soberly81

Afternoon from Belfast. So I have made a choice to quit drinking. It's not an easy choice and it's one that I have tried before but failed. It's something that I want though because I know deep down inside it makes me unhappy and causes me pain and suffering. The days of enjoyment are past for me, if I could only but keep that awareness and acceptance in my mind and not give in to the temptation to believe the desired truth of enjoying a few beers whilst watching the Rugby with friends. The truth is, that's not how I drink. I drink mostly alone, with no one knowing and keeping it all a secret. So I'm 38, successful, respected, loved and have all the signs of a good life. I recently got married last May, my new wife is 20 weeks pregnant, we are about to buy our dream home in the country next to a lough (lake for non Irish people), no.money worries and great families. What more could a man ask for. Yet, I drink. I drink mostly whiskey. Roughly and honestly between 40-50 units a week. That's about a bottle and a half. It was an.issue I.was aware of but could ignore when I was single but now married by true alcoholic behaviour has emerged. I slip.the bottle in a cupboard never used, pop in while cooking for a quick gulp or have a glass of "ginger ale". Discard the half bottle in.the morning with the recycling and go on with my day. I never look drunk or.seem.drunk and can carry on with my day pretending I'm.not exhausted from the restless night of non sleep and not massively dehydrated. I'm actually quite good at it.
so last Tuesday, for no real reason I decided to look at my life and where it was going and faced the truth I know, I abuse alcohol and I want it out of my life. It adds nothing, takes everything good and.prevents me from living the life I want. Except from 5-7 pm when all I want is a drink.and it all goes to crap. So wed and thurs all were good. Friday I got smacked in.the face with intense cravings and nearly bottled it but held on. Saturday was great until my family decided to have a couple of drinks after dinner at my sisters house... I caved and had one, consoled myself I wasn't doing bad and went to bed that night. Next day.was a bit disappointed. My wife came home from a hen party that night. Over the course of the night we had an argument about something stupid. I went out to get gas and would you believe it, came back with a half bottle of whisky and sneakily drank it.... Balls!! So it's Monday, I had the worst nights sleep ever last night and I'm a bit dehydrated and feeling sorry and.angry with myself. In a moment of.awareness I remembered the old saying "if you want something to change, you have to change something". I thought I had on Tuesday, I even made a public proclamation that I wasnt drinking... Because I.was training for a marathon, which is true I guess. I now realise it wasn't enough. So I am sitting working out my relapse plan, joining forums, bookmarking blogs and having honest conversations with myself. I can't go to a support group for reasons I don't feel comfortable sharing on a public forum, so here I am building as many other resources as I can.
So hello, here I am, trying to be accountable and change. Thanks for reading. Joe.

Kjma

Hello and welcome, Joe! This forum is filled with kind people who look out for one another. You've begun in the right place. Like you, I had some days in recently, but caved in yesterday, albeit briefly. Like you, I see no good coming from drinking, and like you I hid it. What I do know is that as long as I would post here when tempted instead of drinking, I was able to move past the craving. There is almost immediate response to posts by some wonderful person or another. Unlike you, I call a lake a lake.

Anyway, read up on lots of these posts, find things to add to your tools to stay sober, and welcome, wecome, welcome!!

AAPJ

Joe - Welcome and thanks for providing your story. For most of us quitting the drink was simple in concept but difficult in execution. Posting here helps a lot for support. I hope you keep reading and posting.

mikoss

Welcome Joe

It is wonderful to have you and you will find a lot of helpful information and wonderful people on this forum.

Noam19

Hi Joe! I'm glad you're hear. I'm a lot like you, 38, successful, family man, and live in Northern Indiana where there are a ton of lakes (loughs for you Irish). One of the hardest parts of recovery for me has been using everything I just described about myself as justification for being able to drink. "I obviously have everything else in order, why can't I indulge from time to time?" But also like you, I don't drink "normally". I binge, I hide, I lie, I make dumb decisions, and for the longest time I just ignored it. I agree with you 100%, it adds nothing, it takes everything I want and prevents me from living the life I want.

Join one of the daily threads. I check in each morning and commit to another 24 hours with that group. It's weird, but that has been one of my biggest safety nets these past 28 days. Every morning telling this group that I'm here, I'm with them, I support them, and I'm going to do my part for another 24 hours.

Good luck to you Joe.

soberly81

Thanks guys it means a lot. Hard to face up to truths but it has to be done. I will sign up for a daily thread, thanks for the advice.

fishkiller

Welcome!

fishkiller

100%
I agree totally
I like committing myself every day

Hopingwishing

Hi soberly, welcome aboard! You're definitely in the right place. I've had similar experiences to what you say. It's tough admitting that your way of coping isn't right, and when things get tough well you want to drink again! Vicious cycle. But drinking doesn't offer anything. A daily thread sounds great. Also come join us on the Class of Feb thread!

theVman31

Welcome Joe.
It's great to have you here with us.
Stick to posting your progress here.
Join a few recurrent threads / classes.
Alcoholism is a sneaky disease, it creaps.
Once the switch has been flipped there's no going back. With increased sobertime it gets easier...
Vinny (from kilkenny)

SoberLeigh

Welcome, soberly (nice username! ). Very glad that you found us and posted.

