Another Relapse
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by mikoss 
Yesterday's meeting went well. I saw some familiar faces and made some more contacts and talked to some more people after the meeting.
There were some interesting things that a few people said in the meeting yesterday that I wanted to share. These were from people that have been going to these meetings for several years and have been sober for years as well.
One thing that this man said in the meeting is that alcoholism is a disease that can never be cured. We will never fully be cured of it and we will always live with alcoholism forever and be an alcoholic forever he said. But the only thing we can do is decide to stop drinking. He said it is like the cucumber and the pickle. Once we turn into a pickle there is no going back to a cucumber and we have alcoholism for life and it never leaves us. We will always be a pickle forever. And that is okay. But we can still be a pickle and choose to not drink. Or we can drink and eventually just be a dead pickle because the only end to drinking is eventual death if we don't stop. Because he said it only gets worse. It never gets better. Alcoholism is progressive he said and it usually does not end well if we don't stop drinking. So that really made me realize that it is okay to admit to myself I am an alcoholic and focus on the treatment part and not worry so much about having alcoholism.
And then there was another man in the meeting that has been going for years and has been sober for years. He was the one that got me to go up and introduce myself at Sunday's meeting when I broke down and told everyone that I was a drunk and drug addict and he gave me a hug and told me to keep coming back to the meetings. And he said when he first started going to the meetings he hated AA meetings so much. He said that the only reason he went was because his wife threatened to divorce him and he didn't want to lose his wife. And he said that he would go and just tune everybody out, wouldn't listen to any advice from anyone at the meeting, and he said to himself no way do I care about any of these 12 steps or what any of these people have to say. He said he just wasn't having any of it.
He admitted that he was just very resistant to all of it and hated every minute of the first meetings and did not want to be there at all and just wanted to drink because the meetings were cutting into his drinking time. He said he would come home from a meeting and his wife would ask him, "How was your AA meeting?" And he said I told her, "It was fantastic. It was so fantastic and I got so much out of just one meeting that I never have to go again to another one." He said he felt that he worked hard to be successful in life and felt that he deserved to drink and drink as much as he pleased and that nobody including his wife could tell him that he had a drinking problem much less have to go to AA meetings because if it. He said he would tell himself I am not hurting anybody by drinking and I am a friendly and nice person when I drink so what is the problem? But he said the truth was that he was hurting people emotionally from drinking including his wife and family and what he told himself about drinking being not a big deal and not hurting anyone by it was very far from the actual truth.
And he said that what made him stop drinking was a higher power that told him the world is a better place without alcohol in his life and decided that death was not too far in the future if he continued the way he was drinking and doing drugs and he had to stop to save his life.
And then there was a new person in the meeting. A young man that sat right next to me and it was his first time at a meeting. We got him a book and I wrote my name and number in it like they did for me at my first meeting. This young man was in a real low place. I actually talked to him outside and introduced myself and offered any help I could before I left. Before that, I actually was in the car in the passenger seat with my friend driving since she picked me up and I told her you know what wait a bit and I got out of the car to go back and talk to people outside and ran into him and other people that said hi to me at the meeting when I got there. Without going into detail he had a friend that recently died. He was there when it happened. And there was a lot of alcohol involved and a lot of heavy drinking among friends. And he saw his friend end his life in front of him due to alcohol. That hit me hard that alcohol doesn't play games.
He and I were talking among other people outside in a group. You hear a lot in the actual AA meeting but when you talk outside in a group people will tell you some real sad stories. But my friend she was waiting for me so I couldn't stay long after the meeting but I met some great people there at the AA meeting tonight. And I did talk to some people after the meeting about professional detox and rehab and help if I need it and I am staying in touch with these people.
I am very glad I went yesterday. Every time that I go every day I get more and more out of these meetings.
And I am going to a meeting tonight. From what they said it is a very big meeting. Over a hundred people will be at this meeting.
There were some interesting things that a few people said in the meeting yesterday that I wanted to share. These were from people that have been going to these meetings for several years and have been sober for years as well.
