Anna

It sounds like you really want to make this work, and I think motivation is key. Whatever program you use or whatever plan you come up with for yourself, keep the focus on staying sober each day. Be kind to yourself and try to feel like you accomplish something to help your recovery each day.

fishkiller

Not familiar with a lot of this terminology.
Today is day 0

fishkiller

Thank you

Abraham

first time I've heard that one myself

CincyFin

Like you, I am also 50 and just got sober. I am at 13 months after drinking daily for 25 years. For me it took a couple trips to inpatient 30 day treatment and truly learning I could never drink again period. Not in moderation...not at all. Most importantly is don't stop trying and dont let a relapse discourage you.

DaisyBelle7

Welcome! I’m 50 as well. Started drinking at 18 and have been a heavy binge drinker my entire adulthood. I just joined SR yesterday and have already found it tremendously helpful.

LastInLine

Hi. I'm a real noob here and to quitting drinking, so I won't offer any advice that would probably help you.

But I can really relate to one thing you said there, about your daughter never knowing you sober and how much that hurts. I did the same thing to my wife. It's so painful to me that I just can't dwell on it, and maybe we shouldn't, I don't know, but we can't change the past, I am putting all of my hope on that we can change the future.

I don't know how much you drank. I didn't drink for that long, but I'm older than you by several years. I didn't drink too much all of my life, but decided to start in my mid/late 40s and man did I ever make up for lost time.

Only advice I can give you, do it now. Because when you've passed another 5-10 years, you're going to regret not doing it even more. Like you said, it's a waste of time, a waste of life, there's really nothing fun about it after a certain amount of time, it's just a bad habit that will ruin things.

This place has been really helpful to me, even though I'm only sober 11 days now. I had been drunk pretty much every afternoon for the past 12 years, and I don't mean lightly buzzed, I mean drunk to the point of passing out at my desk or in a chair.

Go for it man, just do it.

fishkiller

Thanks for all the replies!

It's at the point drinking isn't even fun anymore. I'm just going through the motions.
Wake up and wait until time to drink. Just because

Surrendered19

FK, tomorrow is your Day 1. I measure my days from midnight on. If you make it through a day midnight to midnight, that is a day. Tomorrow you will be living in Day 1 I hope????

fishkiller

Thanks

Dee74

I wouldn't get too caught up in the days thing right now FK.
You've decided to quit and post here a lot for advice and support - that's a great start

D

fishkiller

Yeah I don't care how many days it's been or will be. I just don't want to drink again, ever.

Sitting here this morning fighting what y'all call the AV.
Stupid thoughts about things and scenarios that may or may not happen.

Before I would just wonder why I am thinking about this sht when it isn't real. The AV makes perfect sense.

It's telling me right now, "why bother? you probably won't make it anyway so stop torturing yourself"
"What are you going to do in this situation?"
"What about this?" "what about that?"

Oddly enough I fear telling people I am quitting.
Everyone I know is aware of my taste for alcohol and probably think I am hopeless and will drink till I die. So everyone, especially my parents, will probably be happy about it.
I think it is more of a fear of failure and letting them down if I don't make it. Which the more I think about it that is the AV again.

Damn she is a persistent b

I spent all day yesterday and have been here since 7am reading and I feel better about this forum than any others I've been on.

Someone asked about my plan and if AA was an option.

I really do not like the thought I am powerless over anything which seems to be a core of AA, admitting you are powerless over alcohol.
This has always been an issue for me with AA. I am not knocking it in anyway it just doesn't fit my personality I guess you could say.

While reading earlier I stumbled upon a post about AVRT, not sure exactly what it stands for yet but it really hit me.
This is more my style, look at it and punch it in the face.

So for now my plan is to study up on AVRT and work it.

Thanks for posting in my thread
I really appreciate everyone's time

zoobadger

I'm 18 months sober today, 58 years old, drank since high school. Also semi-retired with teen kids. So my story is very similar.

