Motivation to stay sober: how and why did you do it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
I had many reasons. I think we all do.
And this one might sound frivolous compared to the base issues I was facing, like health issues, marriage issues, declining work performance, and a general decline in life in every way possible.
But this is what finally stopped me and has kept me stopped now for 20 days to this point.
One word. Sleep. I was suffering from severe insomnia and had been for months. I would pass out at my desk or in a chair about 10pm every night. Get up, go to bed. Be passed out (this is not really sleeping), wake up a couple of hours later, go to the bathroom, drink some water and proceed to nearly zero sleep the rest of the night and then get up dying of thirst.
I absolutely could not take another day of that, it was like slowly being tortured to death.
Now I am starting to love sleep. I can't get enough of it, it's like the best thing ever.
And this one might sound frivolous compared to the base issues I was facing, like health issues, marriage issues, declining work performance, and a general decline in life in every way possible.
But this is what finally stopped me and has kept me stopped now for 20 days to this point.
One word. Sleep. I was suffering from severe insomnia and had been for months. I would pass out at my desk or in a chair about 10pm every night. Get up, go to bed. Be passed out (this is not really sleeping), wake up a couple of hours later, go to the bathroom, drink some water and proceed to nearly zero sleep the rest of the night and then get up dying of thirst.
I absolutely could not take another day of that, it was like slowly being tortured to death.
Now I am starting to love sleep. I can't get enough of it, it's like the best thing ever.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Sleep is indeed a good one. But a fickle mistress. To me, finding something bigger than me, than my needs, than my ideas....changing my worldview. Massive change has brought continuing good side effects on the whole, sleep on the list (enough of the time).
I don't know anyone who's happy in their sober life who hasn't made psychic, emotional, and practical changes. And making the changes that work for you, way far beyond the tiny detail of alcohol, is the key to freedom.
I don't know anyone who's happy in their sober life who hasn't made psychic, emotional, and practical changes. And making the changes that work for you, way far beyond the tiny detail of alcohol, is the key to freedom.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 43
Day 20 after inpatient detox. I hit what I consider my bottom. Scariest part was that my blood pressure was going sky-high almost every day to levels where I knew I could have a stroke or die. I wasn’t imagining this, it could have happened.
And did I mention that my husband of 4 decades finally had had enough, and was talking about leaving. And that I was mentally tortured, completely out of control, life completely unmanageable?
No one has to get to that point and I so respect those who are able to see where things are going and find whatever works for them to stop at an earlier point.
It’s easier to stay sober because alcohol became so toxic for me that I believe if I drank again, I might not survive it.
Also I am taking an anti-craving drug called Campral. I do not know whether or not it helps, but so far, cravings have been minimal.
And did I mention that my husband of 4 decades finally had had enough, and was talking about leaving. And that I was mentally tortured, completely out of control, life completely unmanageable?
No one has to get to that point and I so respect those who are able to see where things are going and find whatever works for them to stop at an earlier point.
It’s easier to stay sober because alcohol became so toxic for me that I believe if I drank again, I might not survive it.
Also I am taking an anti-craving drug called Campral. I do not know whether or not it helps, but so far, cravings have been minimal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by August252015 
I finally decided I didn't want to die. I quit, and I went to AA, got real with my therapist, got a baseline for my very sick body, changed habits, only allowed positive and supportive people in my life, and everything possible that kept me going further away from a drink rather than return to it.
I believe a "bottom" is internal. It only gets lower, til it's death. Our choice to stop, then work, then find a new way of living that is normal and beautiful.