One thing that this man said in the meeting is that alcoholism is a disease that can never be cured. We will never fully be cured of it and we will always live with alcoholism forever and be an alcoholic forever he said. But the only thing we can do is decide to stop drinking. He said it is like the cucumber and the pickle. Once we turn into a pickle there is no going back to a cucumber and we have alcoholism for life and it never leaves us. We will always be a pickle forever. And that is okay. But we can still be a pickle and choose to not drink. Or we can drink and eventually just be a dead pickle because the only end to drinking is eventual death if we don't stop. Because he said it only gets worse. It never gets better. Alcoholism is progressive he said and it usually does not end well if we don't stop drinking. So that really made me realize that it is okay to admit to myself I am an alcoholic and focus on the treatment part and not worry so much about having alcoholism.
And then there was another man in the meeting that has been going for years and has been sober for years. He was the one that got me to go up and introduce myself at Sunday's meeting when I broke down and told everyone that I was a drunk and drug addict and he gave me a hug and told me to keep coming back to the meetings. And he said when he first started going to the meetings he hated AA meetings so much. He said that the only reason he went was because his wife threatened to divorce him and he didn't want to lose his wife. And he said that he would go and just tune everybody out, wouldn't listen to any advice from anyone at the meeting, and he said to himself no way do I care about any of these 12 steps or what any of these people have to say. He said he just wasn't having any of it.
He admitted that he was just very resistant to all of it and hated every minute of the first meetings and did not want to be there at all and just wanted to drink because the meetings were cutting into his drinking time. He said he would come home from a meeting and his wife would ask him, "How was your AA meeting?" And he said I told her, "It was fantastic. It was so fantastic and I got so much out of just one meeting that I never have to go again to another one." He said he felt that he worked hard to be successful in life and felt that he deserved to drink and drink as much as he pleased and that nobody including his wife could tell him that he had a drinking problem much less have to go to AA meetings because if it. He said he would tell himself I am not hurting anybody by drinking and I am a friendly and nice person when I drink so what is the problem? But he said the truth was that he was hurting people emotionally from drinking including his wife and family and what he told himself about drinking being not a big deal and not hurting anyone by it was very far from the actual truth.
And he said that what made him stop drinking was a higher power that told him the world is a better place without alcohol in his life and decided that death was not too far in the future if he continued the way he was drinking and doing drugs and he had to stop to save his life.
And then there was a new person in the meeting. A young man that sat right next to me and it was his first time at a meeting. We got him a book and I wrote my name and number in it like they did for me at my first meeting. This young man was in a real low place. I actually talked to him outside and introduced myself and offered any help I could before I left. Before that, I actually was in the car in the passenger seat with my friend driving since she picked me up and I told her you know what wait a bit and I got out of the car to go back and talk to people outside and ran into him and other people that said hi to me at the meeting when I got there. Without going into detail he had a friend that recently died. He was there when it happened. And there was a lot of alcohol involved and a lot of heavy drinking among friends. And he saw his friend end his life in front of him due to alcohol. That hit me hard that alcohol doesn't play games.
He and I were talking among other people outside in a group. You hear a lot in the actual AA meeting but when you talk outside in a group people will tell you some real sad stories. But my friend she was waiting for me so I couldn't stay long after the meeting but I met some great people there at the AA meeting tonight. And I did talk to some people after the meeting about professional detox and rehab and help if I need it and I am staying in touch with these people.
I am very glad I went yesterday. Every time that I go every day I get more and more out of these meetings.
And I am going to a meeting tonight. From what they said it is a very big meeting. Over a hundred people will be at this meeting.
Absolutely stoked for you Mikoss.
Sounds like you have landed on your feet and found some great meetings with some great people in them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by mikoss
Thanks Lines, how are you doing?
Yes, In AA meeting you volunteer to speak so since I am new I just mostly sit and listen. You hear a lot of advice and stories from people and meet a lot of great people.
The thing about it is that I meet people that we can talk and tell stories and relate to each other. For instance last night I was talking to a group of people after the meeting about stories of drinking and drugs. Just crazy stories of massive drinking and massive cocaine use and stories we could all relate to. But mostly we talked about possible detox and rehab and stories of when they went through rehabs and detox and so forth.
But it is nice to be able to go to AA meetings and relate to people that are in the same shoes as I am or were. Some people there at the meetings are still heavy drinkers and doing cocaine, weed, pills, you name it. Some are several years sober. It varies from person to person.
But we all just try to get together at the meeting and talk about our alcoholism and drug addictions and focus on having a better life for ourselves without alcohol and drugs.
