Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 56
Thank you so much everyone.
To be honest I have never really believed I couldn't control it. This is a first. The first time I've said honestly that I will be abstinent. It's a new perspective. I feel that this is the beginning. I've never really considered step 1 as applicable to me. Now I do. I hope it doesn't change again.
To be honest I have never really believed I couldn't control it. This is a first. The first time I've said honestly that I will be abstinent. It's a new perspective. I feel that this is the beginning. I've never really considered step 1 as applicable to me. Now I do. I hope it doesn't change again.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 56
Hi Dee. I'm going to meetings and spending some time with meditation and spending time here. I know there will be a lot of triggers in this difficult time and I think it will be a case of holding on tight. Also I don't have contact really with all the old drinking friends. So it's that and the commitment. I would welcome suggestions though, I've never really understood exactly what having a plan means though.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Yeah Makeright, moderation or control or normal drinking - those are descriptions of the same thing that simply does not work for us. The very fact that we describe it that way illustrates the challenge perfectly. If someone you and I knew described their problem controlling their use of toothpaste, that wouldn't make much sense to us. But it certainly does to them. Normal drinkers don't really understand what this is all about because to them using alcohol is no different than using toothpaste. Anyway, blah blah blah. The thing is to realize we won't ever have control over our drinking and we cannot do that anymore. It is a good, positive thing, not a negative. It stopped being fun long ago right?
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Makeright - I think you've reached the point that I did when I first found SR. I had fooled myself for years, claiming I could use willpower to control the amounts I drank. In the end, there was never a time when I could hold it down to one or two drinks. Every time it was in my system I became reckless & irresponsible, no matter how determined I was to not let that happen. I wish I hadn't clung to it for so long - bad things happened that never needed to. I'm so glad you are in the process of getting free.
As Surrendered19 said - it stopped being fun long ago.
As Surrendered19 said - it stopped being fun long ago.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 56
Thank you Hevyn. Yes, it's quite bizarre that it could so many decades to realize something that seems blatantly obvious now. For now I'm not looking back in anger at myself and my lost time. I couldn't see it, I just really couldn't. I'm amazed at how much freedom there is in finally looking at this thing with at least some clarity. Anyway. Day 3 just started. I feel almost as bad as if I had a big one last night. Deep down though I am happy. Very grateful for my life and very grateful for this forum.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 56
Day 4! I love this. I wish I felt better though. My gratitude is very high but my other emotions and physical status quo not fantastic. I remember years ago after a day or 2 or 3 I would be on cloud 9. I'm older now, more damage done. That this is a progressive thing is one of the truest axioms for me. I seemed to be unbreakable until I wasn't. I wish it didn't take so much and so long for me to learn. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel great, maybe in 3 months. Its still better than being drunk.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I never quit in 30+ years of drinking other than a day here and there because I was too sick to drink that day. Maybe vomiting some blood or the same thing on the other end, or chest pains and stomach pains. So when I quit at age 54, it took me weeks and weeks to begin to feel like I was healing up. As you said Makeright, the longer we drink, the longer it takes for our bodies to detoxify and to reach equilibrium again. And unfortunately, there is that drink looming out there that makes healing impossible. Let's not approach that and stay on our healthy roads together. Some of the damage I did to myself is permanent yet I still feel like I escaped this thing by the skin of my teeth.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Makeright - I really appreciated what you said about not looking back at yourself in anger. I wasted a lot of time doing just that.
Congrats on Day 4 - things will look up as you heal.
Congrats on Day 4 - things will look up as you heal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 56
y 5. No massive headache on waking. Feeling less emotional as well despite the stress of Monday and still no work yet (since the beginning of lockdown). I did a hit of crying in my meetings yesterday (on mute 
) which I think was cathartic . Thanks to everone for support so far. Big week ahead, putting house on the market, health insurance will lapse for me and my children, none of my debits will go through. Meetings is my plan. And faith. Max, Hevyn, Dee, Surrendered, Puckluck...thank you and strength for the week.
) which I think was cathartic . Thanks to everone for support so far. Big week ahead, putting house on the market, health insurance will lapse for me and my children, none of my debits will go through. Meetings is my plan. And faith. Max, Hevyn, Dee, Surrendered, Puckluck...thank you and strength for the week.
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