First post...thanks for being here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 5
First post...thanks for being here
Okay...I'm finally going to reach out to others. Ms. Superwoman realizes she is failing. I have tried so many times on my own; I'm obviously not strong enough. I am drunk and high on cocaine as I type this. It's very hard because I live with a mentally abusive hardcore alcoholic who drinks himself to the point of passing out on the patio every night and smokes much STRONG pot. Not that I'm blaming him; I take responsibility for myself and my own actions. I'm a middle aged honors student, but I can't afford to move out right now. He works hard and keeps a roof over our heads, but I make straight A grades and he tells me how ignorant, dumb and worthless I am...even though I researched, put together, and paid for an LLC business for him and gave it to him so he would have a job when the owner of the construction company he worked for passed (he did...I saw it coming). Anyway, I have never drank so much until now...and discovered cocaine. Yes, I am self-medicating to bypass the emotional pain he makes me feel. If you've read this far, thank you. I guess I just need someone to understand without judging. I am also a longtime Pagan, so I am spiritual, but not of The Big 3 religions. I talk to The All daily; I feel the energy listens, but I know it's ultimately up to me. I'd love to hear from others. Again, thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I was a drinker and cocaine user in university too. Although, far from an honour student as a result. I didn't have much money then so I wasn't addicted or abusing anything. That came later when I had a proper job. Eventually lost everything....
Don't let the drinking/coke use progress to full blown addiction. It's a horrible place.
Don't let the drinking/coke use progress to full blown addiction. It's a horrible place.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
Well, You said You could not do "it" alone. not sure if "it" is staying clean, getting clean and sober or recovery. But since you said that and you reached out here then now is the time to take more action and find whatever appropriate program of recovery suits you. (SMART, AA/NA , Rational recovery...) they all have websites with bunch of stuff to read.
SMART recovery have online meetings everyday as well.
AA/NA , you can find online meetings on skype, a bunch of them everyday.
Like I said, now it's time for more action.
Sometimes a person need detox not just in the conventional sense, but literally getting locked up for a period of time until not just the physical symptoms but the mental obsession gets lifted up enough to start the journey.
SMART recovery have online meetings everyday as well.
AA/NA , you can find online meetings on skype, a bunch of them everyday.
Like I said, now it's time for more action.
Sometimes a person need detox not just in the conventional sense, but literally getting locked up for a period of time until not just the physical symptoms but the mental obsession gets lifted up enough to start the journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Welcome to SR PR
I talk a bit about how my drinking made the intolerable tolerable - sounds like there's a little of that going on with you too?
Nothing ever changed while I was drinking...except maybe to get worse..
D
I talk a bit about how my drinking made the intolerable tolerable - sounds like there's a little of that going on with you too?
Nothing ever changed while I was drinking...except maybe to get worse..
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Fellow pagan here....welcome to SR.
One thing I can tell you is that being sober brings me so much closer to the spiritual side of me, the pagan, witch that is me.
I understand the abuse as I have been through it too, more so just the abusive part rather than the alcoholic part.
Another thing I know is that it becomes a lot easier to see the real picture of what is going on in the abuse when sober.
I hope for you that you can choose to put both down, the booze and the cocaine.
There is a lot of support here..
Blessed be..
One thing I can tell you is that being sober brings me so much closer to the spiritual side of me, the pagan, witch that is me.
I understand the abuse as I have been through it too, more so just the abusive part rather than the alcoholic part.
Another thing I know is that it becomes a lot easier to see the real picture of what is going on in the abuse when sober.
I hope for you that you can choose to put both down, the booze and the cocaine.
There is a lot of support here..
Blessed be..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
Welcome, PR. I used to think I had to stop boozing by willpower, or it would show I was weak.
Wrong.
When I finally accepted I cannot drink- THAT realization, that I needed to ask for help- was a strength.
Support to you.
Wrong.
When I finally accepted I cannot drink- THAT realization, that I needed to ask for help- was a strength.
Support to you.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hello!
'Ms Superwoman realizes she is failing'. That sentence really spoke to me. Perfectionism is something that runs through many of us.... not just people on SR, many people everywhere seem to be have the deeply held belief that if we're not being the best student, parent, partner, employee, friend, gardener, dog-owner etc etc.... if we're not doing everything perfectly all the time, well that means we're failing. This all-or-nothing thinking is unhelpful for everyone but for addicts, it's really dangerous. All-or-nothing thinking leads so quickly to 'f*** it, I'm useless. Might as well drink'. And because perfection doesn't exist and there's no such thing as the perfect student, parent, partner etc, we can find ourselves thinking 'f*** it' quite a lot.