Yes, In AA meeting you volunteer to speak so since I am new I just mostly sit and listen. You hear a lot of advice and stories from people and meet a lot of great people.
The thing about it is that I meet people that we can talk and tell stories and relate to each other. For instance last night I was talking to a group of people after the meeting about stories of drinking and drugs. Just crazy stories of massive drinking and massive cocaine use and stories we could all relate to. But mostly we talked about possible detox and rehab and stories of when they went through rehabs and detox and so forth.
But it is nice to be able to go to AA meetings and relate to people that are in the same shoes as I am or were. Some people there at the meetings are still heavy drinkers and doing cocaine, weed, pills, you name it. Some are several years sober. It varies from person to person.
But we all just try to get together at the meeting and talk about our alcoholism and drug addictions and focus on having a better life for ourselves without alcohol and drugs.
I think it's great you found something your enjoying and hopefully it will lead you to the better life you want. Your sounding a lot more positive. How are you feeling outside of the meetings ? When I saw your comments about the cucumber and pickle. All I could think of was I hope you know those McDonalds hamburgers have pickles. After your in there talking about pickles, you then go to the car and eat them. I actually laughed which is rare coming off the coke.
Good work on taking action Mikoss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Derringer
Awesome 😊
Absolutely stoked for you Mikoss.
Sounds like you have landed on your feet and found some great meetings with some great people in them.
Absolutely stoked for you Mikoss.
Sounds like you have landed on your feet and found some great meetings with some great people in them.
It wasn't as full of people like I thought it was going to be but it was a pretty full house last night.
Tonight's meeting will be in a different place. It is actually going to take place at a treatment center. So I will see how it goes.
I am just scared to go out much with the coronavirus pandemic but I will see how this meeting goes and see what is going on with future meetings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Lines
I'm doing better. Stopped the coke last Friday while at work. Disposed of what I had there and at home. On Saturday I told my wife everything. Remember how you said telling your story to the group there and admitting your behaviors of drinking/drugs made you feel better because they accepted you? Telling my wife had the same effect on me. I also called my doctor on Saturday and the overachiever called me back within 2 hours. Wasn't expecting that. Did a Skype session for an hour, and he then talked to both me and my wife together. Wanted me to come in for bloodwork and a checkup. He has an office through the treatment center I went to years ago. We went there on Sunday. Was a little worried what they might find because as you know coke can be mixed with stuff even if you think its grade a through a reputable source. But it was all ok. Since I haven't been sleeping, he gave me a prescription to help for a few days. Asked my wife to dose it for me. But wow I've slept sound and feel so much better. And last weekend we decided to send out notices that everyone could work from home and not personally interact with clients unless absolutely necessary. Who would have thought Corona virus fears might prove beneficial in this scenario. And tomorrow I Skype with my Dr again to check in.
I think it's great you found something your enjoying and hopefully it will lead you to the better life you want. Your sounding a lot more positive. How are you feeling outside of the meetings ? When I saw your comments about the cucumber and pickle. All I could think of was I hope you know those McDonalds hamburgers have pickles. After your in there talking about pickles, you then go to the car and eat them. I actually laughed which is rare coming off the coke.
Good work on taking action Mikoss
I think it's great you found something your enjoying and hopefully it will lead you to the better life you want. Your sounding a lot more positive. How are you feeling outside of the meetings ? When I saw your comments about the cucumber and pickle. All I could think of was I hope you know those McDonalds hamburgers have pickles. After your in there talking about pickles, you then go to the car and eat them. I actually laughed which is rare coming off the coke.
Good work on taking action Mikoss
Last night my friend and I went to the grocery store and it was packed with people buying groceries, water, and supplies. And I am just so scared and panicked right now with the coronavirus pandemic and going anywhere right now. But I am still going to my AA meeting tonight which is taking place at a treatment center and see what we people say about the future meetings.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by mikoss
Thanks Derringer, yes the meetings are going well. Last night's meeting went well.
It wasn't as full of people like I thought it was going to be but it was a pretty full house last night.
Tonight's meeting will be in a different place. It is actually going to take place at a treatment center. So I will see how it goes.
I am just scared to go out much with the coronavirus pandemic but I will see how this meeting goes and see what is going on with future meetings.
It wasn't as full of people like I thought it was going to be but it was a pretty full house last night.
Tonight's meeting will be in a different place. It is actually going to take place at a treatment center. So I will see how it goes.
