dubpunk66

Hi , just registered what a great positive site , i am 125 days clean of marijuana and booze after drinking and smoking through my whole adult life , such a massive challenge getting this far lost my family and home , got sober in October 2019 , separated from partner after 25 years and moved out family home to live in a room , so been attending lots of groups , mostly SMART recovery which is as science based approach using CBT therapy . So much change in such little time , the loneliness is the worst , i have joined various groups but still have to come home to a box room with me myself and I , as no where to hide now not using . My mental health is improving day by day , but can not shake the fantasy of using again moderately, that i know is just that a fantasy , but i have come this far and am keen to see whats on the other side , great to be here and sending good vibes to all .

brighterday1234

Surrendered19

Welcome dubpunk. You'll find lots of support here. Loneliness is a tough nut to crack. Sometimes I try to remember that what I am feeling might just be a quiet and a calm that I am simply not used to and there are hours to fill that I used to be passed out drunk for. Anyway, keep posting and there is always someone here to hang out with in the digital world. The admins here are awesome people and some of the best advice I have gotten from them is to get out and volunteer as much as time allows. The volunteer vortex pulls you in and suddenly you have loads of great human contact all while doing something useful and lasting. Give that a thought.

Anna

125 days is great, and you know that it's your lying AV that is trying to convince you that you can drink moderately. And, yes, it's hard facing things with no way to numb the feelings, but it will get better. Maybe you can find some activities to add to your daily life that will help ease the loneliness.

HeadEast

Check out the post "What to do with the loneliness". There is some good information there. Loneliness is a problem for me, also. The improvement of your mental health is great. Welcome to this site and keep posting. Greetings from a cold USA (Salt Lake City) where it is forecasted to snow this afternoon.

Reid82

Welcome to SR. Yes boredom and loneliness can be hard at the start of recovery too, hopefully as your confidence will improve you'll get to meet new people in different groups, not just recovery ones, sometimes this just takes time

PhoenixJ

Well done, Dp.

ardy

So proud of you you can do this. yes volunteer take walks go to shops read the boards of notes put up for things. paint read write make music and live life to its best.. ardy in wisconsin

Dee74

glad to have you with us dubpunk

I was a boozer and pot smoker too - SR really helped me turn my life around.

Early on, I had moments like we all do I think of wondering of I'd be ok toking or drinking again but I finally learned that abstinence is not the same as control.

I would still have no control if I drank or toked again,.

Fortunately I've built a great sober life I love.

I don't want to lose it or the sober me I've rediscovered, so its a great defence against those crazy ideas

D

Hevyn

Wonderful to have you with us, dubpunk. 125 days is something to be so proud of.
I wish I'd admitted decades ago that moderation was a fantasy. So much needless damage done & many messes to clean up. But we don't live that way anymore - we're free.

saoutchik

Welcome to SR dubpunk66 and congratulations on 125 days. Building a new life is vastly superior to revisiting the habits that delivered us to where we are. You are not missing anything by not drinking.

dubpunk66

Thanks all for the warm welcome and wisdom , the path is difficult as so much has changed in my life , got sober in October and planned on getting wasted at Christmas, but got through it , now my thought is sort my life then maybe have a smoke again , so the goal posts are stretching the more sober time i get , i just hope that by the time my life is a bit more stable the idea of using will be further in distance and eventually it will just fade away . going to regular recovery groups , joined a choir , 2 drama clubs , i have set up an art group in a local recovery cafe which starts in a couple of weeks time , but my loneliness comes from separating from partner after 25 years ,she still lives in family home with my daughter and pets , and i get a single room bed and microwave , i know its early days and am trying , its just so massive taking hold of my own destiny and dealing with my feelings up close for the first time , been stoned since i was a teenager so a lot of these emotions are in my face for the first time , managed to start some therapy last week as i want to get to the root , i am just so impatient which comes from always having a quick fix to hand before ,weed and beer . but on the plus side things could be a lot worse , a lot of people i have met in recovery have it so much worse than me,so many horrendous story's , again thanks for the support all the best dubpunk

Hevyn

You're doing everything you can to help yourself through this transition. Keeping busy & attending recovery groups is great. I know what you mean about learning to live in a different way - it's a huge adjustment. You're facing things with eyes wide open instead of numb & foggy, but it will be worth it. For me, the thought of drinking definitely did fade away over time. We still need to stay vigilant, but it gets much easier with some sober time behind us.

FeelingGreat

You getting through Christmas without relapsing is awesome because it's not easy. It must have given you the best boost to your self-esteem.
You're putting in the hard work and if you stick to it you'll get the results. I know, I've been though this myself. Firstly separation away from my family (not from addiction), secondly addiction built on the stresses of separation. Luckily for me I had a narrow escape and put an end to my excess drinking. It's been almost 12 years now.
Most of all don't give up. I don't know how much contact you have with your wife and daughter, but eventually, if you stay sober, there's a good chance of rebuilding your relationship, even if not getting back together.

brighterday1234

Steely

You are doing so well dubpunk.

Welcome.

dubpunk66

Sat in smart meeting today , it was such a trigger as much of talk was about people relapsing and and others saying they intended to relapse this evening, came away feeling really down and confused , luckily was going to a recovery drama class after which lifted me up , but getting so sick of meeting after meeting . I am really struggling with the thought of being in recovery for ever , with normal illnesses i am used to, you get better then move on , i just want to get my head round sobriety and do it ,not think about it all the time , its my impatience , when i was using , i used , but for me with weed and beer i was not thinking about it all the time , now with meetings every day its all i think about , thats my moan over . all the best DP66

Dee74

I have no experience with SMART (or AA) but I know every meeting group has it's own character.

Maybe another meeting group might be different.

As far as obsessing about drinking or not drinking - I think that very common for most of us, regardless if we go to meetings or not?

I obsessed about drinking, and then obsessed about not drinking.

Eventually I didn't think about either,

Hang in there

D

Surrendered19

When you were using weed and beer, you thought about it ALL the time. When to go buy. Money to go buy. Hiding it. Consequences. Justifying keeping using. Lots and lots of thought and energy. All the time I imagine if you were like most of us. This side of the struggle takes thought too. As much, but certainly not more.

Plure

Hey DP66, 125 days is great! i'm on day 3 here but yes it's nice when the mental health starts to improve right? life-long anxiety sufferer here and the booze was my (bad) medicine. as far as the loneliness i totally get it, can be overwhelming at times, but everyone here on SR is really great and fun to talk to, so maybe focus on that as being one way to be less lonely during this transitionary time.