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Really down on myself.

Old 01-23-2020, 10:26 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I tend to overthink. So if I cannot do a planned activity because my lower back is hurting like hell from being old and burns contractions- it is not enough for my brain to accept this. If your mind is not OK with any situation- provided we learn from our experiences-- it is best to listen.
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Old 01-23-2020, 10:45 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi Jeff,

I’m so glad you’re interviewing and actively looking to find your next career. I also think it’s great that you are thinking through your priorities to make sure the job is the right fit for you.

If you’re working with an agency can you share your reasons for not wanting to move ahead with the job you interviewed for today and have them put location parameters when they’re searching for matches for you?

Are you also using online job search sites?

I know the right job is out there for you.
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Old 01-24-2020, 12:23 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Went to a job interview yesterday at 10AM downtown. Had reservations from start but I tried to stay optimistic. It was a nightmare and I ended up calling the agency and telling them that even if they offered me the position, I would decline.

I'm not a city person, I ended up going wrong way on a one way, parking would be $9-$16 per day. Commute is 40 minutes minimum. Never done this so I am bummed out. But I have to be realistic.

Called my wife immediately and said it wasn't going to work. She understood, she is a saint.

Am I unemployable? Do I come across as a difficult person?
Hi thomas11.

I am waking up (early) on my Day 23 of sobriety and 17th or so day on SR. How lucky I am to have come across this thread early today, as it is yet one more source of the energy and inspiration I am finding here.

I'm not sure I can add to the perspectives and the specific tips relayed by the other posters, they have covered the waterfront, so to speak, so thoroughly.

But I want to congratulate you, t11, for your demonstratoon of so many life skills any employer worthy of your talents will be lucky to bring on board: self-awareness; a healthy vulnerability; decisiveness; practical, analytical thinking; intellectual curiosity; wisdom.

As you said in your second.post above:

"I am at a stage in my life where the quality of my life matters. I want time to read, workout, play with my dog, talk to my wife, research things etc...."

Wise words, mr. t. Your future employer will have made a smart decision in hiring you.
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Old 01-24-2020, 08:12 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Good morning! How are you feeling today? I too am on the job hunt and it can for sure drag you down. I think you made a wise choice and just keep putting yourself out there. You’ll get something that might be ok for now but at least it won’t make you miserable like the city job.
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Old 01-24-2020, 08:32 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I get the feeling, i decided to take on an extra job in the evening two days a week, thought it would be good to use my extra time making some extra cash, anyhoo the day before I was supposed to start I text that I had found something better(lie) and he sent me back a rude text that I really f*"'d him over! I'm now glad I didn't go to work for someone who felt like they could talk to me like that yet I feel like I didn't take a chance on change either so I felt dissapointed in myself, keep looking you'll find something that fits for YOU! 💗
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Old 01-24-2020, 10:17 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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One simply needs to read this thread to realize what a special place SR is for some of us. The insight and encouragement offered does not go unnoticed, I am re-energized after reading all the posts. I do have value....to someone, somewhere. And I will find it.
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Old 01-24-2020, 10:14 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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It's easy to forget this but an interview is a two way street! They're interviewing you but you should be interviewing them as well. Sometimes out of desperation or urgent need a person will jump at the first offer only to realize very shortly that it's not a good fit at all. Before I took my current job I had an interview like that. The guy doing the interview was a half hour late, no one could find him. When I did finally talk to him the job on offer was nothing like the one advertised. I should have walked out and prevented him from wasting another hour of my time but I opted for politeness.

The point of my longwinded story is that you'd probably be miserable if you took the job! Hang in there for something that's a better fit.
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Old 01-25-2020, 02:18 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Idea a bit out of leftfield but it maybe crazy enough to work.

Could you look into getting your story turned into a movie or TV miniseries ?

"our plane got busted with 400 lbs of marijuana in it, or he's never had a patient tell him his friend got busted with $1.4 million in cash in his wall. Or a patient tell him that a hockey bag containing 800K in cash in on their living room floor from a brinks truck heist and they don't know what to do with it."

Be worth a shot 👍

I'd watch it.
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Old 01-25-2020, 03:05 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Derringer View Post
Idea a bit out of leftfield but it maybe crazy enough to work.

Could you look into getting your story turned into a movie or TV miniseries ?

"our plane got busted with 400 lbs of marijuana in it, or he's never had a patient tell him his friend got busted with $1.4 million in cash in his wall. Or a patient tell him that a hockey bag containing 800K in cash in on their living room floor from a brinks truck heist and they don't know what to do with it."

