Hi Coz. Let us know how your doctor's appointment goes Monday morning.

I understand wanting to fit in, especially when you dont know people.
Which is more likely to help you fit in in the long run?..

Joining in the drinking and likely ending up embarrassing yourself (as you said)...

Or not joining in, people wondering why you're not drinking but ultimately you get to be yourself?

Thanks everyone for the advice on the upcoming work social event.

I really don't want to drink ever again (despite the odd times when AV applies some serious pressure). So, my plan is to not drink (and I'm doing well sticking to my plans so far).

I am thinking I shall come across as being very responsible in saying that I don't drink when I have to drive home (if I have to say anything at all). I'm sure not going to tell them about my real addiction to alcohol on our first meeting! Hopefully I won't be asked about my lack of drinking at the function.

Really appreciate your words of wisdom. It is great that you have been through these early stages and still stick around to help the likes of me that would definitely not have made it this far (as experience shows) without such great support and encouragement.
:thanks

And soupcon - a bit anxious about the doc visit tomorrow. I'm just trying to convince myself that it is not worth stressing over - there is nothing I can do to change whatever the results might be. I'll check in after the appointment 'cause I'm sure I'll be looking for a drink whether it be good or bad news (expecting bad due to the need for a 'prompt' appointment). Thank you for caring!

I think you are showing such great spirit and thought processes, Coz. I know you will keep us updated on dr stuff ;)

And for the upcoming work stuff- literally planning out early events and outings was the way to go for me. It feels like awhile since this particular topic has come up around here (to me anyway, but I prob missed some threads!) but I know how much talking thru literal planning from start to finish, door to door, was for me. I don't want to future trip too much for you since we aren't there yet, if you will, but not drinking each day and taking comfort that when the actual start of work and outing itself (think of just this ONE!) come, you can have a plan of action that is tangible and check-list-able, will hopefully keep you even.

Glad you are here!

I'm sure the doctors will be ok - most of us dreaded bad news but found things weren't as bad as we feared.

I'm sure the work thing will be ok too - driving is an excellent excuse altho these days I just say I don't drink....there's more and more of us teetotalers out there now - even in Oz :)

D

Are you okay, Coz?

Hi all
Yes, I am OK here on day 27.
News from the doc wasn't great - tumour markers in latest pathology test are higher and they picked up abnormal cells in my latest PAP. So now I have three lots of surgery scheduled to remove both ovaries, colonoscopy and a cervical biopsy. The thinking is that the it is likely that I have early stage cancer in one or more of bowel/ ovary/ cervix.
I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. The timing of surgery is likely to be in the early weeks of a new job, which is not ideal as I wont have any sick leave accrued so will probably need to take leave without pay. Medical bills so far haven't been huge, but finances are going to be very tight over the next few months, particularly as hubby hasn't yet found employment in our new town.
Good news is that I am not drinking despite the anxiety associated with poor health, finances and what I am thinking are withdrawal side-effects that aren't going away (mostly shocking headaches which I don't normally get when drinking, irritability and lack of motivation.
I am not sure why, but I am not talking to hubby about all the things going through my mind at the moment. I've always been a private type of person, but sometimes it is nice to have an outlet to honestly say all the things that are adding to my snappy attitude - so thanks for listening to me and all the support!

Congratulations on your 27 days of sobriety, Coz.

I'm sorry you had bad news from your dr. I'll send some prayers up for you. I'm so glad you have sober time behind you so you can handle things with a clear head.

Well done on the 27 days Coz. Sorry that you've received bad news from the docs. It's good that you have an outlet here for pouring out your thoughts and feelings. You're coping remarkably well. I've been stalking this thread for a few days and just have to say that you're an inspiration to me.

The best news here is that you are sober and handling this health stuff so well. If it is cancer, catching it early stage is so significant. I am keeping you in my prayers as well.

Wow - thanks for all your kind words and encouragement to stay on the sober bus.

