Lucinda2

Thanks for that ZeroTheHero. That gives me hope.

This house is full of alcohol because my husband collects rare wines and gins. But he is very much a normal drinker and has elected not to drink in our home in support of me. I don't mind the alcohol being there because I figure that if I really want to drink then emptying the house of alcohol won't make much difference. I can go to the corner shop anytime. It is less than 5 minutes walk from the house. But as long as it is in cupboards and not open on the table and I am perfectly ok with that. But as you say it is early days so I think for now I am going to try shifting back to entertaining gradually but with an alcohol-free zone rule. I am going to start as Anna suggests with some different activities such as brunch then walks and then maybe try out the evening entertaining (guests having to accept that it is a no-alcohol zone or not come). I am also going to work on myself and getting more comfortable about not drinking like Ghostlight mentioned, after all, there was a time before all this when I just didn't drink and it was a total non-issue.

But your post gives me hope to think that this is where I am at now and maybe a few years down the line it will be different. ie., maybe everyone will be used to my house being alcohol-free, that be okay and I will be leading an entirely different kind of life. Or maybe I won't care about people drinking in my home further down the road. But for now, it is what it is. As for people getting ridiculously drunk in my home I never liked that even when I was a drinker myself.

I do have one exception to the no alcohol in my house rule and that is my mother-in-law. She drinks a lot, she has her own reasons and it is a choice she has made. She would not come and stay if she couldn't drink. It did my head in at first but I am used to that now. I love her and want her to visit. I go shopping and offer her up things that I wouldnt want to drink anyway such a prosecco and that works ok.

DriGuy

I cannot reassure you. That needs to come from you. I was just pointing out that it may be possible, but way out of the norm.

This part is critical:
" if I am committed to never drinking then why would this even be an issue right?"

The answer would be, "Yes and no." The road is littered with committed alcoholics who fall off the wagon. There is an undefinable part in the definition of "commitment" that can't adequately measure the level. But you will learn more about yourself and what you can and cannot do as you go. Feeling wobbly is OK because you haven't had enough trials yet.

Six months into my sobriety, it was my turn to host the monthly poker party with the guys. I was scared to death until I was told about the strategy of developing an escape plan if things feel like they might go south. Imagine escaping from my own house at your party? I designed a plan to just be gone like the Flash if was necessary. With that, I hosted the party without incident. So yes, it can be done. I'm guessing that my commitment had that higher level of resolve.

But a funny thing happened the next day. Poker party etiquette in my circle was for everyone to bring their own alcohol, and leave the leftovers with the host, I guess as a thank you for hosting. Even though I asked everyone to take their alcohol with them, the next morning, my refrigerator was filled with beer and my kitchen counter looked like James Bond's private bar. I spent half the day figuring out who's was who's and driving around bringing it back to everyone. It did give me a chance to announce that I had been sober for 6 months, and was surprised to see how well that news was received.

The somewhat sad part of the whole thing was that I stopped showing up at poker parties, and eventually, the guys stopped inviting me. It was bittersweet, because I realized poker wasn't as much fun when I wasn't drinking. The guys were fine. They were light drinkers like your friends, but I just didn't enjoy poker all that much anymore.

Lucinda2

Ah, I meant that it was reassuring to hear that I am not alone in finding the idea of alcohol being consumed in my home difficult. It is true that we learn alsorts of things along the way too. It is an adventure for sure.

DriGuy

You got that right.

AAPJ

I think it varies and in the end one just has to do whatever they are comfortable with.

I know a successful banker who holds parties at his home and has a fully stocked bar. He's an AAer with 30 years of sobriety.

OTOH I know many AA folks who are not comfortable with any alcohol in the house at all.

Personally, we don't supply alcohol but if someone wants to BYOB for a party or holiday event I am ok with that.

soberbythesea

sugarbear1

have a milkshake or smoothie or tea and coffee evening. most nonalcoholics won't mind!

August252015

This. And actually? The decision part is easy. The creation of all this drama in your head is solved when you quit - and figure out how to live a sober life you enjoy. With people who want to be around sober you.

Your call.

Personally? I make my own rules (well, my husband and I do!) and tbh to heck with anyone who doesn't want to spend time with or around us. And I learned what I truly DO enjoy, now, at 43, 4 yr sober and a wonderful marriage, friends I truly like and know because it's not drunk based, and so on.

It's just not that complicated. We don't drink, and the rest doesn't matter. We have to figure out how to do this, sure - but socializing is just not something that needs to be at the top of a stress list.

ciowa

I've learned a relapse usually starts with a thought/memory that moves to an urge to craving to physical consumption. And the process can be quick or happen over a longer period of time.

For me I've been careful to examine this and the situations I used to drink in that I might find myself in. And at this point in my recovery I do my best to avoid those situations. I've also tried to replicate some of the needs I got met in those situations, like socializing, excitement, etc and try to look for similar feelings I can get out of non drinking activities.

But, when all is said and done, I think one of the biggest reasons I drank had to do with that euphoric rush that made everything seem just that much better than it really was. And the thing is, that feeling is an unnatural feeling that probably won't be replicated by much else. So I had to be ok with accepting that. One way of accepting it was that I had to get honest about what happened once that hour or two of euphoria started to pass and then several hours later I was still drinking in the morning. That was no fun at all.