PNWLuv

Hi there. My first time here.

So there I was. Sober for just over two months for the first time ever, and very glad about it. Then some crap happened that had me nervous as hell, not knowing what to do, and very distraught. (someone screwing me out of lot of money that i was owed)

I work in the booze industry and made the bad decision to drink for just one day, to 'clear my head so I can think straight' on what to do. Of course I know full well that drinking will do the opposite.

So that one day ended up being 5 days, complete with hiding booze, because I was ashamed my wife would see me, driving when I shouldn't have, etc.

I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person, so my first reaction was to say "well, screw it - that's that. you're drinking again. maybe you can start at day one again sometime".

But I realized that that is not helping at all. So I decided to forgive myself. The way I see it now, is that I quit drinking 10 weeks ago and that I had a relapse / screw-up in the middle. It doesn't negate the 9 weeks that I was completely sober. Or the fact that I am sober again now.

Lesson learned. I suppose there will probably be other times over the years to come and I will tackle them when they come, rather than give up because my record isn't 'perfect'. I can do this. I know it!

Thanks for listening to me babble.

DaisyBelle7

Welcome to SR! You’ll find a lot of support here.

PhoenixJ

Part of the stuff read out at the beginning of meetings is 'progress, not perfection'. I understand the all or nothing mentality all too well. Keep posting. Good share.

Anna

It's always good to forgive yourself, always. But, I hope you also learned from what happened and can add something to your recovery plan so that it won't happen again.

Surrendered19

Hi PNWLuv. That is great that you quit again. Two months is a great stretch of time. I think it is important to forgive yourself and no, you absolutely don't have to choose between perfection and permanent drinking. But let's agree that any time in the future that you or I drink it could be curtains, ok? We might not come out next time. You can definitely do this and even though you drank a week, that two months you were sober was so excellent for your health. But we don't drink anymore so we are going to leave the perfection vs. the abyss paradigm behind us and move on down our sober roads together. Living in Day 77 here after 30 years of insanity and am grateful for every calm, quiet, clear moment even in the dead of night.

Sohard

YES! You should definitely forgive yourself. A slip certainly does not negate all the growth you'd made both emotionally and in your brain. Sober neural pathways and sober muscles were being built that don't just go away. Forgive yourself and carry on. YOU DESERVE IT.

Steely

Sanity prevails.

Forgiveness of self is a game changer imho.

Congratulations on getting yourself back on track.

HeadEast

You are not babbling. Thanks for sharing. Forgiving ourselves is extremely important.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I understand.
That was the pattern of my drinking to "relapse because I relapsed last week. Or drink some more to forget about whatever I did or said on the last drunk."

Forgiving yourself is equivalent to telling that little voice in your head (speaking to the proverbial "you" here) to f*** off. Because that is one less thing it can use against you.

ZIP

Nice!
Hey, sometimes we mistakenly deviate off course.
So, we reorient and continue on. Lesson learned... and the journey continues.

thomas11

Having just come off a binge, beating our self up is easy and natural. With that being said, its a waste of time and energy. Use that energy to move forward and remain sober. I didn't spend 10 minutes beating myself up this last binge. I went into action because I had to.

PhoenixJ

How are you, PW?

Kjma

PW, it sounds like you've righted yourself and are ready to move on down that sober road. Thanks for sharing your thoughts-- I can relate to them.