Congrats on your pending fatherhood. What a blessed time in your life. A great reason to be sober.


The Sober Life truly rocks,

We are here for you; stay close and go soberly!

Dee74

Welcome aboard Joe

I hear you

I got so sick and tired of not being the best me I could.

I didn't want to sneak around or constantly be on my guard trying to act cool/sober.

Recovery helped me rediscover the real me - I know you'll find the same

D

PhoenixJ

Welcome Joe. I understand all too well the acting and secretive behavior in drinking, but hiding it. An honest and courageous post. SR is an excellent place to learn, share and grow. In the newcomer's forums there are many threads to join and get involved with. For example- I joined the Class of March 2016 group (a new class is started every month) and check in there nearly every day- plus others. I consider people I have grown to know, my friends. And because of SR- I have changed in a very positive way/s.
Keep posting.
Support to you.

Hevyn

Great to meet you, Joe. You found a friendly, encouraging place to talk things over. I'm so glad you've realized what needs to happen. It took me far too long, & my reckless behavior led to chaos.

Congratulations on the expected baby and new home. You can rise above this rough time and have a lovely life. We're here to listen and help. Posting my thoughts here really helped with the anxiety I was feeling - please know you're never alone.

Derringer

Welcome to SR

What I found was that for the most part, I drank to combat feelings I didn't like.

There were other reasons before that, but trying to change the way I felt became the 90% primary one in the end.

Example ... Have a Tiff with the missus ... now I'm angry, keep playing it back in my head "I should have said this and then that" so resentful and alcohol gave me a way to soothe all those feelings.

I couldn't care less what she or anyone says once I've got a skinful. It thickens my skin.

Without it, I'm actually quite thin- skinned and overly sensitive.

So really, it's about learning new ways to self soothe without resorting to the old fall back, booze.

DriGuy

Hi Joe, That was a good introduction. It's good to have you here.

soberly81

Morning guys, I'm a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) with your support and kindness to my initial post, I thought someone might read it but your positive comments and generosity of giving your time to respond is very warming. I was reflecting last night on this struggle (with a cup of tea). I think for me when I start to feel better again I always convince myself that I'm not that bad, that 45-50 units isn't actually that much (and though I hate stereotypes, it's actually more common than not in Ireland which normalises it a bit) but the reality is it sad how I drink more than how much such was telling for me. I remember reading somewhere a line or two from a recovered alcoholic who said that it was only when he surrendered that he was able to win and regain control of his life. I understood it but didn't, until now I think. I feel (hope) I have surrendered to the fact that this is no longer an option, I can't pretend that after a while it will be fine and I can still enjoy the odd glass of wine.etc. the thought of having this problem with alcohol in my life forever, having to be en guard as it were for the rest of my life and not feel like a normal human who isn't bothered by this stuff made me feel like a failure and well very sad and angry with myself. It was a truth I couldn't bare to admit because then it would be true.
Whilst reflecting last night I guess I thought of it a different way. What if I had diabetes! If I did there is nothing I could do, it isn't going anywhere it's just there. I could ignore it, eat what I wanted, don't take meds etc and just carry on with life, but then it would make me very sick and I'd have a hypo, keep ending up in hospital, worrying my family or even end up dead. All I would have to do is accept it's in my life learn to.manage it as a chronic illness and I can have a perfect normal life without it bothering me. I guess this is how I am.seeing alcohol abuse, as a chronic illness. I can ignore it but it will keep biting me in the ass and destroying my life, or I can make room for it, accept it's there and so see my issue and begin to control it. Surrender the the acceptance of a problems presence allows us to see it and manage it I guess.
I'm also trying to think of all that sobriety gives me and the beauty I will enjoy rather than what a part of me feel like its losing. I say this because it is a loss, a little bit of me is grieving for the loss of what felt like a friend and confident, even though I know it was actually stabbing me in the back.
So that's my thought for the day. Easy at 9.33 am I guess, I'll check in at zero hours of 5-7 and we will see how reflective I am. Lol
take care
Joe

fishkiller

Good stuff soberly!

You will for more normal once you are sober not less. Normal people don't drink alcohol. Especially to the extent we do. So NOT drinking will make you normal again.
While we need to be aware that we can never drink again I don't feel it needs to consume your life.
I only think about not drinking when my AV starts to tell me it will be ok to have a couple.
The rest of the time I am just thinking about life and what needs done and sometimes I think of nothing at all.
When I was drinking I thought of drinking 24/7. Exhausting

You WILL need to find ways to use up all the extra time you will have that was previously wasted drinking. This has been a little difficult for me. Not because there is nothing to do but more like where do I start?
I use to just plod along until noon when I could have a beer or 20. Then I would run around doing random stuff and making messes I would have to clean up the next day. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

You would do yourself a favor by searching about AVRT here. There is also a thread about moderation that I think wil hit a few if not many points you will recognize.

If you cant find them let me know and I will link them when I get on my computer later.

Good luck!
I am only a little over 30 days sober and I can tell you, it's worth every penny!

One last thing, this place IS Great!

fishkiller

I figured out how to do it on my phone,
moderation


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/433738-my-guide-moderation.html

fishkiller

Start reading this and you wont have time to drink lol


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/359480-addictive-voice-recognition-technique-avrt-discussion-part-6-a.html