I always knew I had a serious problem so I wasn't in denial so much as I was simply unwilling to confront my problem.

Long story short, my drinking progressed to the point where I could no longer kid myself about the depth of my problem, my alcoholic brother committed suicide, and I was physically and emotionally miserable.

The moral of the story is that help is much more readily available than I realized, much more effective than I expected, and that sober life is MUCH more enjoyable than I imagined.

I actually enjoyed rehab. All the truth telling and opportunities to blabber about myself and my problems and have people earnestly listen was very gratifying.

But no way, no how was I going to get sober successfully on my own. I spent 10 days inpatient detoxing then three months of outpatient at Hazelden Betty Ford in Chicago.

I attend AA meetings occasionally but mostly lurk here and read the Big Book and other recovery related stuff.

My kids like me SO much more sober. I wasn't a bad parent, but I was just too damn hungover or drunk to really function successfully in that role. Now, it's so gratifying to know I can pick my teen daughter up at 11:00PM without fear of DUI or killing her in a drunken accident.

I will never, ever go back. I do have moments of weakness, but I use the tools I learned in rehab to savor my sobriety and stay on the straight and narrow.

jr67

You're welcome.

I, too, have been spending many hours here on SR since I discovered it last week: Reading, reflecting, posting, learning.

Unlike you, I am not retired from my day job, so I gotta get cracking in that regard. I am self-employed with a flexible schedule, but if I'm not careful that can be a slippery slope towards indefinite procrastination. (And guess what, I'm not careful a lot.) Ok jr67, make this public pledge right now: Log off SR at 10 a.m. (12 minutes from now), and come back later.

Like you, I have been somewhat secretive about my intentional abstemiousness. Some of my peeps out there IRL know, though. I thought that might help keep me to my commitment. Yeah, I guess it would be a little more embarrassing if I slip, but in the long run, I think, it would be better that they are aware I am acknowledging my substance abuse issues. I am revealing a lot more about myself on here, though, at least for now.

And I am much harder on myself than anyone else is, anyway.

So the ten o'clock hour is upon me. Catch you l8r.

fishkiller

Congrats on 18 months!

We have many similarities.
I too have not been in denial of the problem. I have been in denial that I can fix the problem.

Thank you

VinnyMcM

I can relate. Over the last year of my drinking it progressed from waiting for an “acceptable” time to drink, then to morning/all day drinking, and finally where I needed some kind of alcohol by my bedside for the 2:00 a.m. shakes. That’s when I knew it was either getting help or dying.

Mine really got out of control fast. I know you said this isn’t your first rodeo with sobriety but you sound really committed to it and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it. Keep reading and posting here. It helped me more than words can say. Good luck my friend!

nez

Powerless is not inherently good nor bad, it is strictly a value judgement our mind places on a word.

I am powerless over death, someday I will die. This is neither good nor bad. It just is.

A simple example that injects reality into my thoughts on the word powerless, is my breathing. I can decide that I am not powerless over this silly idea that iI need to breath and to prove it, I hold my breath. The experiment goes alright for maybe a minute and then things go sideways. By the two minute mark, I have realized that I am powerless over my need to breath and that in this situation powerless is not such a bad thing.

nez

I am powerless over my thoughts. They will pop into my head without my permission. No matter what I type next, use all your power and at no time, think of a dancing purple hippo in a yellow polka dot tutu. I don't know about you, but I know what immediately popped into my brain. The fact that it happened doesn't matter and doesn't impact my future by itself. My actions on the thought can impact my future though. In this particular situation, I will just wait for the next thought.

fishkiller

Thanks Vinny

Derringer

I had that reaction to the "powerless" thing too.

Left my first meeting age 25 thinking what a load of bollocks.

After 7 years of increasingly desperate attempts to moderate, realised there was no cheese down that tunnel and spent the next 3 years trying to stop and stay stopped ... It got worse 😣

I went back to AA, saw powerless and thought "I know what that means now"

Admitting powerlessness isn't just something to say, it's an experience.