like oh man these dudes have my credit card info and going to charge me for something I don't even want or know what it is. All I wanted was the Zoom app to do my AA meeting. But I managed to call their number and the guy on the phone was nice and said all was fine and no subscription was initiated and that my bank declined the charge anyways and he reassured me all was fine and that everything was cancelled as far as any subscription. Thank god my bank declined the charge since it was a suspicious charge and my bank has all of these security features.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
I can't exactly dump it all freedomfries.
And right now the only place that seems my best chance is detox or rehab.
I only do enough to get by these days but my friend here she is worried about me to where I have to either quit or need professional help.
I don't know what to do anymore. I pray and cry every day and ask god or whatever higher power to rid me of this disease of alcohol an drug addiction. I tell myself if I can rid myself of this addiction I will literally dedicate myself to helping others of this disease of alcohol and cocaine addiction and help other people with my disease if I can ever just quit all of this.
And right now the only place that seems my best chance is detox or rehab.
I only do enough to get by these days but my friend here she is worried about me to where I have to either quit or need professional help.
I don't know what to do anymore. I pray and cry every day and ask god or whatever higher power to rid me of this disease of alcohol an drug addiction. I tell myself if I can rid myself of this addiction I will literally dedicate myself to helping others of this disease of alcohol and cocaine addiction and help other people with my disease if I can ever just quit all of this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
What do I do though Derringer, just get rid of it all?
I feel scared of what if I need it and have a panic attack and need some booze or coke or pills or a hit of heroin or something in case I go into panic mode.
Like what happened today. I went into such a frenzy I broke out into complete panic mode that I stared drinking booze right out of the bottle and doing coke off of my bathroom counter with a credit card to crush it and do my lines and a rolled up piece of paper for a straw like an idiot locking the door so my friend she couldn't stop me if she knew what I was doing.
I am between a rock and a hard place as they say.
I feel scared of what if I need it and have a panic attack and need some booze or coke or pills or a hit of heroin or something in case I go into panic mode.
Like what happened today. I went into such a frenzy I broke out into complete panic mode that I stared drinking booze right out of the bottle and doing coke off of my bathroom counter with a credit card to crush it and do my lines and a rolled up piece of paper for a straw like an idiot locking the door so my friend she couldn't stop me if she knew what I was doing.
I am between a rock and a hard place as they say.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
When you are so deeply entrenched in addiction you don't think the same way as those on the outside. It seems so simple to us to ditch it all but I can understand why it's difficult for you to do it. That's why you need to get out and go to rehab, you will think differently with a bit of clarity and have a much better chance at beating this.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Derringer is right Mikoss.
You can't have change if you're not prepared to make any changes.
____________________________________
Ok, so we close threads at 500 posts and move the part two of a thread to our Daily Support Forum
Join us there
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ss-thread.html (Mikoss' Thread)
D
You can't have change if you're not prepared to make any changes.
____________________________________
Ok, so we close threads at 500 posts and move the part two of a thread to our Daily Support Forum
Join us there
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ss-thread.html (Mikoss' Thread)
D
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