Gran has cancer and alcoholic aunty is visiting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Preston, Lancashire, UK
Posts: 72
Gran has cancer and alcoholic aunty is visiting!
Hi all. I am at a bit of a loss what to do at the moment. I have been sober 4 years and go to AA. Life has never been better since I got my life back on track. I have mended relationships with friends and family and feel content inside.
I live in northern England in Preston (for those in the United States) its near Liverpool and Manchester
My Gran has been in hospital this week and has sadly been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She is 88 and has had a great life. She survived second world war combing in Glasgow when she was younger. My gut instinct tells me she has not got long, possibly a few weeks. Due to be discharged today. She lives on the same street as my parents who have been supportive for her. I am wanting her last weeks to be as painful and stress free as possible.
The issue is that I have an aunty in southern England (my Grans daughter/my dads sister) and she is an alcoholic. She has received news about my gran yesterday and thinks it is quite funny that my gran seems rather confused about the whole cancer situation!
She has said she is coming up to see her on the bus next week and stay at my gran's house for a few days. When intoxicated she is not violent but she can be rather aggressive, short tempered and impatient. This would cause added stress to my Gran.
I know I cannot restrain her from coming up and she has every right to see her mother. I am just concerned about the extra stress on my Gran. My dad is a natural worrier and feels the same as me. He had a mini stroke last year and he does not want her to stay at their house.
When she last came up she stole all my grans gin and wine and was verbally abusive to her.
How do you think I should deal with the situation? As we all know if we challenge a drinking alcoholic they become defensive and it just adds fuel to the fire. I'm at a loss.
I live in northern England in Preston (for those in the United States) its near Liverpool and Manchester
My Gran has been in hospital this week and has sadly been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She is 88 and has had a great life. She survived second world war combing in Glasgow when she was younger. My gut instinct tells me she has not got long, possibly a few weeks. Due to be discharged today. She lives on the same street as my parents who have been supportive for her. I am wanting her last weeks to be as painful and stress free as possible.
The issue is that I have an aunty in southern England (my Grans daughter/my dads sister) and she is an alcoholic. She has received news about my gran yesterday and thinks it is quite funny that my gran seems rather confused about the whole cancer situation!
She has said she is coming up to see her on the bus next week and stay at my gran's house for a few days. When intoxicated she is not violent but she can be rather aggressive, short tempered and impatient. This would cause added stress to my Gran.
I know I cannot restrain her from coming up and she has every right to see her mother. I am just concerned about the extra stress on my Gran. My dad is a natural worrier and feels the same as me. He had a mini stroke last year and he does not want her to stay at their house.
When she last came up she stole all my grans gin and wine and was verbally abusive to her.
How do you think I should deal with the situation? As we all know if we challenge a drinking alcoholic they become defensive and it just adds fuel to the fire. I'm at a loss.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,153
Sorry to hear about your Grandmother Bobby.
1st I would remove or at least hide all the booze. I know she can just go buy some but at least it won't be readily available.
I also like Dee's idea of a hotel.
Good luck and congrats on 4 years sober
I hope to be there someday
1st I would remove or at least hide all the booze. I know she can just go buy some but at least it won't be readily available.
I also like Dee's idea of a hotel.
Good luck and congrats on 4 years sober
I hope to be there someday
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Would it be possible for Gran to move to your parent's house for the duration of the visit?
You could ask your Auntie to move out if she's at all disruptive. Don't let the fact that she's senior to you affect your attitude; it's your Gran you need to look after, not the Aunt.
My son has a MIL who can be very disruptive and hostile and he has learned to tell her to leave as soon as she goes off. It took a while for him to work up to it, but she got the message and behaves herself now.
You could ask your Auntie to move out if she's at all disruptive. Don't let the fact that she's senior to you affect your attitude; it's your Gran you need to look after, not the Aunt.
My son has a MIL who can be very disruptive and hostile and he has learned to tell her to leave as soon as she goes off. It took a while for him to work up to it, but she got the message and behaves herself now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Preston, Lancashire, UK
Posts: 72
Hi guys. I have been having a think. My dad is coming to my house tomorrow to watch a football match. I plan to mention to him that it would be a good idea to remove drink from my Gran's house before my Aunty arrives. I also like the hotel idea, I will mention this to him as well.
Gran still in hospital her iron levels are low. They are giving her iron IV but should be discharged this evening.
Gran still in hospital her iron levels are low. They are giving her iron IV but should be discharged this evening.
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