I believe a "bottom" is internal. It only gets lower, til it's death. Our choice to stop, then work, then find a new way of living that is normal and beautiful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
My bottom was when I learned to listen to my thinking brain instead of my emotional brain. When I thought about my behavior for 4 decades on autopilot I realized that I believed that life, "should," be fair, easy and painless and I should always get what I want. That might sound ridiculous, but the fact is that emotionally I did believe this. Naturally when you think like this, anything that goes wrong is going to make you, "rage," and fix your emotions with a quick fix or mood changer of substances. That's what addiction is. A behavior used to reverse feelings of helplessness, feeling trapped, powerless and out of control. The antidote is to regain control, empower myself with direct healthy behaviors that are of high value to me. If that sounds too simple, it's because it is! It's a matter of seeing the forest through the trees of life.
Now I view the inevitable adversity of life from a different perspective. I view it as the price of admission to a meaningful life.
I get a high off having values and purpose that don't include a massive hang over and regretful behavior. I simply find more happiness in being sober than intoxicated! I learn to reverse feelings of helplessness with more healthy direct behaviors. When I use to get drunk, I thought that brought me more happiness. Perhaps it did at the time but it does not any longer. I've learned not to get my values from my feelings but instead from what I think is important in life. There is no magic here, just taking time to think and grow up. Realizing that a child expects life to meet its demands but an adult meets the demands of life!
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Now I view the inevitable adversity of life from a different perspective. I view it as the price of admission to a meaningful life.
I get a high off having values and purpose that don't include a massive hang over and regretful behavior. I simply find more happiness in being sober than intoxicated! I learn to reverse feelings of helplessness with more healthy direct behaviors. When I use to get drunk, I thought that brought me more happiness. Perhaps it did at the time but it does not any longer. I've learned not to get my values from my feelings but instead from what I think is important in life. There is no magic here, just taking time to think and grow up. Realizing that a child expects life to meet its demands but an adult meets the demands of life!
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Six month in, many of the reasons given by others resonate. Also, I could not find more motivation to keep on drinking: the effort invested, the lies, the active digging of my own hole. I could not lift that shovel any longer. I was also running out of excuses to drink.
I would say that what has kept me sober is mainly the lack of excuses to drink. Acknowledging every time that the voice telling me I had a good 'excuse/reason' was lying. It is pretty easy. We know deep down it is a lie. We know we just want to drink. However, it takes a special click in the head to stop acting on that lie.
Sometimes I really, really want a drink. I know I shouldn't but I want it, even if I cannot find a good reason to have one. I feel I am missing out. Then, I remember I have never once felt i had missed out because I did not drink the day before. So I tell myself: 'don't drink now: wait until tomorrow morning; if you think you missed out because you did not drink then reconsider again'.
Guess what.
I would say that what has kept me sober is mainly the lack of excuses to drink. Acknowledging every time that the voice telling me I had a good 'excuse/reason' was lying. It is pretty easy. We know deep down it is a lie. We know we just want to drink. However, it takes a special click in the head to stop acting on that lie.
Sometimes I really, really want a drink. I know I shouldn't but I want it, even if I cannot find a good reason to have one. I feel I am missing out. Then, I remember I have never once felt i had missed out because I did not drink the day before. So I tell myself: 'don't drink now: wait until tomorrow morning; if you think you missed out because you did not drink then reconsider again'.
Guess what.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by DriGuy
After years of fighting to keep my drinking under control, but only seeing it progressively getting worse, I entered an accelerating downward spiral and started doing more and more stupid drinking things that made me feel frustrated and ashamed. I started going through counselors, went to AA, where I accepted total abstinence, fought cravings for a few days, sorted though an abundance of advice, took what made sense, and told my AV to ****off. That was 24 years ago as of the 3rd of January this month.
How about you Hawking? What got you into recovery?
How about you Hawking? What got you into recovery?