I am suffering some guilt feelings right now. I have a work medical to attend in a couple of weeks as part of the conditions of my employment. They sent some forms for me to complete prior to the medical and I wasn't particularly honest. One question was 'how many alcohol drinks do you have per week?'. I answered zero (which is currently very true). One other question was 'have you ever had an addiction or dependency on drugs or alcohol?' This one I wasn't so honest about and answered no. Apart from my doctor and the SR crew, no one knows about my alcohol dependency and I was reluctant to tell my future employer - just something I am addressing outside of the work environment and I was keen on the label before I even start the job.

Feeling bad about my dishonesty, but a decision that I hope wont come back to bite me - particularly if I can stick to my plan of never drinking again!

Do you think I should be more honest? I can raise it at the medical, but I guess I don't want my past stupidity to get in the way of the future. I've already stuffed up relationships and jobs due to my drinking all day, everyday. I really don't want to do that again.

Advice and thoughts greatly appreciated.

In a nutshell, I think you answered wisely. First, it is true now - and can keep being!- that you have nothing to drink in a wk. Or at all! And second, even tho my life and recovery are 100% public, on a form such as this, especially in your or anyone else's shoes (ie if I wasn't involved in recovery work), I would not share my history, at least now.

An additional reason I would answer this way is basically bc of privacy, ER right to know things and so on. In the US, things like HIPPA (i always forget if 2 P's or 2 A's, sorry) and HR policies protect our requirements for disclosure. Like an employer cannot inquire in an interview if you are pregnant. Or if you take FMLA (family leave) you do not have to say why in specifics such as "I am going to treatment."

One thing that has come up more than I had thought is that IRL conversations can reveal other's have experience or sympathy first or second hand with us. That's to be best found out face to face, of course.

You are doing great taking all of this one step at a time. Keep it up.

Hello coz!

Good to see you are still on the sober bus!
Sorry you have to endure those surgeries but if something isn't supposed to be there it's best to get it out.

Sending positive thoughts your way.


RE: job forms

I would have answered exactly as you did. Do not feel guilty. We need to be as honest as possible but not so much it causes negative consequences.

Your response to the questions is fine. There is no reason to share your alcoholism with the world and particularly your employer at this stage.

How are things going now?

Reporting in on day 37 - I have made it past the five week mark!

Last night was my work function (that I was rather anxious about) - 'wine and watercolours' followed by dinner at a snazzy bar with a bunch of people I have never met and who will be my work colleagues on Monday. I managed the evening without drinking anything but water despite the huge temptation have a couple of drinks to calm my nerves and 'fit in'. It was challenging, but getting home was more of a challenge. The craving for a drink was really strong. I think I really wanted to relax and numb my brain. So did my usual of reading more threads on SR before I was tired enough to sleep and got through the night without a drink.

Next challenge is going to be after my first day of work on Monday. It has been a bit of a ritual to get home from work and head straight to the fridge for a cold bottle of white wine (which always ended up being way more than one bottle). I'm going to have to come up with a new routine that sets aside the pressures of the day in the office and keeps me sober.

Huge thank you for all the support and encouragement to stick to the plan - it is so appreciated and I know it has made this struggle a lot easier having understanding ether-friends to talk to.

Congrats on 37!
For me, I finally realized life is sooooo much easier and nicer once I accepted I can't drink and that there would be no further mental debates with myself or the AV about drinking.
This freed up more time for other mental debates like, do I want to eat more cookies or whats for dinner. :)

Thanks COntrOls - I like the idea of my brain knowing that "I can't drink". Just need to do a bit more brain training to make sure it is on my side!

Fantastic job getting through wine and watercolors night sober! That is a huge accomplishment.

Good work on 37 Days coz!!

38 days now....how wonderful. :)

How did your first day of work go? I hope you no longer keep cold wine in the fridge.

Hi soupcon - thanks for asking!

My first day of the new job went OK. Really nice people and a very nice introductory day of meet and greets and a couple of meetings that didn't require much input from me. Got home and decided that I did not need to drink, so distracted myself by planting a couple more herbs in the garden. I love that I am so committed to my sober plan still - it takes a lot of work, but I don't want to go back to where I was and have lots of ammunition against AV in my back pocket. I know that there will be some strong cravings for a drink when I get my first tough day, but I think I have the strength to make it, or at least know the list of things to do instead of pouring a drink.