Be worth a shot 👍

I'd watch it.
Not all that glitters is gold. In hindsight it was a stressful and wrong way to live one's life.

To your question, I was interviewed at length by an author to write a book. I don't know what came of it. Another guy while doing his stint in federal penitentiary wrote a screen play of the "life". Don't know what came of that either. I had to move on with my life. It took me 3 full years to integrate myself back into normal society (I was a hermit because I had to be) . It was horrible.
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Old 01-25-2020, 03:31 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Jeff, I thought Carl hit it on the head, at least for me : Seeking employment is tough, often demeaning. As someone who has made my work and my career part of my identity, I empathize completely.. You will find a good fit, if you keepa go.
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Old 01-30-2020, 12:34 PM
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I relate to career-related frustrations right now. I have a job, have worked for the same organization for >10 years now, have had numerous promotions and climbed the ladder, but am quite jaded now, not nearly as interested and motivated for the actual work as I used to be. So a lot of time everyday is spent thinking how much I want out and exploring opportunities. I also have a private business that I started in sobriety and is going pretty well but have never been 100% self-employed so far and, of course, I am afraid of the uncertainty and loss of security coming with that option, even though I am totally convinced that way of working would be more ideal for me at this point than being any kind of employee. I've been on the fence for several years now but must say now I only stay mostly out of fear (it's still a decent salary, good benefits, the organization itself is great etc). I've always been a very self-motivated person so this is definitely not ideal given also that I struggle completing projects very often due to lack of interest/motivation. Part of the situation might be that I probably have a low-grade depression (sometimes not that low actually), a level of existential angst (that I am prone to in general) and these would not be resolved with a new job or getting out of the one I no longer want in the long run, that's for sure. I think my issues with not making a definitive decision are also related to the mental state. When I am doing well, I tend to be a very decisive. proactive person and staying on the fence like this is definitely a sign something is not quite alright. I have had a tendency of going through periods like this every few years since my teens, so it is not unfamiliar, but frustrating regardless. Mine are not precipitated by conditions or events usually, sometimes it hits when everything is the best around me objectively - I think it is some form of physiological pattern and getting older certainly does not help it. Just saying all this to highlight that such a situation can be quite complex and if there are obvious culprits that make it much worse than it should be (e.g. drinking relapses, anxiety and depression that block things), that should be one of the first things to eliminate IMO. Of course you can job hunt in parallel.

I completely agree with those who say you are not unemployable, there is nothing coming across that way from your posts on this forum and I have been reading them for a while. You may be more sensitive than you like to feel and admit though and are going through periods of both struggles and successes, like pretty much everyone, whether we talk about it or not. At least you are talking about it here.

I also agree with the points that listening to your initial instincts, especially if they suggest strong negatives, can be a very good and protective choice. For me, there was only one case professionally where I made a decision to take a job (which involved an intercontinental move into an environment totally incompatible with my nature) against some very strong negative intuitions I had. I originally planned it to be only a short training period, but things quickly deteriorated and collapsed for me in that condition, pretty much in every area of my life, and then I got stuck it it way too long. I will never know for sure, but it is possible I might have never even developed the alcoholism if I had never experienced that because my drinking escalated steep during that time and took the alcoholic pattern. If I could go back in my life to before that era with more self-awareness and life experience, I definitely would not make the decision to accept that job and move there. Very possibly my current life (and my last 10 years) would also have been very different then, and there have definitely been many great things in my last 10 years, but I still would not blow my life the way I did back then with that decision - I turned all of my good plans and pretty much everything upside down with it, and for the longer run. The environment was one of the biggest factors: I am the opposite, naturally a big city person and don't like to drive/own a car. I like to have a highly stimulating environment around me, with many possibilities to do interesting things, and have high standards for culture and intellectual challenges. So when I moved to a place where there was very little to do, I had to drive everyday, empty streets everywhere except in some isolated small areas and otherwise just vehicles and people inside buildings, a very homogenous culture and generally mellow community attitude far from the intellectual level and ambition I am used to and need to be happy, it became utterly destructive, and quickly. On top, I quickly found out I hated the job, my workplace, didn't even like most of my colleagues. So my initial instincts were 100% correct but my conscious decision with a compromise 100% inappropriate, unless we consider the factor that we as humans can grow from hardship and bad decisions.

Looking for work can be quite intimidating in the current climate but, unless you have the means to afford not to work and are fine with that, I doubt there is any other way for most of us. Just keep searching, trying and consider a complex variety of factors you want to have in your life to feel satisfied. Some compromises can be good, and I absolutely do not think wanting a good income is shallow. But not at the cost of negatively compromising basic comfort, contentment and quality of life.
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