Well, this is my version of events, but I'm still working on uncovering some layers. I'm extremely Type A, control freak. I know what I'm having for breakfast next Saturday, and my house is always spotless or I go into a frenzy. Coming home to my patio each night to down bottles, turn my phone off and rage against the machine is my relinquishing of control. As the years have gone on, I have suffered so many failed relationships and missed opportunities and the common denominator is me. I'm certainly not the only shameful party in each of these failures but my drinking has been the smoking gun once the fog clears. It makes me wonder if I seek control so much during the day time to prove I'm still okay and functional and I can argue I'm not a total piece of sh*t. Recovery started for me in March 2017 as more of an "I'll show you!" and each time has been more for me and how I want to do this. This last bout, I began dating a man 7 years my junior and in the four months we've dated, he's lost his job, been to jail for public intoxication twice and we've had a medically necessary abortion. I am disgusted. I feel like I've ruined his life as he's tried to keep pace with me and the pain I've hid so well in his youthful naivety. I realized he nor I have never truly known myself sober. How unfair to us both. "What does it matter? You've been subconsciously pushing him away because you know life sucks, drunk or sober. May as well be drunk and enjoy it". No, you dummie...if I really think life is miserable sober or drunk, then WHY be drunk? May as well give myself a fighting chance and stop taking out innocent casualties.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
I'm certainly no motivational speaker but long story short I was sick of feeling and looking like a drunk, feeling like ****. I was worried and anxious about my health. When you are doing unhealthy stuff one has good reason to be paranoid of their health. And in the short term ( I quit in the beginning of summer) I wanted to be able to function to be able to go out and have fun when normal people go out and have fun.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by LastInLine
I had many reasons. I think we all do.
And this one might sound frivolous compared to the base issues I was facing, like health issues, marriage issues, declining work performance, and a general decline in life in every way possible.
But this is what finally stopped me and has kept me stopped now for 20 days to this point.
One word. Sleep. I was suffering from severe insomnia and had been for months. I would pass out at my desk or in a chair about 10pm every night. Get up, go to bed. Be passed out (this is not really sleeping), wake up a couple of hours later, go to the bathroom, drink some water and proceed to nearly zero sleep the rest of the night and then get up dying of thirst.
I absolutely could not take another day of that, it was like slowly being tortured to death.
Now I am starting to love sleep. I can't get enough of it, it's like the best thing ever.
And this one might sound frivolous compared to the base issues I was facing, like health issues, marriage issues, declining work performance, and a general decline in life in every way possible.
But this is what finally stopped me and has kept me stopped now for 20 days to this point.
One word. Sleep. I was suffering from severe insomnia and had been for months. I would pass out at my desk or in a chair about 10pm every night. Get up, go to bed. Be passed out (this is not really sleeping), wake up a couple of hours later, go to the bathroom, drink some water and proceed to nearly zero sleep the rest of the night and then get up dying of thirst.
I absolutely could not take another day of that, it was like slowly being tortured to death.
Now I am starting to love sleep. I can't get enough of it, it's like the best thing ever.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hawking, love the basement line. Totally stealing.
So I'm going to chime in on sleep again. Anyone who's heard me talk around here has prob heard me cite it as perhaps my biggest challenge in sobriety. I happened to count days yesterday, so today is 1437 (or, 4 yrs 2/21/20) and last night was a perfect example of worst.sleep.ever. Which is a relative concept for me
The thing is - we need sleep, we get sh*tty "sleep" when drinking, and it is indeed a gift of sobriety.
But making it the focus, or worse making sobriety contingent on such a semi-predictable thing is not a great idea.
But also - naps are awesome and indeed still a temp solution to my probs any given day
So I'm going to chime in on sleep again. Anyone who's heard me talk around here has prob heard me cite it as perhaps my biggest challenge in sobriety. I happened to count days yesterday, so today is 1437 (or, 4 yrs 2/21/20) and last night was a perfect example of worst.sleep.ever. Which is a relative concept for me
The thing is - we need sleep, we get sh*tty "sleep" when drinking, and it is indeed a gift of sobriety.
But making it the focus, or worse making sobriety contingent on such a semi-predictable thing is not a great idea.
But also - naps are awesome and indeed still a temp solution to my probs any given day
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