Weekend got turned upside down and blown out
 

I woke up Saturday to another normal sober day, not realizing what was around the corner. I was going about my business when I kept hearing my wife's phone buzzing but she was upstairs. I checked it out and low and behold she has been talking to another guy for the past few months. I confronted her and she admitted she had slept with him a couple of times over the past year and a half. Most of the chat was them trying and failing to arrange times to meet up. This man is also married.

I am devastated, normally this would send me right into a binge but not this time. I am at 1060 days today, I am protecting that by choosing not to drink and instead come here for support. Drinking gives me no support.

I am not sure where to go or do now.

Sva, I'm so sorry that you are going through this distressing situation. Good for you for determining not to drink. I think you will be far more able to deal with things and with your emotions as you remain sober.

It sounds like this is time for a heart-to-heart talk with your wife where you decide what you both want to do. Maybe couples counselling is an option you could look into?

I wish you peace, Sva.

I'm so glad you've chosen not to drink over it.

Cheating can be dealbreaker--we support you whatever you choose to do.

Thanks, I have many thoughts racing around in my head right now. Just bought a new house 6 months ago...

Deal breaker or not I don't know how things can ever be the same.

Glad that you didn't drink as you are coming up to three years sober.

I agree with Anna, a heart to heart chat with your wife is better than drinking. Good luck and I hope you both can work things out. I've been cheated on, a long time ago, and it wasn't a nice feeling. Fortunately I wasn't married and as a result it was easier to deal with (I basically ended the relationship) and there were no children to worry about or a house and finances to deal with.

I have a house and a few joint accounts 2 cats but no kids. I know I would most likely end things if it was a situation where we were just dating but this is so much more complicated. Being married for 8 years I need to do what is best for me first. Drinking used to be my crutch but not this time.

Sorry to read what you found out SVA but I too would add my congratulations on not drinking. My only advice is to not act or decide anything immediately but wait for a few days until your feelings and emotions are a bit more settled.

Dang man sorry to hear this.
I know the pain all too well.

Whatever you decide should be what YOU want.

Good job on not drinking and congrats on 1060 days!

Drinking definitely would have brought you down even more.

I'm so sorry sva. I had something similar happen to me in my past and while you are 100 percent right in saying that it will never be the same again, I don't think that means you cannot share a future together. Maybe a better future and maybe "same" was never that good anyway.

I would give it a week and then start a multi-part conversation with your wife about what she wants and what you want, etc. If she has already moved on and wants out, that will save you a lot of suffering potentially.

AMAZING that you didn't drink. Nearly three years sober. Wow, just wow. A graphic and moving show of strength on your part. You can get through this.

After my experience I drank for several more years, so don't do that. Living in Day 75 here and hoping I can learn from you when it's my turn to walk the gauntlet.

I'm so sorry you are going through this but well done on staying sober.

Day 75 is nothing to sneeze at, congratulations. I always felt time was the best way to distance myself from alcohol.

Wife scheduled an appointment to see a Therapist on Thursday together. Will update how that goes.

That sounds positive, Sva, but as you said, do what is best for you. :)

Wow what a mess brother. Good thing you didnt start boozing cause that would of threw a monkey wrench in everything. Stay on task and focused friend. Legal advice perhaps. That would be me just saying. I have zero tolerance for that sort of situation. Aint no fix in that. Again that's jus me. Stay strong. ✌

Hi SVA! Wow! 1060 days sober, that incredible, congrats!
So sorry to read what you'er going through.
I often over think things and your situation has me wondering why:
1) Your wife left her phone unattended knowing "he" could call anytime and you might see it
2)She confesses to everything rather quickly
3) She arranges for counseling
Perhaps she wants some attention? I have no clue as to how you two got along before you"found out" Maybe something to think about.

Your probably onto something with the attention part, not sure exactly what she needs though as I am always there for her. I am sure this will all make better sense after Thursday. I have been really careful not to do or say anything that I will regret later. Things would have been very different if I was still drinking.

I'm sorry too, sva. Very proud of you for staying sober & clear headed during this upsetting time.

I'm sorry for this too sva but you have a lot of support here, man :)

D

Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot. It has helped me stay sober knowing I can always come here. 3 years in a month!

Sorry you are going thru this and congratulations on not drinking! Things wont be the same but you can get thru this stronger if you two wish to work it out. Thank you for sharing this.