Tomorrow is my medical appointment - the one that I wasn't completely honest about filling in the pre-appointment paperwork. Hopefully I can get through that without tough questions about my drinking history or about my most recent health issues (I have my appointments for a colonoscopy and a cervical biopsy scheduled for late March and mid-April, and have just had more blood tests for cancer antigen levels - none of which I have mentioned as there are no real results yet).

So here I am on day 39 (yes - still counting days) and feeling great about my commitment and success so far. This forum is great to remind myself about the dangers of being complacent and to know that I am not alone in this battle. The support is soooo fantastic!

Good work on 39 Days coz!

I see you missed 1 of soupcons questions.
Do you have wine in the fridge? I wouldn't recommend it if you do. No need to torture yourself.
If you have dumped it that is awesome.

Good luck at the drs.
I recommend being honest as possible. They are there to help you and can't do it without all the info.
I remember the look on my new Drs face when he read my weekly alcohol intake.😳 I was a little conservative on the # too.
My previous Dr. asked about daily intake. She looked at the chart and asked if I wrote down weekly intake.😳

Neither were judgemental at all. They just asked if I thought I had a problem and suggested I cut back. Which of course I did not do.

Can't wait to tell him 0 drinks per week. 👍

Keep up the good work

Thanks fishkiller

Yes - there is wine in the fridge, vodka in the freezer and a few bottles of other spirits in the cupboard. My hubby is a 'normal' drinker and has continued drinking over the last 39 days when I haven't been. All the alcohol has been available to me since day 1 so I am pretty OK with it - and anyway, the bottle shop is so close that if I wanted to drink, I don't have to go far at all.

Alcohol is in our face just about everywhere and I can't change that, so learning to know that this is my decision to not drink and I need to stick with my plan despite the rest of the world!

The medical tomorrow is not with my doctor (she knows everything), but with the employers contracted medical centre. Fitness for work is a condition of my employment, hence not being completely open with my mental and physical health. I wont be able to lie if asked a direct question, but I am hoping it will just be one of those medicals where they do eye, ear, blood pressure, muscle tone and all those basic fit for work tests and that other health issues are not raised. I am most comfortable using my personal doctor for personal health matters but not sure that any of my past and current health issues really impact on my ability to do my job (particularly if I stay on the sober bus!).

Really appreciate your input and thoughts. Sounds like you are doing really well in your sobriety quest too - many congrats!

Takes a pretty good commitment to resist temptation staring you in the face! Good work!

Very true about alcohol being everywhere.

There are a couple of bottles under our sink also.
I am ok with that also.My wife likes to drink a little also. She, however, has not had a drink since she found out about my quitting. Her choice as I have told her I'm ok if she does.

10-4 on the Dr. situation. I agree with that. I think I now remember discussing this before.

Thanks for noticing my progress also. We are all in this together!

Coz, are you okay? Please post with an update when you have a chance.

I haven't posted for a little while. I'm doing OK. Just over 2 months now. Life is busy and at times and I wonder why I can't just be a normal drinker, but hanging in there (but determination not as strong as previously).

My new job is keeping me busy, but I also feel like I have been thrown in the deep end. COVID has meant a work from home environment with zero support and high expectations. Normally I would love the challenge, but we are on notice for stand downs if there are any further work restrictions. I am really thinking that I will be the first to go and the financial hot will not be great. Escapism through wine is so tempting!

Can't help hoping that bottle shops will be added to the non-essential list of retailers. I'm not sure that I am enjoying life without the booze as much as I was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully this will pass really soon or I think I am at risk of going backwards.

Hope all in the SR world are OK and coping through these unusual times. Just remember (as I remind myself daily), that drinking is not going to solve the impact of a virus on anyone.

Thanks for the update coz!
I too have been slacking on my SR time and my attitude reflects it as yours does.
I too am not in as happy of a place as a few weeks ago.

It is definitely stress induced for me as it seems for you also.

We just gotta keep pushing through and come out on the other end stronger, sober and grateful we made it.

If it gets too much start another post saying so. It always helps to get it out.

Good luck with work and hang in there