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Wastinglife

I know the feeling. I often can't remember what I was doing out late. The muddled memories kill me because I'm not sure if they actually happened.

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Tetrax

Oh man you surely can't keep this up much longer. I think you should bite the bullet and go get a sponsor before you lose your job.

Hawkeye13

What will you do differently this time?
What is your specific plan to deal with stress, cravings, and old patterns?
What work do you need to do to get at underlining causes of your alcoholism?

Determination is a good first step, but the journey to permanent sobriety takes much more.

It sounds like you are putting your job at risk.
That was a wake-up call for me to get it together.

Make a plan and follow it to the letter.
You deserve a good life.

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Zebra1275

Called in sick! Too hungover to go to work!

What are you going to do differently, so that this doesn't happen again?

doggonecarl

You won't be free as long as you think you can "moderate" your drinking. Oh, the alcoholic will try moderation as he continues to cling to drinking, but you see what that outcome is.

Kjma

I'm saying this with loving kindness and admitting to being very far from perfect, but I propose that you look at the language you use to describe last night. You say "really unhappy this has happened." To me there is a subtle sign there that you did not take ownership of your choices. Taking ownership would have been, "I'm really unhappy I choose to drink so much." By viewing drinking as something happening to you, the message you send yourself is that you don't have the power to change it. It's happening from somewhere outside yourself. Not the message you want to be sending to yourself.

And, hope is a good thing, but a plan is better. What will you do differently next time? What's the plan?

D122y

I figure it is a process for the lucky ones like me...so far.

I tried all the techniques to moderate without even knowing. Counting my shots...always lost count. Changing the drink...from whisky to tequila to wine. Taking a few days off....always had to make up for it.

What eventually got me was a physical breakdown. I started having hellish panic attacks if I wasn't drinking.

So it was either stay drunk or be in a state of fear. So I stopped drinking.

My agoraphobia last well into 3 years getting less and less.

So now I have ptsd from that which I use to stay clean.

I was not able to quit until the damage was enough to scare me straight.

That is why some folks can't break free right away. The addiction is fierce and it adapts.

Thanks.

Hawkeye13

You will never ever be free as long as you think moderation* is possible.

Ask me how I know

Hope you are feeling better.

*Moderation is a myth for people like us. Depending on how stubborn you are, you will figure this out sooner with less loss, or later with great or total loss.

I was really, really, really stubborn and almost destroyed myself, my life, and my marriage before I put that myth away for good.

Anna

You will never be free as long as you try to moderate your drinking.

Freedom will come when you accept that you cannot drink alcohol.

nez

I became free when I let go of the idea of moderation. As long as I held onto any notions that I could drink alcohol in any amount, I remained a prisoner in solitary lock down on death row. A condemned man. Dead man walking.

The insanity was that I held the key the whole time but didn't use it. When I finally did, I walked into freedom and turned my back on the warden and the cell block. It wasn't easy, but I kept going without looking back. I was in the sunlight and breathing fresh air. Hope spurred me forward. I was not going to return to my cell and relinquish my hard earned freedom.

Sixteen years later, this formerly condemned man knows the joy of freedom and my gratitude continues to grow. The shackles of alcohol are now a distant memory, but I remember!. For me, there is no going back, only forward.

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Hawkeye13

Yep. My guess is that a lifetime of sobriety sounds like "doom" to you now (I know it did me) , but in fact, over time, you will find it a joy which is the biggest (and best) surprise of all.

I expected sobriety to be a dull grey empty life, but it has become just the opposite.
Not saying there aren't tough times, especially in the beginning as I learned new ways to cope with stress and have fun, but now far more good than bad.

Alcohol was actually making everything, including my attitude, worse. It had long ago lost the "fun magic" that attracted me to it in the first place.

DreamCatcher17

I never would have gotten sober on HOPE. It takes work, effort, and discipline...

HeadEast

You can ask me how I know also.

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brighterday1234

Newbeginning421

From my experience if you recognize the same feelings coming up gambling or drinking and you always end up regretting it don't trick yourself into thinking this time around will be different. Just wait till the cravings passes. As a chronic relapser myself, always is well this time will be different! Sometimes it is and i moderate but most of the time I just end up regretting it. Even times i do moderate feel groggy and crappy the next day