Counting Days...
I think it's normal to feel a bit unfocused for a while after getting sober. At least, I did. My attention span was short and my memory wasn't very good for a while. But if you stay sober, it will get better.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
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Day 17 and I think I just have to face it. After 12 years of drinking myself into oblivion every afternoon/evening, I don't have any idea how to live life.
I feel better, yes, quite noticeably better. I'm even starting to look better, a little, the dark circles under my eyes are still fading, not nearly as noticeable now.
It's not that I don't want to do things. I want to do a LOT of things. But when I go to do them, it just somehow doesn't really work... this is hard to describe. It's like I'm in a situation so alien. Sort of reminds me of that film The Shawshank Redemption, where they let the guy out of prison after a few decades and he just doesn't know how to deal with all the freedom.
I don't know when this stops, if ever. But I'm hanging in there. I almost want to have to start working in the morning so I have something to do that I'm actually accustomed to doing. Besides work and breathing, I pretty much stopped doing anything else a long time ago, except opening another beer and drinking another beer.
I feel better, yes, quite noticeably better. I'm even starting to look better, a little, the dark circles under my eyes are still fading, not nearly as noticeable now.
It's not that I don't want to do things. I want to do a LOT of things. But when I go to do them, it just somehow doesn't really work... this is hard to describe. It's like I'm in a situation so alien. Sort of reminds me of that film The Shawshank Redemption, where they let the guy out of prison after a few decades and he just doesn't know how to deal with all the freedom.
I don't know when this stops, if ever. But I'm hanging in there. I almost want to have to start working in the morning so I have something to do that I'm actually accustomed to doing. Besides work and breathing, I pretty much stopped doing anything else a long time ago, except opening another beer and drinking another beer.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
Day 17 and I think I just have to face it. After 12 years of drinking myself into oblivion every afternoon/evening, I don't have any idea how to live life.
I feel better, yes, quite noticeably better. I'm even starting to look better, a little, the dark circles under my eyes are still fading, not nearly as noticeable now.
It's not that I don't want to do things. I want to do a LOT of things. But when I go to do them, it just somehow doesn't really work... this is hard to describe. It's like I'm in a situation so alien. Sort of reminds me of that film The Shawshank Redemption, where they let the guy out of prison after a few decades and he just doesn't know how to deal with all the freedom.
I don't know when this stops, if ever. But I'm hanging in there. I almost want to have to start working in the morning so I have something to do that I'm actually accustomed to doing. Besides work and breathing, I pretty much stopped doing anything else a long time ago, except opening another beer and drinking another beer.
I feel better, yes, quite noticeably better. I'm even starting to look better, a little, the dark circles under my eyes are still fading, not nearly as noticeable now.
It's not that I don't want to do things. I want to do a LOT of things. But when I go to do them, it just somehow doesn't really work... this is hard to describe. It's like I'm in a situation so alien. Sort of reminds me of that film The Shawshank Redemption, where they let the guy out of prison after a few decades and he just doesn't know how to deal with all the freedom.
I don't know when this stops, if ever. But I'm hanging in there. I almost want to have to start working in the morning so I have something to do that I'm actually accustomed to doing. Besides work and breathing, I pretty much stopped doing anything else a long time ago, except opening another beer and drinking another beer.
Give it time and effort. No doubt it’s hard. Don’t sit back and think it will get better by itself. That’s the mistake I made.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
On day 17, I couldn’t even get enjoyment out of watching tv or playing video games. Those are two things I’ve always been able to do to escape stress but somehow the enjoyment completely disappeared when I stopped drinking.
Give it time and effort. No doubt it’s hard. Don’t sit back and think it will get better by itself. That’s the mistake I made.
Give it time and effort. No doubt it’s hard. Don’t sit back and think it will get better by itself. That’s the mistake I made.
I'm an avid gamer, have been for a long time, but last couple of days, I found myself switching back and forth between a dozen different games that I've been playing and not being able to enjoy any of them. I finally just sat there and stared at my screen and then went to bed. Sleep was a relief. Today was a little better, but I still feel that nothingness feeling, not sure how to really describe it still, but it's not any fun at all.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Oh man that is so relatable.
