Valentines Day Support Thread
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I don't even use the word control - my life is good because I've cut alcohol out of it.
Its not a punishment - it's the key to a great freedom
D
Its not a punishment - it's the key to a great freedom
D
That and the fact that I know the liquor stores are going to have the Valentine's Day specials and tastings and a lot going on and I miss that so much just like the Christmas and New Years specials that I tried to refrain from because I was so sad and miserable missing out on those. I just have to not see this as a punishment and try to enjoy Valentine's Day with no alcohol.
A friend off mine dropped off a chocolate infused liquor that looks so tasty to make chocolate martinis for Valentine's Day but I have to say no.
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5 tips for surviving valentine's day in recovery
© by the fix staff 02/14/20
Valentine’s day can be sweet, but it can also be triggering. Here's how to cope.
Love is in the air. Valentine's day is an excuse to eat chocolate, buy flowers and celebrate your love, but it can also be an emotionally taxing and triggering holiday, especially for people who are in early recovery or treatment.
Whether you are still working to repair a relationship damaged by addiction, loving someone who is struggling with substance misuse, or taking time to focus on yourself, valentine’s day can highlight everything that’s not ideal in your love life.
This year, don’t let valentine's day bring you down. Instead, focus on these things that everyone in recovery or loving someone in recovery should remember this valentine’s day.
1. It's okay to opt out
Establishing a new life in recovery is all about choosing what works for you, and stepping away from anything that doesn’t. If valentine’s day stresses you out, skip it. Avoiding advertising can be tricky, but give yourself permission to not engage with the day or the social pressure that it entails. Just like you can choose not to engages with people or places that you find triggering, you can choose not to participate in traditions that no longer serve you. If you were sober at the end of last year you’re probably familiar with establishing new holiday traditions. Bring that to valentine's day, too.
2. Early recovery is the time to focus on yourself
If you’re single this valentine’s day, you might feel unloved or unchosen. Instead of leaning into that feeling, challenge the internal narrative that is making you feel that way. Celebrate the fact that you are choosing to focus on yourself right now. There's a reason why 12-step traditions advocate for staying single during the first year of sobriety. Without the distraction of romantic love, you can do the work that will improve your relationship with yourself and make you a great partner in the future. Right now, you're building the foundation that will make you lucky in love in the future.
3. Love is love is love
Valentine’s day tends to focus on romantic love, but you can expand the celebration to encompass all the love in your life. Consider this: You love yourself enough to go through the hard work of getting sober. Your recovery community loves you enough to support you through the ups and downs, and share what they’ve learned through their own journeys with you. Your friends and family (chosen or biological) love you enough to believe that this time, you’re going to stay sober for the long term.
4. Self-care is a great way to celebrate
Restaurants will be packed on valentine’s day, so why not skip out on the traditional celebrations to indulge in some self care? Start by doing the self-care that is taxing, but also important: Go to a meeting, book a therapy appointment or talk to your sponsor about the challenges that valentine’s day holds for you. Then, move on to self-care that is more fun: Get a massage, walk on the beach or bake something delicious, just for you.
5. You're not alone
There are thousands of people celebrating valentine's day sober, with or without romantic partners. If you're feeling lonely this valentine’s day, meet up with some other people who are in a similar situation. Sober meetups spring up every valentine’s day, bringing people together around good food and a celebration of recovery. Check out what sober valentine’s day activities are happening in your area. If you can’t find any, make you’re own by organizing a trip to a museum, bowling alley or favorite hiking destination.
Celebrating valentine’s day sober can be challenging, but reframing the holiday and establishing new, healthy traditions will mean that next year, celebrating valentine's day sober will be easier.
https://www.thefix.com/dreading-vale...ps-get-through
© by the fix staff 02/14/20
Valentine’s day can be sweet, but it can also be triggering. Here's how to cope.
Love is in the air. Valentine's day is an excuse to eat chocolate, buy flowers and celebrate your love, but it can also be an emotionally taxing and triggering holiday, especially for people who are in early recovery or treatment.
Whether you are still working to repair a relationship damaged by addiction, loving someone who is struggling with substance misuse, or taking time to focus on yourself, valentine’s day can highlight everything that’s not ideal in your love life.
This year, don’t let valentine's day bring you down. Instead, focus on these things that everyone in recovery or loving someone in recovery should remember this valentine’s day.
