Another worthless day
 

I'm sorry you are feeling that way Lisalily. Are you sober and otherwise on a healthy road? I hope you remember in the dark times that only you can determine your own worth. Another's opinion - even your husband's - on your worth or whether you've done enough can be very hurtful, self-serving and most times inaccurate. The only opinion that really matters is the person you look at in the mirror. Self-confidence is a tough one for many of us here in recovery-world. I wish you healing and continued recovery.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. What can we do to help?

not enough for whom and what?
when i feel that way, often i find it helpful to set a small goal, just one or two little things i want to accomplish that day, small enough so that it is doable quite easily but still requires "making myself" get to it.

I don't know if you need to hear this, but feeling worthless is a symptom of depression. It's not necessarily indicative of what you really feel about yourself.

Even if you relapsed, that doesn't make you worthless nor does it make worthlessness your actual self-image. In fact, I would argue that if you were drinking heavily recently, your brain is probably out of whack. The stuff is a nasty cocktail for our brain chemistry.

You're not worthless, lisalily. Especially if you're here.

I think you are not in a very good environment to try to get yourself right. Getting pounded with negativity constantly is just going to create negativity. You have to quit drinking and whatever for you. Is there any way you can go somewhere else at least for a while so you can get your head screwed on straight?

I so know that feeling. It's a good emotional bottom. It helps me to do a positive thing like someone suggested. Go to a meeting, call a friend, email your doctor, post again on here. A sober friend keeps telling me to go easy on myself. I really appreciate him for that. I'll tell you the same. Being sober right now is enough. It's the absolute best thing you can do.

Sometimes just doing one thing a day is a lot. Huge.

That's all is needed for an accomplishment.

Getting and staying sober is also HUGE. Concentrate
on recovery for yourself and the rest will follow.

Sorry to hear you are down.
Why is it you feels this way? If you don't mind sharing.

I'm 52 days sober Lisalily and can relate to the feelings of worthlessness. To have them reinforced by another is cruel, hurtful, and he'd know that.

I'm trying to achieve just one small thing a day, even writing a list. :). It helps.

I live alone Lisalily so do not have the constant reinforcement you are facing. If it we're me I'd be trying to find a therapist, AA meetings, anything that helps to reinforce your worth.

Surround yourself with people who see your good.

While it's understandable that your husband was upset about your past drinking, it's unfair to continue to bring up the subject as you are recovering. In fact, it's abusive on his part, when you are working hard on your recovery, to lash out and talk about things you've done wrong. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Are you able to talk about what he's doing to you, and will he listen? Maybe couples counselling would be something to consider?

80 days sober is something to be very proud of. It’s definitely not okay for him to put you down.

This is what I do. Just really small goals.

Try to do just one thing today that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. It's worked for me for years. You'll be ok.

Nope, nope, nope. 80 days sober is not a worthless day. Please dont let anyone else determine your worth. Life is too short for all that!

I find making a gratitude list ALWAYS lifts my spirits. Please dont stay in this dark mindset for long. Eventually it will bring you back to a drink and that is a worthless day.

Straighten your crown, and be proud of your accomplishments :c018:

Sometimes couples get locked into a dynamic based on who is the "better" or "worse" person to live with--when I was drinking, it was easy to make me the "jerk" in the partnership and my long-suffering spouse was the "good guy". And very often it was true when I drank in all honesty--I was difficult, selfish, and hurtful many times.

That dynamic was hard to change in sobriety for both me and my spouse.

His own negative behaviors became much clearer and I was unwilling to be blamed for everything, whereas before, my guilt about drinking made me accept much of what he said was my fault as true, even if I didn't really think so.

We had to work hard to undo that "default" and build a new dynamic on being more "equal" partners again. It can be done.

Just food for thought.

Hi - I'm living in a similar situation with my husband. Very hurtful. I'm working on finding a way out, since he refuses any therapy with me. Stay strong. You're not alone.

You;re doing great Lisa - regardless of what other people say or think :)

D

Any day spent in sobriety is not worthless, dear Lisalily. I know it's hard when our loved ones remind us of what we'd done in the past, but 80 days sober is an awesome accomplishment, and should be celebrated. Concentrate on sobriety, and everything else will work itself out. Wishing you the best on your
sober journey.

Hi Lisa

I have been through something similar.

My wife was very used to being able to guilt me into doing whatever she wanted me to do and usually I would be slinking around with my tail between my legs, shameful and remorseful over another drinking binge. So of course I was compliant.

It was a well established pattern.

When I got sober, she couldn't guilt me with a fresh batch of drinking guilt, so she resorted to bringing up the old ones.

All I could really do was point it out, call it for what it was.

I was no longer putty in her hands and she didn't like it one bit.

It got worse before it got better, as these things often do, so when I stood up for myself, the hysterical behavior went up a level.

But I stood my ground, continued to call it for what it was and eventually she just decided there was no cheese down that tunnel anymore and moved on.

A marriage will have it's own recovery process, with ups and downs and roundabouts.

This was the start of me beginning to understand what is meant when people say "we have to want it for ourselves"

So many times I could have used her behavior as a "what's the point" excuse to drink, but I didn't.

My life was worth more than her crappy behavior.