When I read your post, I got the sense that you're feeling overwhelmed. There's a lot going on. Thinking about all your problems and drinking and taking cocaine whilst you're thinking about all your problems, is just going to keep adding to the tangle of problems inside your mind. And if us perfectionists aren't able to start untangling those problems immediately, we tell ourselves we're failing and then f*** it, if we're failures, we might as well drink. It's a vicious circle. But it's not impenetrable. Vicious circles get broken all the time.
Sounds like you're ready to try a different approach and you already know the most important thing you need to do is stop drinking and stop taking cocaine. Use us as your support. Join the February class and/or the 24 hour thread and commit to staying sober. Make it a priority. Sobriety will provide you with a little space between you and your problems. This space will enable you to work out how you need to shape your recovery. Sounds like you love nature. Go outside and look at a tree. Or a flower. Observe how they go with the flow. The flower doesn't beat itself up when it loses a petal. It doesn't demand a distorted version of reality (aka perfectionism), it just does what it's supposed to do. One of the many gifts I've got from sobriety is the ability to surrender. I don't need to be superwoman anymore. I don't need to try to be perfect. I don't need to solve all my problems at once. I just need to stay sober. And staying sober has helped me find strength I never knew I had. And then one day, I realised that I was happy. Really, properly happy. And the big tangle of problems I had inside my head towards the end of my drinking.....It just wasn't there anymore. New problems have arisen, life continues to happen and people continue to disappoint but sobriety has given me all the skills I need to make good decisions. Sobriety has given me the strength to build a life I love.
Congratulations on reaching out for help. You'll get plenty here. Focus on not drinking today and post here whenever you need support. Stay sober. Everything else will fall into place xxx
'Ms Superwoman realizes she is failing'. That sentence really spoke to me. Perfectionism is something that runs through many of us.... not just people on SR, many people everywhere seem to be have the deeply held belief that if we're not being the best student, parent, partner, employee, friend, gardener, dog-owner etc etc.... if we're not doing everything perfectly all the time, well that means we're failing. This all-or-nothing thinking is unhelpful for everyone but for addicts, it's really dangerous. All-or-nothing thinking leads so quickly to 'f*** it, I'm useless. Might as well drink'. And because perfection doesn't exist and there's no such thing as the perfect student, parent, partner etc, we can find ourselves thinking 'f*** it' quite a lot.
When I read your post, I got the sense that you're feeling overwhelmed. There's a lot going on. Thinking about all your problems and drinking and taking cocaine whilst you're thinking about all your problems, is just going to keep adding to the tangle of problems inside your mind. And if us perfectionists aren't able to start untangling those problems immediately, we tell ourselves we're failing and then f*** it, if we're failures, we might as well drink. It's a vicious circle. But it's not impenetrable. Vicious circles get broken all the time.
Sounds like you're ready to try a different approach and you already know the most important thing you need to do is stop drinking and stop taking cocaine. Use us as your support. Join the February class and/or the 24 hour thread and commit to staying sober. Make it a priority. Sobriety will provide you with a little space between you and your problems. This space will enable you to work out how you need to shape your recovery. Sounds like you love nature. Go outside and look at a tree. Or a flower. Observe how they go with the flow. The flower doesn't beat itself up when it loses a petal. It doesn't demand a distorted version of reality (aka perfectionism), it just does what it's supposed to do. One of the many gifts I've got from sobriety is the ability to surrender. I don't need to be superwoman anymore. I don't need to try to be perfect. I don't need to solve all my problems at once. I just need to stay sober. And staying sober has helped me find strength I never knew I had. And then one day, I realised that I was happy. Really, properly happy. And the big tangle of problems I had inside my head towards the end of my drinking.....It just wasn't there anymore. New problems have arisen, life continues to happen and people continue to disappoint but sobriety has given me all the skills I need to make good decisions. Sobriety has given me the strength to build a life I love.
Congratulations on reaching out for help. You'll get plenty here. Focus on not drinking today and post here whenever you need support. Stay sober. Everything else will fall into place xxx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by kenton 
Hello!
'Ms Superwoman realizes she is failing'. That sentence really spoke to me. Perfectionism is something that runs through many of us.... not just people on SR, many people everywhere seem to be have the deeply held belief that if we're not being the best student, parent, partner, employee, friend, gardener, dog-owner etc etc.... if we're not doing everything perfectly all the time, well that means we're failing. This all-or-nothing thinking is unhelpful for everyone but for addicts, it's really dangerous. All-or-nothing thinking leads so quickly to 'f*** it, I'm useless. Might as well drink'. And because perfection doesn't exist and there's no such thing as the perfect student, parent, partner etc, we can find ourselves thinking 'f*** it' quite a lot.