1. It's okay to opt out
Establishing a new life in recovery is all about choosing what works for you, and stepping away from anything that doesn’t. If valentine’s day stresses you out, skip it. Avoiding advertising can be tricky, but give yourself permission to not engage with the day or the social pressure that it entails. Just like you can choose not to engages with people or places that you find triggering, you can choose not to participate in traditions that no longer serve you. If you were sober at the end of last year you’re probably familiar with establishing new holiday traditions. Bring that to valentine's day, too.
2. Early recovery is the time to focus on yourself
If you’re single this valentine’s day, you might feel unloved or unchosen. Instead of leaning into that feeling, challenge the internal narrative that is making you feel that way. Celebrate the fact that you are choosing to focus on yourself right now. There's a reason why 12-step traditions advocate for staying single during the first year of sobriety. Without the distraction of romantic love, you can do the work that will improve your relationship with yourself and make you a great partner in the future. Right now, you're building the foundation that will make you lucky in love in the future.
3. Love is love is love
Valentine’s day tends to focus on romantic love, but you can expand the celebration to encompass all the love in your life. Consider this: You love yourself enough to go through the hard work of getting sober. Your recovery community loves you enough to support you through the ups and downs, and share what they’ve learned through their own journeys with you. Your friends and family (chosen or biological) love you enough to believe that this time, you’re going to stay sober for the long term.
4. Self-care is a great way to celebrate
Restaurants will be packed on valentine’s day, so why not skip out on the traditional celebrations to indulge in some self care? Start by doing the self-care that is taxing, but also important: Go to a meeting, book a therapy appointment or talk to your sponsor about the challenges that valentine’s day holds for you. Then, move on to self-care that is more fun: Get a massage, walk on the beach or bake something delicious, just for you.
5. You're not alone
There are thousands of people celebrating valentine's day sober, with or without romantic partners. If you're feeling lonely this valentine’s day, meet up with some other people who are in a similar situation. Sober meetups spring up every valentine’s day, bringing people together around good food and a celebration of recovery. Check out what sober valentine’s day activities are happening in your area. If you can’t find any, make you’re own by organizing a trip to a museum, bowling alley or favorite hiking destination.
Celebrating valentine’s day sober can be challenging, but reframing the holiday and establishing new, healthy traditions will mean that next year, celebrating valentine's day sober will be easier.
https://www.thefix.com/dreading-vale...ps-get-through
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I can think of nothing worse than a drunken valentine.
It's not what I would view as an expression of love.
I don't go in for valentine's, but if you do your sweetheart will run a mile if you turn up drunk.
Omg I can't believe I'm even writing this.
It's not what I would view as an expression of love.
I don't go in for valentine's, but if you do your sweetheart will run a mile if you turn up drunk.
Omg I can't believe I'm even writing this.
Some puppy therapy....they make better valentines than any human! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
Thank you so much Dee.
The information is very helpful to get through this Valentine's Day.
All of my previous Valentine's Day celebrations have always involved drinking and sometimes drugs where we both just drank too much or got drunk mostly because all of my relationships have been based on drinking and drugs (mostly cocaine), because we had that in common and drink together. Even doing heart shaped lines of cocaine together with my significant others on Valentine's Day. And drinking. Just sad and depressing memories and some good memories too but a lot just heavy drinking and drug use on a lot of previous Valentine's Day that bring back some sad and depressing memories.
But getting through this Valentine's Day will be tough to get through sober and clean but I know I can do it and have to stay positive.
The information is very helpful to get through this Valentine's Day.
All of my previous Valentine's Day celebrations have always involved drinking and sometimes drugs where we both just drank too much or got drunk mostly because all of my relationships have been based on drinking and drugs (mostly cocaine), because we had that in common and drink together. Even doing heart shaped lines of cocaine together with my significant others on Valentine's Day. And drinking. Just sad and depressing memories and some good memories too but a lot just heavy drinking and drug use on a lot of previous Valentine's Day that bring back some sad and depressing memories.
But getting through this Valentine's Day will be tough to get through sober and clean but I know I can do it and have to stay positive.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Great idea, Dee. You're always having those. 
This is a holiday I very much used to enjoy in the past, being a kinda hopeless (and homeless!) romantic myself.
I haven't payed much attention to it the past few years as I have been beyond single, rosemantically, for various reasons (social ones mainly)
Except for that I might have been thinking about this particular 'holiday' in a pragmatic sense at times. Pragmatism is always good, amirite?
