Day 5, back after a hard fall and sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Day 5, back after a hard fall and sad
Hi SR fam,
I’ve crashed and burned these last several months and am back with 5 days sober today. It was so bizarre, I was healthier and more sober all 2019 then a couple ****** times got me back up to my old habits. This time the bottoms where my worst while the actual times of drinking have been the least. I quit a job, got fired from a job and the blackouts had me doing things I never would of before my sobriety stretches. I am sitting her sad and bewildered. Ready to rededicate to my program and any encouragement would be so appreciated. 😔
I’ve crashed and burned these last several months and am back with 5 days sober today. It was so bizarre, I was healthier and more sober all 2019 then a couple ****** times got me back up to my old habits. This time the bottoms where my worst while the actual times of drinking have been the least. I quit a job, got fired from a job and the blackouts had me doing things I never would of before my sobriety stretches. I am sitting her sad and bewildered. Ready to rededicate to my program and any encouragement would be so appreciated. 😔
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Hey D,
Yes and building on it! A big difference this year is that I’ve been making sober connections and reached out to them after I crashed. It’s helped me a lot get back on my feet fast and want to stay there. 🥰
Yes and building on it! A big difference this year is that I’ve been making sober connections and reached out to them after I crashed. It’s helped me a lot get back on my feet fast and want to stay there. 🥰
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
I'm so sorry for the painful time you've been through, MissOverIt.
The last time I went back out after being sober for a while was worse than ever. I I had absolutely no control. I was reckless & self-destructive. But something good came out of it. I was finally convinced I could never touch a drop. I couldn't trust myself once it was in my system. Dangerous things would happen. That was the last time I ever tried to be a social drinker. I've been sober ever since - 12 years. I wish we didn't need to learn this lesson more than once - but some of us do. Congratulations on your 5 sober days. Here's where the misery can end.
The last time I went back out after being sober for a while was worse than ever. I I had absolutely no control. I was reckless & self-destructive. But something good came out of it. I was finally convinced I could never touch a drop. I couldn't trust myself once it was in my system. Dangerous things would happen. That was the last time I ever tried to be a social drinker. I've been sober ever since - 12 years. I wish we didn't need to learn this lesson more than once - but some of us do. Congratulations on your 5 sober days. Here's where the misery can end.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Hi MissOverit.
Slipping back into the madness sucks 😣
Have you noticed that all the people who got sober using SR and now have years of sobriety are still here ?
If SR was a source of sober power for you, did you disconnect ?
Like, get up and running .... Woohoo I got this now, thanks everyone but too busy building my great new IRL sobriety and then WHALLOP
Slipping back into the madness sucks 😣
Have you noticed that all the people who got sober using SR and now have years of sobriety are still here ?
If SR was a source of sober power for you, did you disconnect ?
Like, get up and running .... Woohoo I got this now, thanks everyone but too busy building my great new IRL sobriety and then WHALLOP
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi MissOverIt. I am new here living in Day 62 after losing 30+ years to drinking. I'm constantly intrigued by people with long term sobriety who end up falling back into drinking. It scares me so much. That is why I really appreciate you posting. Tell me what to watch out for. I was so far down the road towards being dead that the daily physical rewards of sobriety are still incredibly motivating. But I know it's not that simple. And please don't be sad. Things will look up. For my first two weeks I also had an overwhelming bewilderment and just sat stunned. Again, thank you for being here to help people like me.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I am 100% on board that we ex drunks have to group up. Mob mentality.
Helping each other. If I venture out on my own, I am asking for a worse relapse than you described for sure.
I would not survive recovery from a deeper hell than I just crawled out of.
I need to make my way back to my AA gang and get on board with some barbeques etc.
My mental weakness or whatever it is has been showing through lately.
I never allowed myself to develop coping mechanisms for various adult occurrences. I was drunk too much.
I caught a little cold last week, would have probably been a full blown pneumonia if I was drinking .
The fever and sinus pressure sent me into places I have never felt before. I have never been this clean with entry level pneumonia.
I was ready to quit my job. I thought about so many reasons to quit and I still might. But, the bottom line is folks like me at work. I am smart and nice. If I quit out of the blue, folks would think I am angry or something.
I am not angry, I just want to spend more time taking care of me and not working for the man.
Health is wealth. You can't take it with you. Die with 10 million in the bank. Why?