Me in early days to a tee.
Have you tried writing lists ?
It helped me get out of the overwhelm
. So much to do, I don't know where to start and there's so much, that's daunting in itself. That's what I was like anyway.
And there is another funny little thing that happens, your brain sees it on paper and goes "oh well I guess I can shut up about that one now, he's written it down"
So it slows down the old hyper active monkey mind.
Give it a shot 👍
And very well done on postponing the house decision in your current state.
Again though, draft a list with the help of your wife.
More stuff out of your head and less cogs whirring about in there.
Me in early days to a tee.
Have you tried writing lists ?
It helped me get out of the overwhelm
. So much to do, I don't know where to start and there's so much, that's daunting in itself. That's what I was like anyway.
And there is another funny little thing that happens, your brain sees it on paper and goes "oh well I guess I can shut up about that one now, he's written it down"
So it slows down the old hyper active monkey mind.
Give it a shot 👍
And very well done on postponing the house decision in your current state.
Again though, draft a list with the help of your wife.
More stuff out of your head and less cogs whirring about in there.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
Thanks. Trust me on this one, my wife will be more than willing to help me make a list. A long list of 'you need to', 'you should', 'when will you', lol. Seriously though, she's the organizer in our little clan, so she definitely will be an asset for that.
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My mood is better tonight. I've been doing a lot of research and I started taking some 5-HTP. I took one around 5PM, just about when my down mood kicks in and I feel quite a bit more elevated mood. Supposedly it increases seratonin floating around in your brain, and apparently, not enough of that is happening because of our brain being conditioned for instant reward via alcohol.
So not sure if it's really helping, but I'll take it again next few days and see if the results are steady or it's just a placebo effect, or I'm just feeling better tonight.
So not sure if it's really helping, but I'll take it again next few days and see if the results are steady or it's just a placebo effect, or I'm just feeling better tonight.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
Thanks for that. It's encouraging.
I'm an avid gamer, have been for a long time, but last couple of days, I found myself switching back and forth between a dozen different games that I've been playing and not being able to enjoy any of them. I finally just sat there and stared at my screen and then went to bed. Sleep was a relief. Today was a little better, but I still feel that nothingness feeling, not sure how to really describe it still, but it's not any fun at all.
I'm an avid gamer, have been for a long time, but last couple of days, I found myself switching back and forth between a dozen different games that I've been playing and not being able to enjoy any of them. I finally just sat there and stared at my screen and then went to bed. Sleep was a relief. Today was a little better, but I still feel that nothingness feeling, not sure how to really describe it still, but it's not any fun at all.
Only problem is my wife thinks video games are for kids and not for 35 year old dads. I kindly remind her that she watches The Kardashians and still listens to One Direction. Argument over
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This was exactly me. Keep doing exactly that! I really want to emphasize retraining your brain. I don’t know what kind of games you enjoy. I like them all but what got me out of my funk was getting lost in a good long RPG. I went back to Skyrim and just get lost for a couple hours.
Only problem is my wife thinks video games are for kids and not for 35 year old dads. I kindly remind her that she watches The Kardashians and still listens to One Direction. Argument over
Only problem is my wife thinks video games are for kids and not for 35 year old dads. I kindly remind her that she watches The Kardashians and still listens to One Direction. Argument over
My wife plays that Hayday farming game on her tablet all of the time. She thinks my games are either too violent or too complicated. I tell her that her game is a 'chick' game. But neither of us give each other a hard time over gaming. She typically is watching her soap operas when I'm gaming, so works out OK.
Games are for kids, but that includes 35 year old kids and 50 something kids.
Counting days in the past has been a bit of a double edged sword for me. It was like "oh well I'm 'x' amount days off the drink, I feel entitled to one now" kinda view. But I supposed I never really wanted to stop fully until this time.
For me the most important thing whether it's day 1 or 200 is not to take that first drink today. Good luck.