I am just scared to go out much with the coronavirus pandemic but I will see how this meeting goes and see what is going on with future meetings.
"Worldwide, alcohol misuse and dependence are responsible for 3.3 million deaths per year, 10 times the number of fatalities from all illicit drugs combined."
I don't know about you, but I'll take my chances on a flu like virus rather than my chances on untreated alcoholism.
If only alcoholism had the same kind of media frenzy to propel it along as Corona virus 🙄
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Well I didn't go to my AA meeting tonight and missed it. It was in a different location than where I normally go and at a treatment center but my friend drove me there and it was closed and the doors were locked. Then I went right across and talked to the officer guarding the front desk at the main hospital and he said they haven't had meetings at the treatment center in a while. And I asked him if the meeting was there in the hospital itself and he said no and that he would know of a meeting if there was one and that it wouldn't be in the hospital itself. Maybe it was there in the hospital and I should have just gone up there but I didn't want to go past security since the hospital is guarded with a police officer at the front desk right now and surely they would know if there was an AA meeting.
I should have called somebody from the meeting to check and see but I just will go to the regular meeting tomorrow.
And I got so sick tonight. I was having a fever and chills and my stomach upset. And then I started feeling sick like having a cold. I was not drinking or doing any substances. I felt nauseated, sick, fever, chills, and just feeling bad.
Then we go to the grocery store and it is packed with people. Lines with people with carts full of groceries and supplies. The aisles just empty with most of the cleaning supplies gone and it was so busy I just got out of there. No chance standing in line to get medicine with each line with 20 people in line. It was absolute madness in there.
Finally I got out of there and my friend drove me to a gas station store to get some cold medicine and some sparkling water.
Just a weird night tonight. No drinking or drugs but I really wanted to go to that AA meeting but oh well. I will go to one tomorrow at the place I normally go to.
I should have called somebody from the meeting to check and see but I just will go to the regular meeting tomorrow.
And I got so sick tonight. I was having a fever and chills and my stomach upset. And then I started feeling sick like having a cold. I was not drinking or doing any substances. I felt nauseated, sick, fever, chills, and just feeling bad.
Then we go to the grocery store and it is packed with people. Lines with people with carts full of groceries and supplies. The aisles just empty with most of the cleaning supplies gone and it was so busy I just got out of there. No chance standing in line to get medicine with each line with 20 people in line. It was absolute madness in there.
Finally I got out of there and my friend drove me to a gas station store to get some cold medicine and some sparkling water.
Just a weird night tonight. No drinking or drugs but I really wanted to go to that AA meeting but oh well. I will go to one tomorrow at the place I normally go to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Dee74
I hope the hysteria will abate soon Mikoss. Also hope you find a meeting for today/tonight.
D
D
But then I don't know if we are going to even have more meetings due to the coronavirus pandemic or if I should even continue to go to any meetings due to coronavirus. I need to see if the meetings will still take place.
At this point I just want to avoid contact with as many people as possible and just stay home and avoid going out in public at all. Only my friend here and that's it. I am scared to even go outside my house at this point.
I am just pretty scared right now. I am starting to have a sore throat, my body is feeling sore, I have a fever and then chills, stomach ache earlier, and now I just feel nauseated. I feel so sick. Not to mention the depression and anxiety and major OCD. Not terribly sick but I am just not feeling well at all.
Last edited by mikoss; 03-13-2020 at 12:05 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Right pick yourself up and get back to being sober, we will all have stress in life but the booze will make everything 10 times bigger and worse, it’s not worth driving yourself into an early grave because of other people ❤️
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
No, I have not been drinking. I am not stressed just because of coronavirus but from other stress. Commitments, responsibilities, stress from a family member that may have coronavirus and they just can't give a definite yes or no yet and still doing more testing, and just a lot of stress the past few days, and now I feel sick. My body just feels really sore and achy. My joints hurt. And I feel too sick to even drink any alcohol. And then I hear ringing in my ears like tinnitus or something and it comes and goes. And I get these fevers and chills that come and go. Hopefully it passes and it is just a cold or something.
Last edited by mikoss; 03-13-2020 at 12:33 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Maybe you are detoxing mikoss?
And maybe I've misjudged you, and for which I'm sorry. I'm really glad you are deriving some good from the AA meetings. It's good to talk and be with others who understand.