When I read your post, I got the sense that you're feeling overwhelmed. There's a lot going on. Thinking about all your problems and drinking and taking cocaine whilst you're thinking about all your problems, is just going to keep adding to the tangle of problems inside your mind. And if us perfectionists aren't able to start untangling those problems immediately, we tell ourselves we're failing and then f*** it, if we're failures, we might as well drink. It's a vicious circle. But it's not impenetrable. Vicious circles get broken all the time.
Sounds like you're ready to try a different approach and you already know the most important thing you need to do is stop drinking and stop taking cocaine. Use us as your support. Join the February class and/or the 24 hour thread and commit to staying sober. Make it a priority. Sobriety will provide you with a little space between you and your problems. This space will enable you to work out how you need to shape your recovery. Sounds like you love nature. Go outside and look at a tree. Or a flower. Observe how they go with the flow. The flower doesn't beat itself up when it loses a petal. It doesn't demand a distorted version of reality (aka perfectionism), it just does what it's supposed to do. One of the many gifts I've got from sobriety is the ability to surrender. I don't need to be superwoman anymore. I don't need to try to be perfect. I don't need to solve all my problems at once. I just need to stay sober. And staying sober has helped me find strength I never knew I had. And then one day, I realised that I was happy. Really, properly happy. And the big tangle of problems I had inside my head towards the end of my drinking.....It just wasn't there anymore. New problems have arisen, life continues to happen and people continue to disappoint but sobriety has given me all the skills I need to make good decisions. Sobriety has given me the strength to build a life I love.
Congratulations on reaching out for help. You'll get plenty here. Focus on not drinking today and post here whenever you need support. Stay sober. Everything else will fall into place xxx
'Ms Superwoman realizes she is failing'. That sentence really spoke to me. Perfectionism is something that runs through many of us.... not just people on SR, many people everywhere seem to be have the deeply held belief that if we're not being the best student, parent, partner, employee, friend, gardener, dog-owner etc etc.... if we're not doing everything perfectly all the time, well that means we're failing. This all-or-nothing thinking is unhelpful for everyone but for addicts, it's really dangerous. All-or-nothing thinking leads so quickly to 'f*** it, I'm useless. Might as well drink'. And because perfection doesn't exist and there's no such thing as the perfect student, parent, partner etc, we can find ourselves thinking 'f*** it' quite a lot.
When I read your post, I got the sense that you're feeling overwhelmed. There's a lot going on. Thinking about all your problems and drinking and taking cocaine whilst you're thinking about all your problems, is just going to keep adding to the tangle of problems inside your mind. And if us perfectionists aren't able to start untangling those problems immediately, we tell ourselves we're failing and then f*** it, if we're failures, we might as well drink. It's a vicious circle. But it's not impenetrable. Vicious circles get broken all the time.
Sounds like you're ready to try a different approach and you already know the most important thing you need to do is stop drinking and stop taking cocaine. Use us as your support. Join the February class and/or the 24 hour thread and commit to staying sober. Make it a priority. Sobriety will provide you with a little space between you and your problems. This space will enable you to work out how you need to shape your recovery. Sounds like you love nature. Go outside and look at a tree. Or a flower. Observe how they go with the flow. The flower doesn't beat itself up when it loses a petal. It doesn't demand a distorted version of reality (aka perfectionism), it just does what it's supposed to do. One of the many gifts I've got from sobriety is the ability to surrender. I don't need to be superwoman anymore. I don't need to try to be perfect. I don't need to solve all my problems at once. I just need to stay sober. And staying sober has helped me find strength I never knew I had. And then one day, I realised that I was happy. Really, properly happy. And the big tangle of problems I had inside my head towards the end of my drinking.....It just wasn't there anymore. New problems have arisen, life continues to happen and people continue to disappoint but sobriety has given me all the skills I need to make good decisions. Sobriety has given me the strength to build a life I love.
Congratulations on reaching out for help. You'll get plenty here. Focus on not drinking today and post here whenever you need support. Stay sober. Everything else will fall into place xxx
Superwoman, welcome! No need to carry your burden alone any longer.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Very good to meet you, PaganRecovery. You are no longer alone - we all understand what you're going through.
I wasted decades insisting I could use willpower to control my drinking. To give it up all together was unthinkable. So I stumbled along until I was completely dependent on it - shaking & being sick if it wasn't in my system. All day every day in the end - with a life in ruin. This won't be you - you're taking action by coming here & sharing your story. I was still drinking when I first found myself here - but daily reading & posting helped me find the courage & strength to give it up. You can do it.
I wasted decades insisting I could use willpower to control my drinking. To give it up all together was unthinkable. So I stumbled along until I was completely dependent on it - shaking & being sick if it wasn't in my system. All day every day in the end - with a life in ruin. This won't be you - you're taking action by coming here & sharing your story. I was still drinking when I first found myself here - but daily reading & posting helped me find the courage & strength to give it up. You can do it.
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