For me the most important thing whether it's day 1 or 200 is not to take that first drink today. Good luck.
I've got a little over a week in and starting to think counting days may not be for me.
I am a little impatient and really want to be at day 1,000,000. Realizing I am only at day 10 or whatever is kind of depressing.
Everyone is different but like the guys in jail I think I will count months, maybe not even that.
I know my sober date so if I ever want to know I can get pretty close.
Hope you are well today
Think I'll crank some Ronnie James later to take me back
I am a little impatient and really want to be at day 1,000,000. Realizing I am only at day 10 or whatever is kind of depressing.
Everyone is different but like the guys in jail I think I will count months, maybe not even that.
I know my sober date so if I ever want to know I can get pretty close.
Hope you are well today
Think I'll crank some Ronnie James later to take me back
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
Day 20. As usual started out bright, despite the rain this morning when I got up to put coffee on. But once again, the evening rolls around and mood reversal is all set in. Sigh...
Finally put Christmas stuff back in storage my wife had taken down and boxed up a couple of weeks ago. Then set up my new little LED grow light panel for my 3 tomato plant cuttings from over the summer. It's a miracle they survived. I pretty much neglected them and my wife just kept taking care of them and watering them. I remember saying to her 'those are dead'. Sort of like she kept taking care of me and our relationship long after it was dead and I was almost there myself.
It does seem to be getting better. But like most Americans, I can't wait for things to be all bright and cheery all day long and for my life to improve dramatically. Instant gratification. It's the 21st century way. And isn't it how we all got here to start with? The instant happy in a bottle, get it now, pay the next morning and then need more.
Finally put Christmas stuff back in storage my wife had taken down and boxed up a couple of weeks ago. Then set up my new little LED grow light panel for my 3 tomato plant cuttings from over the summer. It's a miracle they survived. I pretty much neglected them and my wife just kept taking care of them and watering them. I remember saying to her 'those are dead'. Sort of like she kept taking care of me and our relationship long after it was dead and I was almost there myself.
It does seem to be getting better. But like most Americans, I can't wait for things to be all bright and cheery all day long and for my life to improve dramatically. Instant gratification. It's the 21st century way. And isn't it how we all got here to start with? The instant happy in a bottle, get it now, pay the next morning and then need more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
I've got a little over a week in and starting to think counting days may not be for me.
I am a little impatient and really want to be at day 1,000,000. Realizing I am only at day 10 or whatever is kind of depressing.
Everyone is different but like the guys in jail I think I will count months, maybe not even that.
I know my sober date so if I ever want to know I can get pretty close.
Hope you are well today
Think I'll crank some Ronnie James later to take me back
I am a little impatient and really want to be at day 1,000,000. Realizing I am only at day 10 or whatever is kind of depressing.
Everyone is different but like the guys in jail I think I will count months, maybe not even that.
I know my sober date so if I ever want to know I can get pretty close.
Hope you are well today
Think I'll crank some Ronnie James later to take me back
I count and am living in Day 59. It is just one of the tools in my tool box. But I've seen many opinions on this site about that topic. Most of the folks with long term sobriety dismiss counting days and say that that really doesn't help. They tell folks not to worry too much about the day count but just stay sober. But I'm going to keep counting for now.
I was kind of surprised to read your observation about people with long-term sobriety and counting days. For me, counting days made a huge difference -- kept me from falling off the wagon more than once. During my first year, I knew every day what my count was.
Counting days is one of many great tools.
All the best.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 68
I am soooo bored. I didn't know a person could be this bored. It's impossible to be bored when you're drunk every night. Or maybe you really are bored, but you're just too drunk to realize it. I mean if you drank like I did. And then you pass out and never realize you were ever bored.
I am soooo bored. I didn't know a person could be this bored. It's impossible to be bored when you're drunk every night. Or maybe you really are bored, but you're just too drunk to realize it. I mean if you drank like I did. And then you pass out and never realize you were ever bored.
Kinda weird making it past 4pm sober.
Lots of time on my hands for sure.
Edit for confession, I just watched flirty dancing with my wife. 😳😱
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