And maybe I've misjudged you, and for which I'm sorry. I'm really glad you are deriving some good from the AA meetings. It's good to talk and be with others who understand.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Mikoss ... might be a good idea to use some of those phone numbers you got given.
I know you are going to be like 'what am I going to say' ... What can we possibly talk about ?
Trust me on this, just make a couple of calls.
Ring one of the guys who has a good few years up
I know you are going to be like 'what am I going to say' ... What can we possibly talk about ?
Trust me on this, just make a couple of calls.
Ring one of the guys who has a good few years up
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
It will get better but you know there are a few days with a little discomfort to get the alcohol out of your system when you quit.
You’re doing a really good job staying sober and getting to meetings. Derringer is right about making the phone calls.
Go for it and keep your sober momentum . You can do it.
You’re doing a really good job staying sober and getting to meetings. Derringer is right about making the phone calls.
Go for it and keep your sober momentum . You can do it.
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
Posts: 738
How fun to see wine as a calm kind of drinking. Those were the days. Wine is actually my drink of choice, red wine, except entire bottles of it.
I tried bartering with the idea of changing up my drink, thinking that would at least keep me from binges. I tried those high-alcohol kombuchas, and at first I would only drink 2, 3 max. Then I spent one Sunday afternoon drinking high-alcohol kombucha until it was night and I was drunk and I had spent money I hadn't planned to spend.
Switching drinks might slow you down temporarily but it's not the solution, at least it hasn't been for me.
I tried bartering with the idea of changing up my drink, thinking that would at least keep me from binges. I tried those high-alcohol kombuchas, and at first I would only drink 2, 3 max. Then I spent one Sunday afternoon drinking high-alcohol kombucha until it was night and I was drunk and I had spent money I hadn't planned to spend.
Switching drinks might slow you down temporarily but it's not the solution, at least it hasn't been for me.
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
Posts: 738
Originally Posted by mikoss
No, I have not been drinking. I am not stressed just because of coronavirus but from other stress. Commitments, responsibilities, stress from a family member that may have coronavirus and they just can't give a definite yes or no yet and still doing more testing, and just a lot of stress the past few days, and now I feel sick. My body just feels really sore and achy. My joints hurt. And I feel too sick to even drink any alcohol. And then I hear ringing in my ears like tinnitus or something and it comes and goes. And I get these fevers and chills that come and go. Hopefully it passes and it is just a cold or something.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
From the stated amount of both alcohol and coke you've been taking; if you've stopped both I'd think you would have a seriously difficult detox.
I've been dealing with exhaustion, sleeping a lot but on a weird schedule., mental lows, a flat feeling most of the time. Those are the worst for me right now and all related to the coke. I haven't had it this time, but when I was heavily using and then quit there was some scary paranoia and I'm told I was acting a bit nuts. Luckily dont recall much of it.
Remember using and drinking will only be a temporary fix no matter how bad you feel right now.
I've been dealing with exhaustion, sleeping a lot but on a weird schedule., mental lows, a flat feeling most of the time. Those are the worst for me right now and all related to the coke. I haven't had it this time, but when I was heavily using and then quit there was some scary paranoia and I'm told I was acting a bit nuts. Luckily dont recall much of it.
Remember using and drinking will only be a temporary fix no matter how bad you feel right now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by BeckoningCat
How fun to see wine as a calm kind of drinking. Those were the days. Wine is actually my drink of choice, red wine, except entire bottles of it.
I tried bartering with the idea of changing up my drink, thinking that would at least keep me from binges. I tried those high-alcohol kombuchas, and at first I would only drink 2, 3 max. Then I spent one Sunday afternoon drinking high-alcohol kombucha until it was night and I was drunk and I had spent money I hadn't planned to spend.
Switching drinks might slow you down temporarily but it's not the solution, at least it hasn't been for me.
I tried bartering with the idea of changing up my drink, thinking that would at least keep me from binges. I tried those high-alcohol kombuchas, and at first I would only drink 2, 3 max. Then I spent one Sunday afternoon drinking high-alcohol kombucha until it was night and I was drunk and I had spent money I hadn't planned to spend.
Switching drinks might slow you down temporarily but it's not the solution, at least it hasn't been for me.
Mikoss, following your journey and wishing you all the best for recovery, keep posting! ❤️
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