Not that I have that, but the concept makes more sense when using a bigger number.
Stuff like that.
Every day is a new day. I have never been 55, this clean, and still getting stronger.
Thanks.
Helping each other. If I venture out on my own, I am asking for a worse relapse than you described for sure.
I would not survive recovery from a deeper hell than I just crawled out of.
I need to make my way back to my AA gang and get on board with some barbeques etc.
My mental weakness or whatever it is has been showing through lately.
I never allowed myself to develop coping mechanisms for various adult occurrences. I was drunk too much.
I caught a little cold last week, would have probably been a full blown pneumonia if I was drinking .
The fever and sinus pressure sent me into places I have never felt before. I have never been this clean with entry level pneumonia.
I was ready to quit my job. I thought about so many reasons to quit and I still might. But, the bottom line is folks like me at work. I am smart and nice. If I quit out of the blue, folks would think I am angry or something.
I am not angry, I just want to spend more time taking care of me and not working for the man.
Health is wealth. You can't take it with you. Die with 10 million in the bank. Why?
Not that I have that, but the concept makes more sense when using a bigger number.
Stuff like that.
Every day is a new day. I have never been 55, this clean, and still getting stronger.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
My recent relapses were way worse than the ones before. It’s definitely a progressive disease. Each time we lose more and more, only gaining the shame. Still hard to accept never again because the addiction is such a lie. For now day by day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 462
Originally Posted by MissOverIt 
I can see that, thank you. It was terrifying how out of control it instantly became- a definite sign that I will never be able to drink safely and I’m relieved to give up the hope.
Good for you! It''s time, eh?
I will offer this from my past, if I may: I have been in outpatient clinical programs, tons of AA meetings, and a few addiction related forums. I have never met one person involved in any of those venues that became successful in moderating alcohol consumption. With sobriety, one has to be all in.
Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 43
I am Day 15. I once, years ago, quit for 13 years. About 4 years ago quit for 6 months. As noted by others, each time I have gone back to drinking, it has been worse, much much worse. This was the first time I could not do it on my own, no matter how long and hard I tried, had to go to detox.
So, kudos to you for getting right back to working on a plan, going back to people and places where you can find support. You sound so ready to be done with drinking, and I know you can do it. I’m ne to posting here, but the support on this site is awesome. I know for me, now, checking here daily, whether I post or not, is a great way to stay grounded.
So, kudos to you for getting right back to working on a plan, going back to people and places where you can find support. You sound so ready to be done with drinking, and I know you can do it. I’m ne to posting here, but the support on this site is awesome. I know for me, now, checking here daily, whether I post or not, is a great way to stay grounded.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
I completely understand the bewilderment and sadness Miss.
I did things in my blackout states that I was so horrified by, mainly because of the danger I was beginning to put myself in, questionable situations with questionable people. I could no longer look at myself in the mirror anymore...I was so ashamed. But the good news is, that you don't have to ever do that again. You don't. All you have to do is get out of your own way and let the Universe step into the driver's seat.
Re-evaluate your commitment to sobriety and try to work with others to see what they are doing in order to successfully stay sober. Latch on to those who have found the solution, because there is one.
I hope that you find peace, joy and freedom from any pain and sadness. It is all there for you, the good things. I am rooting for you.
Nic.
I did things in my blackout states that I was so horrified by, mainly because of the danger I was beginning to put myself in, questionable situations with questionable people. I could no longer look at myself in the mirror anymore...I was so ashamed. But the good news is, that you don't have to ever do that again. You don't. All you have to do is get out of your own way and let the Universe step into the driver's seat.
Re-evaluate your commitment to sobriety and try to work with others to see what they are doing in order to successfully stay sober. Latch on to those who have found the solution, because there is one.
I hope that you find peace, joy and freedom from any pain and sadness. It is all there for you, the good things. I am rooting for you.
Nic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
Welcome back!
No matter how long we have sober, returning to drinking will always be worse and worse. I'd imagine even after 50 years abstinence, a return to drinking would result in binges and black outs even worse than any before.
Definitely stick close to this forum as a reminder of why you quit in the first place.
No matter how long we have sober, returning to drinking will always be worse and worse. I'd imagine even after 50 years abstinence, a return to drinking would result in binges and black outs even worse than any before.
Definitely stick close to this forum as a reminder of why you quit in the first place.
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