So, to anyone who is suffering- all I can say is that time heals all. A good healer will speed up that time, so get with one if you can (it could be a partner, it could be a thereapist, it could be found in nature- or simply time spent with family & friends, or quality time alone even)
This board can and does facilitate healing. Wether it is the excercise of writing itself, the connection and identification here, the advices and support- it's all good.
Happy Valentines Day everyone. I don't have a date for tonight... Yet!!!
A 'hopeful romantic' here, so.
Thanks
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,506
Originally Posted by Dee74
5 tips for surviving valentine's day in recovery
© by the fix staff 02/14/20
Valentine’s day can be sweet, but it can also be triggering. Here's how to cope.
Love is in the air. Valentine's day is an excuse to eat chocolate, buy flowers and celebrate your love, but it can also be an emotionally taxing and triggering holiday, especially for people who are in early recovery or treatment.
Whether you are still working to repair a relationship damaged by addiction, loving someone who is struggling with substance misuse, or taking time to focus on yourself, valentine’s day can highlight everything that’s not ideal in your love life.
This year, don’t let valentine's day bring you down. Instead, focus on these things that everyone in recovery or loving someone in recovery should remember this valentine’s day.
1. It's okay to opt out
Establishing a new life in recovery is all about choosing what works for you, and stepping away from anything that doesn’t. If valentine’s day stresses you out, skip it. Avoiding advertising can be tricky, but give yourself permission to not engage with the day or the social pressure that it entails. Just like you can choose not to engages with people or places that you find triggering, you can choose not to participate in traditions that no longer serve you. If you were sober at the end of last year you’re probably familiar with establishing new holiday traditions. Bring that to valentine's day, too.
2. Early recovery is the time to focus on yourself
If you’re single this valentine’s day, you might feel unloved or unchosen. Instead of leaning into that feeling, challenge the internal narrative that is making you feel that way. Celebrate the fact that you are choosing to focus on yourself right now. There's a reason why 12-step traditions advocate for staying single during the first year of sobriety. Without the distraction of romantic love, you can do the work that will improve your relationship with yourself and make you a great partner in the future. Right now, you're building the foundation that will make you lucky in love in the future.
3. Love is love is love
Valentine’s day tends to focus on romantic love, but you can expand the celebration to encompass all the love in your life. Consider this: You love yourself enough to go through the hard work of getting sober. Your recovery community loves you enough to support you through the ups and downs, and share what they’ve learned through their own journeys with you. Your friends and family (chosen or biological) love you enough to believe that this time, you’re going to stay sober for the long term.
4. Self-care is a great way to celebrate
Restaurants will be packed on valentine’s day, so why not skip out on the traditional celebrations to indulge in some self care? Start by doing the self-care that is taxing, but also important: Go to a meeting, book a therapy appointment or talk to your sponsor about the challenges that valentine’s day holds for you. Then, move on to self-care that is more fun: Get a massage, walk on the beach or bake something delicious, just for you.
5. You're not alone
There are thousands of people celebrating valentine's day sober, with or without romantic partners. If you're feeling lonely this valentine’s day, meet up with some other people who are in a similar situation. Sober meetups spring up every valentine’s day, bringing people together around good food and a celebration of recovery. Check out what sober valentine’s day activities are happening in your area. If you can’t find any, make you’re own by organizing a trip to a museum, bowling alley or favorite hiking destination.
Celebrating valentine’s day sober can be challenging, but reframing the holiday and establishing new, healthy traditions will mean that next year, celebrating valentine's day sober will be easier.
https://www.thefix.com/dreading-vale...ps-get-through
d
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by Robbie64
I'm single so didn't even realise it was Valentine's Day until I read this thread! I've not been in a relationship for a few years so it just seems like another day to me.
s xxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Happy Valentines Everyone!
This will be my 7th Friday since I quit on Jan 2 and I can honestly say Fridays are getting easier. I don't feel that sense of dread about going home today. Really looking forward to some steaks on the bbq then maybe a movie. If all else fails I can eat as much chocolate as I want because it 's Valentine's!
This will be my 7th Friday since I quit on Jan 2 and I can honestly say Fridays are getting easier. I don't feel that sense of dread about going home today. Really looking forward to some steaks on the bbq then maybe a movie. If all else fails I can eat as much chocolate as I want because it 's Valentine's!
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